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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25334101">Hearts Made Of Light</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueaurora/pseuds/blueaurora'>blueaurora</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>ATEEZ (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abusive Parents, Alternate Universe - Bikers, Angst with a Happy Ending, BikersAU, Drug Dealing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Sexual Content, Heavy Angst, Internalized Homophobia, Kidnapping, M/M, Mild Language, Mutual Pining, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, and woosan bickering 24/7, ateez are a family and we are here for that, but not that detailed, in some way, mentions of blood murdering and traffic accidents, minor character death (in the past), oh!! and coming of age, side seongjoong, side yungisang, slowburn, this seems so dark but there's a lot of fluffness, use of guns</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 05:07:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>127,988</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25334101</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueaurora/pseuds/blueaurora</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"I know how it feels, being abandoned by your own family. Not having anyone you could reach a hand to. Seonghwa saved me, and I want to save Wooyoung, even if he is only reaching out to me because he is scared to die."</p><p>Jongho shots him half a smile, yet it's a sincere one.</p><p>"Aren't we all?"</p><p> </p><p>or San and Wooyoung meet each other at night, when the city lights blind the sky, but not as much as the light cracking through their hearts.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Choi San/Jung Wooyoung</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>166</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>320</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Strangers Under The Same Sky</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hello! ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡<br/>I'm back and with something I've been writing for the past months. If you know me, you already know this won't go the way you think, but don't worry I promise a super happy ending.<br/>I don't really have much to say aside from having the most fun ever writing this, so I hope you also enjoy it!</p><p>Read the tags and be sure this will not be triggering for you!</p><p>Enjoy your reading ♡</p><p>check the amazing <a href="https://twitter.com/woovsani/status/1324115030783201280">moodboard</a> my friend lau did &lt;3 !!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p> </p><p>"Song Mingi I'm gonna kill you!" </p><p>Like any other love quarrel—as Jongho loves to refer to the not so lovely and totally war-like fights between San and Mingi—it starts with the sudden missing of yet another yogurt smoothie. And that makes two victims in the same week, as Yeosang happily narrates from the couch.</p><p>San doesn't doubts on shoving one of the cushions into his face as the boy is enjoying his suffering way too much for his pleasure, already frowning to death. </p><p>"If he keeps on frowning like that, his forehead would be as wrinkled as Jongho's grandma's ass," Yeosang keeps going with a loud laugh that suddenly turns into a scream of pain as San knees him on the stomach. "He got aggressive."</p><p>"What does my grandma has to do with this? Please, show a little bit of respect," Jongho groans from his spot, the sound of a game over sounding over the speakers as his character drives to a tragic—but, luckily, not permanent—death. </p><p>San sighs, getting tired of fighting Yeosang in just a few minutes, standing again on his feet to walk towards Mingi's room. Just to be stopped by Seonghwa. </p><p>"Move," San grits his teeth. </p><p>"San, is just a yogurt. Don't be like a baby, you're twenty-one."</p><p>San's response is rolling his eyes so deep into his skull he swears he is able to see Yeosang swinging his feet in amusement at his back. </p><p>"I'm tired of him eating my food. I buy it with <em> my </em>money."</p><p>"Not a reason to kill him," Seonghwa sighs, both hands falling hard over San's shoulders, a deceiving smile already making a way through his lips. "It's late and I have a lot of work to do, so please, be quiet. Also goes for you, Yeosang, you're fucking loud."</p><p>San is clicking his tongue in a second, moving back from Seonghwa's hold to pick his jacket from where he left it—or more like, threw it after a whole afternoon racing towards <em> Stray Kids' </em>Felix. With a quick movement, he is putting it on and opening the door. </p><p>"He couldn't stand the fact of Seonghwa being once again on Mingi's side, so he ran away from home, again" Yeosang narrates, this time being elbowed by Jongho. </p><p>San sticks his tongue at him.</p><p>"It's three in the morning, San," Seonghwa sighs. "Don't do a stupidity."</p><p>"I'm going for a ride," he groans, "maybe I never come back, who knows."</p><p>San himself knows it's stupid, but he lost every single race. Seventeen races. And he is dead annoyed. Riding his bike alone always helped, even if it's at three in the morning when the only thing he wanted to do was have his yogurt smoothie and kick Jongho's ass at Mario Kart.</p><p>Sitting on his motorbike he feels the desire to scream from the top of his lungs, yet the roar of the engine is enough to relax him. </p><p>San considers himself a good racer. One of the best. He is only twenty-one but he is already recognized by almost half the city. He's been racing for so long it wouldn't be a crazy thing to point that the line separating his normal life from his biker line blurred long time ago, mixing both realities in what he is right now.</p><p>As well as he is the best racer, he is also the worst loser. He totally punched Yeosang the first time they raced together because he lost by two seconds. And he is also known for getting in a good pout every time that happens. San never liked being referred as a <em> pouty baby </em> like Yunho does, and after seventeen whole loses in a day he can assure it's not pouting anymore, it's the awakening of the seven demon of hell—which he for sure knows it has his name. </p><p>Riding alone is one of the only things that can get him out of his own mind, and with that, the pit of impotence he fell in. </p><p>The breeze is cold but it feels incredibly good on his face—wearing the helmet but having the face shield up—, the purring of the engine underneath his body pulling from every hair of his body, being covered in excitement goosebumps that are abruptly turned into panic goosebumps as one figure jumps from one of the sides of the road into San. </p><p>San's bike. </p><p>The whimper of pain coming out the engine as he abruptly hits the brakes makes his own heart sob, standing one centimeter away from a guy that seems, equally, one second away from a cardiac arrest. </p><p>"What the hell are you doing, idiot?" Is the best combination of words San's brain can come up with in such situation, the guy pressing his hands flat into San's one, stuttering so bad all the words coming out of his shaky lips get lost in the silence of the night. San clicks his tongue, flipping his hands out, a bark sounding in the distance. "I don't understand you!"</p><p>That bark sounds closer, and it makes San move his eyes from the guy to the place where that sound is coming as it seems to put the guy even more nervous. </p><p>"You need to help me!" He is soon saying in a high pitched yet hoarse scream, hands over San's again, making him frown—he hates the way Yeosang's voice is splattered all over his brain with just the thought of that. "Please," the boy begs, eyes turning a little glassy, the barks sounding so close San doesn't know where but is sure a dog is going to appear soon. "Please, I will pay you, but help me."</p><p>"Okay dude but what the hell are you on—"</p><p>San doesn't get to finish his sentence as the boy jumps and a dog appears at the end of the road. Big, way too big for a dog, and showing all its teeth. For a second, San gets paralyzed there, then he just locks gazes with the boy and pushes him aside from the road.</p><p>"Get on, get on, get on, c'mon!" He pressures, feeling all the boy's shakiness on his own skin as he clumsily follows his orders and jumps in the bike and holds tight around his waist. The dog getting incredible close to them as San speeds up without looking back, the boy's head hitting in between his shoulder blades.</p><p>"Faster, faster, faster!" He pressures.</p><p>"Don't fucking tell me what to do I'm going over the speed limit!" </p><p>San focuses on the road and thanks all the stars in the sky there's no cars—or, in his defense, more dudes jumping around without a warning—on the road. The barks fade slowly after a while, yet he doesn't stop for a good five minutes at full speed, ignoring the way the dude's fingers are digging into his stomach and his heart burning the edges of his ribcage.</p><p>Just when he things they're safe, he stops, air bubbling out like fire, burning his throat and making him breathless. After five years racing, he never felt so scared in his life. </p><p>With shaky hands, he hits the boy's ones, still tightly wrapped around his waist and making him want to throw up the dinner Jongho made with so much love.</p><p>"You can get off now," San groans, trying to sound not pissed off but, well, he can't fake it.</p><p>"Wait a minute," San feels how the boy rubs his head over his back, holding even tighter. </p><p>It makes him want to throw up, yet, he waits. He doesn't know why, maybe because he got to look into the boy's eyes and he was ready to cry—<em> maybe because he is totally crying over my jacket right now. </em></p><p>It's not after a solid minute when the boy lets go and gets off the bike, hands immediately moving to his face and wiping away some tears. San pretends the moon is more interesting and avoids looking at him, hands taking a grip of the handlebar.</p><p>Cheating a little, he does gaze at him for a second. Blonde hair standing out with his black clothes, but also wearing old and wasted white vans. One of them patched in red. That detail makes San arch a brow as it doesn't look like some type of shoe design, looking down at his ripped pant, blood dripping from there.</p><p>"Hey," he jumps off the bike to kneel in front of him, the boy moving back, lips pressing into a thin line and face going as pale as the moon as he puts all the weight of his body into his left leg. San is already wrapping a hand around his ankle, carefully rolling up the pants—thank god, he is wearing loose tracksuit pants. "You got bitten."</p><p>The boy snorts just to whimper in pain the next second. "Oh, I didn't notice. Thanks for telling me."</p><p>San frowns, letting go but still squatting. "I just saved you, don't act like a bitch." </p><p>The only thing he gets back is a glare, then the boy is covering his face with both hands. San swears he sees a grin of pain painting his expression for a second.</p><p>"Thank you," the boy muffles against his own hands, "for saving me."</p><p>"You should go to the hospital," San points. The boy replies with a sigh, almost like he is confirming that's another obvious comment. San already dislikes him with passion. Standing up again, he crosses his arms. "Why were you being chased by a monster dog? Did you try to go for the Philosopher's Stone?"</p><p>The guy is chuckling then, getting a rest into the motorbike—that has San groaning a little— and opening one of his hands. There, alongside with tiny little brushes, lays a silver ring. San gets closer to see if there's something more, but that's all.</p><p>"I needed to get this back," the boy whispers.</p><p>"So you're a thief," San sentences, making him automatically frown.</p><p>"This is <em> mine. </em> It was my mother's," he quickly corrects himself, closing his fist again and putting it close to his chest. "I'm thankful you appeared out of nowhere, but I don't think I'm gonna share all details with you, Mr. Biker." </p><p>San rolls his eyes. "Okay," he shrugs. It's not like he cares anyway. "Get it, <em> Mr. Not-a-thief </em>, I'll give you a ride to the hospital." </p><p>He can hear how the boy clicks his tongue, moving a little just so San can get in the bike again. Turn on the engine and…</p><p>"You must be kidding me," he groans first, hits the handlebar then, sigh third. "I ran out of gasoline in our totally heart stopping never doing it again flight."</p><p>"That's it, not my night. Not my month. Not my year."</p><p>"Okay, let's not get too emo," San stops him, standing on his feet again and pulling out his phone. He quickly searches for the nearest rest stop that's, magically lucky, just one kilometer away. "Jump on. This is totally not what I had planned, but if I leave you here and you die, I'll regret it for my whole life. And I don't even know your name."</p><p>The boy stares at him for a second before he is looking down. "And what did you have planed?"</p><p>"Not this. Jump on, or I'll make you."</p><p>Without complaining, the boy does as he is asked, sheepishly looking over his shoulder. The road is calm.</p><p>"Put your hands here or you'll fall," San says, putting his hands over the handlebar just to put his own hands on top later, moving the motorbike like it's nothing. It's not the first time he runs out of gasoline and has to walk it over a rest stop like that. The added weight of a boy bitten by a dog is new, though. </p><p>They move in silence for what it seems like ages, the only sound breaking the night's magical ambience coming from the wheels caressing the asfalt and both their breathing. Calm from San, a little bit shaky from the boy.</p><p>"Are you cold?" San sighs, finding red cheeks as he looks back. "You're so annoying."</p><p>"I said nothing!" He retorts, yet San is already taking off his jacket and throwing it to his face. "I don't want your rude amiability, thanks."</p><p>"Just wear it, the sound of your teeth clacking together is driving me crazy."</p><p>San considers himself a nice person, yet tonight's might not be the best night to be meeting new people. Not the best one to be pissed off, neither. </p><p>The boy puts on the jacket, zipping it until his chin, looking terribly small in it even when standing up they looked barely the same built. San bites his tongue as he starts walking again, the road seeming to grow longer with every step he takes, arms starting to hurt a little if he has to be honest. </p><p>"Thank you," the boy says in a whisper that's totally audible in the quiet of the night, sounding sincere this time.</p><p>"Hmm."</p><p>"My name's Wooyoung." </p><p>San nods. It's nice having a name to refer to what it seems to be the problem number twenty of his day after number one, losing rock-paper-scissors five times and getting the last turn to shower, number two to eighteen, the race incident and number nineteen, Song Mingi eating <em> his </em> yogurt smoothie. </p><p>Number twenty appears to be Wooyoung running away from a dog because of a ring and having to walk him because his bike decided to die on him. </p><p>Or maybe Wooyoung is just the first one of his problems of the new day as it's already close to five in the morning of the 5th of January. </p><p>"The ring is very important to me," Wooyoung says after another ten minutes of pure silence, catching San's attention in the form of a subtle gaze over his shoulder. "It's the only thing I have from my mom. I forgot it on my ex's house and she refused to give it back, so I had to sneak in. But she threw his dog on me." </p><p>San nods, a little hum escaping his pressed lips. </p><p>"Not that I'm on yours girlfriend side, but sneaking in other's houses is not a good thing to do."</p><p>"Ex girlfriend," he corrects.</p><p>"Yet, throwing that enormous dog at you is even worse," San keeps going, totally talking to himself. "She must hate your guts."</p><p>Wooyoung shrugs. "It's mutual." </p><p>"If you plan on telling me all your love story and the reason you broke up, please save it up for a night I'm on a better mood. Which taking in consideration today just stole thirty years of my twenty-one year life, it may be in six months."</p><p>"I wasn't going to," Wooyoung groans. "Just making sure you don't think I'm an idiot."</p><p>"I totally think you are a dumbass."</p><p>"Thank you. Can at least get your name?" </p><p>San looks back, meeting brown eyes for the first time. Wooyoung still looks pale and sick, but he for sure looks more relaxed than before. Looking back into the road, he shakes his head. </p><p>"No."</p><p>They fall in silence one more time.</p><p>Reaching the rest stop has Wooyoung almost falling into the ground—falling into San's arms instead. </p><p>"Are you okay?" </p><p>"Yeah. My house is not far, I will go now. Thanks for… your not so kind help."</p><p>San stops him by the wrist. </p><p>"You're not going anywhere with that ankle," his nags. "Look at your face, you look like Casper. I bet you will fall into your face just two steps into it, idiot."</p><p>Wooyoung grins in pain, not making it clear if it is because of his ankle or because of San's nagging. </p><p>"Just wait here," he orders. "I'll pay for the gasoline, then I'll take you to the hospital and after I make sure you won't die, I'll leave you alone."</p><p>"You don't even know me!" Wooyoung adds with a hand gesture. </p><p>San stretches both his arms in the air.</p><p>"You wanted help. This is how Choi San helps," he remarks with a roll of his eyes as he enters the shop. </p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>San comes back with a plastic bag that he immediately throws—softly—into Wooyoung's lap as the boy sits down next to the bike to rest. Opening his eyes surprised, he finds coffee and a few snacks there.</p><p>"What's this?" He questions, voice falling raspy.</p><p>"You're not blind," San retorts, yet he does it with a pout. "As I told you earlier, it would be a bother to carry with your death for the rest of my life. You don't seem to have lost a lot of blood but you do actually look like shit. Eat something."</p><p>Wooyoung presses his lips in a thin line, taking off a bag of jellies from the bag. Not precisely the best snack to have at five in the morning after an almost murder mission, but the lack of sugar in his body seems to react to that. Opening it and putting one gummy bear in his mouth, he kind of feels better, even when his stomach has been twisting like a roller coaster and he can't feel his left foot anymore after the adrenaline evaporated from his blood.</p><p>"You have a very aggressive way of caring," he mumbles. </p><p>"I'm not actually like this, you just decided to jump in front of my bike on the worst night ever."</p><p>Wooyoung chews on another gummy bear. "Worse than falling from a first floor and getting both chased and bitten by a dog?"</p><p>San gives him an alarmed look as he finishes filling the deposit. "This is for sure not a competition but did you also fall from a first floor?"</p><p>Wooyoung remains silent.</p><p>"Dude, your mom must really love that ring," San sighs, not quite noticing the way Wooyoung's eyes lower to his hands, ring shining on his middle finger. He gives him the helmet this time. "Here, put on this. With our super bad luck combined you're 99% probably to fall and die."</p><p>"I've been at worse," Wooyoung sighs, putting on the helmet and getting a sudden and strong vanilla scent filling his nostrils. A little bit suffocating if he has to admit it, but not disgusting at all.</p><p>San picks the plastic bag and, before starting the engine, he makes sure Wooyoung is holding onto tight around his waist. The feeling of his gloved and warm fingers over his skin is enough to make Wooyoung shiver.</p><p>His father is going to kill him if he finds out that 1) he broke in into Mr and Miss Kim's house in the middle of the night and 2) he willingly got in a biker's motorbike. </p><p>The ride to the hospital takes them twenty minutes, San helping him get into the emergency lobby with one arm wrapped around his waist and the other holding onto his hand.</p><p>He doesn't get to look at him back before he is being taken into a separated room. Which is a problem because Wooyoung totally recognized the emblem of his jacket, the <em> Fellaz </em> name vibrating inside his brain like a fire alarm. And he knows a biker won't wait for him to come back, even when he is still wearing that jacket. </p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>6AM hits him harder than a rock banging into his head and for a single second that seems to lengthen like a very chewed gum San wonders why the hell did he decide to sit down in the waiting room instead of just going home and sleep.</p><p>Maybe it's because his head is a mess. Thoughts becoming so loud he knows sleeping would be 99.9% impossible. A hospital seems better than just going home, he thinks. </p><p>Or maybe it's because he is actually worried the guy gets an infection. His fear of dogs due that small accident when he was seven years old and a dog chased him down the street for a whole ten minutes having nothing to do with it—it totally does.</p><p>Or maybe he just wants his jacket back.</p><p>Going with the third option is the best as it doesn't make him look like some creep. He just wants it back, Seonghwa will punch him if he comes home once again without a jacket. </p><p>"Excuse me," one of the nurses comes his way after a while, bringing with her a paper, "you're here with the boy that got bitten by a dog, right?"</p><p>"Hmm, yeah."</p><p>"I need you to fill in this form," she tends it to him. "Select how are you two related and then sign it here."</p><p>San looks down at the paper and bemoans internally that he should've went to buy another jacket because the form just has two boxes to mark: familiar or partner. </p><p>
  <em> I fucking hate hospitals.  </em>
</p><p>Looking down, it's also asking for a lot of things he doesn't have a clue about because he is not a familiar neither a partner, he is not even a friend. Why there's not a box for <em> a stranger I met two hours ago while I tried to ride my stress away </em>? He doesn't have a clue about full name, birthdate, blood type,  allergies or medical history. </p><p>"What if I am a friend?" He wonders, looking back at the nurse, that just gives him a sweet smile. "I'm being serious. I don't even know his surname."</p><p>"Then that's really bad," she laughs, almost like she is not believing him at all. "If you're not a direct familiar, I suggest you to mark this one," she points at the remaining box.</p><p>San groans. "I suggest you to make forms with the box of <em> others. </em>"</p><p>"We have it," she laughs, "but it's late and we kinda ran out of them so I had to pick the old ones."</p><p>
  <em> My luck is really testing me today. </em>
</p><p>"Okay, but I'm gonna have to go there or you go and give it to him because I don't have a clue about his blood type."</p><p>"Thank god he didn't need a transfusion," she giggles. In any other situation, San would've found the sound of her voice a little bit cute, but right now it feels like a hammer trying to smash his skull. "Follow me in silence," she adds.</p><p>For a reason, San believes she is just messing with him. She must be not a lot older than him, maybe been working the whole night without a rest when two young boys holding hands—not intentionally in a romantic way—appeared to brighten up her boring shift. </p><p>Arriving the booth in where Wooyoung is staying makes San sigh—loudly.</p><p>"Hey, darling, I hope you're not dead," he says in a mocking voice, making her laugh against her hand. Honestly, having a full vision of Wooyoung's confused expression kind of makes it a little bit funny. San walks into the booth and towards the stretcher Wooyoung is laying in, arms exposed as a vial digs into his skin. Throwing the paper into his chest, he focuses on his face because he isn't good with needles. "That nurse thinks we would make a good couple, I guess," he whispers. "Also, what's your blood type?"</p><p>"What's with you?" Wooyoung squints, speaking in a tiny voice.</p><p>"They need to know," San points at the form, "but I'm not even an acquaintance."</p><p>Wooyoung parts his lips in a perfect <em> o </em> as he gets a sight of the form, proceeding to tell him everything in a calm voice without doubting. Jung Wooyoung. Born in November of 1999—which make them the same age, practically. Blood type: A. No allergies. Lacks iron. </p><p>"How's the ankle?" San asks as they finish. "And why did they put you on a vial?"</p><p>"Ankle's fine, the vial is because I'm anemic. But I'll survive."</p><p>"Are you sure?" Mocking fills San's voice. </p><p>Wooyoung's response comes in a roll of his eyes, yawning right after. The flutter of his eyelids alert San, who quickly stands closer, hands falling into the half comfy half hard as stone stretcher.</p><p>"You're falling asleep?" </p><p>"Just give me a minute," Wooyoung asks, one hand slowly moving up, falling into his face the next second. "Just one."</p><p><em> Just one </em> ends up being thirty minutes of Wooyoung sound sleeping  as San plays Mario Kart on his phone—totally ignoring the more than forty messages Seonghwa has sent him—head resting over the stretcher.</p><p>Staying for the jacket, he convinces himself.</p><p>Wooyoung wakes up looking one hundred times better, some color falling over his full cheeks and eyes less tired than before. Hospital's light are not helping a lot, though. San offers him his arm to walk out of the place, not being able to avoid the wink he gets from that nurse—San grins back at her.</p><p>San gets his jacket back at 7:35AM after a chaotic night, but he feels less mad. Might be because he didn't sleep at all or because spending so many hours with an stranger actually could push the impotence away. Either the reason, he is able the breathe peacefully as the sun starts to make his way up to the sky and Wooyoung stands in front of him.</p><p>Now, with the next day curling around them and without the boy looking like shit, San is able to create a final image of him. Soft blonde hair, honey skin, two moles falling on it like stars on a canvas. Brown eyes. Same height but totally smaller in body built, being that the reason he looks ridiculously small in his jacket.</p><p>The jacket Wooyoung gives back then.</p><p>"Thank you so much for helping me," he says with a bow that makes San snort. "You didn't need to stay till now, bet you had someone worrying about you."</p><p>"Bet someone would've cried if you died tonight," San replies back. "And, I wanted my jacket back. It smells like hospital bed now, sucks."</p><p>"Sorry about that. My house is not far from here, so this is goodbye."</p><p>San looks up at him again.</p><p>"Bullshit. I stayed here, I'll give you a ride to your home."</p><p>The smile Wooyoung is showing next, soft and delicate and <em> fake </em>, has San's body shaking with a sudden shiver. </p><p>"You're from a gang, right?" He asks, and San nods. It's not a secret, he is not doing bad things. No need to hide it. "Then my dad won't like the idea of me arriving home in your motorbike."</p><p>"I might be from a gang but we're pretty legal."</p><p>"Do you <em> illegally </em> race?"</p><p>"Yeah, bu—"</p><p>"My dad doesn't like you," Wooyoung sighs, scratching the back of his head for a second. "He's a police officer. The captain, actually."</p><p>San opens his eyes in realization, putting on the jacket with a fast shoulder movement. </p><p>"I can't believe I let you put your little officer ass on my bike," San dramatically sighs, putting the enough mockery on his voice so Wooyoung gets he couldn't be less worried about that. "I can still take you, but if you're embarrassed of people seeing us together, then let's break up," he jokes, fingers tapping on the helmet.</p><p>"You're an idiot," Wooyoung groans back. "Thank you! See you never!"</p><p>Yet, neither of them move, words mixed with the morning breeze eating their cheeks. Wooyoung shivers a little when the coldness gets into his not so warm clothes, closing his eyes and scrunching his nose for a second.</p><p>San decides to move first, crossing the space between them in just two steps, helmet still on his hands.</p><p>"But, maybe we can finish the snacks I bought before we never see each other again," San says, Wooyoung's eyes opening to pierce his skin with curiosity. </p><p>"What?"</p><p>San shrugs. "For the way you're not moving I guess you're not that happy with the idea of going back home. That, or that you're actually embarrassed to admit you do actually need a ride."</p><p>"Maybe the one that doesn't want to go back home is you," Wooyoung retorts, making San roll his eyes.</p><p>"Honestly, there's an angry roommate to face, and a yogurt smoothie thief to fight, so I wouldn't mind having those snacks with someone. I'm gonna have them anyway," he shakes the plastic bag in the air.</p><p>Wooyoung seems to chew around the idea for a few seconds before he is moving his head in a slight nod. </p><p>"Actually, my lenses are killing me," he says, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment just to find San standing a few centimetres from him, staring close. "What?"</p><p>"I didn't notice you were wearing lenses."</p><p>"How are you gonna notice?" Wooyoung finds himself giggling a little, feeling how his chest swells with both tiredness but a sudden joy that he hasn't been feeling for a while. "I'll go to the bathroom," he points at the hospital then, "if you're still here when I'm back, maybe I will accept that snack hang out."</p><p>San snorts. "You're not gonna get rid of me that easy. I sat on the floor for thirty minutes while you snored."</p><p>Wooyoung turns back without saying a word, cheeks warm and for sure shining in crimson. Coming back after a short minute, vision blurry and still moving like his foot isn't his, he finds San right where he left him, playing with his phone.</p><p>"So, still here."</p><p>San puts his phone back into his pocket, doesn't doubting on putting the helmet on him this time. Wooyoung not being able to complain. </p><p>"Yeah. So pretty," San mumbles.</p><p>"You can't see my face like this!" Wooyoung's groans comes out muffled, San catching his own sudden smile on the face shield. </p><p>"Coming from a biker, that's an amazing compliment, man."</p><p>They get in the motorbike again, San letting out a chuckle as Wooyoung's hands meet on his abdomen. The strength he uses totally speaks about the fear of falling that must be eating his skin.</p><p>Starting the engine, San turns around enough to be able to flip the shield up and meet Wooyoung's tired eyes.</p><p>"You know there's a hander just there, right? You don't need to crush my stomach."</p><p>Wooyoung blinks, not embarrassed but totally going through mild—maybe full—panic.</p><p>"Do you pretend me to hold onto this while you crazy drive at 200 mph?" He says in disbelief, one second away from hitting him. "I will fall."</p><p>"It was just a recommendation."</p><p>Wooyoung still glues his body to his the whole ride. </p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>San rides for a while, Wooyoung not being able to open his eyes until they're stopping in what it seems to be a park. It's early in the morning so there's just a mix of runners, businesses men and sleepy dog owners coming up together in front of them. Awkwardly sitting in one of the cold benches, sharing a bag of honey butter chips and drinking from the same iced americano. </p><p>At first, finding a good topic—because asking how's Wooyoung ankle stopped being interesting at the tenth <em> I'm fine </em> he snorted—is not easy. Yet, the calmness of the new day coming out alive after a night filled with danger and totally not planned adventures is more comfortable than Wooyoung thought. </p><p>San is putting his jacket once again over Wooyoung's shoulders when he raises up his legs towards his chest in search of some warmth.</p><p>"Thanks," is the only thing that comes out from Wooyoung's pouty lips, arms finding the warm sleeves again, the intense smell of vanilla mixing with his own perfume and the plain hospital bed smell he is still carrying on his hair. </p><p>"It would be a shame if you freeze to death after surviving tonight," San says back, stretching next to him.</p><p>"You know I wouldn't have died."</p><p>"That's what you're saying now," San chuckles, then he restes an arm over the bench backrest to rest his head over his hand then, staring at him in silence. "I do think I want to listen to your romantic love story now. I'm quite bored."</p><p>Wooyoung bites down his lower lip.</p><p>He didn't have the chance to look at San as in detail as he does now—mostly because he was dizzy and scared—that they are sitting not more than five centimetres apart, noticing three outstanding moles on his left cheek and two little dimples that appear every time he chews. Black hair with a streak of dark green, a few earrings decorating his ears. Searching for tattoos, he finds none on sight but a very mesmerising patch of golden freckles dancing around his neck. </p><p>Of course Wooyoung knows about the motorcycle gangs that move around the city. His father is very focused on finding all of them that are on illegal things—racing, drug dealing or worse. Growing in a police house, Wooyoung grew up fearing the bikers. </p><p>Yet, one saved him.</p><p>And the biker sitting next to him doesn't seem as bad as his father wants him to believe—even when he never really was on his side. </p><p>"I thought you were in a bad mood," Wooyoung blurts after a while, changing the chips for the gummy bears again.</p><p>"That was, like, two years ago. Now I'm cool, bored," he shrugs. "Maybe starting to get curious about you."</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>"Little officer broke the law," San smirks, taking a gummy bear from his own hand and squishing it in between his teeth in a defiant way. "I'm interested about what more you're up to."</p><p>Wooyoung sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose with two fingers.</p><p>"It was just a thing of a night," he groans. "I needed the ring back. I'm not up to illegal racing," he gets a snort in response. "I'm not on my dad's side, though. I don't like races because I think they're dangerous, not because I want to chase all of you and throw you in jail."</p><p>San takes a thumb to his lips, licking the remaining sugar from the gummy bears.</p><p>"For the way you're sitting at a park with me, I'm gonna take the guess you and your daddy aren't the best friends ever."</p><p>Wooyoung intertwines his own fingers, looking down for a moment. </p><p>"We've never been in good terms. Not the kid he wanted," he shrinks a little on the jacket, taking it under his nose. Breathing in. "You can say I like him the same you do."</p><p>"Your dad took <em> Betty </em> away from me once. My hatred is big."</p><p>"Betty?" Wooyoung raises a brown.</p><p>"My sweetheart," San says, proudly pointing at the motorbike that's standing not far from them. </p><p>Wooyoung can't help but laugh, taking one of his hands—totally hidden by the leather sleeve—to his face to hide his smile as well. </p><p>"I can't believe you named your bike <em> Betty </em>."</p><p>"It's elegant, shut up! You should hear Yeosang's, it's totally ridiculous."</p><p>"Don't get salty."</p><p>"Wow, you're totally an agent of law. How annoying."</p><p>Wooyoung slightly rolls his eyes.</p><p>"Says the biker that stuck next to me for almost four hours just because he was worried," he replies back with a grin, getting a frown in response.</p><p>"I was not worried, I just wanted my jacket back," he points at the cloth. "Hwa will kill me for disappearing like this I don't want him to spit on my corpse because I gave my jacket to the police."</p><p>Wooyoung raises his arms in the air.</p><p>"Then why do you keep on giving it to me?"</p><p>"Why do you keep on getting cold?"</p><p>"I just got bitten by a dog after having the worst month of my life, don't you dare insult the coping mechanisms of my body."</p><p>"Killing you, amazing coping mechanism," San sighs, hands on the zipper. "I think we should break up here."</p><p>"It will be for the best," Wooyoung doesn't opposes resistance, giving him the jacket back and standing on his feet. The effects of the medicine they gave him on the hospital are starting to fade, foot feeling a little heavy. "Thank you," he repeats, "for real. If my dad ever gets Betty away from you again, I'll give it back."</p><p>San smiles, getting close to hold one of his hands in a very awkward handshake. </p><p>"Annoying as fuck but up to help the bikers," he mumbles with a smirk. "I like that."</p><p>Wooyoung presses his lips in a thin line, yet he decides to not say a thing. Observing how San runs his hand over his hair before giving him another look. </p><p>"Be safe, Little Officer."</p><p>"Stop calling me that."</p><p>"You sure you don't need a ride? I bet you're totally blind and fall into your face."</p><p>Wooyoung shakes his head. "I'm perfectly fine. Goodbye, <em> Choi San </em>." </p><p>San smirks at him before turning on his heels. Wooyoung stays in that place for longer than he expected. Observing him go. </p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>"Mind to tell me where the fuck were you?" Seonghwa is the first one he has to face when he tries to sneak in the house at 9AM, finding all of them having an extra early breakfast—they use to wake up close to 12PM, not nine in the fucking morning—and totally talking about him. </p><p>"I told you, went for a ride."</p><p>It's funny how Seonghwa tries to remain cold and calm but the vein of his neck is about to pop. San is too tired to pay attention to the actual words coming from his lips.</p><p>"You disappeared for six hours. <em> Where </em> did you go?" The older demands to know, San doing the most to not roll his eyes because he for sure will kneel him on the stomach. </p><p>When he was sixteen and fresh out of home, Seonghwa was the first one he met. He took him to Hongjoong, got him his first motorbike—his precious <em> Betty </em>—, gave him a home. San totally thinks of Seonghwa as his own personal savior, but with the years they've been growing apart. </p><p>Seonghwa is less reckless, more serious and worried about the world they're living in. San loses his will to live every single day that passes. Brain filled with racing, waiting for the adrenaline shot that still keeps him excited about the new day opening ahead of his eyes.</p><p>In the end, Seonghwa gets worried about San, and San only gets annoyed.</p><p>Telling him his little early morning adventure with who resulted to be the son of the Captain Seonghwa's most scared of is not something he is willing to tell. First, because he doesn't want his friend to freak out and kick him out of all the races of the month <em> just in case </em>. Second, because Wooyoung was nice to spend the night with.</p><p>Strangely nice, he would say. </p><p>"Rode till the cliff," that's a total lie, "then ran out off gasoline," that's actually not a lie. "It took me years to find a rest stop and then I just got hungry so I had ramen," that's also another lie, because he forgot his wallet at home and all the money he had on his pocket was used to buy that set of snacks and coffee he shared with Wooyoung not more than half an hour ago as they watched the sky go from grey to pale blue.</p><p>"That's all?" Seonghwa asks, expression softening slowly until he is sighing in relief, pulling him into a short hug. "You got me worried."</p><p>"Seonghwa couldn't sleep at all thinking San killed himself instead of Mingi because of the yogurt smoothie thing," Yeosang uses a spoon as a mic, receiving a death glare from both of them.</p><p>"And I wasn't the one eating that!" Mingi saves himself, still wearing pajamas and messy red hair looking like an ocean on fire. "I saw Hongjoong coming in the morning to grocery shop from our fridge."</p><p>San squints, pushing Seonghwa aside.</p><p>"I swear, if your boyfriend was the one stealing it, I'll be killing both of you," he points at Seonghwa, not waiting for his answer and heading to his bedroom, faceplanting on the mattress like it's been years since the last time he got a comfortable sleep.</p><p>Curling over his own body, he smiles to himself. He totally lied to Wooyoung, because his jacket doesn't have any hospital smell attached to it. Gluing his nose to the fabric of the collar, he gets suddenly intoxicated by honey and sunflowers or whatever, but it smells like warmth. Making his own body a little warmer. </p><p>Rolling to one side, he feels something falling off one of the pockets of the jacket. Looking down at it, he feels the desire of laughing for a good second. </p><p>"I can't believe you, Little Officer," he mumbles to himself.</p><p>Holding the silver ring above his head, that goodbye they shared not so long ago starts losing all its meaning.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>his was chapter one!! please don't doubt on commenting and telling me your thoughts!</p><p>ALSO!! I made a new twitter acc where I will post everything about my works fom ao3!!:  <a href="https://twitter.com/_blueaurora?s=09">青い</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Before The Sun Sets</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>long chapter here!! ♡♡</p><p>chapter tittle <a href="https://youtu.be/KjBWvRVt4eY">inspiration</a> &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p> </p><p>San spins the ring between his fingers, the sound of engines roaring around him not being distracting enough to break his pace. Slow. Almost sticky. Admiring every single detail of the silver piece resting on his fingers. </p><p>It's been a week since the accident, a week since he met Wooyoung in such strange circumstances—a strange night, an even stranger sky. Wooyoung, who gave his all to get that simple ring back, just to end in San's hands like that.</p><p>"Hey, <em> Shooting Star, </em>" Yunho taps him on the shoulder, ring falling into the palm of his hand before he is closing it in a fist and looking up to his friend. The tall boy quickly sits next to him, showing him his mobile phone. "Here you have what you asked for. He really lives up his name, Mr Jung."</p><p>San arches a brow, looking at the information displayed on Yunho's phone. Just a name, a college degree—architecture, never would have guessed it—and an address.  </p><p>"This is without a doubt your worst work, Yun," he complains with a sigh. "This is all you got about him?"</p><p>"I got a lot more," Yunho adds, putting an unnecessary emphasis on the <em> lot. </em> "But, even when I love knowing everything about everyone, I think he should be the one telling you all his life problems. Now that you're gonna be friends,” he mocks.</p><p>San snorts. "We're not friends, I just want to give it back," he shows the ring, picking the phone again and taking a picture of the direction. </p><p>"Then, why don't you tell Hwa?"</p><p>"Why worrying him without a reason?" San stands up, giving him the phone back as well with a pinch on the cheek. "Useful as always, pup."</p><p>Yunho smiles brightly, blue hair shining even brighter under the lights that lay on top of their heads.</p><p>"You're not gonna race today?" Yunho uses his hands to intensify his tone.</p><p>San is already waving a hand at him as he walks on the other direction. </p><p>"I'm not in the mood."</p><p>Yunho decides to eat his words and smile to himself, waving him goodbye as San jumps into his motorbike and rides towards the darkness instead of the place where all the racers are gathering to race in their weekly bet line.</p><p>It's weird for Choi San to not take part of it as he is known as one of the best racers of the city.</p><p>Truth is that he has been doing horribly lately, taking <em> Betty </em> to Hongjoong's workshop in hopes for being it an engine problem, finding nothing but a little bit of despair as everything seemed to be working perfectly. But tonight, he isn't thinking about it when he takes his motorbike and rides back home, takes off his clothes and lays in bed.</p><p>He is totally thinking about Wooyoung. </p><p>And his number one rule, the one he swore to never break to his heart and to Seonghwa's heart, was to never race with someone else in mind. San has been racing for five long years, and this is the first time that happens to him.</p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>It's not typical for someone to haunt Choi San's thoughts that way, but he pushes it all into the fact that Wooyoung ended up in the hospital because of that ring—and maybe he also feels a little bit curious about how's his ankle or if he still lacks that iron.</p><p>While he rides <em> Betty </em> towards the direction Yunho got for him as the internet was giving nothing about the Jung family, San repeats to himself that it will end once he gives the ring back.</p><p>And then, he will be able to race again without drifting to the idea if he is dead, or sad, or whatever. Wooyoung is nothing but a stranger, but for a reason, he connected incredibly well with that stranger. Might be because of the adrenaline, that's always mixing feelings and making a romantic mess out of dangerous situations. Who knows.</p><p>San parks a little bit distant from the house, not being stupid enough to park right in front of the Police's Captain house with his bike and gang jacket on. He does have a perfect view of the street from his position, though and, as he also was given Wooyoung's college schedules, it takes just a few minutes for the boy to appear around the corner. This time, wearing more colourful clothes and even glasses. Like a total different person.</p><p>He is looking down so he doesn't see San at first, having to start the engine and moving towards him before he actually reaches his house. The boy stops walking at the sound of the softly purr, eyes going wide as San parks the bike next to him and lifts the face shield to look into his eyes.</p><p>Out of the hospital and wearing nice clothes, Wooyoung looks even more handsome than he actually found him in the first place, making him stutter a little.</p><p>"Hey," he says as a greet, Wooyoung parting his lips without a sound coming out. "I see you're fine. I'm glad."</p><p>Wooyoung gaps like a fish out of the water for a few seconds until he is letting out all the air kept on his lungs and crossing his arms.</p><p>"I'm not having a good day," he blurts, sharp. "I don't need <em> you </em> here."</p><p>"<em> Ouch, </em>" San takes both hands to his chest, where his heart started beating a little bit heavier than usually.</p><p>Looking at him attentively, San finds deeper eye bags under his eyes. Ones that weren't there one week ago when they met for the first time. For the way his lips are curled in a sad grin, he gets he is not just joking around, so he is fast in giving him his right hand. Taking off the glove first, silver shining under the sunlight. </p><p>"What," Wooyoung gasps bewildered, falling off everything that has been worrying him for a moment and fully focussing on San’s hand.</p><p>"You left this on my jacket. I guess you really wanted to see me again," San says with a mocking voice, just to get startled the next second. Body tensing, both feet crashing into the ground, getting a little bit pushed forward as Wooyoung abruptly hugs him. Even when it just last a second, Wooyoung holding his hand between his own, it has San a little bit confused. </p><p>"Thank God-I mean, thank <em> you </em>!" Wooyoung claims in a soft voice, fingers moving alongside San's. Totally because of the ring, but for a reason, it feels really ticklish and intimate. Looking around, San has to take his hand back. "I totally thought I lost it on the way. It was killing me that everything that happened that night was for nothing."</p><p>"Well, we met," San half smiles. "And, I did not only saved you once, it seems like I did it twice," he says, showing him the ring and making Wooyoung chuckle with it.</p><p>"You really had to put it on your middle finger."</p><p>"I had prepared a really cool way of showing you, but you appeared all gloomy and then started feeling my hand."</p><p>Wooyoung's cheeks go red in a second. "I was not feeling it!"</p><p>"You were. But, putting that aside. What's bothering you? I don't think it was just the ring."</p><p>The look he gets from Wooyoung is enough for the <em> you were right </em>alarms start sounding all over his head. There's for sure a layer of relief slowly soaking the twenty thick layers of tiredness that lay over his face. But there's more underneath that.</p><p>"It was," <em> Wooyoung is terribly at lying </em> , San thinks <em> . </em> "I told you, this ring is very important for me. Now if you could give it to me…"</p><p>San moves his hand up in the air when Wooyoung moves to take it. Making eye contact and not moving until Wooyoung is pinching his nose bridge in annoyance. </p><p>"Let's go for a ride," San chimes, taking off the helmet and giving it to a confused Wooyoung. "Put it on. I suggest you taking off your glasses, just for comfort"</p><p>Wooyoung shakes his head, forehead filled with wrinkles.</p><p>"Just give me the ring back, <em> San </em>."</p><p>"Let's go for a ride," San remains serious, helmet still floating in between their bodies.</p><p>It's not difficult to see Wooyoung's conflict in front of him, San's arm starting to get sore with no movement.</p><p>"How can I be sure you will give it to me after that?" Wooyoung groans.</p><p>"I came all the way to the Cap's house just to give it to you," San sighs, pushing the helmet into his chest and practically forcing him to hold it. "I just want to show you something before parting."</p><p>San waits for him to finally decide something, biting down his lower lip and constantly eyeing the side where his house stands, it takes Wooyoung a whole irritating five minutes to sigh and point at his backpack. </p><p>"Let me go to my house first."</p><p>"Are you trying to run away?" San wonders.</p><p>"I'm not going without my ring," Wooyoung grits his teeth, moving backwards slowly, San already putting on a smile. Not knowing what he finds so funny has Wooyoung cursing internally. "Stay here. Don't move."</p><p>San raises both his hands, ring shining there. It takes Wooyoung ten minutes to finally come back, not wearing a jacket on top of that yellow sweater he is wearing, yet San is not in the right to tell him he is going to freeze. Handing him the glasses, Wooyoung accepts the helmet.</p><p>"Wow," San exclaims as he puts them on, "you're really blind!"</p><p>"Shut up," Wooyoung grunts. "Help me a little. Jesus, dad is going to kill me," he whines once he is fully seated, hands taking a hard grip of San's jacket.</p><p>"And I'm gonna kill you if you keep scratching my jacket. Just put on the belt."</p><p>"What belt?" Wooyoung half screams. </p><p>The engine roars beneath them at the same time a laugh bubbles out of San's throat. "It was a joke. Hold on tight."</p><p>It's not a surprise Wooyoung decides to wrap his arms tightly around his waist.</p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>The world is blurring around Wooyoung and it has technically a lot to do with the fact he is a sidekick on a motorbike that’s going quite faster than it should and he is not wearing his glasses—he wonders where the fuck San put them—but at the same time it has do a lot more with the fact his life has nothing to envy to hell.</p><p>Going through heartbreak was easier than he thought, totally falling over the fact he never stepped into the love line. They were fine at first and Wooyoung was blinded by all the attention and late night kisses he was getting. Feeling like someone finally cared about him, he let the illusion root inside his brain and suck him in. Not being able to see reality, and reality was his ex was just using him to get away with every illegal thing she and her friends wanted to do. She never loved him, either.</p><p>Telling his father, though, was harder than he expected. It's not like they had a good relationship. Actually, it was always bad. Since Wooyoung was a kid and preferred staying in reading books instead of playing outside. Being the quiet type, not friends to take home and having zero interest in the police life, they grew up distant. Breaking up with the daughter of the city major, the one his father was so sure he would end up marrying, that's something that had both of them playing with food during dinner.</p><p>Finding out his late out sneaking had his father screaming at him a lot of things that just reminded him how lonely he actually is. And that night he met San, once the adrenaline dripped off, laying down in the hard stretcher, the thought of just disappearing and never come back seemed way too sweet. </p><p>"You can let go now, Little Officer," San taps on his hands, bringing him back to reality. Motorbike already sleeping, San softly resting his back on his chest, head on his shoulder, eyes fixed on his face. Wooyoung is sure he can't actually see him through the face shield, totally checking his own face on the reflection. </p><p>Wooyoung moves his arms, feeling them a little bit sore because of the strength he put in to not fall. Taking off the helmet, he quickly turns around on his heels, watching the place they're in. Far from the city—he guessed it already as it took them almost an hour to reach the place—, road surrounded by green trees, a little restaurant standing there in the middle of nowhere. Squinting, Wooyoung is able to read the name <em> Streetlights </em> on a big banner, a motorcycle drawn next to it.</p><p>"Your glasses," San hands them. "Come on, I'm hungry."</p><p>Putting them back, Wooyoung doesn't move from his spot next to the motorbike. There's a lot more parked there, and of course, the place San brought him is nothing but a hang place for bikers.</p><p>"What are you doing?" San raises a brow, both hands on the pockets of his hoodie, wearing the leather jacket too, of course. "Move."</p><p>"No," Wooyoung shakes his head.</p><p>"No?" San frowns this time, confused. </p><p>"I wanna go home. Tell me where's the nearest bus stop."</p><p>San relaxes his features just to snort. "There's no one, this place ends in a cliff."</p><p>"I know the beach is close, if you don't tell me, I will go find it myself, get lost and die. And it will be on you."</p><p>San clicks his tongue, walking towards him. It makes Wooyoung move a few steps backwards. San is basically the same height as him, but there's something surrounding him that's worth respecting. Maybe it's his aura and sharp eyes what scare Wooyoung the most, or maybe is the fact he is in a biker gang. Not sure of the things he uses his bike for.</p><p>"You're so annoying," the boy grunts, raising up a hand in the air so Wooyoung gets a sight of the ring perfectly wrapped around his middle finger. "We're just eating some pancakes, what's wrong with that?"</p><p>"This is a biker place,” Wooyoung hisses.</p><p>"And?"</p><p>"And I'm the son of the police's Captain!" Wooyoung says in whisper, hands trying to get the ring back, not being fast enough as San is already hiding both hands in his pockets. "Why did you bring me here? You hate me, right? That's it!"</p><p>“I don’t know you enough to hate you," San stats, "even when you're so annoying I would love to punch you."</p><p>Wooyoung is the one snorting now. "Thanks?"</p><p>"Listen, I just want to treat you to something sweet. This place has the best pancakes in the world. A lot of people comes here during the summer, don't be a kid, they won't bite you."</p><p>Of course, he refers to the bikers. Wooyoung is able to see them through the window, a lot of them just eating and laughing. A couple close to the door having their eyes fixed on them, maybe outstanding a lot in the middle of the parking lot—Wooyoung hates his sleepy decision of wearing a yellow sweater out of the hundred of black clothes he owns.</p><p>Looking back into San's eyes, he feels a little voice inside his head telling him that he should just run away and never see him again. Don't get involved with biker gangs—or any kind, actually—like his father is always saying.</p><p>When did Wooyoung listen to his father, though?</p><p>"Why?" He decides to ask, crossing his arms in a way of keeping himself in a piece. A little breeze moving between their bodies. Silly of him, he forgot his jacket back home. "You don't know me."</p><p>"We were a couple for like two minutes," San shrugs with half a smile dancing on his face. "And I don't care if I know you or not, you look at the verge of tears. I'm just trying to be nice."</p><p>"Is that what your gang do? <em> Rude </em> helping people?"</p><p>"I wasn't rude to you today, idiot," San gets one step closer, hands still on the pockets, knees softly hitting Wooyoung's. The boy looks up, sighing through pursed lips.</p><p>"I won't eat pancakes with you," he mumbles. "I just want the ring back." </p><p>"Okay, I'll treat you to a milkshake. You like strawberry or chocolate?"</p><p>"San–"</p><p>"It's okay, I have enough money for both, you'll choose later."</p><p>Wooyoung feels pressured, both internally and over his wrist where San decided to wrap his fingers. Cold silver meeting his skin as he decided to sneak in beneath the sweater, not totally because he wanted to feel closer but as a way of Wooyoung to trust him, maybe. Feeling the ring, smirk opening on San's lips as he doesn't oppose resistance. Body moving forward with such easy he feels betrayed by his own brain.</p><p>San might have a sharp tongue, it's so easy for them to fight it has Wooyoung's head spinning in annoyance, but he is nice. San is nice. And he is not the first biker he meets, but totally the first one that would willingly spend a whole night stuck to him—even if it was just because he didn't want to go back home—or take him into a pancake date.</p><p>Pancake hangout. </p><p>Whatever.</p><p>It makes him feel a little warm inside for a reason.</p><p>Getting inside the place, Wooyoung unconsciously moves forward until his chest is hitting San's back, feeling how practically all eyes fall on them. On <em> him. </em> There's no way they can know he is the son of the Police's Captain as his mother never really wanted to have him on the spotlight. Yet, who knows what can bikers do for some information. </p><p>"Hey, Shooting Star," there's a voice coming from the counter, San letting go of him just to bring him to the front, both hands over his shoulders. In front of him and at the other side of the counter lays a tall boy rocking electric blue hair, lip piercing moving as he opens his lips in a sweet smile. "Also, hello there."</p><p>"Yun, this is Wooyoung. Wooyoung," San applies some pressure over his shoulders, maybe as a way of telling him to stop staring. The boy—<em> Yun </em>—is also wearing eyeliner, "this is Yunho. His family owns the place."</p><p>Yunho waves at him this time, Wooyoung doing the most to not look like an awkward mess, bowing a little in the end. Cheeks getting a little blush. </p><p>Wooyoung is able to get the bit of recognition that sparks on his brown eyes, scared he says something that would make his heart—that's already 3 kilometres away riding San's <em> Betty </em> at full speed—jump outside his ribcage. He doesn't. </p><p>"Same as always, Sani?" He asks, fingers drumming over the surface of the counter.</p><p>"Yep! And for Wooyoung," the boy stops to hum, fingers moving from his shoulders to actually rest one arm there. Holding him close. "What do you want?" He asks, looking at him from close, enough to feel his breath tickling his cheek.</p><p>"I want to go home," he blurts out of panic, making both boys chuckle. </p><p>"The same for him," San decides, sounding cheerful, "if he doesn't like it, I will be having a double ration today."</p><p>"Aye, <em> Captain, </em>" Yunho says before turning around on his heels.</p><p>He knows. Of course he knows. As San takes them to an empty table, he tries to get his head down, trying to outstand the less possible—which is mission impossible due the sweater. </p><p>They take a sit in one of the farthest tables, being alone and calm, having a perfect view of the forest that opens in front of them. Pass the green leaves and dark trunks, with a little bit of luck, the beach can be found. It makes Wooyoung a little bit nostalgic as he has a lot of memories of his childhood playing on the white sand surrounded by big rocky walls.</p><p>San sits in front of him, feet touching under the table. They don't exchange a single word until Yunho is coming their way with two big plates of pancakes covered in strawberries and chocolate syrup. A vanilla milkshake for San, an americano for Wooyoung.</p><p>"I thought you would like it better than the sugar bomb Sani likes to take every week," Yunho says as he places the cup in front of him, smiling in a way that has his body shivering. </p><p>Both hands around the warm cup, Wooyoung is the first one speaking. </p><p>"What does he know about me?"</p><p>San has chocolate syrup all over his lips, tongue running over his lower lip before speaking back.</p><p>"Yun is not a biker," is the first thing he says, moving the fork in front of him, "just so you're calm. He's very friends with my gang, though, and with the years he became our confident. Don't ask me how, but he does know everything that's happening in the city. I tried to search up for your direction to give you the ring back, but there's nothing on the internet, so I had to ask him. I guess he dug deep into your life because he can get too curious from time to time."</p><p>Wooyoung chuckles, eyes fixed on the little shapes that start appearing on the surface of his coffee. There's one that looks like a star. </p><p>"Why did he call you <em> Shooting Star </em>?" </p><p>"I'm so fast the only thing you'll see it's the trail I leave behind me," he chimes with a sweet smile. "Yun won't use any of the things he got against you, he is a nice boy."</p><p>"What about them?" Wooyoung mutters, speaking about the rest of the gang. "Did he tell them?"</p><p>"Of course not. If he had, we wouldn't be here," San notes. "Eat something, this is delicious."</p><p>Wooyoung takes a little sip of his coffee, being actually surprised it tastes just as he likes. Not being a fan of sweet things, he prefers to watch San eat instead of taking a bite—it's not like he is hungry, anyway.</p><p>The boy is wearing a black hoodie and tight black jeans ripped on the knees, hair pulled back as the day they met and a purple banana cuffing his wrist, bringing a little color into his outfit. Yet, there's something soft awakening around him as he eats. The way his dimples appear digging its way through his full cheeks, or the glossy lips after licking them a thousand times, pouting every time he takes a sip.</p><p>"How's your ankle?" San gets curious after a while, starting to take the strawberries from Wooyoung's plate.</p><p>"Perfectly, it wasn't a deep bite and I've been taking the medicine. Today was the last day," Wooyoung replies in a plain voice.</p><p>"Kicking anemia’s ass? Or the other way around?”</p><p>“Totally kicking its ass.”</p><p>“Cool. How's your life, then?" Wooyoung falls in silence, eyes fixed on the coffee. "The other day you said it wasn't your night, month <em> and </em> year. Today's been a horrible day, so, what happens?"</p><p>"Why are you so interested in my life?" Wooyoung retorts back, tilting his head a little, not looking at him though. </p><p>"I'm not, I'm just curious," San shrugs. </p><p>"That's the same thing, genius."</p><p>"No, it's totally not. I'm not interested about your likes and dreams. I'm curious about the fact you carry that dark aura with you even when you wear yellow and refuse to eat these delicious pancakes."</p><p>Wooyoung sighs loudly, taking both hands to his face.</p><p>"First, I don't like sweets. Second, it's just…"</p><p>"Just?"</p><p>"You said you didn't want to listen to my romantic story."</p><p>San raises an eyebrow, suddenly getting a little bit closer. Placing his elbows over the surface of the table just to hold his face with both hands then. Staring at him right in the eye.</p><p>"I remember I told you at the park how I changed my mind and you dodged the topic."</p><p>"I did not, you started fighting me."</p><p>"You rile me up so easily, it's annoying," San rolls his eyes. "But, I want to know. So tell me. I won't take you home until you open up to me, and good luck trying to ask any of these dudes."</p><p>"You said they wouldn't bite."</p><p>"We bikers have our manners," San smirks, "but we don't take passengers."</p><p>"You do."</p><p>"I don't. You better feel privileged because you're the first one I ever let to jump in. Mingi needed a ride once, and I totally called a cab for him."</p><p>Wooyoung can't help but chuckle, taking off his glasses to rub his eyes. San's fingers immediately move to play with the temples in the meantime. </p><p>"I dated the Mayor's daughter," Wooyoung finally says, feeling like he doesn't have any other option but, deep down, also feeling like San is trustworthy. </p><p>The boy is already opening both his eyes and lips wide, a mix of surprise and deception falling all over his factions.</p><p>"I can't believe you," he spits. "I don't know you but, man, you can do better. She's a bitch. I'm sorry for telling you, but she totally flirted with Seonghwa once. And she has, actually, something with the leader of a rival gang."</p><p>"I knew. Well, I imagined it. She liked that my dad was a cop, that way she could get away with everything."</p><p>San moves back, crossing his arms.</p><p>"Isn't your father a man of law?"</p><p>"He is. But if I convinced him she was with me all night, he would believe me."</p><p>"Your father is so dumb, all due respect."</p><p>Wooyoung doesn't say a thing, kind of because he's thinking is not far from that.</p><p>"She told everyone about what happened last Saturday," Wooyoung keeps going. "I don't really have friends, but now it had became torture to wake up every morning to go class. And I don't can't even go home because my dad really wanted me to marry her and he won't stop repeating how stupid I am. She was the one breaking up, but apparently managed to make everyone believe I wasn't taking care of our relationship. I'm sorry," he shakes his head, a deep sigh coming out his pursed lips. "I just feel I don't have a place to go anymore."</p><p>"What about your mom?" San replies in a tiny voice, taking the ring and slowly sliding it through the table until it's touching Wooyoung's hand. Having it back has his heart beating slowly, calm. This time he doesn't doubt on putting it on his finger, swearing to never take it back again.</p><p>Looking up, he gives San a sad smile.</p><p>"My mom is dead. It's been five years already, so don't you dare pity me."</p><p>San remains silent, lips parting a little.</p><p>"Are you up for a ride with me?" He says instead, in such a low voice Wooyoung kind of regrets telling him that. It for sure changed his vision of him, and that's not something he wants. "I think this will cheer you up."</p><p>"The ring is fine."</p><p>"It will take half an hour, then I will personally escort you home."</p><p>Wooyoung considers about it for a few seconds before he is accepting, this time walking next to him without the need of being dragged. The thought of going home is making his stomach twist in discomfort, going whenever San wants to take him will be better than just facing his father yet another night. </p><p>As San pays, Wooyoung totally feels how the same couple that was staring at them through the window direct their eyes towards him again. One of them, having sharp bangs covering his face and wearing baby blue under the jacket smiles kindly at him. The other, wavy blonde hair falling at each side of his face, all in black, is looking at him with a mocking grin. Looking attentively, he finds the same gang name on their jackets, not being a surprise that San moves towards their desk after paying. </p><p>"Jongho, can you lend me your helmet for a while?" He gestures towards the cute bangs dude, that quickly shakes his no. "C'mon, we're going to the cliff and back, it will take us less than an hour."</p><p>"Sorry, man. We're going to the enclosure in twenty minutes," the boy says back.</p><p>"I can do it in nineteen minutes. I will take it as a personal challenge."</p><p>"I won't say at which speed you'd have to go to make that because I don't want to scare your friend," Jongho says with a smile that's aimed at Wooyoung, half hidden behind San's body. "So, still a no."</p><p>Wooyoung hears how San's clicks his tongue in annoyance before Yunho is whistling at them, helmet already on his hands.</p><p>"Take mine. Mingi will pick me at nine, so you have time to give it back."</p><p>San smiles brightly. "That's why you're the best, Yun. You two," he turns on his heels again, pointing at the two boys, "are bad friends."</p><p>"Sorry for putting my safety above yours," Jongho chuckles. "We might be bikers but I don't really have intentions of riding without a helmet like I'm threatening life. When you do that, she kicks you in the ass."</p><p>"Who's him, exactly?" The other boy is leaning over the table to get a better sight of him, Wooyoung just takes a step backwards, unintentionally catching Yunho also leaning over the counter, winking an eye at him. "A boyfriend?"</p><p>"We were, now we're just friends."</p><p>The boy gasps, and so does Wooyoung, and maybe both Yunho and Jongho are sharing really musically giggles as San takes Wooyoung's hand into his own.</p><p>"Does Seonghwa know?" The blonde says, kneeling on the chair as San decides to ignore him and just get out. "I'm gonna tell him!"</p><p>"Shut up, Yeosang!"</p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>On his very first alone ride San found the cliff out of causality. He got so excited with the amount of emotions crawling into his skin he forgot his way and ended up lost just as the sun was giving his last rays to the sky. Burning in orange and purple over a dark blue ocean, San found one of the most beautiful places he had ever seen. </p><p>Surrounded by trees, floating around a little beach that's not known by everyone on the city, lays the cliff he likes to go once in a while to watch the sunset.</p><p>It's not something he likes to share with everyone, being it the place he can be himself without having to fake a voice or a smile. He took Yeosang once when he was going through a bad time and Mingi when he was feeling homesick. He doesn't doubt on taking Wooyoung this time.</p><p>Not because he knows the boy in deep and swore under a biker's code to never betray each other and always stand for the other. It's quite totally the contrary. He doesn't know shit about Wooyoung more than he has been telling him in vague answers. And they for sure didn't swore under a code, being Wooyoung the child of a cop turning on every alarm inside San's brain. He does it because Wooyoung himself said it.</p><p>He feels like he doesn't have a place to go anymore. </p><p>And San knows how does that feel, how much it hurts to be lonely and don't have anyone, or anywhere. That cliff can be that somewhere, and he can be that someone. </p><p>Taking off the helmet, he gives his hand for Wooyoung to take, the boy wrinkling his nose in response.</p><p>"Is just so you don't fall," San urges, a little bit annoyed. </p><p>"Why are you assuming I will fall?"</p><p>"Because I don't trust your feet, and because there's a lot of branches here. I fell too."</p><p>"If we hold hands, we both will fall, and then we won't be able to stop the fall with our hands, hitting our faces."</p><p>San sighs, arm falling defeated and hitting his leg.</p><p>"You know what, if you fall, I will totally laugh at you," he sentences, gesturing at him to follow him through the narrow path that opens between the trees.</p><p>Neither of them fall—even when Wooyoung trips with exactly seven branches on their two minute walk to the cliff—, arriving to the edge totally safe. The sun already making its way down, the sky exploding in a thousand shades of the same color, being the canvas of a very passionate artist. </p><p>Wooyoung's lips part automatically in front of that view.</p><p>"Pretty, right?" San smiles, taking a sit in the middle of the place. "Sit down. Have you ever seen a sunset?"</p><p>Wooyoung does as he says, taking a sit next to him, maybe not calculating the distance between their bodies and doing it extra close. Knees glued. Neither of them move, though. </p><p>"It's my first time," Wooyoung admits. "And I've never seen the sky like this."</p><p>"The city lights may be pretty, but they'll never compare to this particular light."</p><p>Not saying a word for a few minutes, they enjoy the silence that blooms between them as the sun makes his way to bed. Being just at the beginning of January, the breeze comes out gelid from the ocean, making both boys to shrink with the first wave of wind. Wooyoung bending so much into himself he manages to turn smaller than he already is, having San looking at him instead.</p><p>"Are you cold?"</p><p>"It's okay," Wooyoung shakes his head, blonde hair falling all over his forehead. Long enough for him to just tug it behind his ear. Night Wooyoung has nothing to do with Sunset Wooyoung, San tells to himself, knees glued to his chest, eyes again into the sky. "My mom was also a cop," the boy says then.</p><p>San presses his cheek into the surface of his knees, eyes falling into him again. Wooyoung has adopted the same position, nose hiding inside his sweater in search for some warmth. </p><p>"She wasn't like my dad, though. She was cheerful, liked to bring me into the commissary once in a while to show me all her work. She was good… And she liked bikers."</p><p>"Did she?"</p><p>Wooyoung is soon nodding with a smile, San can point it because of the way his eyes curve.</p><p>"She was always riding a motorcycle instead of going in the car. And if no law was broken, she would let bikers be."</p><p>"Wait a moment," San moves a little bit closer—legs tangling together by now—, totally doing it to stop the wind hitting Wooyoung's face. "I think I know your mom. There was this cop that detained me once, on like, my second week as a biker. She gave me a lollipop and told me my bike was <em> amazing. </em>"</p><p>Wooyoung likes.</p><p>"That sounds like my mom."</p><p>"That was five years ago, though," San notices, lowering his gaze a little.</p><p>"She died in a car accident… Motorcycle accident. Whatever. She was doing her rounds when someone hit her from one side. Nothing deep, just a normal day. She was always careful but… But that day we had a fight. A big fight. And it was super silly because it started because I forgot to do the dishes. I was sixteen, maybe everything got me mad but right now, looking at it… I said a bunch of things that maybe got stuck on her head to the point of getting her distracted enough to not see that car. She got a surgery but died that same night, I couldn't say goodbye… Neither sorry. This ring is the only thing I have left from her."</p><p>San can't put on his shoes, and all the things twisting inside his chest at the heard of Wooyoung's words won't even compare to all the things that must've been camping inside Wooyoung's head for years. For that, he doesn't say <em> sorry. </em> He takes his hands off the sleeves of his hoodie and presses his thumbs over Wooyoung's cheeks. Cleaning away that quiet tears that are kissing his skin.</p><p>"It's not your fault, you know," he whispers, holding him close, being able to see all the colors of the sunset in his eyes. "It's totally not."</p><p>"It feels like."</p><p>"It's not," San shakes his head, hands still cupping his face. "And I bet your mom knew you weren't meaning whatever you said. She was your mom, mothers know us the best. And they also love us with all our flaws. All of them do."</p><p>"You think so?"</p><p>"I fiercely believe it," he says, sadness taking a little over his own voice, thinking if his own mother would be thinking about him right now or his existence already vanished from her memory. Standing on his feet, he finally lets go from Wooyoung's face to move to his hands, pulling from him. "Every time I feel sad, or feel the need to get rid of a bad thought that's not letting me enjoy life, I just come here and throw it into the ocean. The ocean will take care of my sorrow."</p><p>Wooyoung sniffles. "How so?" </p><p>"I just, scream it out of me," San sighs, cracking his neck before he is taking both hands to the corners of his mouth, forming a megaphone with them. "I'm so tired of you eating my food, Song Mingi! I race so hard to win that money, it's my food!" </p><p>He screams as if he is totally alone, tips of his ears turning a little red due the embarrassment. He always believed someone hiding in the rocks heard one of the hundred complains he has thrown into the ocean in the past five years, but having that someone next to him is different. </p><p>Looking back at Wooyoung, he pursues his lips in a little grin. "I would totally give it to him if he asked, though. I'm just mad he steals from me."</p><p>Incredibly, that makes Wooyoung curve the corners of his mouth up, a soft giggle coming out of his chest after a second. "You're incredible," he says, awkwardly standing there, eyeing the ocean just to gaze at San there.</p><p>"I won't look at you," San says already turning on his heels and giving him his back. "First times are always a little bit embarrassing."</p><p>"Hmm."</p><p>It takes a little from Wooyoung to actually speak, and peeking a little over his shoulder, San finds him quietly looking at the sun going down. The orange being replaced by pink and purple. Stars already making his appearance on top of their heads even when it's just 7PM. Winter and his blessings.</p><p>"Mom," he starts in a raspy voice, not screaming at all, which makes San a little bit stupid to scream from the top of his lungs about food. "I'm sorry, mom. I don't hate you. I could never. You were the best thing in my life, and I miss you."</p><p>San doesn't move until he is able to hear Wooyoung's shoes scratch the ground. It would be a lie to say he is not thinking about his mother right now.</p><p>"I know she won't ever know it but, it does make me feel a little better. Thank you."</p><p>"Now you're my sunset partner so, if you're feeling like coming back again, just tell me," San mumbles, body feeling a little weird.</p><p>Wooyoung takes a big mouthful of air, shoulders shaking like crazy with the new ocean's wind coming for them.</p><p>"In just two days, you showed me both the sunrise and the sunset," he says, San's eyes flickering wide open.</p><p>"That's right! And remember, we also dated."</p><p>Wooyoung snorts. "It lasted one hour but it was my best relationship so far."</p><p>"Same. Even when you seem to be a master of driving me nuts."</p><p>"I think you just love to fight," Wooyoung is rolling his eyes then, both of them standing there looking into each other's eyes before deciding to go back before they freeze.</p><p>This time, as the dark is falling on top of them, Wooyoung gladly takes his hand. They fall. But San is quick enough to dig a knee into the ground and wrap his free arm around the boy's waist, holding him close to his chest.</p><p>"I totally told you," Wooyoung clicks his tongue.</p><p>"I told you, totally what I need now. It's dark, man."</p><p>"Look at the ground, then!" </p><p>"Yeah, I totally have the desire of fighting you again," San is coming back into his feet, Wooyoung doesn't doubt on hitting him on the arm.</p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>San is the first person Wooyoung tells about his mom, at least, the first one he allows to see him crying over it. His father never shared his wife's death with anyone. As far as they know, she died in service. They don't know about how she was having problems sleeping and how Wooyoung forgot to do the dishes even after she told him five times. No one knows about their stupid dirty dishes fight.</p><p>No one knows about the words, or the regret. Not even who was his girlfriend for two years. </p><p>Just San.</p><p>All because of the magic of the sunset, he tries to convince himself as he freezes to death back to the cafe. The gelid air kissing every patch of skin, even the one that's covered in clothing—obviously not the enough amount—, envying San and his jacket. It was really super warm for a leather jacket.</p><p>Arriving, he actually needs help to get off as his limbs are not responding to his commands. </p><p>"You're freezing!" San notices as he places a hand on his cheek, immediately running to rub his hands over his arms in search of warmth. </p><p>"You really love to point out the most obvious things, don't you?"</p><p>"You're a dick," San sings back, leading him back to the cafe, that's barely illuminated and totally empty by now. Just three persons standing there. "Where's the people? It's barely eight."</p><p>Yunho is already seething in a leather jacket that has the <em> Fellaz </em> emblem on it, even when San told him he wasn't a biker at all. Next to him there's a boy equally as tall as him, hair on fire and wearing a pale pink hoodie under the leather jacket. He is too focused on his phone to even pay attention to them, a thing the third man carefully does. White hairs tied up at his nape, wearing a jean jacket and sunglasses. He has a lot of shiny earrings on sight. Sitting in the table that was occupied by San's friends.</p><p>"Big bet in line today," Yunho explains, "I don't want to miss it. Well, as you can see, no one wanted."</p><p>San frowns. </p><p>"I didn't know about it."</p><p>"Hwa told us yesterday after Hyunjin beated us all but you decided to go home early" the red haired speaks, finally putting his phone back. "Stray Kids versus Fellaz, all or nothing. Well, it’s everyone versus everyone but you get it–”</p><p>"It's gonna be exciting!" Yunho interrupts him with his excitement, the red haired totally making a weird face as he notices Wooyoung shivering next to San. </p><p>"Who's that?" He points at him.</p><p>"I was wondering the same," indoor sunglasses says, cheek resting over one of his hands.</p><p>"This is Wooyoung, a friend of mine," San babbles, not giving it a lot of importance, eyes on the red head. "How big are we talking?"</p><p>"One thousand," the boy says, smile already curving his lips up, "and full equipment from Joong. <em> Free. </em>"</p><p>For the way San turns to the white hair dude, he guesses that's his name.</p><p>"Are you crazy? Full as in <em> full </em>?"</p><p>"Yeah, maybe I went too kind. But both Hwa and Chris accorded all the bets will be giving to an animal shelter. So yeah, its big, but just the racer will be winning today," he says, standing up and stretching his arms. "So I hope if you win tonight, Choi San, you also give that money. I'll give you that engine upgrade you've been asking for."</p><p>San almost jumps in excitement.</p><p>"Fuck, this is turning me on. But, shit" he looks back at Wooyoung, who is already pouting as he connected the dots alone, "I have to take him to the city. When's the race?"</p><p>"In half an hour," Mingi says.</p><p>"Shit."</p><p>"Just bring him," Yunho adds, both hands at his back. "Do you like races, Wooyoungie?"</p><p>Wooyoung prefers to remain silent. </p><p>"I can't take him, Hwa will chop my dick," San is already shaking his head, both hands running to his hair in desperation. "I swear to God. Out of all nights. Joong, would you give me the engine upgrade tomorrow?"</p><p>"Do you have one thousand dollars for the kitties?" San is cursing once again, and it actually makes Wooyoung feel a little bad that he can't go because of him. It even makes him want to say he is willing to go, just so he can race, but he won't open his lips in fear. "Why would Seonghwa cut your dick if you bring him? Yunho's coming."</p><p>"Yeah, just take him, dude. It's already late," the red head adds.</p><p>"I can't," San twists on his heels, giving Wooyoung what it seems to be an apologetic gaze. "He's the son of the Cap, I can't risk him knowing the path to the enclosure."</p><p>That, even not being a lie, hurts a little.</p><p>"And why is he here?" The red head is saying in a high pitched scream, Yunho already pinching his arm. "Dude!"</p><p>"Don't be loud, Mingi."</p><p>"But he will tell his dad!"</p><p>"I won't," Wooyoung says for the first time, not feeling quite comfortable at the moment. "Believe me, we're not in good terms. And I don't care about your races. I don't support them, though," he gazes at San, just for a second, yet the boy is not looking at him but Hongjoong. </p><p>"Then it's easy," Hongjoong says, tired. He stands up with a yawn, moving where San is standing. "I brought the car, he will come with me and Yunho. And," after coming to San, he moves to face Wooyoung, purple bandana on his hand. He is a little shorter than him yet once again  Wooyoung is intimidated. He is kinder, though. "May I?" He asks.</p><p>"What are you saying, Joong?"</p><p>"I will blindfold him, Yunho will make sure he doesn't cheat. That way you can race, then you will take him home," Hongjoong shrugs, waiting for an affirmative from Wooyoung, that decides to look at San instead.</p><p>"You okay with that?" Wooyoung mutters.</p><p>"Are <em> you </em> okay with that?" San retorts back, moving one step back to slightly hold his hand. Wooyoung allows him. "That place is not like this. There will be bikers willing to kick your ass if they learn who you are."</p><p>That's totally like a death threat. To be sincere, Wooyoung doesn't want to go home, yet going into the place the bikers usually race has him quivering. Still, he will feel worse if San has to give up a good race to take him home. It's true he said <em> see you never </em>, but after the day he had, that afternoon with San is already making him crave his presence, even when he is holding his hand in this right moment. </p><p>Forcing him to go to the city now equals to never see him again for real.</p><p>"Why are you scaring him? I will stick to him, it will be fine," Yunho dramatically rolls his eyes, staring at him. "Don't listen to him. It will be fun."</p><p>"Whatever, you need to decide now. Are you racing or not, dumbass," Mingi groans, San totally sticking his tongue at him.</p><p>Hongjoong wiggles the bandana in front of his eyes, and after a very awkward exchange of nods between San and Wooyoung, he nods back at Hongjoong, who takes his glasses first, handing them to San. Wooyoung closes his eyes before they can get covered by the fabric of the hinky. It strongly smells like vanilla, just like the reminiscence he has from the jacket. </p><p>Wooyoung stands there for a minute while they get ready, San's fingers intertwined around his own, taking him slowly towards the car. Obviously, he won't tell his dad, neither he thinks he could remember the way in the dark and without his glasses when he doesn't even remember the way to the cafe. Yet, he doesn't complain. </p><p>"Are you scared?" He gets San's voice over Yunho's giggles about Mingi getting scared of a spider. "You're trembling."</p><p>"I'm freezing."</p><p>"Want my jacket?"</p><p>"No. You will need it on the bike, or you'll freeze too."</p><p>"Honestly, I'm burning up inside, so," San doesn't finish his sentence, the sound of the zipper going down already making Wooyoung sigh. San is soon forcing him to get his arms inside the sleeves, zipping it up his chin. "Don't you dare forget your ring again. I will give you my number so you can text me anytime you want to see me."</p><p>"Idiot. Go already."</p><p>San giggles, patting him on the cheek before walking out—Wooyoung is sure he still has his glasses, hoping he doesn't crash on top of them. </p><p>Yunho is holding him by the arm the next second.</p><p>"Can you see?" He asks, Wooyoung shaking his negative in silence as they get in a car that strongly smells like mint. "Cool. Turn on the music, Joong!"</p><p>"Let me turn on the engine first, please."</p><p>The way to the enclosure is filled with giggles and Yunho singing along the <em> Backstreet Boys </em>. It takes them just fifteen minutes to arrive, Wooyoung remaining in silence until they're getting off and the sound of engines and a big crowd curls around his ears. </p><p>There's not a lot on Wooyoung's head. He hasn't checked his phone since they went to the cliff, not knowing if his father is sending him a ton of messages or just ignoring him—he hopes it's the second one.</p><p>Almost like he got super strong canine senses, he is able to get a new wave of vanilla breaking through the mint that got stuck to his nostrils. It makes him wrinkle his nose. He didn't get it from San earlier, just from his clothes. </p><p>"Safe and sound," his voice comes out just a few seconds later, fingers brushing his hair as he untais the bandana. "Did you cheat?"</p><p>"Fuck you," Wooyoung replies as everything but San looks like a blur around him.</p><p>San is already sliding his glasses in, fingers brushing his skin now. The place they're now is a little bit closer to the the city, lights being seen in the distance. They left the forest behind to come into a wide area with lots of big warehouses illuminated just by some streetlights. Almost like they're the door into something big.</p><p>Quite funny.</p><p>San walks him in silence into the real race place, where everyone is already crowding. Illuminated by stadium lights now, a whole circuit opens in front of his eyes.</p><p>"Is this illegal racing?" Wooyoung plans to leave that as a thought, yet it ends up slipping through his lips.</p><p>"Maybe," San shrugs. "The gang leaders asked for this, so they built it for us. Here we don't bother the citizens. Yet, racing for money without a lot of rules might sound bad. Who knows."</p><p>"What do you mean <em> without a lot of rules </em>?"</p><p>San shots a smile at him. "You worried about me, Little Officer?"</p><p>"Would you please stop calling me that?"</p><p>"You worried about me, darling?"</p><p>"You're an idiot," Wooyoung sentences.</p><p>They arrive the place Yunho already ran to—there's even a big tier for them to see the race comfortably. Wooyoung feels like he just came to a late night show, to be honest.</p><p>"Stick to Yunho," San says then, voice tensing up a little, "wearing the jacket, I think it will be fine. But don't start conversations."</p><p>"Fine. I'm the best at being antisocial."</p><p>San chuckles, softly hitting him on the chest.</p><p>"I'll take you home after this, I'll try to be super fast," San promises, Wooyoung's hand falling onto his arm as he speaks.</p><p>"No. Just take your time. I don't care if I have to stay for hours. Just, be safe."</p><p>"So you're really worried. Maybe you're not as annoying as I thought," San coes, trying to squish his cheeks—Wooyoung is already pushing him by the chest. </p><p>"Go already!" </p><p>Wooyoung hates the way his heart reacts to the smile San shots at him before running to where his motorbike stands.</p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>It's new and kinda effervescent inside his chest, the feeling that starts blooming and spreading over his whole body in just a second. Far from being a bother, San likes it, the way it gives him a shot of adrenaline.</p><p>"Hey, Choi," Lee Minho from <em> Stray Kids </em>, one of the closest gangs to his, leans over his own motorbike parked next to him, cheeky smile blooming on his face. "I've heard you ran away yesterday because you were still moping because our Lix."</p><p>San snorts, stretching his arms in the air.</p><p>"You're far long, dude. I was not even a little bit bothered."</p><p>Minho laughs back, yet he is soon asking for a fist bump San is glad to give back. Members of different gangs or not, everyone that's ever stepped the enclosure and raced just because of fun, that makes them friends. And it's also exciting to be able to race against different people every week and not always the same ones.</p><p><em> Fellaz </em>is not one big gang, not enough for that. San already raced against every single one of them. Even Seonghwa, who's already making his way towards him. Not looking pleased—even when that's, basically, Seonghwa's normal face. </p><p>"Tell me something," he says as a greet, one arm resting over San's shoulders, bringing him close enough for the other racers to not hear him, "what the fuck are you on today?"</p><p>San arches a brown. "Adrenaline? Excitement because of the free full equipment thing, maybe?"</p><p>Seonghwa doesn't doubt on tightening his hold, lips brushing his ear as he speaks.</p><p>"Jung Wooyoung," there's a shiver running down San's spine like an electric shock. "What's he doing here?"</p><p>"Who?"</p><p>"San, I'm being serious here. I totally saw you two arriving together. What the hell is he doing here?"</p><p>For Seonghwa to know Wooyoung is not something that surprises San at all. Seonghwa's a gang leader, he has actually a lot more things in mind that just riding and having fun. And he hates Captain Jung with passion because he is always on their asses waiting for the smallest error to throw them into jail.</p><p>That was one of the reasons he didn't want to tell him about his totally not planned encounter with Wooyoung that night. Maybe he didn't think carefully when he totally accepted to bring Wooyoung. </p><p>He wants to race. His hands are sweaty and his whole body is shaking with excitement. He couldn't just not come, sounding as selfish as it can.</p><p>"We're friends," he blurts, one hand getting rid of Seonghwa's arm, starting to feel pain on his neck.</p><p>"Friends?" Seonghwa frowns. "Since when?"</p><p>Obviously, San needs to play a little dumb.</p><p>"A few days. We're getting to know each other. I really wanted to race tonight but he was with me and taking him back into the city would've took me close to two hours."</p><p>"So you took him here. When he is the son of the Captain."</p><p>"I know what you're thinking, but I have it under control. We blindfolded him, and he doesn't have a good relationship with his dad," San explains in a quiet voice, trying to brush that annoying wrinkle that's always appearing in the middle of Seonghwa's brows.</p><p>"You're totally taking an unnecessary risk, San."</p><p>San smirks, both hands on the handlebars. "Isn't our life about that?" </p><p>Seonghwa takes a mouthful of air, for a moment looking so genuinely worried it makes San doubt for a second. Five years of getting to know Seonghwa taught San that he worries way too much for a gang leader, and that sometimes he looks like he was totally pushed into that world—even when San knows the story of how he met Hongjoong one night at a bar at fifteen and how suddenly both of them were running away in a very cliché romantic way—instead of accepting it. Sometimes he thinks he just worries about San only. Because of his past, and that has San throwing a tantrum at the most inadequate times because he <em> did </em> for sure chose that life. He doesn't regret stepping forward his house, and he doesn't need for sure to be treated like a kid. He is twenty-one and happy. </p><p>Yet, how deep has Seonghwa reached into his heart that just one simple look into his worried eyes is enough for him to shake his head and rearrange his thoughts. </p><p>"Listen, it's okay. I have Wooyoung under control, if he dares to betray me, he is over," he says, putting all the confidence on his voice so he can sound sharp enough to cut some of Seonghwa's worry. "Trust me, I would never do something that could harm us. We're family."</p><p>It's not habitual coming from San, the lies dripping from his lips with such confidence. He will end Wooyoung if he tries something, that's for sure. Having him under control, that's something he can't speak so lightly about, not when Wooyoung seems to have a very active personality on going against him. </p><p>Luckily for him, Seonghwa puts on that face he always does when he resigns, totally believing him. Leaning over the bike again, he sounds serious than the needs to as he says, "You better have your head clear on the road, San."</p><p>San scoffs. "Who do you think I am?"</p><p>Seonghwa is already walking away, Mingi curiously gesturing at him, San just shaking a negative before putting on the helmet, eyes on the road. They have one single rule that they mustn't break, and it's totally because of their own safety, and that's that the head must be clear during the races. No worries, no persons, nothing.</p><p>Big thoughts are a biker's worst enemy.</p><p>It's atypical for San to have his head blooming in thoughts, he was always careful with that. Yet, looking over his shoulder and catching Wooyoung sitting next to Yunho on the tier, body small inside his jacket, he seems to have been a little careless. </p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>"Are you hungry? I have some gummy bears around here," Yunho asks first, proceeding to search around his jacket in silence, throwing a gummy smile at Wooyoung instead. "Mingi is always putting jellies on my clothes. But I guess I already ate them."</p><p>Wooyoung shakes his head a little, shrinking a little as a new wave of gelid air hits his face. Looking down at the road where all racers are getting ready, he can't help but worry about San wearing nothing but his hoodie. Bet he lied to him and he is freezing to death. <em> The idiot. </em></p><p>"I'm not hungry. It's okay," he manages to say,  eyes getting lost in the immense place. There's not a lot that can be seen from their positions, and once the race starts, Wooyoung just gets a solid five seconds of motorbikes roaring in the middle of the night before they disappear into the little streets. "Are we gonna stay here until they come back?" He wonders. "Shouldn't we see the full race?"</p><p>Yunho is already giggling. </p><p>"There's a lot of bets," he explains, then he tends him the phone. Displayed in his notes, there's a lot of names next to a sum of money. "I'm in charge of controlling them, by the way. The exciting part is blindly bet and wait to see if you were right as the winner appears around that corner," he points at one of the farthest parts.</p><p>Wooyoung nods, even when he doesn't find it funny at all. Moreover, it makes him a little uneasy inside. To not being able to see what's happening inside those streets, incertitude biting on his cheeks as a lot of bad scenarios cross his mind. </p><p>Trying to distract himself from that, he looks down at the list again.</p><p>"There's a lot rooting for San," he points, that name sparkling more than twenty times in the first page.</p><p>"San is everyone's favorite, he does incredibly good on bet races."</p><p>"I heard he lost seventeen times against Felix last week," Hongjoong, that has been sitting next to them the whole time, adds as he takes a sip from his water bottle. </p><p>"That wasn't official, they were just playing. San needs a little bit of pressure to give his all. He has always liked risky things," Yunho is looking at him as he speaks, almost like he wants him to know it. Wooyoung eyes the road again, hearing the engines still roaring in the distance.</p><p>"That for sure explains why are you here," Hongjoong leans back to gaze at him, Wooyoung feeling a little attacked by that.</p><p>"Excuse me?"</p><p>The boy chuckles. "I don't know what's exactly your relationship with San, but if you're already fantasizing with the idea of falling in love, forget it. The most sure thing is that you being the son of the Police Captain turns him on and wants to take you to bed."</p><p>Wooyoung blinks, not saying a thing—because he isn't fantasizing about shit, and maybe because the way Hongjoong is looking at him is a little bit intimidating.</p><p>"You owe San a favor," Yunho adds, making him shrink a little more, "not that I want to be as rude as my friend here, but San never does things for free. He told me how he helped you, he for sure must be wanting something from you."</p><p>Wooyoung feels hurt, words curling around his brain in a painful way he wasn't quite expecting. He doesn't like San like that, but he was nice to him. After everything, he really thought he found someone in that empty ocean he was drowning. </p><p>In the end, it seems like he was wrong once again.</p><p>"So he's just being nice to me because he wants to get laid," he mumbles, trying to sound deadpan, nails digging on the palms of his hands inside the sleeveless of <em> San's </em>jacket.</p><p>"Probably," Hongjoong says. "Not telling you he is a bad person, just to have your expectations low."</p><p>Wooyoung scoffs, eyes on the road. "I just met him. Do you think I fell in love at first sight or something?"</p><p>"You're here."</p><p>"I'm here because here is better than my house," Wooyoung snaps. "Yes, I'm glad I met San. I'm thankful for what he did. No, I don't like him that way. And I'm not that stupid to get in bed with a total stranger."</p><p>At this time of his life, Wooyoung is used to being used by everyone. The reason it hurts a little more than usual, is because San might've been annoying, but he looked sincere. With his actions and words, Wooyoung swore he saw something pure inside of him. That's why he trusted him even when this is the second time they met.</p><p>They don't exchange more words until the race ends and San is the one that crosses the line first and everyone is screaming in joy. Wooyoung sticks to Yunho as he promised—he really wants to run away and just find his house by feet—and gets down from the tier, observing how San celebrates his win with everyone.</p><p>Facing him, totally jumping in the air until he is in front of him and raising both hands, asking for a double high five, Wooyoung doubts. Once again, that smiles seems too sincere to be hiding dark intentions.</p><p>"I won," he says.</p><p>"That's another obvious thing to say," Wooyoung whispers, taken aback by the way San pouts instead of frowning. "Hmm. Congratulations," he sighs, raising his hands to meet San's sweaty ones.</p><p>"That's better," the boy smiles brightly, intertwining their fingers in the air, hands moving slowly, gaze fixed on his face. It feels nice, Wooyoung has to admit it, but it also feels like what Hongjoong and Yunho told him earlier is coming alive. "You'll see, once Hongjoong gives me the full equipment," he doesn't finish the sentence, cheeks going red in excitement. </p><p>Wooyoung finally lets go of his hands to stand one step back, looking at the ground first, then into his face. Blushed and sweaty, hair a mess, eyes sparkling with the bright lights that live on top of them.</p><p>"Now what?" Wooyoung asks, totally putting him to test. San tilts his head.</p><p>"I'll take you home," he sighs, "I promised."</p><p>"Just that?"</p><p>"What more do you want?" San chuckles, already moving forward with the same purple bandana on hand. "I will have to put this again, security measures."</p><p>Wooyoung stares at him for a second, taking off his glasses then. The smell of vanilla mixing with sweat beneath his nostrils, San's heavy breaths brushing the skin of his cheek as he gets way too close to his face to tied up the bandana.</p><p>Holding onto his hand, Wooyoung waits to open his eyes into another unknown place. Yet, after a long freezing ride, he puts his glasses in his neighbourhood. Saying his goodbyes in silence, Wooyoung is left behind like a mess. And also, still wearing San's jacket. </p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>from: yunyun 🥞 [11:34PM]</b>
</p><p>did you take mr jung to your place? </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>san</b>
</p><p>I took him home</p><p><em> his </em> home</p><p>why are you asking?</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>from: yunyun 🥞 [11:34PM]</b>
</p><p>you left super fast</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>san</b>
</p><p>I promised him to take him home</p><p>wait, why would I even take him </p><p>into my place tho?</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>from: yunyun 🥞 [11:35PM]</b>
</p><p>don't you want to fuck him?</p><p>honestly, I thought so for the way you              were looking at him earlier</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>san</b>
</p><p>are u nuts </p><p>I don't like him that way </p><p>we're just friends (kinda)</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>from: yunyun 🥞 [11:35PM]</b>
</p><p>so u dont want to bone him?</p><p>you said you didn’t want to be friends </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>san</b>
</p><p>that was the past</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>from: yunyun 🥞 [11:35PM]</b>
</p><p>that was yesterday</p><p>
  <b>san</b>
</p><p>shut up!!</p><p>I dont want to sleep with him</p><p>yun, I thought u were smarter</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>from: yunyun 🥞 [11:37PM]</b>
</p><p>guess I've been spending a lot of time  with mingi :) </p><p>are u coming back tho?</p><p>yeosang will treat u to chicken</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>san</b>
</p><p>nah</p><p>today was the longest day of </p><p>my existence </p><p>already in bed</p><p>I'll see u around </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>from: yunyun 🥞 [11:38PM]</b>
</p><p>you sure I didnt catch u in the middle of sex?</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>san</b>
</p><p>I love u</p><p>but I wouldn't even think of picking a call from seonghwa while having sex</p><p>goodnight </p><p> </p><p>Throwing his phone into the nightstand San can't help but get all worried about what could've Yunho told Wooyoung while he was racing. Maybe now, already in bed and wearing his pajamas after a warm shower, he starts seeing things clearer.</p><p>The boy was acting a little bit weird, yet San decided to ignore it due the fact he won the race. He won a big race. And he did it in a record time.</p><p>And his mind, oh man, his mind was filled with the image of Wooyoung standing in front of the sunset. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I just want to say that I am so in love with the way this fic is going. My favorite chapter so far is chapter 3 so please wait for it!! I hope you liked this one, thank you for all your comments on chapter 1, I'll be waiting for your lovely comments again 🥺♡</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Hearts Only Heal After Breaking</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hello everyone!! I'm still crying because of the album preview and fever and the yellow bus please don't mind me and read my favorite chapter so far &lt;3<br/>also, I decided to post every sunday from now on, so next chapter will be up in a week!! For more info you have my <a href="https://twitter.com/_blueaurora">twitter</a> ♡</p><p>(ignore typos or tell them on the comments as I live wildly 😳)</p><p>chapter tittle <a href="https://youtu.be/3bjU1dhzp0A">inspiration</a> &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>It makes Wooyoung crazy how San's scent got impregnated both into his clothes and brain in just a day, having to hide the jacket in the deepest part of his drawer to get rid of it—not making it any better as on Sunday morning he finds every single clothing throwing that sweet scent at him. He wonders if it's San's cologne or just an amazing long lasting cloth softener.</p><p>Wooyoung saw San on Tuesday, spending the rest of the week moving carefully just in case he was around. Either way he was amazing at sneaking out—his still hurting from time to time ankle is the proof he <em> isn't </em>—or San just decided to leave him alone, because four days passed without incidents. Not a phone to text, nothing. Just his jacket. </p><p>Yunho's words still revolting around his head when he sits in the middle of his bed on Sunday morning, jacket spreaded in the middle of the mattress, thumb on his mouth as he thinks. San didn't ask him for a thing, although that making him feel way better than he imagined, it makes Wooyoung a little sad as well. Thinking that maybe San is just pitying him.</p><p>Not that Wooyoung wants to feel used again, but he doesn't want San to pity him either. If that single thought wasn't the responsible of him being unable to sleep well since that day, he would have had let it go. Forget about San. Keep on living.</p><p>Wooyoung values a lot his sleeping schedule, so close to 11AM on a cold Sunday of January, he takes the jacket with him—this time he makes sure to put on his own jacket, folding the other under his arm—and searches on his phone for the bus line that takes to the beach that cafe was close to.</p><p>Of course, Wooyoung knows there's a way of getting there, even when it's far enough for the police to no reach there unless they receive an alarm. One and a half hour in a shaky bus has him meeting the beach, standing underneath the same cliff they watched the sunset just three days ago.</p><p>It takes him half an hour to find the cafe by feet, not as much bikes parked as that other time, yet some familiar faces as he sheepishly makes his way into the place. It's warm, smelling like fresh baked cookies. Yunho smiling at him in a second, surprise sparkling on his dark eyes for a brief moment. Those two guys—Jongho and Yeosang—sitting on the same table, sharing a plate of fried chicken. </p><p>Looking around, there's no sight of San. Neither Hongjoong, which he is grateful for.</p><p>"Hey," the one speaking is Jongho, slowly waving at him, "nice to see you again."</p><p>Wooyoung is already bowing at him, making the boy burst in very musically giggles. </p><p>"I'm pretty sure you're older than me, quit the formalities. Just," Jongho raises an arm, fist closed moving towards him, "fist bump me, dude."</p><p>That's something that takes Wooyoung totally out of guard, moving awkwardly to fist bump him, that smile not falling from the younger's face.</p><p>"Jongho has been like crazy into handshakes lately," Yeosang says next, lips cutely pouting as he slowly munches the piece of chicken he just took to his mouth. "Don't be surprised if he suddenly asks you to perform a hella long handshake."</p><p>"You refuse to do it!" Jongho retorts, Yeosang just throwing a kiss at him. The boy is already shaking his head, eyes falling on Wooyoung once again. "Why are you here? I bet it must've taken you a lot to arrive."</p><p>Wooyoung scratches the back of his head, feeling the tiredness biting his body, one in the afternoon already hitting the clock. </p><p>"I wanted to give this back," he explains, showing the jacket he's been carrying on his arms in a way of not getting more intoxicated with the aroma. "San forgot to take it the other night and I don't have his number… I don't have any form of contacting him, actually. I used to come to the creek when I was younger, so I just took the bus."</p><p>"Oh," Yeosang screams out of sudden, startling him to the point of jumping a little, taking the jacket into his chest. Jongho screams back that <em> he shouldn't scream like that </em> , making Wooyoung feel a little bit warm around them. Just bikers… Not acting like his father thinks bikers should be acting. "Seonghwa is going to kill San. He <em> totally </em>" he lengthens the word in a cute way, "made Hwa order another jacket for him because he couldn't find his. Why didn't you bring it earlier?"</p><p>Wooyoung shrugs, still getting to an answer himself. "I didn't want to bother him more than I already did."</p><p>Jongho chuckles, and soon Yeosang is following him, leaving Wooyoung standing there like a fool without understanding whatever joke they decided to remember at the same time—going through his last words, there's nothing that funny. Was it his voice? Maybe he went too high pitched without realizing it?</p><p>"What?" He questions scowling a little. "What's so funny?"</p><p>"Well, don't tell San but he has been talking about you a lot," Jongho admits in a soft voice, Wooyoung's heart doing a backflip and crashing into his ribcage with such a loud bang he is sure everyone on the cafe heard it.</p><p>"San's always been annoying about every pretty boy he meets but you reached peak annoyance," Yeosang adds. "Yesterday I was super close to telling Hwa just so he could shut up."</p><p>"Why is he talking about me?" Wooyoung is conscious of how his voice sounds shaky all of sudden, cheeks going red at the fact he was called a <em> pretty boy. </em> Jongho moves to make room for him on the table, Wooyoung taking a seat timidly. </p><p>"He can't stop talking about how you were on his mind while he raced on Tuesday," Jongho explains like it's nothing, shrugging a little even. </p><p>Wooyoung purses his lips in a thin line, not understanding why does that has so much importance or why would San be rambling about that—honestly, it makes his heart become a little crazy to think about the mere fact San is talking about him alone. It pushes all his fears aside and bathes him with such warmth that has him feeling summer in the middle of January. It's been a while since someone thought of him that way, or just, reminded his existence without being together. </p><p>"You see," Jongho keeps going, "when we race we must be relaxed, no thoughts, of any kind. Focus on the road only. Seonghwa doesn't let us get on the bike when thoughts get so loud because that's how the majority of accidents happen."</p><p>Wooyoung gulps, looking down as those words are able to hit him like tiny daggers. Piercing his skin and reaching his biggest regrets. Thoughts really can make you lose sight of everything around you.</p><p>"San raced the best in years, though," Yeosang gestures in the air with his chopsticks. "Rather than being distracted, I totally saw him the most focused in years. And he for sure knows he did it amazing, that's why he hadn't shut up."</p><p>Wooyoung wrinkles his nose. "Then, he was talking more about himself that myself, technically."</p><p>"No, he really can't shut up about how pretty you looked while the sunset sparkled in your face in a thousand shades of orange," Yeosang scoffs, just to burst in laugh alone the next second.  "I'm sorry, a part of myself thinks he just had a very wet but poetic dream about you."</p><p>To that, Wooyoung just laughs along, a little bit fake, everything must be said. </p><p>Inside, the warmth spreading like someone left a tap opened, filling every inch of his being with warm water. Crashing against his body walls, splashing towards his heart. Those are actually such nice words for San to describe him, actually. </p><p>"Did you two actually watched a sunset together?" Jongho's voice fills with curiosity, resting both hands over the table's surface, then resting his cheek there. Wooyoung can't help but melt a little just with that sight.</p><p>Wooyoung bites down his lower lip. "Kinda. I didn't think it was that… Special."</p><p>"You have a lot to learn about San."</p><p>Wooyoung can only nod to that, a wave of warm curiosity blooming out of all the water bubbling inside of him. A curiosity that just stroke him once Yunho told him San never does something without asking for something in exchange and Hongjoong mentioned how he must be thinking of having sex, just for San to take him and wave at him with no hidden intentions. Going back and forth around that one thought for four days. With this new added information, Wooyoung can't be sure what's actually happening inside San's head. </p><p>If he pities him, and that's why he acted totally contrary of how his friends thought—meaning with him he acted differently than he always does.</p><p>Or if it is something totally different.</p><p>"We're actually heading home, want a ride?" Jongho's voice pulls him again into the real world. In front of him, Yeosang fixing his hair in the mirror of his phone. </p><p>"It's okay. I'll take the bus back," Wooyoung shakes his head, remembering San's words about how bikers don't usually like passengers. If he wanted to talk with San before, he is burning in desires of facing him. Yet, it is not so easy to just accept that invitation, so he swallows everything and places the jacket on Jongho's lap. "Give it to him. And, hmm, apologise in my name for the new jacket he had to buy."</p><p>"Apologise yourself," Yeosang says, "for real, he doesn't have Betty because Hongjoong took it away for a week to install the equipment he won so he is always home. I bet my left leg he would've ride to your house on Wednesday if he could."</p><p>Wooyoung chuckles. "Can't he take the bus?"</p><p>"Dumbass gets sick on buses."</p><p>That's actually quite adorable.</p><p>"I'll give you a ride," Jongho says, patting him on the shoulder before he is totally jumping over him to walk over the counter. "Can you lend us your helmet?" He asks Yunho as he pulls his credit card from his pocket. </p><p>"No problem," Yunho singsongs, charging their food first, disappearing inside the kitchen then. As Yeosang and Jongho get outside to get their bikes done, the tall boy gets close to Wooyoung to put the helmet on his hands. He didn't notice the little whale sticker that's glued to one side, matching with the vibrant color of his hair. "I'm sorry about the other night."</p><p>"Pardon?" Wooyoung mutters, slightly scowling. </p><p>"About San," Yunho clarifies, "and him wanting to have sex with you as an exchange from him helping you that night."</p><p>Wooyoung closes his eyes for a second, shaking his head in a soft way. "I totally think it was your friend saying that. Anyway, it's okay. No need for you to actually apologise."</p><p>"No, I mean," Yunho smiles sheepishly, one could say for the way the tip of his ears got soaked in red that he is embarrassed. "I'm not the type that hides things, Mingi says I have no filters and that one day that would have me killed," Wooyoung kind of agrees with Mingi about that. "I totally asked San if he took you home with him, and if you were, you know, actually in bed. But he said he didn't even think of that when he met you, so I'm sorry for putting that thought in your head."</p><p>"Does San… Have sex with people… Because of that?" Wooyoung has a hard time trying to formulate the sentence, making Yunho giggle a little. </p><p>"Not exactly. I mean, he does, but not just in exchange for a favor. For the way he asked me to get information about you and how he looked at you while you were here the other day, I just thought he wanted to do it."</p><p>"And how was he looking at me, exactly?" Wooyoung gets curious, heart stopping its loud beats to give him the chance to hear that.</p><p>Yunho can't open his lips as Jongho is already walking inside again and pulling from Wooyoung. Giving him a soft smile, Yunho mouths back something that totally sounds like <em> 'like he wanted to risk it all </em>'.</p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>Riding with Jongho feels totally different than riding with San. First, the boy drives way slower—still going at a speed that can't be considered slow, yet not as fast as San does—, and second, the way his body feels beneath Wooyoung's fingers is also different. Adding the sudden embarrassment of holding onto him he totally didn't went through with San.</p><p>Bordering the city, they arrive to one of the richest neighbours in town. White houses with big yards, chirps of the birds being the only thing audible aside from the purr of the engines, portraying such a calm and peaceful place for a biker gang to live.</p><p>Looking around, Wooyoung is able to see a lot of motorbikes parked in front of the different houses. First notice he has that the bikers totally own a neighbourhood. A rich one. He never wandered around the zone because he was scared of snobs kids like his ex. In the end, it's just bikers.</p><p>"Have you never seen a house?" Yeosang stands in front of him after they park and turn off the engines, Wooyoung standing in front of the white house a little bit astonished.</p><p>"Of course he knows what a house is," Jongho is saying back, giving his friend a concerned look.</p><p>"That's not what his eyes are saying. Look, this is a door. And here, we have a security cam," Yeosang explains, gesturing in the air towards both structures, receiving a punch from Jongho.</p><p>"Don't treat him like he is dumb, idiot."</p><p>Wooyoung finally shakes his head, coming back to Earth, shy smile pushing his lips up.</p><p>"I'm sorry, I'm just amazed. These houses are incredible," he admits.</p><p>"Calm place, far from the city," Jongho shrugs, "here we can be ourselves. Come this way, I can totally hear Mingi whining."</p><p>Wooyoung follows him, still holding onto both the jacket and the helmet. Listening carefully, he gets some grunts and a high pitched laugh way before they're opening the wooden door that separates the yard from the street. Here, in the middle of the backyard that flourishes in green grass and sparks in sunlight, lay San and Mingi.</p><p>San pressing Mingi steady against the grass, holding one of his arms at his back, not letting him go even when the tall one is surrendering and slamming the floor with his free hand. Although the weather being a little cold today, San is wearing a tank top that lets both his arms in sight. Muscles tensing up, making a weird contrast with how brightly he is smiling.</p><p>Yeosang passes fast next to them, totally jumping over Mingi's body and laying over his stomach next to him. Putting on a deep voice he goes <em> 'One, two, three' </em> before proclaiming San the winner. Raising his arm in the air, intentionally turning him on his heels so he is facing Wooyoung. It's funny how San chokes on air in just one second. </p><p>"Here, your prize," Yeosang sings, pushing him forward. </p><p>San's cheeks go red for a second as he trips with his own naked feet, about to fall on his face for a moment. Still on the floor, Mingi lays his eyes on Wooyoung. </p><p>"Sunset boy!" He exclaims, making both San and Wooyoung look away—San also comes over his steps to wrestle him again. "Stop already! I gave up ten minutes ago, c'mon!" </p><p>"He already knows," Yeosang mumbles, patting Mingi's head as the boy crawls into his lap in search of comfort, somehow looking really small right now. </p><p>San is turning around on his heels again, taking a deep breath before walking towards them, Jongho fist bumping him on the way. Wooyoung felt intimidated during their first two encounters, but right now, intimidation brings along a friend called shyness because, well, San is hot.</p><p>Not that he is realizing just now, but maybe he is letting that thought float on the warm water that's already flooded his lungs, breathing becoming a difficult task as San stands in front of him, heavy breathing, sweaty and with red cheeks. From the workout or having Wooyoung standing there, who knows. </p><p>"Hey," San says first, voice cracking so bad both of them have to look away to hold a laugh. "Hey," he repeats, voice taking a deep path, eyes totally looking past Wooyoung's head instead of his eyes, tip of his nose a little red too. Wooyoung can't help but notice how nervous he looks. "What are you doing here?"</p><p>Taking a big mouthful of air that crashes like January's wind on the calm July's waters that flourished inside of him, Wooyoung points at the jacket that has been forgotten on his numb arms.</p><p>"Your jacket. You forgot to ask it back the other night," he says, and then, he starts feeling a little breathless. "Guess you're the one making up excuses to see me now, huh."</p><p>That has San smiling, one palm covering his face in what it seems embarrassment. </p><p>"I can't believe you had it, I totally had to buy another one," he bemoans.</p><p>"That wouldn't have happened if you had given me your number, I guess," Wooyoung tries in a small voice, regretting waking up in the morning when San lowers his hand and finally looks at him in the eye—or, well, he might be checking his face in the reflection of his glasses too. </p><p>"Wait, are you asking for my number? Because no one ever bothered this much just for a number, I'm about to give you an A for the effort."</p><p>"I'm just giving you your jacket back, the same you did with my ring," Wooyoung scoffs, placing it over his arms. "That's all. Guess this is goodbye for real."</p><p>"Are you sure?" San squints, putting the jacket back into his arms. "Guess you can keep it, I have a new one that actually fits me better. And, that way, I won't have to give it to you next time we go for a ride. Actually, you brought a jacket today, I see you're learning," speaking in a cheerful voice, his fingers move to the collar of the jacket, admiring the fabric or whatever. Wooyoung's brain is still repeating those last words. <em> Next time we go for a ride. </em></p><p>"I think you didn't hear me. This is goodbye."</p><p>"You said that when we met, and just ten minutes later we were sharing gummy bears as we watched the sunrise in a public park. I just don't trust your goodbyes."</p><p>"There's not really nothing more left for us," Wooyoung interjects. "And I don't like the way our relationship can shape following our sunset moment." </p><p>San tilts his head at the same time he narrows his eyes at him, that blush making him look cute already vanished in the sharp features Wooyoung already saw.</p><p>"Mind explain what does that mean?" </p><p>"I don't want you to pity me," Wooyoung takes his chance. The reason he went all the way to <em> Streetlights </em> was because he wanted to make sure San wasn't pitying him because of his mother's death. His voice goes smooth though, softer than he planned while taking breakfast at 8AM sharp as he got a sneak peek into San's brain, and he was portrayed like art there. "We're not friends, maybe this type of relationship doesn't have an actual name, but you're nice. And I don't want you to treat me any different just because of what happened to my mom. That's my own war, you don't need to worry about it."</p><p>Wooyoung wants to know it because he is scared. Scared of trusting someone way too much to be left with nothing. Alone, and also lonely. Wooyoung wants San to be 100% sincere with him, to see if he is trustworthy or this should be their last goodbye for real.</p><p>"I don't pity you," San says in a second, eyebrows furrowed in a confused grin. "Why do you think that? I'm just being nice to you, does that mean I'm automatically pitying you?"</p><p>Wooyoung swallows. "Yunho told me how you always ask something in exchange for doing favors. You helped me that night, yet you haven't asked me for something yet. Because you <em> pity </em> me."</p><p>"I swear to God, Yunho, I knew he was doing shit," San clicks his tongue, taking both hands to his hair. Turning on his heels, he faces the other three boys, whose presence Wooyoung forgot in just a second, getting incredible embarrassed to find the three of them sitting in the middle of the garden, knees pressed to their chests, carefully listening to every single word. "Can you please go inside? We are having a private conversation here."</p><p>"No way!" Yeosang bemoans. "We are getting to the part were Choi San reveals some ardent feelings."</p><p>"Go inside before I kick you!"</p><p>With a pout, the blonde boy gets up, helping Mingi in the way. In a second, they're all inside, but something tells Wooyoung they're not far inside the house, ears glued to the walls, trying to get something from their conversation. </p><p>San blows air through his nose, attracting his attention.</p><p>"Let's take a sit," his voice comes out softly, Wooyoung following him in silence to the set of chairs that are displayed on the farthest part of the backyard. Taking a seat, they both stare into each other for a minute, before San is clearing his throat. "First of all, I only ask for things in exchange when it comes to small things. Like lending money or having to go all the way to the convenience store to buy Yeosang chicken at 3AM. You know, things that actually bother me. It never crossed my mind to ask you for something in exchange for taking you to the hospital. Are you nuts?"</p><p>Wooyoung bites the inside of his cheek, falling in realization that it's actually a pretty obvious thing.</p><p>"I don't know you, and your friends told me you would want something back from me," he shrugs. "The fact you weren't asking for something was driving me crazy."</p><p>"You're an idiot. I think you have a very wrong concept of bikers, because I'm actually a nice person," San rolls his eyes.</p><p>Wooyoung nods. Actually, his vision of bikers never was bad, having his mother always telling him positive things about them and growing up believing he should be the only one deciding if someone was bad or good, not right away believing what others said. Yet, spending time with San, and that little conversation with Jongho and Yeosang just showed him they're nothing more but a bunch of kids trying to have some fun.</p><p>"I'm sorry."</p><p>"You don't have to apologise. How's your ankle?"</p><p>Wooyoung scoffs. "Are you going to ask that every single time? It's perfectly fine, please, stop," with that, he raises his leg in the air. The bite wasn't deep, and the only reason he was looking like shit that time referred to the lack of sleep and also the lack of iron. </p><p>San is fast in grabbing his leg, carefully lifting his pant to find the light bandage he still has there just in case.</p><p>"Yep. Seems healthy."</p><p>"Now, let go of my leg."</p><p>"Will you stay for lunch?" San asks instead, having Wooyoung furrowing his eyebrows. "You came all the way here and we are having soy marinated crab. It would be a shame going now."</p><p>"I don't think I can't get in your house just like that."</p><p>"If Jongho accepted to bring you, then you have already a bed to sleep here. He is really picky with the people that enters the house, more than Seonghwa, so be happy. If you refuse, I'll have to take you in my arms."</p><p>Wooyoung's eyes flucker wide open, leg moving back, San's fingers no letting go.</p><p>"You wouldn't."</p><p>"You better don't tempt me, Lil Off."</p><p>Wooyoung moves his leg forward this time, trying to kick him.</p><p>"I told you to stop with that."</p><p>If he gets curious about the other part, the part where the fact of having sex never crossed San's mind, he doesn't show it. He wants to know the reason, but he won't voice it.</p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>The inside of the house has Wooyoung even more amazed. Everything is decorated in white and black, giving it such a clean atmosphere, smelling like lemon. In the kitchen—where San leaves him with the rest of his friends as he takes a shower—he finds a wall filled with pictures. Pictures of them doing silly faces, posing next to the bikes, playing around. There's a lot of them, a lot of years displayed in the big wall, finding San with three different hair colors—blonde, black and red and his currently black and green—, Jongho looking like a kid with a black eye, totally staring at the camera like he is ready to punch it, and a lot of pictures of the seven of them—including Yunho without his blue hair, Hongjoong and a man he doesn't know, but he guesses it must he the Seonghwa they've been talking about.</p><p>It makes Wooyoung's heart a little warm just with the sight of it. Such a beautiful family that's unrelated by blood, but managed to create that much beautiful memories. </p><p>"Do you like cucumbers?" Jongho asks him. "I'm making a salad," he feels the need to explain as Wooyoung finds the question a little out of nowhere, totally forgetting they should be having lunch soon.</p><p>"Hmm, no. I don't."</p><p>"Great, more cucumber for Mingi."</p><p>"I already told you I don't like cucumbers!"</p><p>Wooyoung gets to know Mingi during that time they spend cooking—Jongho's salad as Yeosang already called the crab place to make their order—following Yeosang's fingers through the wall.</p><p>"It all started in 2014," his finger presses a picture of a teenager with a gummy smile that totally looks like the younger version of the chaotic man that tries hard to cut the tomatoes without them slipping. "Cute teen Song wanted to become a dancer, he trained so hard and got accepted into a good school. There he met Yunho," his finger moves to an equally happy teenager Yunho. "A bad thing, actually, because Yunho was—"Is!" Mingi and Jongho say at the same time—a rebellious kid that ran away from home. Subsection, I am the only one that didn't run away from home but, in my defense, I ran away from the orphanage so you can say we're all a bunch of stray kids, but that name was already picked, so we went with Fellaz because it sounds cool, doesn't it? Let's continue!"</p><p>Yeosang cheerfully explains him how it all started with Yunho meeting Hongjoong and being adopted by his family—the owners of <em> Streetlights </em>and very close to the biker gang world, leading that to meeting Seonghwa. Seonghwa fell in love with Hongjoong at seventeen and ran away from his house, where his parents wanted him to become a doctor, to become a biker instead.</p><p>Mingi's dream was to dance, but meeting Yunho lead him to open his eyes to a world he never thought he would end up falling in love with. </p><p>San was next, Yeosang finger landing over a tiny boy with black hair laying over his side, too focused on the phone to pay attention to the camera. Abusive parents, is the only thing Yeosang says before he is going to press a picture of Jongho. Growing up in a rich family, not having a voice to speak for himself, he just ran away trying to seek freedom, and found Seonghwa.</p><p>Last one is Yeosang itself, growing up in an orphanage, tired of waiting for a family, he went in search of one, finding the same way that lead to <em> Fellaz </em>. A small gang, familiar, not having contacts with any other type of gang. Just having fun, and living the lives they always desired.</p><p>Wooyoung listens in silence, eyes following the pictures and watching them grow. From fake smiles of pictures that totally look like memories they took from their past houses to sincere ones taken by one of the members. Deep down, he feels the need of being in that wall.</p><p>Of smiling just like them.</p><p>Even when curiosity is killing him, he doesn't ask about San's past. Focusing on one picture where he is sitting in a field of yellow flowers, tiny flowers threading on his hair, eyes closed and dimples greeting the camera. Looking so genuinely happy it makes Wooyoung feel it too like he was there.</p><p>"Do Yunho and Hongjoong live here too?" He decides to ask instead, Yeosang already sitting on the floor and going through his Instagram feed.</p><p>"No, they have a place near the outskirts. But they're always here, though."</p><p>"Hongjoong keeps stealing our food," Mingi adds with a sigh.</p><p>Wooyoung remembers something. "San told me <em> you </em> are the one always stealing his food."</p><p>"That's not true," Mingi jumps immediately, pointing the tomato knife at him. </p><p>Yeosang throws his head back with a big outburst of laughter. "That's a war you can't win, man. Actually, neither San can."</p><p>"It's not me, I swear," Mingi is pouting, making him look cuter. "I don't even like his yogurt smoothie, it's totally Hongjoong the one eating it. He blames it on me because he is totally scared of Hongjoong messing up Betty on his sleep."</p><p>"I'm sure San believes it's you with passion," Jongho adds. </p><p>"Then he's an idiot."</p><p>"Are they coming, though?" Wooyoung wonders, fingers drumming over the surface of the tiny kitchen table that's glued to the picture wall. "Hongjoong and Yunho."</p><p>"Not today. Why?" Yeosang stands on his feet again. "You don't like them?"</p><p>"More like the contrary. Not Yunho, but I think Hongjoong isn't fond of me," he explains, furrowing his eyebrows as he speaks.</p><p>"Why do you think so?" Jongho stops cutting the cabbage to look up at him.</p><p>"The other night when we met he was a little bit tense. I don't know if it's because of who I am or because of… whatever I have with San," Wooyoung shrugs. It shouldn't have that much importance. </p><p>"Oh, don't worry about that," Jongho says with a chuckle. "Hongjoong is totally chill with you, he told us during dinner that you know how to talk, he likes that."</p><p>"He also told us how he thought you were San's one-night stand," Yeosang sums up with a smirk, making Wooyoung's cheeks go red with just the thought of all of them talking about that during dinner like who talks about the weather. "But don't worry, San came home alone after taking you home. He doesn't have a clue. And you're here, so that one night title is not correct."</p><p>Wooyoung doesn't have time to let out the air in his lungs when San is jumping inside the kitchen and scaring the shit out of him. He is wearing black tracksuit pants and a baby blue hoodie matching Jongho's, hair softly falling over his forehead. And for a moment, that biker Wooyoung met on a cold January night vanishes and shapes out of ashes into a soft college boy. The type he could find on a normal day having a coffee.</p><p>"Seonghwa called me in the middle of my shower," he sighs, letting all his body weight fall over Mingi's back, who groans in response but doesn't push him aside. "He says he is not coming for lunch. I'm taking his part," raising his hand in the air fast, he announces with a bright smile, locking gazes with Wooyoung then.</p><p>"You can't claim it like that. We will share it," Jongho sentences.</p><p>"But I'm still growing, I need more food!" </p><p>Wooyoung smiles to himself, eyes going again to the picture wall. This is totally San's home, where he can be himself. A little cuter than he is on the streets, actually.</p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>Lunch goes by without any other incident aside from Yeosang and Mingi fighting over the rice, which ended with all of them covered in rice. </p><p>San took a sit in front of Wooyoung, having a wonderful first row view of how the boy sheepishly filled his cheeks with food, or how a little dimple would kiss his skin every time he laughed along any of Jongho's jokes.</p><p>After the race, San hadn't been able to kick Wooyoung out of his head. His image got stuck like sticky honey on a summer day, slowly dripping and covering his whole brain with that sweet aroma he left on his jacket that first night they met.</p><p>Not knowing why is what has been driving San a little bit crazy for the past four days. He knows he is that type of person, the one that get attached real fast, yet is not a valid answer for his question. Being it why did he race so good while having him numbing every sense. Or why he wanted to see him again that badly.</p><p>Having him in front of him is enough to brush that image of his brain, and he is finally breathing in relief.</p><p>After finishing eating, San miserably losses rock-paper-scissors and has to wash all the dishes by himself. Wooyoung refuses to play Animal Crossing with Yeosang to stay in the kitchen with him, handing every plate with care.</p><p>"You can go up with Yeosang, it's okay," San says after a while, hands filled with soap. "Even when I appreciate your company, this lack of conversation is making me real tense."</p><p>"I want to stay," Wooyoung retorts, handing him another glass. "I just don't have a lot to say to you. I guess I already told you everything I wanted."</p><p>"You sure? Because when I wash the dishes I'm the most vulnerable," San jokes, yet for a moment Wooyoung's lips part like he is ready to say something, having him wrapping his fingers tightly around a spoon he doesn't have a clue where it came from.</p><p>Wooyoung looks at him dead in the eye for five seconds before pressing his lips in a thin line, shaking his head at the same time he hands San another glass.</p><p>"Sure."</p><p><em> 'He is lying,' </em> rings inside San's mind, yet he doesn't ask. There's no need to push him if he is already calm with their situation. </p><p>"Can I confess something, though?" San lets out in a tiny voice after a while. Next to him, Wooyoung hums his yes. "I kind of wanted to see you again. But I don't have Betty with me, and they don't let me ride theirs if it's to go to the house of the Captain."</p><p>"And you get sick on public transport."</p><p>San narrows his eyes at him. "Who told you that?"</p><p>"Jongho and Yeosang aren't the best at keeping your secrets," Wooyoung huffs out a quiet laugh. "They also told me how you've been talking about me. Why?"</p><p>Silence grows between them as San finishes washing the glasses, suddenly embarrassed to answer even after he was the one starting that conversation. </p><p>"It was nice spending some time with you the other day," he blurts, eyes on the sink. "It was fresh. Something that pulled me out of my routine. And you made me win that race," he adds fast, mumbling to himself. </p><p>"Did I?" Wooyoung's voice is filled with surprise.</p><p>"Yeah. I guess," opening the tap and washing his own hands first, drying them after, San finds himself smiling without realizing. "I guess I feel close to you. We watched the sunset, that was special."</p><p>"Are you trying to confess a crush here?" Wooyoung says so suddenly the air gets stuck on San's chest, kicking him from the inside in the shape of a loud cough. Realizing his own words has Wooyoung blushing a little, looking away.</p><p>"No," San doesn't even believe himself, opening the fridge in search of a getaway. He just finds the leftovers of that cake Seonghwa bought at the beginning of the week. "Do you want dessert?"</p><p>In silence, sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor, they share a piece of cake directly from the container. Not talking about it. Far from feeling awkward, they're able to enjoy the silence that's only filled with the clink of the forks as they keep on hitting. </p><p>"Don't try to start a fork fight," Wooyoung mumbles through a pout, fork pushing San to one side to take a tiny bit of cake.</p><p>"I'm not the one that keeps hitting <em> my </em> fork," San retorts, yet hits Wooyoung's aside to steal the piece of cake. </p><p>"Hey, not nice. Give it back."</p><p>San is fast in putting the piece inside his mouth, taking his time licking the fork. "Sorry."</p><p>"You're incredible," Wooyoung scoffs, throwing his own fork inside the container. </p><p>"I get that a lot."</p><p>"I didn't mean it in the good way."</p><p>"Neither did I," San closes his eyes in a smile, jumping on his feet the next second. "You like americano, right?" </p><p>Wooyoung nods a little, not voicing out his thoughts. </p><p>As San prepares the coffees, the front door opens with a soft click followed by a tired sigh and a complain. Both boys look towards the door, finding Hongjoong first, gaze on his phone, Seonghwa then, closing the door at his back. They aren't conscious of their presence, too focused on their own conversation. </p><p>"I'm just warning you, Hwa," Hongjoong is saying, still unaware of their presence inside the kitchen, "you need to be careful, or you're gonna get killed. I don't really want that."</p><p>"You're not my dad, Hongjoong. I know what I am doing."</p><p>"I'm just worried about finding you with a shoot in your forehead—" Hongjoong scoffs at that, gasping the next second as he enters the kitchen to find Wooyoung sitting on the floor, San glued to the counter. </p><p>"Shit. What are you doing here in silence?"</p><p>Seonghwa is fast in coming into the kitchen to see who is Hongjoong referring, eyes dropping in relief when he sees is San, narrowing when he also adds Wooyoung.</p><p>"What's happening here?" Seonghwa demands to know in a lower voice.</p><p>"I'm sorry," San waves one hand in the air, "we didn't want to interrupt your sexual innuendos about Hongjoong being your daddy."</p><p>Wooyoung needs to take a hand to his mouth to contain the laugh, slowly standing up as he is starting to feel weird being the only one sitting on the floor. Out of habit—two days habit—he stands a little behind San, finding in him a weird protection. The way San presses a hand into his hip, softly, almost as if he is telling everything is cool, makes Wooyoung wonder how time can work so fast yet harbor that many details.</p><p>"What is <em> he </em>doing here?" Seonghwa crosses his arms.</p><p>"His name is Wooyoung, and we're friends," San is saying without doubting, holding one of Wooyoung's arms to wave at Seonghwa, provoking a serious blush in the boy's cheeks, feeling the need to hide his whole body behind San's back. "And as we are friends, we were eating cake sitting in the kitchen."</p><p>"Very friendly," Hongjoong half smiles, giving them a thumbs up.</p><p>"Don't look at me like that, Hwa," San is saying as Seonghwa already put on his worried face. "He swore under the code, he is on our side 100% sure. Think of this as your personal win, there's no one that knows the Captain more than his son. And he is right here," he sums up, pushing Wooyoung forward, hands over his shoulders. "With me."</p><p>They stare at each other for a few seconds before Seonghwa is sighing. "Okay, just don't eat on the floor ever again," he says in a nagging voice before disappearing around the corner, San's arms falling from Wooyoung's shoulders to hang from them. Chest glued to his back, cheek softly resting over his shoulder as he says, "He accepted you. That's nice."</p><p>"I brought your Betty, by the way," Hongjoong decides to interrupt their moment, keys suddenly flying towards San's hand, crashing into Wooyoung's chest. "Enjoy it."</p><p>Wooyoung doesn't feel bad at all for elbowing San on the stomach as the boy lets out a very cheerful high pitched scream right next to his ear.</p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>Wooyoung stays until the sun is hiding on the horizon and the stars are greeting them into another cold night. Wooyoung rubs his hands together in search of warmth as San gives a test ride to, according to him, <em> Betty 2.0 </em>. He asked him to jump in with him, but Wooyoung refused with the unspoken thought of way too many intense emotions in just one day.</p><p>So he waits, sitting by the entry, switching from the bright stars to the equally bright screen of his phone where eight in the afternoon sparks as well with zero messages.</p><p>He's been out without giving a single sign of life, but who cares. No one ever cares. Not since his mother passed away. </p><p>It's not until a few minutes after when San is coming back, another victory scream coming out of his lips. Cheeks painted in a soft shade of pink, lips parted in a smile that outshines all the stars invading their little moment. It's strangely nice how contagious his happiness is.</p><p>"This is amazing," he stats, waging his hands in the air. "You need to try it."</p><p>"Not today. I'm so sleepy I'd fall midway," and just as he wants to reaffirm it, he is suddenly yawning. He feels the need to explain it as San sits next to him on the curb and arches a brow asking for more details. "I've been sleeping like shit for the past days."</p><p>"Because of me?" San asks, cheeky smile already lighting up his eyes.</p><p>Wooyoung is serious as he nods. "Yeah."</p><p>"I wasn't expecting you to be that straightforward now."</p><p>"Don't be an idiot. I was worried about you pitying me, only."</p><p>"Only?"</p><p>"Only," Wooyoung nods to himself. It's not a lie at all. There's a lot more he wants to ask, but not the type of things that won't let him sleep at night—things that make him a little sad, though. </p><p>"I'm sorry I made you worry," San apologises in a small voice, playing with his own hands. "Unintentionally, I mean."</p><p>"It's okay. We're okay now. Friends, huh?" The boy smiles, mocky grin already sketching over his features.</p><p>San rolls his eyes, moving a little over the ground, knees colliding in a soft way. </p><p>"Actually, I told Hwa you swore under the biker's code, so you should do it. For respect."</p><p>Wooyoung roses a brow. "Okay. And what's the code about?"</p><p>San raises a hand in the air, gesturing him to follow his movements. Wooyoung does it after rolling his eyes, focusing on the genuinely serious expression that took ahold of San's face.</p><p>"I, Jung Wooyoung," San speaks using a made up voice that has Wooyoung snorting in a second. "Don't laugh, you have to repeat it."</p><p>"I, Jung Wooyoung," he does as he is told, totally mocking his voice, San's free hand turning into a fist and punching him on the shoulder. "Don't hit!"</p><p>"Don't mock me!"</p><p>"I'm sorry, you just look like you want to be mocked."</p><p>"This is serious, Jung Wooyoung."</p><p>Wooyoung doesn't miss his chance to repeat it with the same mocking tone, receiving a flick on the forehead this time. Sounding loud, hurting a lot more than he could imagine.</p><p>"You're not fun," he says through gritted teeth.</p><p>"Quit playing and repeat," they start again, this time speaking with normal voices. "Even though I am not a biker, I promise to put my life on the line for my family."</p><p>Wooyoung doesn't repeat that last part, hand trembling a little. </p><p>"Your family as in your friends," San clarifies, pressing his hand into Wooyoung's, keeping it up. "I can't change the code because someone super old came up with it decades ago, but basically you have to swear on your heart that you won't betray us. Because we are friends now."</p><p>"Are we?" Wooyoung's voice comes out shaky, San's fingers melting on his hand.</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>Wooyoung has been alone for five years. A lot of people passing by around him but no one willing to stay, no one taking their time to ask how he was. No one he could call friends or family. Being ignored by his father, used by his own girlfriend. He was wandering in the night without a destination when he crashed into San.</p><p>Out of nowhere. </p><p>Looking at him like he knows what it feels to not have anyone to reach out.</p><p>Their fingers intertwine in silence, sharing a gaze for what it seems an eternity.</p><p>"You need to swear it," in front of him San looks so genuinely happy it makes Wooyoung himself smile as well. </p><p>"Okay. I swear it." </p><p>"Great! Now," San doesn't let go of his hand, his right one searching for something onto one of his pockets. Wooyoung's eyes open wide as he sees a pocket knife laying on his palm. "We gotta seal it."</p><p>"What the fuck? Why do you have that?" Wooyoung's breathing comes out in a fire wave. "In your pocket!"</p><p>"I was a boy scout. Normally, it's a cut on the palm, but being you, I'll go for your finger."</p><p>Wooyoung breathes harshly, moving his hand back. "You're not going for anything." </p><p>"It's just a tiny cut, Wooyoung. You need to follow our traditions."</p><p>"Is this a threat?" He wonders, still pulling from his hand. "Because I'm not lying. I won't betray you."</p><p>"Blood is thicker than water," San smiles, giving his hand a soft squeeze. "It won't hurt."</p><p>Yet, after Wooyoung accepts to give him his index and San does a small cut there, enough for the blood to greet the night, it does. It's not a big pain, and soon it's vanishing as San joins their fingers in a firm touch. It hurts down his own chest, reaching his heart, opening a door that for sure has been closed for so long it cracks and covers everything in dust.</p><p>San uses a cute voice to announce is sealed, and then, he does something Wooyoung wasn't expecting at all. Hand moving to his face, cupping his cheek with one hand, staring right into his eyes.</p><p>"I won't ask you for anything, so if you ever feel like needing my help, silliest as it can be, don't doubt on calling me. We're friends now." </p><p>Wooyoung stares at him in silence, resting his soul into his palm, sitting in an empty sidewalk, winter melting with the warmth of his skin. </p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>Wooyoung goes home with San's number in his phone that night. </p><p>Needing some time alone to think, he refuses his offer of riding him home, taking the bus instead. Head pressed against the glass, arms tightly wrapped around the jacket he stupidly carried all day long just to end up in his closet again, he can't help but feel a little happy inside.</p><p>It's scary, because it's always the same.</p><p>Meeting someone, getting excited, feelings starting to bottle up inside his chest, everything breaking in less than a second.</p><p>Still, he gives San a chance. Putting on his pajamas and getting in bed that night, he falls asleep without even noticing.</p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>For the next two weeks, Wooyoung wakes up every morning without that heavy feeling sinking his chest and a good morning message brightening the screen of his phone.</p><p>San wasn't lying not even a little bit when he told him they were friends now, starting long late at night conversations over text or just sending him an enormously amount of messages over the day to narrate his own—how he bought yogurt smoothie, how he ate yogurt smoothie, how he got mad at him when Wooyoung texted back that he might be a little bit obsessed with yogurt smoothie. </p><p>For a biker, San has such a colourful way of texting. A lot of emojis and hearts outstanding next to Wooyoung's plain way of writing without the use of nothing more but the correct punctuation signs. By the end of their second week of their non-stop texting, Wooyoung decides to save his name next to the mountain emoji as he seems to really love to use it to refer to himself. </p><p>(It makes Wooyoung smile like a fool).</p><p>Getting off class on Friday and totally replying to San's offer to grab food together, being just the fourth time they meet in person as Wooyoung has been really busy with assignments—and maybe he was not ready to face San so soon after that moment they shared holding hands—, he is stopped by a hand on his shoulder. Stopping mid sentence, he's surprised to find Seo Changbin there.</p><p>"Hey," Wooyoung puts his phone down.</p><p>"Hi. Can we talk for a bit?" </p><p>Wooyoung nods, putting his phone into the pocket of his pants and following him around. Changbin just gets back into the classroom that's empty by now. He had to work over a project with Changbin once, they're not friends, but they're in good terms at least—Wooyoung hopes.</p><p>"Something's wrong?"</p><p>In front of him Changbin looks a little nervous, tips of his ear shining in crimson.</p><p>"I saw you," he blurts first, making Wooyoung tilt his head in confusion, "two weeks ago. At the race," Wooyoung freezes as he realizes what he is talking about. "You were wearing a <em> Fellaz </em> jacket." </p><p>Wooyoung wants to say the truth, yet words don't seem to want to cooperate with him, painfully sticking on his throat. </p><p>"It's okay. I'm on <em> Stray Kids </em>," Changbin quickly adds with a fast movement of hands, trying to steady him. It just makes Wooyoung's heart race faster and louder next to his ears. He wasn't expecting that confession. "We're the same. Actually, I never imagined you could be on a gang… You know, your dad."</p><p>
  <em> Of course. </em>
</p><p>"Hmm, well, I'm not precisely <em> on </em> the gang," Wooyoung breathes. "I'm just new to everything. I met someone, and then…" He shakes his head. "It's complicated, my dad doesn't have a clue about it."</p><p>"I guess we all start that way," Changbin chuckles, both hand flying to his nape. "No one knows that part of my life, either. When I saw you there… Well, I felt relieved for a moment," Changbin looks down, shy smile pushing through his lips. "I thought, hey, maybe there's a lot of people just like me. I'm not so alone."</p><p>Wooyoung is unable to say something that makes sense, so he just nods.</p><p>"Do you," Changbin brings one hand back to his nape, scratching there for a second as his eyes wander around the room. "Do you maybe want us to be friends? I know it's sudden because we barely talk, but…"</p><p>"Okay," Wooyoung breathes, smile blooming from the bottom of his heart. "That would be actually super nice. I don't have any friends here."</p><p>"Because of Heyon," Changbin sighs. "Not to offend you, but she is a bitch. Can't believe you stuck with her for two years."</p><p>Wooyoung saves the fact they never were so close just to himself, brushing it of his shoulder with a shrug. </p><p>"Life is strange."</p><p>"For sure. I'm glad we talked, I was super nervous you'd come up with some undercover mission or something. That's why it took me so long."</p><p>Wooyoung cackles a laugh. "I don't think I have time to be a secret cop with the design project we have due on Monday."</p><p>"Oh, shit, right. I'm still halfway it," Wooyoung raises his hand as he still has a lot of blank pages to fill, head to busy replying Choi San's messages. An error, because he always bowed to put his academics first, even when those academics have been bringing him more pain than joy lately. "Do you want to hang out on Saturday? Maybe we can finish it together."</p><p>"Sure, my house would be free."</p><p>"Feisty," Changbin raises a fist for him to bump, both of them giggling like little kids that just found out a shared Pokemon obsession. "I'll see you tonight? Betline?"</p><p>"Hmm, not sure. Let's exchange numbers, that way I could text you."</p><p>"Oh, right."</p><p>As they pull their phones out, Wooyoung notices the seventeen messages from San. And so does Changbin, chuckling against the palm of his hand.</p><p>"So that someone was the <em> Shooting Star </em>. You got someone big."</p><p>"A big idiot," Wooyoung sighs, ignoring—just for now—the amount of crying emojis filling San's chat to save Changbin in his agenda.</p><p>They say goodbye after that, happiness bubbling inside Wooyoung's chest as he finally texts back.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>From: Choi San 🏔 [6:45PM]</b>
</p><p>where are u</p><p>wooyoung </p><p>im already here</p><p>been waiting for five minutes</p><p>people is staring at me</p><p>dude</p><p>youve been writing for 3 min</p><p>an 'ok comin' is enough </p><p>7 minutes </p><p>dont make me call u </p><p>wooyoung :((</p><p>am I :(( stood up :(((</p><p>(this is not a date)</p><p>STILL HURTS </p><p>okay but youre alive right</p><p>rIGHT?</p><p>okay im inside the building im gonna go search for you</p><p>wooyoung i got lost</p><p>:(</p><p>
  <b>wooyoung </b>
</p><p>you're an idiot</p><p>go back to the entrance </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>From: Choi San 🏔 [6:58PM]</b>
</p><p>here you are!</p><p>10 minutes just to call me an idiot?</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>wooyoung </b>
</p><p>you went crazy in those 10 min</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>From: Choi San 🏔 [6:59PM]</b>
</p><p>sorry for caring!</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>wooyoung </b>
</p><p>I'll be there in a bit</p><p>I just made a friend &lt;3 </p><p>another friend, I mean </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>"So a friend, huh?" The smile on San's face is somehow brighter than the green neon hoodie he is engulfed in, Wooyoung taking a hand to his eyes and feigning being dazzled. "Stop with that!" The boy automatically points at him with a pout, throwing the helmet then. This time, it's not Yunho's. Instead of a whale, the sticker he finds this time is a tiny goldfish.</p><p>"And you wonder why people were staring at you?" Wooyoung puts on the helmet after carefully placing his glasses back into his backpack, lifting the face shield just so he can watch San's pout.</p><p>"What? This is cute."</p><p>"Is flamboyant."</p><p>"Yunho says it's trendy."</p><p>Wooyoung gets in the bike with some difficulties, not taking in consideration the weight of all his material supplies at his back. Fingers taking a tight grip on the fabric of the green hoodie, he says, "Didn't know bikers followed fashion trends."</p><p>He for sure knows San just rolled his eyes, realizing just then that this is their fourth time meeting in person and that somehow all the texting made them act like old friends meeting for lunch. These feelings twist inside Wooyoung's stomach as he leans in and presses his chest into San's back. Warm.</p><p>"Don't forget your seatbelts, kids," San uses a cute voice, fingers curled around Wooyoung's wrists. Wooyoung is able to feel his laugh in his skin before even hear it.</p><p>For a reason, Wooyoung is able to feel a change in the way San drives, or maybe it is on the way the motorbike slides with the delicacy of a feather over the asfalt, purr of the engine so soft it's quite imperceptible. The last time Wooyoung ride it was that time after the race.</p><p>Almost three weeks ago.</p><p>They stop by a fast food place, buy some burgers, and then ride in silence for half an hour until they are reaching a quiet beach. Quiet, because is close to eight in the afternoon on a windy day of the beginning of February. </p><p>The sand hits Wooyoung's face one second after taking the helmet. </p><p>"Are you sure this was a good idea?" He wonders, looking how San has stepped already into the sand, looking back in amusement. "You're like a kid."</p><p>"The beach at night has its magic," San jumps around, trying to decide what's the best place to set up the big towel he brought with him, sitting then.</p><p>Wooyoung follows, pressing his lips in a thin line just so the sand doesn't dare to get in his mouth, sitting with his back facing the ocean, San in front of him.</p><p>"Now, the view got upgraded."</p><p>Wooyoung rolls his eyes.</p><p>"Why did you want to see me?" He ponders after a while, warm burger melting in his hands. In front of him, San is slowly chewing, not talking at all, enjoying the breeze waving his hair.</p><p>"I kind of wanted to come to the beach," he shrugs, swallowing before talking. "You seemed to like the sunset that time, so I thought you'd like this too."</p><p>"You're wrong."</p><p>"You don't like it?"</p><p>"Too much wind," Wooyoung shrinks when another shuffle of gelid air hits his side. "It's cold."</p><p>San snorts. "Aren't you always cold, though?"</p><p>"We're in the middle of the winter, dumbass."</p><p>"Winter demands to be felt," San is saying then, finishing his burger with one last bite before crawling over the towel and sitting next to him. Bodies pressed together as he hugs him from the side, cheek resting on his shoulder, hands rubbing his arms. "That way, hugs are warmer."</p><p>For a minute, they stay like that. Facing the city that opens up in front of them, all the lights that start sparking like stars slowly waking up and making their way to the black canvas that's the sky. Wooyoung is conscious of how his heart went from a boring slow pace to jump around his rib cage with the speed of a rocket. Becoming so loud he is sure San is able to hear the frenetic stomps rambling all over his body. </p><p>As San brushes his cheek there, Wooyoung feels the cold sweat drip down his backbone. </p><p>San wasn't like this when they first met. He understands, because they were mere strangers, because San himself told him a couple nights ago that he was pissed that night. Wooyoung totally understands that getting to know someone can lead up to finding gold or coal. With San, he found diamond. And he for sure wasn't expecting to find it, such a bright personality. Cute, he could say. <em> Touchy </em>, he can confirm as San's hands move to make a home around his waist.</p><p>Jongho's words making a song for his heart to dance. <em> You have a lot to learn about San.  </em></p><p>He wonders if he was referring to that in particular. Or if San doesn't act like that with the rest, Yunho's words being the ones that take his whole attention. <em> He was looking at you like he wanted to risk it all. </em></p><p>Risk it all.</p><p>Risk what?</p><p>"Feeling warm?" San's voice makes it to his ears, finding his eyes fixed on him once he is back on Earth and turning his head around.</p><p>"Uh, yeah. You can let go."</p><p>"You're shivering," San points.</p><p>"It's okay."</p><p>Actually, the correct way to address it is that he is shaking.</p><p>Without saying much more, they finish the french fries in silence. This time, San stays next to him, yet he turns around to face the ocean after a while. Sighing deeply, head falling over Wooyoung's shoulder again.</p><p>"Isn't the sea the prettiest thing you'd ever seen?" His voice mixes with the wind, revolving around Wooyoung's ears until he is slowly turning around as well, eyes falling in the way the moon is reflecting in the dark water. </p><p>"I'm quite scared of the ocean, actually," Wooyoung admits in a tiny voice.</p><p>"I've always loved it. My dad loves it," San breathes, voice turning so sad for a moment Wooyoung feels like hugging him back.</p><p>"I don't want to sound nosy, but Yeosang mentioned something two weeks ago… About why you ran away from home."</p><p>San's eyes find him in the dark, shining with a lot of thoughts in mind.</p><p>"Did he?" He asks with a soft cackle. "Well, you told me about your mom in front of the sunset. I guess it's my turn to tell you about my parents in front of the moonlight. Even when the moonlight doesn't deserve something this ugly."</p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>San was thirteen when he first realized his attention was more drawn towards the boys drooling over mini skirts being the new trend of the summer than the actual mini skirts.</p><p>It was new for him. All the feelings inside his chest, curling around cold uncertainty, spending nights rolling in bed wondering what should he name them. Having his very first kiss at fourteen with one of his best friends at his, also, very first party, was the start of him slowly unwrapping everything. </p><p>He liked boys.</p><p>It wasn't as difficult as he thought it would be, feeling light and relieved for finally putting a name to those feelings. Hand on his heart, feeling the heart beats like it was the first time. Smile pouring like fresh lemonade on his lips for a second. Being alive.</p><p>Just for a second.</p><p>Telling his parents, that always showered him in the most <em> sincere </em> love, didn't take the path San thought. He learned that love was as sincere as he believed it to be. The first thing he saw, and the thing that's still fire marked at the back of his brain, is the repulsion shining on both their eyes. Looking at him for a second like he wasn't their son, a total stranger sitting for dinner sharing what he thought it was something big, but not bad.</p><p>The second thing, is his father telling him he must be confused. <em> Stop talking shit </em>, he groaned. </p><p>The most reasonable thing was to nod and accept it, pretend nothing happened and bottle up all those feelings again inside his chest. But it wasn't that easy. It hurt. </p><p>He couldn't do it, and for two years, he lived alone. Surrounded by shadows that once were his parents but decided to give him their back as soon as he stood up and repeated that he liked boys, and that it was okay. Not talking to him for more than throwing insults, picking fights, screaming. Hitting him. Abandoning him. </p><p>The night he ran away from home, San was sure they stopped loving him that night two years in the past. That he has been living alone for two years. Endless nights crying into his pillow with the certain no one would go to comfort him or caress his hair to sleep. That he has been growing older without a hand on his shoulder, almost like a kid that's learning how to ride a bike and believes their father is running next to them with the hand on the bicycle saddle when in reality he is standing at the end of the road, clapping proudly. But San's dad isn't as proud. </p><p>That he didn't deserve any kind of love, for what he felt. For not being able to keep it to himself. </p><p>For trying to be himself. </p><p>He tells Wooyoung without going for further details, speaking in a low voice. Knees pressed to his chest, breeze waving his hair in a tender way. Next to him, Wooyoung remains silent. For a moment, so quiet it makes San wonder if he is having the same type of thoughts. Yet, when he looks into his eyes, he sees a lot of feelings sparkling behind the glass of his specs.</p><p>"That's all," San finishes with a whisper. "Seonghwa found me when I was trying to steal something to eat, he gave me a new home. I was just sixteen and alone…"</p><p>"You're not anymore," Wooyoung cuts, sheepishly placing a hand over his leg, fingers trembling a little there. "I saw. You have a big, loving family. And…"</p><p>"And?" San leans a little, shoulders bumping together. </p><p>Wooyoung's cheeks goes red in a second. "We are friends," he admits in a low voice, almost timid.</p><p>San smiles, head resting over his shoulder. "We are."</p><p>"I'm not good at getting close to people," Wooyoung starts, not moving not even an inch, "so I'm glad we met. And that we could get close."</p><p>"I've never been good as well, and for seven years I've found trusting people really hard. But with you, it's easy. Maybe because… We share something."</p><p>Wooyoung just nods, his hand staying over San's leg for much longer than it needs, but San doesn't complain. He doesn't move as well, enjoying how the waves in front of him twist in the shape of a quiet late at night melody—even if it's just nine in the afternoon—and Wooyoung's warmth engulfs him.</p><p>It was hard, when he first met Seonghwa and the rest of the boys. Accepting he was worth loving was one of the hardest things San encountered after discovering the truth self of his parents. Fidgeting on the spot every time Yunho would throw his body over him in need of a hug. Refused to hang around, spending a lot of time inside his room. He was thankful Seonghwa gave him a home, but for the first year, he didn't trust them enough to open up.</p><p>Neither did he trust their affection. </p><p>Not after he realized how easy is for a person to fake a love. Or how blind one can become when they surrender to that love. For a whole year, San walked around them on his tiptoes.</p><p>Yet, it just took him one night to trust Wooyoung. Before their talk by the sunset, before their every day texts. That first night they met, San was able to see past him. And without a warning, he was seeing himself in front of him. Almost like looking into a mirror.</p><p>That was enough for him.</p><p>And that makes snuggling to him and closing his eyes a lot easier. Wooyoung was used by the ones he thought they loved him. Wooyoung is as alone as San was. </p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>"Do you want to watch a movie?" Wooyoung is opening his eyes wide as San throws the question at him after a whole ten minutes in silence.</p><p>Picking up their things to head back home, head still on how San leaned all the weight of his body over him. Warm, and also peaceful. For the first time in his life, feeling like he means something to someone. The world stopping its spinning slowly, the sun dancing on his face, whispering on his ear that this time it's different. He can trust San, because San won't ever lay down the thought of using him.</p><p>No one could make that kind of expression over a made up story. Not even after years repeating it to fool little boys in front of the ocean like him. No. What life taught Wooyoung after five years of rumming alone the world, is that you can't fake that. The emptiness that lays in the deepest part of a broken heart. </p><p>San said the truth. </p><p>Still, Wooyoung wasn't expecting that question. </p><p>"What?" He voices out a little dumbfounded.</p><p>"A movie," San folds down the towel, scrunching his nose as the sand gets stuck on the fabric. </p><p>"Together?"</p><p>"No, I'm kindly inviting you to go and watch a movie," San snorts. "You really look in the need of a movie, it's written all over your face."</p><p>Wooyoung rolls his eyes. "Idiot."</p><p>"Of course it's together. Mingi has been really annoying with <em> Spiderman: into the spider verse. </em>"</p><p>Wooyoung hops next to him, eyes going a little wider and sparkler. "You haven't seen it?"</p><p>"Nope," San pops his lips, making the <em> 'p' </em> outstand a little.</p><p>"Okay, I accept it. But just because you can't keep living in this world without knowing Miles Morales. You're gonna fall in love with the kid."</p><p>"He must be super incredible then. I have some trouble falling in love."</p><p>Wooyoung shoots a bright smile at him. "You'll see."</p><p>And then, as San smiles back, fingers immediately threading into his blonde hair, the world starts spinning again. So fast, so abruptly Wooyoung doesn't see it coming. Feet moving from the ground, floating in the air for a second before he is <em> falling </em> and crashing. But San is there. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>this chapter was: long !! and I hope it wasn't confussing at all (bc of both their feelings hehe). This chapter was my fav bc I love writting the part when woo goes into san's home, and maybe because they're getting closer and closer and next chapter will have both of them like a mess :)<br/>again, thank you so much for reading!!!!!!! and for comments!!!!!!! I love you to the moon and back! &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. A Love, In Birth And Reverie</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm pretty sure jongho is my favorite character ♡♡♡</p><p>enjoy your reading and ignore typos!! &lt;3</p><p>chapter tittle <a href="https://youtu.be/MGslEcmVurg">inspiration</a> &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p> </p><p>It's close to 10 PM when they finally arrive to San's calm neighbourhood. The only lights welcoming them are the ones of the streetlights, everything so quiet inside the house Wooyoung is fast at pulling from San's sleeve. </p><p>"The race," he blurts, almost like he suddenly reminded something. "Changbin told me about the race. Aren't you going?"</p><p>"You know Binnie?" San asks instead, not as curious as his voice remarks.</p><p>Wooyoung's serious expression is suddenly brushed away, replaced by a funny grin. "Binnie?" The nickname sounds weird on his tongue, almost like he dropped a good amount of honey all over Changbin’s dark aura.</p><p>"Minho is always calling him that," San gives him his back, key hitting the door several times as he tries to search for the door lock in the dark. "Didn't know you were friends." </p><p>There’s something weird coating San’s voice. Very subtle, but surrounded by a strong smell Wooyoung catches at the second. Kinda pouty, almost like he is… <em> Jealous? </em></p><p>"We weren't," Wooyoung jumps forward, shaking his head and that thought out in the way—it’s impossible for San to be jealous because there’s nothing between them that could trigger that feeling, not even a strong ten year old friendship—as he points the lantern of his phone towards the door; San turns back a little, showing his gratitude in the shape of a soft smile that peeks above his shoulder. "Until today,” Wooyoung adds, shrugging. “That's the friend I told you about. We're on the same class, but we haven't talked a lot. Now I kinda get it's because I am the son of a cop and he is a biker."</p><p>"It might be," San says, door finally opening in front of them. "He told me he was an architect, I totally forgot about it. But, it's a good thing, he is such a good boy. You got an amazing friend. Well, two, because let's be honest, I am kinda spectacular."</p><p>Wooyoung sticks his tongue out, taking off his shoes and walking slowly behind his back into the living room. Smiling to himself, Wooyoung really wants to consider them both the best of friends. San and him. And get a little bit scared of other friends, even when no one could reach that level of trust.</p><p>The trust Wooyoung has on San. And the one San has on him. </p><p>"How did you two become friends, though?" San takes off his jacket as well, throwing it over one of the chairs.</p><p>"He saw me the other day, at the race,” Wooyoung explains. “Told me he doesn't have any uni friends that know he is a biker, so…"</p><p>"Did he think you're a biker?" San smiles mockingly at him, standing in the middle of the empty room.</p><p>"I guess? I was wearing your jacket and," Wooyoung raises his finger, "I remember I swore under the biker's code for you."</p><p>San presses their fingers together for a second, with a soft touch. "That's right."</p><p>"About the race," Wooyoung insists. </p><p>"It's okay. Today's just the normal boring races of every week," San makes a grin. "I wasn't even thinking of going. Let's watch the movie."</p><p>"Should I put on some extra loud music?"</p><p>Both boys jolt in surprise as a new voice comes from the couch, Jongho lazily sitting up after a second. Sleepy eyes searching for them, the tragic music of game over coming from the phone that now lays on his lap.</p><p>"Dude!" San takes a hand to his chest, dramatically letting the air out. "Don't do that."</p><p>Jongho smiles in response. </p><p>"What are you doing here?" San asks then. "What about the race?"</p><p>"As you just said, it's boring. And I am cold, I prefer to stay here. Don't worry," he says, laying down again. "I won't bother you. Just tell me if I need the music or not."</p><p>"Of course you don't," San groans. </p><p>"We will wear earphones," Wooyoung adds in a small voice. "So, don't worry."</p><p>Jongho sits down again, face lying over the couch's backrest. He throws a smile before saying, "It's nice to see you again, Wooyoung. You're acting even cuter today."</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"Don't listen to him," San quickly says, taking him by the hand and towards the upper floor. "He is just a kid."</p><p>Jongho laughs musically from the couch.</p><p>Wooyoung doesn't give it a lot of importance, or maybe is just that he doesn't have the privilege to drift towards that vague comment when San is pulling him inside his room. Fingers burning the skin of his elbow as the older pushes him—even when he is wearing a hoodie, he feels it: the warmth emanated by his body.</p><p>Looking around as the door closes behind his back, Wooyoung realizes it's been a lot since he stepped in the room of another person, hands sweating a little in advance.</p><p>White walls covered in a lot of pictures, resembling the kitchen wall Wooyoung saw weeks ago. A desk filled in books and papers, origami figurines popping everywhere. A big bed in the middle of the room dressed in blue covers, resembling an ocean of calm waters that hold at least ten plushies. <em> Cute. </em></p><p>Not the type of room Wooyoung was expecting. </p><p>"Here," San quickly hands him a blue hoodie and a pair of tracksuit pants. "I guessed you would be uncomfortable on your jeans." </p><p>"Huh, yeah. Thank you," he notices how his hands are shaking when he picks the clothes.</p><p>"I'll go to the bathroom," San feels the need to explain as Wooyoung stares blankly at him for a second, leaving the room without waiting for an answer—not that he has one—and a set of clothes under his arm.</p><p>Wooyoung stands in the middle of the room for a good amount of time, looking down at the clothes he got—the hoodie has the drawing of a wave accompanied by the phrase 'ocean child', and the pants are just black and wasted—thinking San is way too nice for a human. That he must be the luckiest person in the world for being able to meet him after all he’s been through. Changing slowly, he gets the same vanilla scent that impregnated San's jacket from the clothes, feeling strangely warm inside as he folds his own clothes in silence, waiting for San to come back. For an odd motive, he doesn’t feel like an intruder there. His heart is beating slowly, calmly. </p><p>At peace.</p><p>Is not until San is entering the room when his brain starts working at an incredibly fast pace. Realizing that he is, actually, alone in a room with a pretty hot boy. A boy he has been texting non stop for over two weeks. A boy he didn't doubt on opening up just on their second meeting. And also the boy that opened up to him one hour ago.</p><p>Wearing a black hoodie and the same pants, hair a mess, just like he spent some time ruffling his fingers there. For the subtle pink color kissing his cheeks, Wooyoung can’t help but drift and daydream a little. Thinking about the possibility of San being nervous inside for having him on his room, leaning into the sink and taking a set of deep breaths before ruffling his hair until he gets a cool look.</p><p>"It fits you," San speaks first, making Wooyoung jump a little, eyes falling onto the clothes; the hoodie is falling past his hands and hiding them meanwhile the pants are a little tight around his thighs. "Comfy?" </p><p>Wooyoung has to nod when he feels San's eyes falling onto his face, looking down when he also feels the blood slowly crowding on his full cheeks. For a second, they stand in the middle of the room sharing some quality awkward silence, San being the one breaking it again as he says he needs to turn on his laptop first. With a hand gesture, he indicates Wooyoung he is free to get even more comfortable on his bed.</p><p>Biting the inside of his left cheek, Wooyoung hesitates a little before sinking one knee into the soft mattress. Feeling way too different from his own in touch, yet kinda familiar respect to the smell. The same smell that has been attached to Wooyoung for the past weeks, coming directly from San's jacket as if Wooyoung's own scent can't fight against the sweet vanilla. </p><p>The boy takes a big breath. Maybe it's not the covers at all, but the hoodie. Or the plushies. Or San himself, fingers threading on his hair as his laptop has some difficulties coming alive. The smell is everywhere. Intoxicating. Wooyoung takes a deep breath just to let it out a little louder than he expected, fascinated by the way the air seems to bubble inside his lungs, like wildflowers giggling with the wind.</p><p>"This one is quite old," San excuses himself, totally misunderstanding the sound. Stretching his arms in the air, he slowly turns on his heels to face Wooyoung, knees pressed into his chest. "I’m thinking on buying one. Any recommendations, uni boy?”</p><p>Wooyoung shrugs, body barely moving. “I am loyal to Apple.”</p><p>San chuckles, one hand moving to scratch his nose. “I see,” he whispers, eyes not leaving Wooyoung’s face, even when the screen at his back finally came alive, asking for a password under a cute image of San and Mingi making weird faces.</p><p>“What?” Wooyoung’s voice is just a lost bubble that got outside his lungs.</p><p>“You look cute," San blurts with a soft smile.</p><p>For a moment, both of them remain silent, staring at each other.</p><p>"Because the clothes are big?" Wooyoung finally says, rolling his eyes.</p><p>"Why don't you just accept my compliment with a smile?"</p><p>"Because you didn't call me cute when I was wearing my jeans."</p><p>San chuckles, coming back to face his laptop, not giving a proper answer and typing fast. Totally one of the things Wooyoung hates the most. Leaving the scent back, he decides to crawl until the edge of the bed again, frowning. </p><p>"What's with that?" He groans.</p><p>"Nothing."</p><p>"Of course it's something."</p><p>"Believe me, it's nothing," San shakes his head. "Just accept it."</p><p>Wooyoung purses his lips in a thin line, feet—San didn’t offer a pair of socks, so he kept his own, yellow bees in a soft blue sky brightly welcoming him—meeting the cold floor as he sits over the edge.</p><p>"I see," he sighs, fingers drumming over the mattress. "You think your clothes are cooler than mine, right? Biker's clothes."</p><p>San looks at him over his shoulder, eyes shining in a different way, immediately frowning. </p><p>"Are you even listening to yourself? Biker's clothes," he snorts, "that's not even a thing."</p><p>"Of course it is. You're a biker." </p><p>San fully turns around again, pointing at him with one hand.</p><p>"You are wearing a freaking hoodie, don't tell me you don't own hoodies," Wooyoung rolls his eyes in response. "Almost one month knowing you and you're still driving me nuts like the first time. I'll punch you if you keep acting like this."</p><p>"You're the one telling me my clothes sucks," Wooyoung hisses, narrowing his eyes.</p><p>"I never told you that! Why are you putting words in my mouth, dumbass?"</p><p>"Then why are you calling me cute?" Wooyoung demands, leaning forward yet still sitting in bed due the <em> I don't care fighting this biker that for sure knows someone that could shoot me in the head but he is still intimidating as fuck better save the distances </em>thought that has been rambling in his mind since they met.</p><p>In front of him, San chews on another thought for what it seems an eternity before he is turning around once again, loud sigh escaping his throat. </p><p>"Because you look cute in oversized clothes," he mumbles, annoyed. "Your jeans are too tight. There's no way I could call that cute because it's hot as fuck. Are you happy now?" </p><p>The boy doesn't turn around this time, almost like he is trying to hide a bright crimson face, but Wooyoung is thinking nothing but how glad he is that he pissed him or whatever because just with the heard of those words he is blushing like crazy. Feeling the warmth way before the color splatters on his cheeks, nose, chin, ears and neck like someone just knocked out a paint bucket in the middle of a golden field.</p><p>Wooyoung crawls back into the bed, falling into the mountain of plushies and thinking. </p><p>About San finding him hot. </p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>Every month Yunho picks up a random day where they all bundle up in the couch to see a movie. He calls it their movie night, eyes always holding a billion stars as he always dreamt about doing it with his friends, but never could because, well, not everyone gets the teen age they deserve.  </p><p>It's normal for the boy to throw his body all over San's, or for Yeosang to find on his shoulder a good pillow after they replay Frozen II for the ninth time and Mingi still jumps onto the coffee table to sing along <em> Into the Unknown </em>every single time. San is used to that. Skinship with friends.</p><p>He really is.</p><p>For that, he doesn't understand the fast pace his heart decided to take after turning off the lights and hitting play. Sitting next to Wooyoung, not touching, not even looking at each other. The nervousness that decided to take his body hostage, distracting him from the movie to think about the boy that's sitting next to him, lips slightly curled into a smile as he follows the movements of the characters in the screen.</p><p>San will never understand time, and for him, it seems like a century has passed since Wooyoung jumped in front of his bike. Not knowing nothing deep from him, but yet feeling a connection between them strong enough for San to trust Wooyoung. </p><p>It's always hard for San to trust someone to the point of taking them into his room to just watch a movie. Lending him some of his precious clothes. Having them dancing in his brain while racing.</p><p>Not only that night, his image flowing like the water from a river after the cold winter melting in spring every single day since that moment.</p><p>San doesn't understand why. He stopped overthinking long time ago, and that's why he accepts Wooyoung there. Maybe that's why Wooyoung is different from Yunho and his movie nights. Because of the connection, or because he is the first person that has ever flooded his mind without intentions of drowning him. And, after five years, San feels the need of diving into the warm water without the fear of running out of oxygen.</p><p>"Are you even watching the movie?" Wooyoung is soon looking away from the screen to find his eyes. San doesn't move, shrugging a little, staring at his own reflection on Wooyoung’s glasses. "San?"</p><p>Wooyoung is <em> handsome.  </em></p><p>Everyone already noticed that—and made it crystal clear during one of their chicken nights, comparing San with their dinner for not going further with the boy. San noticed that first time they met, but he never considered it important. Seonghwa is also handsome, Yeosang seems pulled out of a picture. San isn’t scared of admitting it, yet, Jongho never mocked him for that. Until Wooyoung.</p><p>On the other hand, it took San a little more and a thousand messages at 3 AM to notice how <em>beautiful</em> Wooyoung is.</p><p>And that, that's something San can't push aside as easy as his looks. There’s no one as beautiful.</p><p>"Hey," Wooyoung frowns. </p><p>San shakes his head, closing his eyes tight in a way of stop staring. "I guess I'm a little bit tired. I'm sorry."</p><p>"Oh, it's okay. I'm," Wooyoung hesitates for a second. "I'll take the bus back home."</p><p>"Wait," San is opening his eyes again, fingers finding Wooyoung's wrist under the covers without noticing. A pale shade of red biting Wooyoung's cheeks. "Why don't you stay for the night? It's kinda late. I can take you back home in the morning."</p><p>"I don't want to be a burden," Wooyoung cuts. "I enjoyed today, but—"</p><p>"You won't," San sighs. "C'mon, it's cold. You can even finish the movie if you want. Or make Jongho some company," internally, he finds himself wishing the boy doesn't do any of that and just lays down with him in silence. </p><p>Wooyoung seems to think about it for a long time, minutes passing as he has a fight within himself, hand trembling to the point San moves to hold it tight, thumb circling his skin. Wooyoung gulps loudly. </p><p>"And where I am supposed to sleep? Do you have a spare room or something?"</p><p>"Isn't my bed big enough for you, king?" San arches a brow, waiting for some childish response from Wooyoung. The boy just looks at him with a deep worry covering his face. </p><p>"Do you pretend having us sleeping together?" He asks, voice dropping a few octaves.</p><p>San chuckles. "What? Haven't you slept with your friends before?"</p><p>"What friends," Wooyoung mumbles, moving his hand back from San's hold to intertwine his own fingers on top of his lap.</p><p>"Me. I am your friend. Take the chance."</p><p>Wooyoung gives him a look back, biting his lower lip before sighing, one hand over his face. </p><p>"I don't even have a toothbrush," he sighs.</p><p>San snorts. "That's worrying you? I will lend you one, Seonghwa's always buying a lot of toothbrushes for Joong and Yun, and even Mingi because he thinks life is a race in every tiny aspect," the boy explains with a soft laugh, sitting again just to drag his body out of the bed. "C'mon, let's brush your teeth. I’ll show you Mingi’s first toothbrush, we have it hanged like a masterpiece." </p><p>Standing up on his feet, San reaches his hand out for Wooyoung to hold. The boy hesitating for a second before just pushing him away, both hands hiding under his armpits instead.</p><p>"I'm not a baby," he groans. “I won’t get lost.”</p><p>"Once again, you're putting words in my mouth I haven't said,”  San bites his own tongue, yet he is late again. Words slipping through his lips as if they were covered in honey. “What if I just wanted to hold your hand?"</p><p>
  <em> ‘What an idiot you are, San.’ </em>
</p><p>Wooyoung decides to not answer to that, a strange happiness bubbling from the deepest part of San's heart like a volcano that's coming out alive after hundred of years sleeping.</p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>After San hands him a pink and unworn toothbrush, they come back in silence to the room. On Wooyoung's phone, no messages asking him where he is, 1AM lazely waves at him. The night at the other side of the window has become a little windy, begging him to get warm and comfy as soon as possible. Getting again into San's bed and under the covers makes his body automatically feel all the tiredness biting down his skin like a castaway tasting food after so long feeding on coconut.</p><p>Once again, it feels safer than it should.</p><p>"I know asking is stupid because this is my bed," San crawls slowly, yawning in the way, "but I don't want you mad again so, can I sleep next to the wall? I tend to move a lot, I don't wanna fall."</p><p>Wooyoung nods, moving aside to make enough room for the boy to crash with a loud sigh, almost like he is deflating. Normally, Wooyoung sleeps next to the wall, but that would be asking for a lot—and for a reason he doesn’t try to decipher, he prefers himself falling than San falling.</p><p>"I'm gonna," Wooyoung mumbles, hands shaking a little as he picks one of the pillows and places it between their bodies. "Just in case."</p><p>"Oh, yeah," San opens one eye for a second, enough to catch the movement, closing it again. Not changing his position, still lying over his stomach, cheek pressed into the mattress, facing him. "It would be a shame if our hands accidentally brush. That's super gay."</p><p>Wooyoung frowns. "You're gay."</p><p>"Yeah, I'm 100% sure I told you that a couple hours ago. You forgot to tell me you were <em> that </em> type of het," San sighs, not changing his tone. Sounding as calm as always, even when his words dig into Wooyoung's skin like tiny but sharp daggers. </p><p>"I am bisexual," Wooyoung retorts. "I'm just making sure you don't strangle me on your sleep."</p><p>"Is that so?" San opens his eye again.</p><p>"Yeah. If you move, I'm sure you will end up either on top of me or pushing me out of bed," Wooyoung rolls his eyes, San standing up on his elbows this time, crooked smile parting his lips.</p><p>"No, I mean the bi thing. You like boys?"</p><p>Wooyoung blinks, confused. "Why is that important now?"</p><p>"For nothing," San shrugs. "Maybe I shouldn't have told you those pants make you hot. What if you are misinterpreting this bed invitation?"</p><p>For the way San is mockingly smirking at him, Wooyoung doesn't have any repair on hitting him on the shoulder before rolling up and giving him his back. "One more word and I will go with Jongho."</p><p>"Oh, he will for sure strangle you."</p><p>It's obvious San's intentions were always sleeping and nothing more. Friends sharing a bed, almost like a tiny sleepover where there's only two persons. And to be totally honest, Wooyoung is vibrating in excitement inside. He never did this type of thing, not even when he was on a relationship. Still, he feels a little disappointed San didn't ever think of him liking boys.<em> ‘Is he blind?’ </em></p><p>Maybe San is just that type of person that never thinks of others liking him, even when that would be stupid. He is not only attractive, he is caring and kind and smells like vanilla, and that’s fucking sexy.</p><p>With a pout, Wooyoung rolls in bed again, facing the other boy. San has his eyes closed, breathing so calmly he looks dead asleep. And peaceful, features relaxing, eyelashes looking longer than ever, drawing patterns over his fair skin kissed by the sun. Wooyoung squeezes his eyes shut, realizing just then he is still wearing his glasses. </p><p>Putting that aside, the vision of San's face gets a little blurry. Still clear in front of him due the small distance separating them—pillow still comfy pressed into Wooyoung's chest—, but not as nitid as before. Relief invading his body.</p><p>"Will you hug me here too?" San is soon saying in a muffled voice, eyes still closed but smirk already opening on his lips. Obviously, awake.</p><p>"I actually hate sleeping with people," Wooyoung admits, not without kicking him under the covers. San opens his eyes, scooching closer, head resting over both his hands.</p><p>"You seem the type of people that loves physical contact, though," he notes.</p><p>"Where did you get that from?" Wooyoung scowls.</p><p>San shrugs, yet he makes a ball out of his body, falling on top of the pillow easily breaking the barrier between their bodies, almost like he is trying to make sure there's not a thing stopping him from his night hugging habit. Wooyoung gulps, hands firmly pressed against his chest. </p><p>"It's a feeling,” he adds in a whisper. “You're always leaning towards me when we are together. Even when we're fighting, no," San stops to puff a soft laugh, "<em> especially </em>when we are fighting. That's what made me realize. Either you love it, or you seek it," breathing that last part, Wooyoung finds himself staring dead into San's eyes. Shining in a special way in the dark, faces so close the pillow seems so useless right now—maybe, if he needs to give it a use, it can be a good muffler for the roaring heart inside his chest. So loud he isn’t sure if San isn't hearing, if the whole neighbourhood isn't hearing it and calling the police because the sound is loud enough to disturb their sleep. </p><p>"That's a lie, I don't like physical contact at all," he gaps, knees on the pillow, pushing slowly to put a space between them. "And this is the fourth time we met, there's no way you could be analysing me."</p><p>"I am not. You are just too easy to read," San smiles. "It's a shame though, I could make you warm. It's a joke," he feels the need to add after looking into Wooyoung's eyes one last time. “Don’t worry, you won’t even realize I’m here.”</p><p>Wooyoung isn’t sure about that.</p><p>"Just, don't crush my bones," Wooyoung mumbles, allowing himself to close his eyes, trying to ignore everything and just go to sleep.</p><p>"Are you saying I can hug you?"</p><p>"Don't crush my bones," Wooyoung repeats.</p><p>He waits for something, but the only thing he gets is San's soft laugh before the silence is filling the room. Bodies not touching, breathing pacing together in seconds. Slow. Peaceful. Pillow pressed against his chest again.</p><p>Wooyoung lied.</p><p>He does seek physical contact the most. Yet, for the night, he accepts being able to sleep with someone. Without that heavy feeling crushing his chest down. Feeling safe in the place he was told death awaited. </p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>The first thing San notices in the morning is the warm touch of fingertips on his neck. Slowly opening his eyes, finding the white ceiling of his room first, turning left to find Wooyoung peacefully sleeping next to him then. Cheek resting over one of his shoulders, hand resting on his neck. </p><p>San can't help but to smirk at the situation, pillow laying between their legs, doing nothing as a barrier. Still, Wooyoung's hold is not hard, being able to move his hand without difficulties, boy frowning and moving around but not waking up. Chest swelling slightly, nostrils vibrating for a second. San stays silent, sitting in bed and watching him sleep. Filled with curiosity, about every single aspect of his life, his favorite food or color, the sounds that make him sleep well. Curiosity about why it felt so comfortable sleeping with him without knowing all those things before. A thought crosses his mind then, Seonghwa’s voice dripping slowly like honey from a hive.<em> The less you know a person, the better you’ll sleep. Because if you don’t know what to care for, you won’t be scared that person disappears in the morning. Sleeping next to a stranger will give you one of the best sleeps, because it’s like you’re sleeping alone. </em></p><p>San shakes his head, eyes on Wooyoung’s pouty lips.</p><p>"I slept well because I was certain he would be still here in the morning," he mumbles to himself, getting off bed and walking downstairs. </p><p>It's 9AM, Jongho drinking something while resting the weight of his body over the counter. San walks past him and goes straight to where the fridge is without exchanging looks, trying to avoid <em> the </em> conversation. If it was Mingi the one playing a game on the couch last night, San would have shrugged without fear. But, it’s Jongho. San is a little scared of Jongho.</p><p>"He is the quiet type, huh?" It's inevitable, Jongho holding the cup next to his face, eyes on his back. San freezes, eyeing the milk. It’s opened, pink lip gloss all over the edge. "Didn't hear a thing."</p><p>San sighs then, picking the milk and closing the door, finally looking at the youngest of the family. "That's because we didn't do a thing."</p><p>"Really?"</p><p>"Yeah," the boy says deadpan, moving past him to pick a bowl and pour the milk slowly. Then, he goes for the cereal, feeling Jongho's eyes on every movement. "Why do all of you think I want to fuck him?"</p><p>Jongho shrugs. "You barely know him, but seem to like him. I just…"</p><p>"I like him," San admits in a tiny voice, pouring the cereal on top of the milk. "Even when I don't know a lot about him, I like him. He is nice, and he seems, you know," he stops for a second to eye his friend, "like us."</p><p>"Like us," Jongho repeats, putting the cup down.</p><p>"I'm not sure but… I think he is having a hard time at home."</p><p>"What makes you think that?" Jongho walks to the kitchen table slowly, taking a sit next to him. San stands up for a second before taking a sit as well and then a big spoonful of cereal. “Not every single person that jumps into the back of your bike is trying to go against abusive parents. <em> This is </em> not <em> Three Meters Above the Sky </em>,” Jongho snorts.</p><p>San chews for a little before answering. He swears he can taste Yeosang’s strawberry gloss on the milk even after cleaning the carton.</p><p>"The night we met, he told me how his relationship with his father wasn't especially great. He even preferred to stay with me that time, without knowing a shit about me. And yesterday… He didn't seem like having trouble on staying over."</p><p>"Well, I think he is already an adult. He can choose for himself."</p><p>"Still. When you have a family, you have them always in mind," San stops, spoon hitting the edge of the bowl. "When I'm out there alone, I always think of you guys. Wooyoung… He didn't even check his phone. He just," San frowns, not finding the right words to express how easy it was for Wooyoung to fall asleep next to him. "I think he is alone—no, I think he is <em>lonely </em>.”</p><p>Jongho stays silent for a second, eyes fixed on his own fingers interlocked on top of the wooden surface of the table.</p><p>"It's not a nice feeling," Jongho whispers, "to be so lonely in a world full of people."</p><p>"That's why I feel close to him," San shakes his head, pushing the bowl aside. "I know what it feels like, being abandoned by your own family. Not having anyone you could reach a hand to. Seonghwa saved me, and I want to save Wooyoung, even if he is only reaching out to me because he is scared to die."</p><p>Jongho shoots him half a smile, yet it's a sincere one.</p><p>"Aren't we all?"</p><p>San looks at him dead in the eye for a second, turning his gaze to his fingers then. Not long ago, San was scared to die. Even if he acted like he was ready to give up on everything he had lived until that moment, a deep part of his soul was shivering. He knows Seonghwa went through the same feeling, and so did Yeosang, Mingi, Yunho, Jongho… All of them. When you’re left behind, not alone but lonely, and there’s no one you can reach out for help. When you think everything will end soon, yet, you don’t want it to end. Even if it’s hurting you to even breath. You don’t want to die. So you risk your life one more time, and to save yourself from what people did, you reach out for a person and hope this time, things will be different. Will be alright.</p><p>“Are you doing this just as a way to feel better with yourself?” Jongho asks then, making San look up again.</p><p>He frowns, confused. “What?”</p><p>“Are you trying to save Wooyoung because Seonghwa saved you? Or because you really want to save him?”</p><p>San stops for a second.</p><p>“Does it matter?”</p><p>“Who knows,” Jongho humphs a soft laugh, finishing whatever he’s drinking on Yunho’s space cup. “We both know the answer, but it’s okay if you don’t want to say it out loud. You think you don’t deserve to be loved, and that’s why you don’t want to admit you’re falling in love with Wooyoung. Just in case,” Jongho winks at him.</p><p>San stands up, both hands over the surface of the table. The blush on his cheeks is barely noticeable, yet the tips of his ears are shining in bright red. If Jongho notices, he decides to not make a joke about it this time, standing by the doorframe to listen to what he has to say.</p><p>“I am not,” San babbles.</p><p>“What now?” It's not Jongho the one speaking but Yeosang, jumping the last step of the stairs and entering the kitchen wearing nothing but a big black Blink-182 hoodie that’s totally Mingi’s and a pair of banana socks—one of them going straight to his knee while the other hangs wrinkled around his ankle—that are totally Yunho’s. He also has smashed makeup all over his face, which makes San frown in annoyance. “You’re not what, Sani? A baby? Because you are.”</p><p>Yeosang quickly heads to the fridge, pouting as he can’t find the milk.</p><p>“Give me that,” he points at the carton as he catches it next to San.</p><p>“Pick a glass,” San says.</p><p>“Huh?”</p><p>“I’m so sick of finding lip gloss on the milk. Stop being gross.”</p><p>Yeosang rolls his eyes, moving incredibly agile for the time of the day—knowing he for sure went to sleep near six in the morning—and ditches San, picking the carton with such ease it makes Jongho snort.</p><p>“You might be the best on the street, but not on the kitchen,” Yeosang says before filling his mouth with milk, a little dripping from his lips and falling all over his chin and neck. Both San and Jongho sketch grossed grins. “Huh, this won’t be good for my stomach,” he says with a grin, immediately looking back at San. “Now, what were you talking about?”</p><p>San shakes his head, exiting the kitchen. “Nothing.”</p><p>Without waiting for another question, San jumps up the stairs and goes straight to his room—not without peeking through Yeosang’s room ajar door first, where he catches two pairs of intertwined long legs.</p><p>Entering his room and carefully closing the door, he finds Wooyoung curled into a tiny ball. The boy is already tiny in appearance, but looking at him curl like that has San smiling immediately. The blanket is lying on the floor now, Wooyoung’s face partially hidden inside the hoodie—San’s hoodie!—in search of warmth. Yet, he looks peaceful. His face features are relaxed, his chest moves slowly with every breath he takes. The blonde hair falls over his forehead like a golden waterfall. There’s nothing from that tired boy he met on a cold January night on the boy sleeping on his bed right now.</p><p>Putting the blanket back in place, tugging him into the warmth again, the words Jongho told him not more than five minutes ago start hammering on the walls of his skull. He does not want to save Wooyoung as a way of paying life for what Seonghwa did for him, neither because he feels like he should save someone before dying. No, he totally does it because of Wooyoung and Wooyoung only.</p><p>Because the boy has been walking alone for so long, loneliness eating him from inside for years, no one being there for him. As he told Jongho, he perfectly knows how that feels like. When he looks at Wooyoung, he wants for the boy to smile and enjoy life like he did when Seonghwa gave him his first hug.</p><p>He wants to give him a home, regardless of whatever it's starting to warm his own heart. </p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>The last time Wooyoung slept this good, he was seven years old. He doesn’t remember a lot of that time, but he does remember a time where his father needed to be away from home because of work and he spend an entire week sleeping with his mom. Every single day he’d wake up in her arms, one hand caressing his hair, lips finding his cheeks like the rays of sunshine going through the open window. It wasn’t because of the mattress neither the covers but because of how he would feel safe and sound even with his eyes closed.</p><p>Waking up on San’s bed had the same effect on his body. </p><p>He wakes up slowly, so slowly he is able to feel everything happening around him seconds before being fully awake. There’s a lot of voices sounding somewhere, muffled by something—probably the closed door—, laughing and screaming. A closed window where the wind it’s hitting strongly. A soft song being played close—no, it’s not played. Someone’s is singing, and that same someone is caressing his hair. Slowly and calm, fingers barely touching his scalp, getting tangled in his hair instead. It feels good, so good it becomes painful. Nostalgic enough to make his heart flood with sunshine.</p><p>“I love you,” Wooyoung says without even noticing, voice sounding so soft maybe he is just thinking. Maybe he is dreaming. The fingers freeze. “Mom?”</p><p>For a moment, there’s silence. The voices, the laughs, the wind, the song. Everything stops, and the fingers start moving again. Like a reassuring answer. <em> I am here. </em>Wooyoung feels like crying, body light moving alone, arms in the air searching for something. He finds a body, he snuggles close. For a second, he is seven years again and surrounded by his mother’s fragrance. It takes a second for that scent to twist into soft vanilla, fill every single cell of his body and make his brain explode.</p><p>When he opens his eyes, there’s tears blurring his vision.</p><p>The sound becomes louder. He recognices Yunho’s voice, he is the one laughing hard. The wind is roaring now, announcing one of those windy and cloudy days Wooyoung hates the most. The fingers are digging deep into his hair now, fingertips brushing his scalp in a way that has his backbone kissed by goosebumps that reach the tip of his feet. Moving near his neck, Wooyoung feels how the air gets stuck on his ribs, wildflowers blooming out of bone and blood and making a home around his lungs, stealing all the oxygen he needs to live.</p><p>Even when he is fully awake, finally realizing he is not on his mom’s bed but San’s—and face pressed into his chest—Wooyoung decides to stay like that for a while. See what San would do. Wondering why he decided to hug him and caress his hair like that instead of joining his friends in what it looks a very cheerful day.</p><p>For the next five minutes, San comforts him without even knowing it. He was the one singing, one hand on Wooyoung’s hair while the other holds his phone. One of his legs sheepishly fitting in between Wooyoung’s. Chin pressed into his head. It reminds him to the morning hugs his mother used to give him. It makes his heart swell but cry at the same time. Wooyoung tries to remain as quiet as possible, internally enjoying all the warmth he is getting. Thanking San for being such a touchy person. And for putting all his parts back into place without being conscious.</p><p>“How long are you gonna keep pretending to be asleep just to hug me?” San says after a while, making Wooyoung’s body tense. “Not that it bothers me, but one of my legs it’s totally numb. I’d like to suggest a change of positions.”</p><p>Wooyoung moves fast, heart jumping inside his ribcage. First laying on his back, eyes focussed on the ceiling, then sitting down and bending over himself, embarrassed. San’s hand falls slowly from his hair to his back and finally to the mattress.</p><p>“Good morning.”</p><p>“How did you know?” Wooyoung asks, shy voice muffled by his own hands.</p><p>“Every time I brushed your neck, your breathing stopped,” San explains, calmly.</p><p>
  <em> ‘Fuck.’ </em>
</p><p>“Are you sensit—”</p><p>“I am not!” Wooyoung moves forward, jumping out of the bed and almost losing his balance in the way. Resting his body weight into the mattress, he finally catches a glimpse of San: still wearing the same clothes from yesterday, bedhair splattered all over his face, relaxed expression but a little bit of red decorating his nape and ears. For the way his eyes shine, he seems to be very awake—Wooyoung wonders how many hours did he lay next to him like that. “I’m gonna… I’m gonna go brush my teeth.”</p><p><em> ‘I’m gonna go home,’ </em> is what he wants to say, trying to find a shortcut out of this embarrassing situation—at least, for him, San still laying like nothing happened.</p><p>“I’ll go with you,” San says, slowly getting off bed.</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“Everyone’s awake,” San smiles. “Hongjoong and Yunho stayed over, and right now they’re all having lunch. Seonghwa doesn’t allow us to use his bathroom and for the way Yeosang has been puking everything he ates since nine in the morning…” He lets the sentence unfinished, hoping for Wooyoung to get it. And he does, going two steps back. “Unless you’re cool with them knowing you slept there.”</p><p>Wooyoung gulps.</p><p>“It was a sleepover,” he says, not sure himself.</p><p>“Hmm, right. It was. Even when you hugged me like I was your favorite teddy bear after putting that pillow barrier between us,” San mocks, pinching one of his cheeks as he stands next to him.</p><p>Wooyoung shoos him away, turning around to hide the blush that he totally knows is taking over his face right now. He is able to hear San’s melodic giggles, and even when he really wants to see how San’s eyes curve and disappear as he smiles, he remains giving him his back.</p><p>“I’ll stay outside,” San keeps saying, making a sound as he stretches his arms over his head. “That way, if Yeosang doesn’t learn the lesson and keeps on eating, I’ll be there to stop him and make him throw out in one of my bucket hats.”</p><p>Wooyoung turns around a little, one brow arching at the heard of those words. San imitates his expression, putting all the weight of his body over one leg. “What?” He wonders.</p><p>“You have like, three lovers in this life,” Wooyoung says, raising three fingers in the air to count. “Yogurt smoothie, Betty and your three thousand or something bucket hats. Are you really sacrificing one of your lovers for me?”</p><p>San shrugs, resting it importance with one hand movement. “Out of my lovers, you’re the only one with real feelings. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable, I was the one pressuring you to stay the night and I understand you don’t want them to see you.”</p><p>Actually, Wooyoung doesn’t care at all. It’s not like they’re on a secret relationship, neither like they did something aside from sleep. Yet, it’s quite nice of San. Not that Wooyoung has gotten past the fact San put him as one of his lovers without even flinching, though.</p><p>“Okay,” he says, a little high pitched.</p><p>As San moves towards the door, Wooyoung is able to catch the smile that breaks through his lips. Almost like he is proud of his words.</p><p>San goes first, staying outside the bathroom as Wooyoung  brushes his teeth with the pink toothbrush he gave him last night. Looking at himself in the mirror, he finds glassy eyes but smooth skin. Almost like he slept so well it made his skin better in just one night. The sound coming from the first floor becomes louder with every second, so after peeing and fixing his hair in just a minute, he gets out.</p><p>“Are you hungry?” San asks once they’re back in the room, Wooyoung not caring at all about him being there when he drops the pants down and pulls—tries—his jeans up. The hoodie is long enough to cover his boxers, and it’s not like San has looked away from his face. “Okay. How should I take that?”</p><p>“I’m not hungry,” Wooyoung says shortly, just for his stomach to betray him one second later. None of them say a thing, even when a smile is starting to sketch in San’s lips. </p><p>“It’s okay. It’s already two in the afternoon.”</p><p>“What?” Wooyoung opens his eyes, surprised, as he jumps a little to accommodate the jeans. “Why didn’t you wake me up earlier?”</p><p>“You looked like you needed to sleep.”</p><p>“But two in the afternoon!”</p><p>“That’s just a number, time is not real. If you need twenty hours of sleep to feel better, then you sleep twenty one just in case. Also, you look a lot better than yesterday, and no, I’m not saying you looked ugly or something. I’m just saying you look breathtaking right now.”</p><p>Wooyoung’s arms fall like dead limbs at both sides of his body, heart jumping like crazy inside of his ribcage. Here he goes again, saying these type of things like it’s nothing when, actually, it’s something. Something big enough to have Wooyoung’s legs trembling a little. Tongue dry and even drier throat, he still manages to blurt a set of words.</p><p>“What—” He starts, a little bit nervous, hands moving like crazy in front of him. “How can you say all that without getting embarrassed?”</p><p>“I am,” San admits, shy smile breaking through his lips. “I’m trying hard to bite my tongue, but it’s like my brain stops me everytime because you do need to hear it.”</p><p>“I need to hear it,” Wooyoung repeats, trying to make it make sense.</p><p>“You’re amazing, Wooyoung. As a person. And you also have that type of beauty you can’t brush away from your brain. But it seems like you don't see it."</p><p>“I see.”</p><p>Wooyoung’s voice comes out raspy, hurting his throat in the way. There’s a lot of things he wants to blurt right now, yet these are the only words he is able to speak. In front of him, San looks unbothered, like this is totally normal for him to say. And maybe it is. That’s one of the things Wooyoung likes and dislikes the most about San: he says everything he feels, without filters. And that’s amazing until you’re starting to like him and you are unable to find out if the feeling it’s mutual or he is just being sincere.</p><p>It makes Wooyoung bite his lower lip hard, because San thinks he is cute, and hot, and breathtaking. He does think about him while racing, talk about him to his friends. Admitted he wanted to see him again. Maybe that’s one of the things why Wooyoung feels drawn towards him, and also one of the things he feels distantied. Because as easy to read Wooyoung is, it is impossible to read San.</p><p>“Don’t tell me I left you speechless,” San giggles again. “Am I that good?”</p><p>“I just,” Wooyoung takes a deep breath. “I just don’t know how to react to that.”</p><p>San presses his lips into a thin line before he is opening his arms in the air. “With a hug?” A part of his being wants to obbey and just dig his face into his hoodie again. Yet, he doesn't move forward. He just pushes him aside and turns on his heels to take off the hoodie. "<em> Ouch." </em></p><p>"Turn around," Wooyoung says, fingers brushing the naked skin of his abdomen. “I’m gonna change.”</p><p>"Why?" San has the nerve of ask. “You didn’t have a problem pulling your pants down five minutes ago.”</p><p>"Just do it, c'mon."</p><p>The boy rolls his eyes with a sigh, but still does as he is told. Wooyoung takes off his hoodie to put on his cold clothes, the ones that are impregnated with his cologne and not San's vanilla scent. <em> Sadly. </em></p><p>"Are you trying to hide a big ass tattoo on your chest? Something you did at sixteen and now regret?" San wonders. "A butterfly on your lower back, maybe? That was pretty popular back then. Yeosang has one."</p><p>Wooyoung just rolls his eyes and mumbles a few "yeah"'s. He doesn’t have any tattoo, he just feels a little shy around San. Twisting on his heels, now engulfed on his own scent, he clears his throat for San to turn as well.</p><p>"Now what?" He asks, holding his own hands inside the pocket of the clothing. </p><p>"We shake hands," San says with a smile, turning around with such grace it has Wooyoung's heart shivering. "Don't look at me like that, you rejected my hug."</p><p>"Idiot. I mean, how do I go home without all of them seeing me?"</p><p>"Oh."</p><p>
  <em> 'Yeah, oh.' </em>
</p><p>"We can get out through the back door. If you don't make a sound, it'll be okay."</p><p>Wooyoung nods, putting an invisible zipper to his lips. Looking into San's eyes for a little longer than he should, he gets something in them. Almost like the boy wanted to say more.</p><p>He doesn't, and both of them are taking the stairs to the ground floor in silence after San picks the helmets, giving one to Wooyoung. The sound of laughter and forks fighting over the surface of the plates becoming louder as they reach the first steps. San softly presses a hand over Wooyoung's abdomen, pushing him to one side.</p><p>"San?" </p><p>Wooyoung is sure they didn't even make a sound, but Seonghwa's voice still flows there from the living room.</p><p>"No, I'm a robber," San says, calmly. "Where's the jewelry, ma'am?"</p><p>Yunho and Mingi laugh so hard one of them ends up snorting, making the other laugh even harder. </p><p>"Where are you going?" Seonghwa asks in a soft voice. “We were waiting for you. Food’s cold.”</p><p>"Going for a ride. It won't be a six hours one, I promise."</p><p>"You're not gonna have lunch?"</p><p>"No, thanks."</p><p>"And Wooyoung?"</p><p>"He's okay don't wo–"</p><p>San stops mid sentence, gazing at him over his shoulder, eyes shining in panic. The hand that has been pressed into his stomach curling around the fabric of the hoodie now. Wooyoung gulps, Yeosang's soft laugh being heard now.</p><p>"Jongho?" San groans, frowning a little, knowing something Wooyoung doesn’t.</p><p>"I'm sorry, Yeosang threatened me."</p><p>“Why didn’t you just punch him like always?”</p><p>San sighs, body falling all over Wooyoung, who's fast holding him with his free hand. He gives Wooyoung an apologetic look, pouting a little before standing over his feet again, fingers softly curling around Wooyoung's wrist. "Now what? We're so embarrassed to come out it will be for the best to go and eat some burgers far from here.”</p><p>“We know you’re gay, Sani,” Yeosang laughs, softly.</p><p>"And Yeosang puked all over Mingi, I don't think you two top that," Hongjoong says this time, totally trying to mock the blonde.</p><p>"As much as I love the birth of new couples in this family, you are on second place today," is Yunho the one speaking now, words piercing Wooyoung's cheeks like tiny needles. This time he can also see the color flourish on San’s cheeks, finally being embarrassed or whatever, hand letting go almost like Wooyoung's skin started burning. </p><p>It’s the first time the word “couple” is mentioned, actually.</p><p>San moves first, decided, Wooyoung following him with trembling legs until he is facing the six boys sitting on the table. Jongho cutely waves at him as San flicks a finger on Yunho's forehead. </p><p>"Shut up, idiot," he then turns to Wooyoung, giving him a look before turning around and taking a sit. "We had a sleepover."</p><p>"Oh, yeah," Mingi says, taking a big spoonful of rice to his mouth, eyebrows moving slightly upwards. "Sleepover."</p><p>"It was, ask him,” suddenly all eyes are on Wooyoung. Aside from Seonghwa, who seems the only one serious among the group, the rest are giving him really mischievous looks.</p><p>His lips open, words not coming at all. They really had a movie-like sleepover. They watched <em> Spiderman: into the multiverse </em>, had a late at night talk and fell asleep. Nothing more. </p><p>"Ask Jongho," San saves him. "He was also here."</p><p>"I already told them you two were boringly silent all night," the boy shrugs with a smile. "And then fought over who had the best brushing teeth technique."</p><p>"See? Pretty normal."</p><p>"I thought I was the only one you'd race on the bathroom," Mingi takes both hands to his chest, feigning being hurt. San rolls his eyes. </p><p>"Take a seat," Seonghwa says, glass of coke on his hand, eyes on Wooyoung. He looks more friendly like he did on their first encounter. </p><p>There's one free seat next to Yeosang—totally because no one wants to get puke all over them, he ponders.</p><p>"I won't puke all over you, you don't have to worry. Mingi accepted all my belongings as his own when we got married."</p><p>"That's not belongings at all!" Mingi cries, getting nothing but a lot more of giggles from Yunho.</p><p>From his spot in between Hongjoong and Seonghwa, San gives him an apologetic look. A sincere one again. Wooyoung just smiles, more to himself than the boy staring at him with honey in his eyes. As he takes a sit next to Yeosang, he sinks deep in those words.</p><p>
  <em> The birth of a new couple.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>After a good hour sharing a bunch of bad jokes that got nothing to do with San's sexual life—it totally has a <em> lot </em> to do with how loud he gets in bed—, Seonghwa and Hongjoong decide to leave the table, and also the house. </p><p>"Businesses?" Mingi arches a brow towards their direction at the same time a smirk breaks through his lips. "Or <em> businesses </em>?"</p><p>"That's the same thing," Seonghwa sighs, one hand over his temple. "Be good, children."</p><p>"It's not, Hwa. We want to know if you're gonna get as loud as Sani," Yeosang adds with a chuckle. </p><p>"If you don't stop, I'm gonna make you throw all your belongings again with my fist," San clicks his tongue, not annoyed at all but frowning so hard into his empty plate he is sure it’s gonna leave a mark on his skin.</p><p>"Be good," Seonghwa repeats, totally ignoring their comments and the set of whistles coming from Yunho and Jongho. His eyes search for Wooyoung, sitting in silence, totally fitting there. A lot more for Seonghwa's like, San is able to read it out of the movement of his eyebrows. "If you survive, then I'm gonna high five you."</p><p>For the way Wooyoung frowns for a solid second, San knows he is confused. And it's a little bit frightening how good he is at reading the boy. It's true he said it, how Wooyoung was so easy to read, but still… Scares him. San is unsure if he is able to read him because they share so much or because Wooyoung himself is opening up to him.</p><p>Seonghwa and Hongjoong leave after that, the smaller waving at them happily just to put a hand around Seonghwa's waist hen. Mingi and Yunho high five with a loud laugh.</p><p>"Congratulations," Jongho says, gazing at Wooyoung. </p><p>"Hmm?"</p><p>"Hwa is willing to high five you, that means he fully accepted you," the boy claps, and so does Yunho, eyes shining like they’re made of precious stones.</p><p>"Just if he survives," Yeosang points.</p><p>"He has San," Yunho smiles wider. "He will protect him."</p><p>"I don't need it," Wooyoung is saying soon, all eyes falling on him. San gazes at him for a second just to come back to his distorted reflection over the white surface of the plate, listening. "I don't need to be protected."</p><p>For a moment, they all fall in silence. San finds himself locking gazes with the boy, biting his lower lip before standing up.</p><p>"Yeah. Wooyoung could kick all of our asses with just one hand, just so you know it,” he says while picking the crockery, giving them his back almost immediately to hide the way he is clenching his jaws.</p><p>"You don't kick ass with your hands, San. I think you are totally willing for something totally different," Yeosang laughs.</p><p>San grins at him over his shoulder, starting to feel a little bit annoyed. Yet, he is able to catch the subtle smile that appears on Wooyoung's lips. Eyes falling down to his empty plate, almost like he is embarrassed of whatever his mind started painting. San shakes his head and walks into the kitchen, where he puts everything down on the sink, and then himself on the floor. Taking both hands to his head, fingers threading on his hair, he finds himself smiling a little.</p><p>Wooyoung asked him if he wasn’t embarrassed of saying those type of things, and he was. He is embarrassed to the point of acting like a robot in front of his friends. Since he came out to his parents, since everything broke in front of his tiny hands, San has been living up saying what he feels. For a moment, he thought of saving for himself how he felt with his own sexuality, just to save his own life. But he didn’t. He protected his values, he decided to never save a single one of his thoughts for himself again. That way, it would be easier to identify true love. Not that cold, fake love his parents poured over him for over fourteen years.</p><p>Yet, Wooyoung is the first one that makes him want to bite his tongue. The first one that makes his own heart race a little.</p><p>It’s not like he is in love as Jongho said, but Wooyoung’s reactions. He adores how happy his words seem to make Wooyoung.</p><p>“Whatcha doing?”</p><p>Rising his head again, he finds none other but Wooyoung squatting in front of him. He has one rice glued to his lower lip, next to a lonely mole. It makes San press his lips together in a thin line.</p><p>“Meditating.”</p><p>“In the kitchen?”</p><p>San shrugs. “This is not just the kitchen, is our paradise,” he explains, one hand pointing at the big wall of pictures. Wooyoung’s lips curl into half a smile. For the way his eyes light up, he seems to like it.</p><p>“I like that wall,” Wooyoung says just one second later, almost like he read San’s mind—or was the other way around? He doesn’t know. “You look happy, all of you.”</p><p>“We are.”</p><p>“That picture,” Wooyoung ends up taking a seat on the floor, knees pressed to his chest, one hand in the air. As he follows the direction of his finger, San finds the picture he is referring to. “I love it.”</p><p>“Woah,” San smiles, pinching one of his cheeks. “It’s just me with a bunch of flowers, what’s so special about it?”</p><p>“It’s just you with a bunch of flowers,” Wooyoung repeats, not looking at him but the picture Seonghwa took of him two years ago when they went to Jeju. An ocean of yellow flowers engulfing him, tiny flowers growing out of his dark hair—that was Yeosang’s doing. “No worries, no sadness. Just you, and the flowers. And you look so peaceful, it’s enviable but so beautiful.”</p><p>Once again, sadness takes over Wooyoung’s eyes like a cold wave crashing onto the shore.</p><p>Without thinking, San is jumping onto his feet and walking towards the wall. Kneeling over one of the chairs, he takes the picture off the wall, Wooyoung’s voice filled with confusion when he speaks again.</p><p>“What are you doing?”</p><p>San tends the picture to him. “Take it.”</p><p>“What? No, put it back to where it belongs.”</p><p>“Take it,” San insists, putting the picture directly into one of his hands. Wooyoung’s cheeks flourish in a lot of pink roses. “I was there, I have the memory of what I felt there. I want you to feel it too.”</p><p>Wooyoung chuckles a little, eyes falling into the picture. “Wouldn’t it be weird? Having a picture of you?”</p><p>“Haven’t you seen my bedroom wall? I think there’s more than ten pictures just of Yunho. Friends do have pictures of each other.”</p><p>“I’m sorry I don’t have one of me to give you.”</p><p>“Well, if you insist,” San says, already taking his phone from the pocket of his sweat pants and pointing it towards Wooyoung. The latter opens his eyes in surprise, just to cover his face with both hands—and the picture—in a second. “Hey, don’t do that.”</p><p>“No pictures of me,” Wooyoung mumbles.</p><p>“Don’t you dare saying you look ugly…” San starts, silently taking a picture of his hands, his mother’s ring shining on his middle finger. Just like San did weeks ago.</p><p>“I’m not photogenic, that’s all,” Wooyoung says, peeking through his fingers before moving his hands out of his face. “Much less when you’re this close.”</p><p>“Don’t worry, I was thinking of editing out the hairs of your nose,” San laughs. “It’s a joke, you’re literally so fine it’s annoying.”</p><p>“You are annoying.”</p><p>“For complimenting you?” San raises a brow, warmth kissing his skin.</p><p>“Yeah,” Wooyoung stares at him for a second, the same way he did minutes ago when he said he didn’t need to be protected. Once again, it makes San look away.</p><p>Standing on his feet, he helps the boy as well.</p><p>"I should take you home," San mutters, looking at the time on his phone. Almost four in the afternoon.Twenty-one hours together. It’s the first time someone that’s not from the Fellaz gang stays that much. “Bet you want to take a shower and get rid of your underwear,” San shrugs. </p><p>Being honest, he doesn’t want him to go. He actually wants to take some pictures of him with Seonghwa’s camera, finish the movie—or start it all over again as he barely paid attention to it—, tell him about that amazing trip to Jeju while they lay in bed, maybe caressing his hair like before.</p><p>“Actually, Yunho invited me to the skate track,” San tilts his head at that new information. “Said something about bikers becoming skaters on windy days. Changbin will be there, and as we were supposed to have a meeting today, we accorded to spend some time with you and then go together to my house.”</p><p>Wooyoung shrugs, not looking at San but the picture. A great thing as San can’t hide the smile that curves the edges of his lips. Wish accomplished.</p><p>“Oh, cool. Get ready to die of laughter, Yeosang and Jongho are the only ones that know what they’re actually doing. The only thing Mingi does is trust mother gravity and scream.”</p><p>“I’m ready for something chaotic,” Wooyoung giggles, thumb brushing the picture. “How old were you here?”</p><p>“Oh, hmm. Nineteen.”</p><p>“You look like a baby.”</p><p>“Well, you have the size of a baby.”</p><p>“I wasn’t making fun of you, idiot,” Wooyoung sighs, elbow sinking on San’s stomach. “And we are the same height.”</p><p>“But you’re still smaller.”</p><p>Wooyoung groans.</p><p>“You look a lot younger. Or maybe it’s because of how happy you were feeling,” the boy explains, making San curious. “Mom used to say happiness brush all the years of sadness out of our faces. Maybe that’s why you look so small.”</p><p>For an unknown reason, San’s heart swells a little inside his chest. Becoming conscious of his own heartbeats, sounding far, like a subtle mutter coming from a small crowd, but still there. Yunho told him one time how that had a name, but he doesn’t remember.</p><p>When Wooyoung lifts his head in his direction, he can’t stop his own body, one hand cupping the boy’s face. Thumb brushing his skin, sharing a weird silence, but not awkward at all.</p><p>“You look younger today,” San whispers.</p><p>Wooyoung blinks, surprised, yet he doesn’t move at all. And they remain like that for an entire minute, until Yunho is jumping inside the kitchen and into their moment. As they break apart, the sound around them becomes a loud clatter.</p><p>“Am I interrupting something?” Yunho smiles, maybe a little bit mischievously.</p><p>“Nothing,” San says, stretching. “Wooyoung told me about the skating.”</p><p>“Oh, yeah!” Yunho turns around like an excited puppy. “I was about to tell you to lend him some clothes, it will be a shame if you scratch those jeans. They’re amazing.”</p><p>San smiles to himself at the sight of Wooyoung’s blush.</p><p>“It’s okay. I’ll be going with Changbin, so I won’t be able to give it back.”</p><p>“Just bring them back,” San says, brushing it off his shoulder. “Come here, I think I have some pants that could fit you.”</p><p>Wooyoung frowns, yet he follows him to the upper floor. “Once again, we are the same size!”</p><p>“What are you talking about?” Mingi laughs from the living room.</p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>Half and hour latter, Wooyoung is engulfed in a pair of gray sweatpants that, contradicting his own words, are not his size. Yet is the best San has to offer as he is also a guy of jeans. Wooyoung keeps his hoodie, staring at his perfectly folded jeans resting at the end of San’s bed. He could just put them inside his backpack, take them home with him. But he doesn’t.</p><p>He just bites his thumb until San is coming back with the missing lace to keep the pants from falling.</p><p>He wants to come back again. Actually, he wants to do a lot of things with San, but he is still unsure of San’s feelings.</p><p>It’s a fact, Wooyoung likes San. Maybe since the very first day they met, maybe all those feelings started gathering at the back of his mind since that day and he just realized. Either way, he likes San. Differently. It’s not like a friend, it’s not desire. It’s just San making him feel happy. Genuinely happy, and that’s something he has not experienced since his mother died.</p><p>But San, he is still a mystery. </p><p>Wooyoung has suffered enough for his short age to just risk it all. San is an amazing friend he doesn’t want to lose, not just because he wants to hold his hand. Not until he finds out if he is just being nice or if he really thought of kissing him back in the kitchen.</p><p>“Here it is,” San appears again in the room, wearing that neon hoodie he was wearing the day after, lace in hand. “Had to ask Mingi for one, so maybe it’s a bit long. But, we will tie it hard. Now, I think it will be easier if you take off the pants.”</p><p>“Or I could put it,” Wooyoung offers, hand in the air.</p><p>“I will be faster.”</p><p>“I don’t think so, just give it to me.”</p><p>In the end, Wooyoung is the one putting the lace back into the pants, but it’s San who ties it in front of his abdomen, pulling hard enough for his feet to move forward. </p><p>"Be careful."</p><p>San's response is nothing but a soft chuckle. </p><p>"Done. Ready for skating."</p><p>"Bet I fall on my face," Wooyoung mumbles. </p><p>"Bet I will too," San reaffirms. "I know shit about skating."</p><p>"Same as Mingi?"</p><p>"Hmmm," San's hands move from Wooyoung's waist to his chest, where he starts playing with the hoodie's cords instead. "More like playing it cool meanwhile I'm screaming internally for my life."</p><p>Wooyoung scoffs. "Aren't you a biker?"</p><p>"And?"</p><p>"You're not scared of racing at maximum speed but of skating?"</p><p>"It's not the same thing," San clicks his tongue, spending way too many time trying to adjust the cords until they're the same length. Wooyoung has been unable to breathe correctly for a couple minutes, just like what happened in the morning. "I have fully control of Betty, but that nameless skateboard? That's like trying to drive a spaceship."</p><p>Wooyoung roses a brow. "Have you ever drove an spaceship?"</p><p>"In a dream, once. And I ended up crashing into Uranus," San immediately looks up, hands freezing, panic shining on his eyes. Or maybe is Wooyoung's own panic, lips parting a little as they stay silent for a few seconds. "The planet, you know."</p><p>"Uh huh," Wooyoung nods, sweat covering every inch of his body. "Yeah. But that was a dream."</p><p>"Scary and very vivid dream."</p><p>San finally lets go, both hands flying to his nape. Wooyoung uses the chance to wipe off the sweat of his hands over the hoodie, clearing his throat before speaking again.</p><p>"Maybe you should name the skateboard," he suggests in a tiny voice. "Maybe that way you'd be in control."</p><p>"You seem very interested in me skating," San tiptoes back, shifting glances all over the room instead of just looking into Wooyoung's eyes. "Do you have a thing for skaters? Because if that's so, you're in the wrong room. Jongho's at the end of the aisle."</p><p>Even when San laughs, it's not a sincere sound. It shrieks on Wooyoung's ears, and it also makes his heart skip a beat. For a single moment, the colors in San's expression twisted in a way that make him look… <em> 'Pissed? </em>'</p><p>Wooyoung bites down onto his lower lip, getting more confused than he was before. It was subtle, and after what Hongjoong and Yunho told him that night, he is still trying to be cautious. Even when he trusts San, he doesn't trust himself.</p><p>He doesn't trust that part of his soul that gives more than he will ever get back. </p><p>"Hmm, no. I think I'm in the right room," he gathers all the courage left on his body to blurt those words, making San tilt his head to one side, curious. "I like…," Wooyoung panics, "the blanket."</p><p>"The blanket?"</p><p>"Yeah. It's soft, and smells good," Wooyoung's not lying.</p><p>"I fiercely believe Jongho and I use the same cloth softener."</p><p>Wooyoung sighs, nervously stuttering. "I like it better, okay?"</p><p>Without a reason, San chuckles. Hiding his face in one hand before he is staring right into Wooyoung's eyes—for, like, a millisecond.</p><p>"It's so difficult to say you like me?" He babbles all of sudden, catching Wooyoung completely naked. Emotionally naked, and maybe literally naked because he is wearing San's pants right now.</p><p>San told him: how easy to read he was.</p><p>What if he San knows? What if the reason he is doing all this is because of that? What if he is not being clear just because he doesn't want to break his heart? </p><p>
  <em> 'No. He won't pity me, he said it. He…'  </em>
</p><p>Wooyoung's head starts buzzing like a mad hive ready to protect their queen from the imminent danger. That's Choi San slowly walking towards him, pulling him into a hug.</p><p>Wooyoung's body freeze.</p><p>"I like you," San whispers, one hand circling on his back. "Try it, it's not that difficult."</p><p>"Do you like me," Wooyoung is mumbling after a while, San's arms lazily resting on top of him, "or it was something I should repeat?"</p><p>San moves enough to catch his cheeks with one hand and squeeze. Eyes moving slowly, sliding through his nose and crashing into his pouty lips.</p><p>"Did you know you have a mole on your lip?"</p><p>
  <em> 'He is totally dodging the question. </em>
</p><p>Wooyoung doesn't reply, suddenly petrifying on the spot as San runs his thumb over his lower lip. His legs start trembling, but they won't ever reach the trembling of his heart. Battling inside, trying to decide if he is scared or excited. </p><p>"I like it," San says, smiling to himself.</p><p>After that, he leaves the room with the excuse of brushing his teeth, even when he did it already. Wooyoung takes a hand to his lips.</p><p>They're warm.</p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>San's heart never raced so fast.</p><p><em> No. </em> That's a lie. </p><p>He remembers a time where his heart started beating so fast, so painfully, he thought he was gonna die. The blood rushing like a vicious river, piercing his veins from the inside. It hurt. </p><p>It hurts now, but it's different from the time he ran away from home. It's a sweet pain. Eating him from the deepest part of his heart, making him all warm and sweaty. A song only for him to listen, a subtle mutter flourishing from a big crowd. The feeling Yunho told him about, the one whose name he doesn't remember but he is starting to wonder if it rhymes with Wooyoung. </p><p>"You look like shit," Mingi is the first one speaking as he reaches the place they're both sitting—Yunho and Mingi—as the rest claps for another successful trick coming from Yeosang. Even Wooyoung's there. "Did sunset boy reject you?" </p><p>San clicks his tongue, scowling. "What are you saying?"</p><p>"You two have been acting weird since we left," Mingi resumes, eyes focused on him but fingers moving gracefully on Yunho's hair, putting a lot of pink clips on the bright blue. "Did something happen?"</p><p>A lot, is what San wants to say. He takes a sit next to Yunho without saying a thing, eyes fixed on his friends and all the stray kids cheering for Jongho now. </p><p>"Nothing big," San shrugs. "That's our thing, one second we are best friends and the next one we are bickering. And, of course, I didn't confess."</p><p>"Scared he rejects you?" Mingi snorts.</p><p>"What are you saying, Min?" Yunho rolls his eyes, leaning all his body weight into his shoulder. "It's obvious he is waiting for San to make a move."</p><p>San gulps. "No, he doesn't," he shakes his head, gaze falling to the ground. "He is excited because he never felt like having friends. Or a family."</p><p>"Oh, San," Yunho sighs. "I never thought you'd be this blind."</p><p>San blinks. </p><p>"It's obvious the boy it's waiting for you step forward. I don't know his reasons, but he won't do a thing until you do it. But, believe me, he is dying to kiss you."</p><p>"How are you so sure?"</p><p>"They don't call me The Collector for nothing," Yunho says proudly, receiving a soft pat in the cheek.</p><p>"No one calls you that," says Mingi.</p><p>"You're supposed to support me."</p><p>"I'm supporting the facts." </p><p>San looks forward, right where Wooyoung is standing right now. Hand in hand with Changbin, miserably trying to ride the skate without shaking. On his face, a smile that moves up to his eyes. Strong enough to make San pull out his phone and take a picture. </p><p>He still stands by the same: he wants Wooyoung happy. <em> Like this. </em> But maybe the way his heart is beating is trying to whisper something to him he doesn’t get.</p><p>"Yun, you once told me about that feeling when you start getting conscious of your own heart beats. What was it called?"</p><p>"Rubatosis," Yunho says right away.</p><p>"Sounds like an illness," Mingi scrunches his nose.</p><p>"Why do you ask?" Yunho's foot brushes San's. </p><p>"I was just curious," the boy sighs, throwing his head back and looking to the sky. Gray, cloudy. He loves these type of days the most. "So, you're sure Wooyoung is not interested in just friendship?"</p><p>Yunho chuckles. </p><p>"Never said that. Just that everyone noticed the way he was looking at you during lunch. But," Yunho stops for a second, resting his face on both hands, eyes following the same direction Wooyoung is standing. "It's not like he wants to go past friendship. I think it's more like—"</p><p>"He feels freed," Mingi interrupts, attracting both boys attention. "It happened to me, when I meet you," he says, pinching one of Yunho's cheeks. "My life was boring, plain, not excited at all, but when I met Yun, the colors suddenly splattered in front of me and I felt like the chains on my wrist broke. I don't know shit about Wooyoung, but when he looks at you, he reminds me to myself." </p><p>Yunho blinks, surprised.</p><p>"Well, that was beautiful."</p><p>It is more than that, it makes San think about what happened in the past month. Since that night they met till the hug they shared less than one hour ago. Images of Wooyoung falling everywhere, blinding him in some strange blizzard. The very first time San saw Wooyoung, he was as gray as the sky covering their heads. </p><p>Wooyoung now, on the picture he just took, looks like a bright sunny sky.</p><p>Unconsciously, he searches for Wooyoung again, finding him feverishly talking with Hyunjin. He does look happy, happier than he looked weeks ago. It makes him feel that thing in his chest again, feeling goosebumps traveling all over his body once Wooyoung tilts his head, eyes catching San's, almost like they can read each other's minds.</p><p>And he smiles. </p><p>"What about you, <em> Sanshine </em>?" Mingi asks. "How do you feel towards Wooyoung?" </p><p>For the past five years, San has been living inside his own shell. He does love his family, they are the best thing that ever happened to him. The salvation from the world he needed the most. But he knew the place he stepped in. Bikers know what’s ahead of them, life isn't sugar coated, everything can collapse at any moment. They need to get ready to fight life. Not lonely, but alone.</p><p>With Wooyoung, he feels different. He wants to get out the shell, hold his hand, and never be alone again. </p><p>"I want to save him," is what he repeats.</p><p>And this time, he is half lying. He wants to save Wooyoung, from the loneliness. He wants to give him a place where he can be this happy without worrying. </p><p>But, he also wants Wooyoung to save him from solitude.</p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>From: wooyoung ☕🖤 [7:34 PM]</b>
</p><p>hey</p><p>I just wanted to tell you I already left</p><p>you know, I need to finish my project </p><p>I tried to search for you but yunho told me you disappeared </p><p>hope youre okay</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>san</b>
</p><p>hey</p><p>im fine !!</p><p>seonghwa called me for work</p><p>but you looked so happy I didn't want to sadden you with my departure </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>From: wooyoung ☕🖤 [7:36 P.M]</b>
</p><p>i see</p><p>work as in racing?</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>san</b>
</p><p>nope</p><p>its a secret work I cant tell u about</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>From: wooyoung ☕🖤 [7:36 P.M]</b>
</p><p>scared I tell my father?</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>san</b>
</p><p>scared you ran away</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>From: wooyoung ☕🖤 [7:38 P.M]</b>
</p><p>wtf san ?</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>san</b>
</p><p>its okay &lt;3</p><p>good luck with your project </p><p>I had so much fun with you</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>From: wooyoung ☕🖤 [7:40 P.M]</b>
</p><p>thanks </p><p>me too</p><p>for that, I wanted to say goodbye </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>san</b>
</p><p>you're still wearing my pants, right?</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>From: wooyoung ☕🖤 [7:41 P.M]</b>
</p><p>just bc I left my jeans at yours</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>san</b>
</p><p>i know</p><p>we'll have to meet again </p><p>so dont make a fuss, okay?</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>From: wooyoung ☕🖤 [7:42 P.M]</b>
</p><p>im not making a fuss</p><p>i just feel like we have a lot to talk about</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>san</b>
</p><p>are u breaking up with me again?</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>From: wooyoung ☕🖤 [7:42 P.M]</b>
</p><p>idiot.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>san</b>
</p><p>dont worry okay?</p><p>we'll talk </p><p>in a place where no one can interrupt us</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>From: wooyoung ☕🖤 [7:45 P.M]</b>
</p><p>okay</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>san</b>
</p><p>I have to go now</p><p>goodnight &lt;3</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>from: wooyoung ☕🖤 [7:46 P.M]</b>
</p><p>goodnight, san </p><p>
  <br/>
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</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>when I said slow burn I took it way too seriously this story is slower than Flash from zootopia<br/>anyway there's a hint on the last part of the chapter hehe ♡</p><p>(my <a href="https://twitter.com/_blueaurora">twitter</a> !!)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. 'Cause My Heart Softens To Your Name</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>happy sunday everyone and HAPPY BIRTHDAY SONG MINGI ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡</p><p>is this chapter a filler? maybe<br/>does this chapter have a lot of info and hints? Y E S</p><p>I'm sorry if this chapter feels boring, I like the story being told here (about Woo) but I myself know it's not the best chapter :( anyway I hope you enjoy your reading!!</p><p>chapter tittle <a href="https://youtu.be/5jM57P3G8p0">inspiration</a> &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p> </p><p>Bubble baths were never a thing Wooyoung liked. When he was little, his mother used to prepare the bath for him with extra soap just so they could play with the bubbles for as long as they could. He remembers the sound of water splattering with every movement of his arms or legs, the soap on his head pretending to be a very flamboyant hairstyle, the happiness dripping onto the lukewarm water and the cherry scent dancing around with the hot stem. Even though bubble baths weren't his thing, they were his mother thing. If she was happy, Wooyoung was too.</p><p>After so long, Wooyoung thought playing with the bubbles would make him feel better. That that cherry soap hiding on the back of the cabinet and the bubbles exploding onto his skin would brush his worries away like it used to be.</p><p>It doesn't, and buried in calm pink bubbles, he just cries out of frustration for as long as he can.</p><p>
  <em> "Wooyoung?" </em>
</p><p>For a reason, the only solution he finds to stop that sadness twisting inside his chest, is calling San once he is back into his room. Covered in a warm towel, hair still dripping wet. At the other side of the line, San’s voice reminds him to his mother’s giggles.</p><p>
  <em> "Hey, I can hear you breathing. Wait—are you crying?"  </em>
</p><p>Wooyoung shakes his negative even when San can't see him and he is visibly crying his eyes out without knowing how to stop. On San’s side, he can hear a lot of sound. Voices, laughs, screaming. <em> Life. </em></p><p>Something his dark and quiet house can not compare to.</p><p>"I am not," Wooyoung sniffs.</p><p><em> "Don't you dare lie to me, idiot," </em> suddenly, San's voice becomes clearer. Maybe he moved rooms just for them to have some privacy. It makes Wooyoung feel a little bit better in just a second, chest swelling and slowly letting go of the pain. <em> "What happened?" </em></p><p>"It's stupid,” Wooyoung bites his lower lip.</p><p>
  <em> "Yet you called me." </em>
</p><p>Wooyoung shrugs, shrinking more in the towel, brushing one of his shoulders. "I wanted to hear your voice."</p><p>San falls in silence, nothing but his breathing being heard at the other side of the line. Wooyoung purses his lips in discomfort. Obviously, calling San was an error as well. He was feeling low, not drowning in water but on his own thoughts. Having no one to talk, but San. Yet, maybe their relationship it’s not on that point yet.</p><p><em> "That's nice," </em> San's voice is soft, a smile sketching at the back of Wooyoung's mind. <em> "Do I have a pretty voice?" </em></p><p>Or maybe San is just speechless. </p><p>"It's not that,” Wooyoung shakes his head slowly, dry tears kissing the skin of his cheeks.</p><p><em> "Once again you're making things difficult. Will you tell me what happens?" </em> Wooyoung doesn't say a thing at first, biting hard into his lower lip, so San keeps going with a loud sigh. <em> "Okay, then I will tell you what happens to me. The other day I bought those strawberry cookies you told me about. I wanted to see if they were as tasty as you claimed." </em></p><p>Wooyoung lips slightly curl up in a smile. "Are they?"</p><p><em> "Don't know!" </em> San laughs. <em> "The three grossketeers ate them all!" </em></p><p>"Who?"</p><p>
  <em> "Min, Yun and Sang, of course. Apparently they share everything, even my own things. They didn't leave not even one. I'm sorry." </em>
</p><p>Wooyoung can’t help but think how cute San sounds, how he lives his life so brightly the only thing that could be bothering him at one in the morning of a quiet friday is that he doesn’t have cookies. In some way, San’s cheerful personality is so like his mother’s. Wooyoung wishes he could be just like that.</p><p>"I do," he starts, feet meeting the floor. It’s cold. "I do have some cookies here. I can give them to you."</p><p>
  <em> "Isn't a little bit late for you to be out of bed?" </em>
</p><p>Wooyoung clicks his tongue. "Are you serious?"</p><p>
  <em> "You have an 8AM practice tomorrow, idiot. You've been crying about it since Monday. I'm just taking care of your sleeping schedule." </em>
</p><p>"It's okay. I don't think I'll be able to sleep anyway. So, want the cookies?"</p><p><em> "Want to know what happened, but everything's sweeter with cookies.” </em> San sighs, then he stretches his arms in the air. Wooyoung can tell for the way a groan escapes his throat. <em> “I'll be there in half an hour." </em></p><p>"Hmm."</p><p>Wooyoung hangs up first, opening his drawer to pick up warm clothes, and San's jacket. He is home alone, so there's no one stopping him when he jumps into the living room at one in the morning and opens his door to the same biker he met one month ago. The biker he thought he would never see again, and yet, the only one he goes when he feels like his chest is gonna break. It’s kind of scary, but right now he doesn’t have time to think about that. He just wants to see San. </p><p>(And, he does also forget the cookies).</p><p>San appears exactly thirty minutes after, just like he said, wearing his jacket and perfect makeup shining on his face when he turns off the engine and takes off his helmet. Eyeliner, red eyeshadow, sparkly lipgloss. There’s even a small amount of glitter falling like beautiful shadows all over his cheeks. </p><p>Wooyoung is glad he pulled the zipper up his mouth, that way San can’t see the way his lips part open by itself, bewildered with the view displayed in front of him. San isn’t real.</p><p>“You look good tonight,” San's the one speaking, though, making Wooyoung jolt on the spot. Blinking repeatedly, falling into the deep dimples on his cheeks. “Your hair looks amazing. Did you change your shampoo?”</p><p>Wooyoung has to bite his tongue to retrain all those thoughts again. It’s not the time to be wondering if San likes him or not.</p><p>“Hmm, yeah. Kinda,” he’s not gonna admit he just took a bubble bath—neither the fact he cried on top of pink water. “What’s with all the makeup? Going somewhere?”</p><p>“Oh,” San parts his lips, almost like he remembered everything. “We were celebrating.”</p><p>“Celebrating what?”</p><p>San shrugs. “You don’t need an excuse to celebrate. We’re alive and happy, I think that’s a good reason.”</p><p>“Why did you come?” Wooyoung is soon mumbling, foot scratching the floor. “Bet you were having a good time.”</p><p>San’s smile is able to reach Wooyoung’s heart in a second.</p><p>“I was having a good time, until the gross lovers stole my cookies, of course. You, on the other side, weren’t."</p><p>"That's why you're here?" Wooyoung takes a deep breath, eyes going from San’s eyes to the way his lips curve. “Worried I wasn’t having a good time?”</p><p>San smiles.</p><p>"You called me, I couldn’t just go to sleep without making sure you were okay. Jump in," San tends him the helmet, this time is yet another one. The sticker of a shark welcoming him tonight. Wooyoung noticed every single one of them have a sticker on their helmets, like the blue whale on Yunho’s, or the goldfish on Mingi’s, or even the mountain on San’s. It’s cute. “What are you thinking?”</p><p>Wooyoung shakes his head, hands on his pockets.</p><p>“Can I ride without the helmet?” He asks in a small voice, almost sheepishly. </p><p>San raises a brow. “What? That’s dangerous.”</p><p>“You did it, the night we met.”</p><p>“Yeah, because we had just mine,” the boy says, frowning a little. “What the hell happened, Wooyoung? I don’t think it's something big enough for wanting to die.”</p><p>Wooyoung scoffs. “I don’t want to die, I just want to feel the air on my face.”</p><p>“Gelid air,” San points.</p><p>“Whatever. I want it. Just go really slow, even when that word isn’t saved on your personal dictionary.”</p><p>San purses his lips in discomfort, thinking about it for a second before putting the helmet back around his elbow. Wooyoung’s legs are trembling, surprised the boy accepts it so fast.</p><p>“Okay. But I’ll give you just five minutes, then you will put on the helmet,” he orders, so Wooyoung doesn’t have the strength to go against it. Not that he wants to.</p><p>Jumping in, he feels closer to San. Not only spiritually, but physically. Without the helmet on, he can glue his body to his back, cheek pressed into it. Warm. Arms tightly wrapped around his waist because he is conscious of how dangerous that is. Eyes closed as tight. He is scared, but the week’s been a little bit rough. Actually, the year has been. And they’re barely on the second month of the year. He wants to feel like he felt back then, the world blurring around him. For a brief moment, soul detaching from his body.</p><p>Just Wooyoung, and nothing more.</p><p>When the breeze hits his face, he feels how every little worry leaves his body.</p><p>For the first time since they met, San drives at a slow pace. Not slow enough for them to fall, neither fast enough for them to crash. It’s something in between. It gives Wooyoung some time to think, opening his eyes after a while to watch the world that passes next to him. It’s dark, and still blurry. But it’s beautiful.</p><p>Wooyoung never realized how badly he wants to disappear from his world since his mother did, leaving him alone without a place he can call his own. Crying now feels different than crying in the bathtub.</p><p>Wooyoung feels the subtle touch of San’s gloved fingers over his hand before realizing they’re not moving anymore. “The careless ride ends here, Mister. Now, put on the helmet. Please.”</p><p>“Can’t we stay here for a while?” Wooyoung’s voice comes out muffled, cheek still pressed into San’s back. He blinks repeateadly to brush his cold tears again.</p><p>“In the middle of nowhere?”</p><p>“Hmm.”</p><p>“Hey,” San’s voice turn softer, fingers brushing Wooyoung’s hand with delicacy, “you know you can tell me, right?”</p><p>Wooyoung sighs then. “You’ll laugh at me.”</p><p>“Why would I?”</p><p>“Because this is a ridiculous thing to become sad.”</p><p>San chuckles. “I get moody when my friends steal my food. Rather than laugh at you, I think I’m the only person that will sympathize with you. So, don’t be dumb. More than you are, I mean.”</p><p>Wooyoung presses his lips on a thin line.</p><p>“Remember that project I had to get done on Saturday?” He starts slowly, and it’s then when San decides to turn off the engine and take off the helmet.</p><p>“Yeah, I remember. We couldn’t say goodbye and you got all sad. Wait, that’s the reason we are here?”</p><p>“I did not get sad!” Wooyoung groans. “And it is not. It’s the project. I got a bad grade. A really bad grade.”</p><p>
  <em> ‘That’s it. Ridiculous.’ </em>
</p><p>“How bad?” San asks.</p><p>“If I want to graduate, I need to remake it. From the start. And right now I don’t know where to begin, I thought I did well…”</p><p>Wooyoung stops talking to move a little, eyes still open as he presses his forehead in the middle of San’s back. There’s no movement coming from the boy aside from his slow breathing. Even after all, that silence confirms what he was thinking: it’s ridiculous, there’s a lot of people with worse problems smiling and here he is, crying because of a bad grade. When did every simple and small detail start hurting him that badly?</p><p>Why is he telling it to San?</p><p>
  <em> ‘Why did I call him?’ </em>
</p><p>“You did,” San breathes after a while, one of his hands moving to caress Wooyoung’s thigh. The touch burn even over his pants.</p><p>“Hmm?”</p><p>“You did well.”</p><p>Wooyoung shakes his head.</p><p>“Don’t make me say the grade out loud if you don’t want me to cry again,” Wooyoung hisses, which makes San giggle into the back of his free hand. “What’s so funny?”</p><p>“You, idiot.”</p><p>“Dumbass.”</p><p>“Silly Wooyoung,” San sighs, head hitting Wooyoung’s as he leans back, hair tickling his forehead, resting his body there. “You did well. You worked hard on that project. You gave your all. That grade means nothing, because you did well.”</p><p>Wooyoung presses his lips in a thin line, eyes fixed on his own hands resting on his legs. A little blurry, throat shrinking a little around those words.</p><p>
  <em> You did well. </em>
</p><p>“How are you so sure?” He asks in a muffled voice.</p><p>San just shrugs at first. “I’ve already told you, you’re easy to read. I know you’re not that type of person that gives up. Either if it is to recover what’s yours, or to work on a project,” Wooyoung raises is head then, San falling on top of him. Feet glued to the ground so the bike doesn’t crash, head pressed onto his shoulder. Eyes closed. Right now, under the moonlight, San looks breathtaking. Might it be the makeup or just his smile. “You’re doing well, Wooyoung.”</p><p>Looking down at his face, Wooyoung can’t help but cry again. Warm tears sliding through his cheeks until they're crashing into San’s own. San scrunches his nose.</p><p>“Are you crying on me?” He laughs.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Wooyoung sniffles, hand wiping his tears away. “Thank you.”</p><p>“Thank me for reminding you, not for telling you. There’s a big difference.”</p><p>Wooyoung nods to himself. If only San knew how much he is thanking him with that. How much he helped him since that first night they met, he wouldn’t be resting all his soul into him like that. </p><p>San’s phone is ringing not much longer after that, boy answering in a lazy voice, still resting his body over Wooyoung. Thanks to the quietness of the night, Wooyoung is able to catch Yunho’s always cheerful tone at the other side. San listens to him for a second before he is putting the phone far from his ear and activating the hand-free system, smile breaking through his lips.</p><p>“Can you repeat that, Yun?” He asks in a cute voice that has Wooyoung’s spine trembling.</p><p><em> “Huh? Are you deaf?” </em> A laugh, but it’s not Yunho’s, it’s Jongho’s. <em> “I said to bring Wooyoung along. You’re with him, right? I mean, it was pretty obvious for the way you stole Jongho’s helmet, even when Hwa thinks you’re doing dangerous shit again. We know you ran to him.” </em></p><p>San chuckles, ignoring everything being said. “I’ll have to ask him. It’s pretty late.”</p><p><em> “WOOYOUNG! IT’S YUNHO! </em> ” The boy suddenly yells, making both of them jolt  in surprise and for Mingi to scream back at the other side. <em> “Let me talk with him, Shooting Star, I wanna convince him.” </em></p><p>“We both heard you loud and clear,” San says, putting emphasis on the <em> loud. </em>“Thanks for making us go deaf.”</p><p>Yunho just laughs for a second before he is putting the phone real close to his lips as he speaks.</p><p><em> “Wooyoung, how are you?” </em> Surprisingly, that’s the first thing he asks, making Wooyoung warm inside. Looking at San, the boy tilts his head as a way of telling him to just answer.</p><p>“Hmm, I’m fine. Thanks. H-How are you?”</p><p>
  <em> “I’m amazing! I was telling San we are preparing hot cocoa, you should tag along. We miss you." </em>
</p><p>Wooyoung doesn't let those words sink in his heart, knowing perfectly he is just saying it for compassion. Or that's what rumbles in his mind for a few seconds, until another voice is joining Yunho's. </p><p><em> "I miss you the most," </em> is Jongho. <em> "Also, you promised to massage my legs if I could learn a trick in less than a week and I learnt four." </em></p><p><em> "You challenged Jongho!" </em> Mingi laughs, the same bubbles surrounding him on the tub one hour ago tickling him from the inside. <em> "Let's go for that massage." </em></p><p><em> "And the cocoa!" </em> Yeosang adds. <em> “By the way, Yun, your kitchen ceiling is filled with chocolate now.” </em></p><p><em> “What?” </em> Yunho cries, putting the phone far from his mouth.</p><p>San scowls, putting his lips extra close to the speaker when he talks, making sure they all hear him. "Why do I feel you all prefer Wooyoung over me?"</p><p>Wooyoung can't help but smile.</p><p><em> "Because he is cuter," </em>Yunho giggles.</p><p><em> "And he doesn't fight me," </em> Mingi adds.</p><p>"Oh, just wait. You still owe me for all the food you've stolen from me."</p><p>
  <em> "It wasn't me!" </em>
</p><p>There are laughs coming from the other side of the line, that life Wooyoung barely experienced before taking over his shoulders and sending him to sleep without worries. San sighs, looking at him.</p><p>"We're going?" He whispers.</p><p>"I guess it would be nice."</p><p>He catches the loud cheer coming from the Fellaz before San is hanging up and lending him the helmet. Jongho’s shark helmet. This time, he doesn't start the engine until Wooyoung is fully protected. </p><p>Riding San’s back at almost two in the morning, Wooyoung learns something: it wasn’t the bubble baths what made him feel better, it was his mother. And just like she did when he was little, these boys are able to brush every worry out, clean every tear and warm him up.</p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>Yunho's house is far from Wooyoung's, far enough to make San wonder if the boy will be okay in the morning as they head to the new direction. It was already late when he left his house, and now they have to go to the outskirts of the city. Yet, Wooyoung seems calm, once again, enjoying it. Running away from home. San wonders again, if that's what he wants. If, as Mingi said, he wants to be free.</p><p>If he feels free with him.</p><p>It’s been bugging San for a while now, since Seonghwa called him in the middle of their skate afternoon and he had to leave without saying goodbye because he didn’t know how to face Wooyoung. Coming back to him is so easy it’s scary. </p><p>San feels drawn to Wooyoung, but at the same time he doesn’t want to mistake loneliness with love. And he’s a mess. He just hopes Wooyoung’s mind is clearer.</p><p>"You're late!" Yunho is already waiting for them outside the building, that has nothing to do with the tall and new city constructions from the city center, being nothing but an old, summer-time stance with nothing more but three floors. The boy, engulfed in Mingi's long coat, is shivering. </p><p>"What are you doing outside?" San asks, helping Wooyoung get off.</p><p>"I lost a bet," Yunho clicks his teeth together, opening the door for them. "C'mon, I don't wanna freeze to death. How are you, Wooyoung?”</p><p>San rolls his eyes. “You already asked that.”</p><p>“It took you one hour to arrive, maybe he feels different.”</p><p>Both boys turn around to eye Wooyoung, the boy simply shrugging. “I’m still fine. Craving chocolate.”</p><p>Yunho smiles bright. “Great, because we have tons of it! Mingi’s credit card is shivering as much as me.”</p><p>“Thought it was handmade,” San points.</p><p>“It was, but Mingi spilled everything,” Yunho sighs, calling for the old elevator. “That’s why he paid for it.”</p><p>“Why did you come here, though?” San asks once they’re warm and comfy inside the elevator, brushing his arms in search of warmth.</p><p>“Hongjoong asked us for some private time, you know."</p><p>"Oh, wonderful. Are you lending me a blanket tonight?"</p><p>Yunho snorts, eyes falling onto Wooyoung the next second. San follows the direction of his gaze. The boy looks better than he did when he arrived to his house, eyes still a little puffy, though. Making him wonder how many time did he spend crying.</p><p>"Just if Wooyoung stays,” Yunho adds, cheerful.</p><p>Not only Wooyoung opens his eyes in surprise, San does too. Knowing Yunho for almost six years isn't enough to get used to the boy always coming up with random things like that. San bites his tongue.</p><p>"Hmm, I–"</p><p>"He has an early practice tomorrow," San jumps in, hand falling onto his shoulder. "We'll drink the choco and then I'll bring him back home."</p><p>Yunho's lips move a little, a subtle smile curving its edges. </p><p>"Is that what you want?" He asks Wooyoung.</p><p>The boy doesn't have the time to answer, elevator's door opening to Mingi. San is glad. </p><p>Mingi frowns before pinching Yunho's cheek.</p><p>"It took you too long, I'm bored!"</p><p>"What the hell are you doing?" San sighs. </p><p>"Yeosang won," Mingi rolls his eyes, everything said with that. "You look cool, Wooyoung."</p><p>"Thanks, you too."</p><p>Wooyoung's voice is soft, and as how he stared at San just one hour ago, he does with Mingi. Probably because of the smashed makeup Yeosang carefully did hours ago when their little party started. Maybe because of the lipstick marks on his neck and jaw that totally match the faded tone on Yunho's lips. Maybe both.</p><p>San smiles a little, hand over one of his shoulders as they walk into Yunho's flat. The boy shrinks a little, not because he feels uncomfortable, but because he is back into the real world.</p><p>"Don't listen to Yunho," San whispers, getting close to his ear. "I'll take you home."</p><p>"Uh huh,” he nods. “Yeah."</p><p>It's subtle, but for a second, it seems to be like he doesn't want to go home. San presses his lips together. Once they're inside, Wooyoung is quickly snatched from his arms. </p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>For the first time in years, the world that surrounds him is alive and warm. </p><p>Sitting on a couch that isn't his own and sharing a cup of hot chocolate with a bunch of bikers at almost three in the morning brings Wooyoung such innocent bliss. He can’t describe it with words, but for sure the type he never thought he could get from such scenario.</p><p>All the bad thoughts, the pressure inside his chest, the lump on his throat threatening him with the longest cry of his life, all that, is long gone. And the only things he has is a happy heart, a warm chest and a numb body.</p><p>Sitting next to him, San has been secretly playing with the hair of the back of his head. Movement so slow it just seems he is resting his arm on the backrest of the couch, looking so distracted Wooyoung thinks he is doing it out of habit and would have done the same with Yeosang, who's resting his body on Yunho's lap. He seems too immersed on his thoughts, far too long from this world. </p><p>Wooyoung doesn't complain at all, tasting the sweet chocolate on his tongue.</p><p>"We should play a game," Mingi, that has been snuggling close to Yunho, says as he finishes his cup.</p><p>"What kinda?" Yeosang asks. "Monopoly?"</p><p>"No, I don't want to go back to jail. What about <em> truth or dare </em>?"</p><p>San snorts, suddenly coming back alive, and the vibrations of his laugh travel all the way down to Wooyoung's chest. Their legs bump when he moves. Maybe they are a little bit too close to be the only ones in the couch. No one says a thing.</p><p>"We're not fifteen anymore," he blurts.</p><p>"But we are drinking at three in the morning."</p><p>"We are drinking hot chocolate like grandpas," Jongho adds with a yawn, at which Yunho sighs dreamingly.</p><p>"I wish I was a grandpa."</p><p>"Let's play, c'mon," Mingi pouts.</p><p>San tilts his head, fingers grabbing Wooyoung’s hair with his thumb and index and pulling softly. That totally tells Wooyoung the fact San <em> is </em> conscious of what he is doing even if he wasn’t paying attention, and that once again, he doesn't care.</p><p>Wooyoung wishes he could be like San.</p><p>"Have you ever played?" He asks, breaking any romantic vibe that could be floating around.</p><p>Wooyoung frowns. "Do you think I've been living inside a box?"</p><p>"I'm asking if you've played, not if you've heard about it."</p><p>"What's the difference?"</p><p>"Playing with Yeosang is like jumping straight to the final boss, I would've wanted you to have some prep before."</p><p>Wooyoung rolls his eyes, much to his regret, moving his head far enough for San's hand to fall onto his back.</p><p>"I'll be okay."</p><p>"Yeah, why are you scaring him?" Yeosang pouts. "You're making me look like some kind of monster."</p><p>"Wait, are we playing for real?" Jongho sighs.</p><p>"Don't be a baby, Jongho. I will start," Mingi raises a hand in the air. "Ask me something." </p><p>“You seem excited to reveal all your dark secrets, Min,” Yeosang laughs, but still throws a question at him, forgetting the part where he needs to ask truth or dare first.</p><p>Wooyoung leans back, catching San's hand in the way, soon forgetting about the question to fully focus on the boy sitting next to him. San is staring at him.</p><p>"Sorry," he babbles, moving to one side.</p><p>"It's okay," San says, hand still resting on the same spot. "Does it bother you?"</p><p>"Your hand?" San nods. He isn't smirking neither laughing, he is just staring at him. Tired eyes surrounded by glitter, black hair falling all over his face. It's the first time Wooyoung gets to see this side of San, looking like some kind of reminiscence that youth will never come back. That the time is now, one simple wrong set of words can end it all. "It's okay."</p><p>"Cool."</p><p>As he leans back again, Wooyoung has to bite his tongue. He is twenty-one, but he has nearly lived. He lost a lot of years, a lot of memories. If he looks back into his teenage years, he has nothing. Being around San won't bring that back, but it makes everything ahead a little brighter for a reason. Not only San, but what San brought to him. The boys laughing loudly in front of him, overflowing in happiness.</p><p>San's fingers move on his back for as long the game goes on, almost like he is reassuring him. Not for the game, as the questions he gets are really light contrary to what San said, but for the night. San said he was like an open book, but as the days pass and they get closer, Wooyoung can't help but think in reality it's just that San is a really good reader. Taking his time to carefully admire the cover and the pages first, smelling it, eyes reading that sentence so slowly it takes him years to reach the end. But he enjoys the ride. He becomes a master of every single book that lays on his hands.</p><p>It's not a surprise San has a lot of admirers, as Mingi claims in the middle of a question Wooyoung didn't get to hear. Falling for San is like riding his own bike: you don't realize how fun it is until you're on your feet, wanting to jump in again. </p><p>"Hey," as Yeosang jumps from Yunho's lap to sit next to Jongho and dare him to call Seonghwa, San's hand crawls all the way from his back to his neck again. "Wanna ditch the party?" There's already a tired smile sketched on San's lips, head falling over the couch. </p><p>"Where?" Wooyoung scooches closer, whispering so no one hears them, even when they’re too focused on the phone to see if Seonghwa would pick up.</p><p>San points at the only door at the end of the aisle. "The roof. I need some air."</p><p>Wooyoung doesn't care about the game, and if he has to be honest, he wants to be with San. He has never craved something so bad as how he craves holding his hand, giving him a hug. </p><p>Exiting the flat and walking into the roof, Wooyoung feels suffocated. Heart pounding, being the only OST sounding in the distance. The wind is cold, viciously eating their cheeks as they get close to the railing. San pulls out a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket.</p><p>"You smoke?" Wooyoung asks, a little surprised.</p><p>"I don't," San lights the cigarette, giving it a deep puff before smiling brightly at him, "frequently, I mean. It's raspberry flavoured, wanna try?"</p><p>Wooyoung is fast in declining the offer, shaking his head and pointing his gaze towards the lights of the city that opens in front of them. Yunho's flat is far from the city, so it has the most perfect view of the place. Illuminated, like an evening sky. Almost unreal, yet not as much as the roof he is standing on. Where time seems to stop and twist around them, playing with the wind and their hair.</p><p>For as long as it takes San to finish the cigarette, they remain silent. </p><p>"Are you feeling better?" San is the one breaking the silence, throwing the cigarette to the ground before stepping on it.</p><p>"Yeah, thanks. You always know what to do to make me forget about… Life problems."</p><p>"I'm glad I'm helpful."</p><p>Wooyoung has to bite his tongue to not spill how much San has helped him since they met. He is scared his words affect him in a negative way. Scared San realizes he is catching feelings when he shouldn't. </p><p>Maybe Wooyoung is acting like always and digging his own grave. Trying to hold onto someone to be happy instead of working on his own happiness. </p><p>"The other day you said you wanted to talk," San says, bringing him back into the real world. "You were all serious. Wanna talk about it?"</p><p>
  <em> 'Oh.' </em>
</p><p>With the project, the presentation of the project and the subsequent bad grade of the project, Wooyoung forgot about that message he sent San on Saturday. He gulps. It didn't mean he wanted to talk about something in particular, he was just hinting about how there was and there still are a lot of things to solve between them.</p><p>"It's okay, I don't even remember what I wanted to say," he lies.</p><p>"Are you sure?"</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>"I see," San sighs, biting his thumb. "You know, I gave the skateboard a name."</p><p>"Is that so? What name?"</p><p>"Wooyoung."</p><p>"Are you for real?"</p><p>"Yeah, because I'm super scared of going to the wrong side and fall," San explains, making Wooyoung blink in confusion. "It's a joke, the name's Lance."</p><p>"Oh, boy. A voltron fan."</p><p>"Two voltron fans, I see," San giggles, one hand flying to Wooyoung's hair again. Even when he wants to ask if he likes his hair, he doesn't. He lets San play with his hair, tousle it as much as he wants, because it feels great and warm and filled with butterflies. "Now, for real. I've never been so scared of saying things that I am with you, Wooyoung."</p><p>"What do you mean?"</p><p>"Normally, I say what I think, without stopping before. But with you, I always end up biting my tongue. I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable, or sad, or hurt you in some way. For that, if I've said or done something…"</p><p>Wooyoung takes a deep breath, eyes piercing San's. </p><p>"Are you worried you hurt me?"</p><p>"I can't sleep at night since that day," he jokes, taking his free hand to his chest.</p><p>Wooyoung shakes his head, one hand flying to wrap his fingers around San's wrist.</p><p>"If that was the case, I wouldn't have called you tonight."</p><p>"You're a masochistic, of course."</p><p>"I am not. I don't even know why I called you, I'm sorry,” Wooyoung looks down at their feet.</p><p>"No, I was happy. Well, I was also a little scared you wanted to scream at me. But… Maybe you just want a hug?"</p><p>They stare into each other's eyes for a second before Wooyoung is nodding and closing the gap between their bodies. San welcoming him so easily it's like butter melting. Arms engulfing him, chin resting on top of his head, vanilla scent making its appearance once again. Breathing in, Wooyoung feels at home.</p><p>“Hugs are the best medicine,” San says, not making it clear if he is telling Wooyoung or himself.</p><p>They stay like that for a few seconds, San’s hands moving alongside his back, bringing him closer. Wooyoung has his eyes closed, thousand colors flowing in front of him.</p><p>"You like me, right?" Wooyoung asks in a breath, question slipping through his lips, not being able to keep it to himself. Freezing, he waits for San to push him away.</p><p>"Of course. You know that, you're about to become my favorite human, even when we fight the most. No," San stops to giggle, tightening the embrace instead. "Because we fight so much, I know you're the one."</p><p>"Hmm."</p><p>"Whatever that's bothering you, forget it. I told you, I'm here for you. We are friends, blood friends. You can count on me, Woo."</p><p>Wooyoung moves aside, both hands on San's chest. He has both his nose and eyes a little red, might it be for the cold or not at all. </p><p>"Woo?" He questions with a soft chuckle.</p><p>"I think it suits you, and that way we can be three letter name friends. Woo and San. Wait, that combination is quite funny. But, if we are together, rain won't touch us."</p><p>Wooyoung takes a deep breath, moving his head in a positive nod, not finding the right words to that. Once again, curious of what  San is thinking. He freezes when the next second, San presses both hand on his cheeks, squishing a little, eyes going down. </p><p>"Stop pouting," he whispers.</p><p>"I am not."</p><p>"You do that when you're thinking. It's cute, not gonna lie, but it's cuter when you smile."</p><p>Wooyoung can't look at him for longer, looking down to their feet. San lets go of him then, leaning over the railing once again.</p><p>"What are you gonna do now? Stay? Now that I think of it, you promised me cookies. Where are them?”</p><p>“I forgot, I’m sorry.”</p><p>Wooyoung scratches the back of his head, thinking hard. It must be late, and he has to wake up early for his practice. Being on Yunho's flat, he is almost two hours far from college. But if they ask him, he doesn’t wanna go. He doesn’t even want to come back to his life. If only he could stay like this.</p><p>"You want me to stay?" He asks in a whisper.</p><p>"Yeah. We can sleep for a couple hours and then I'll take you home. It's four in the morning, we have time."</p><p>Wooyoung looks back to the sky, still dark. Shining with a thousand stars, a landscape that's not available in the city of light. It's pretty. </p><p>"Okay, just a couple hours," Wooyoung accepts, letting San guide him back inside, hands firmly pressed onto his shoulders.</p><p>Inside, the game has already ended. Both Mingi and Jongho are laying on the couches with his eyes closed, Yeosang doing little braids on Mingi's hair. Yunho is the only one that notices their presence, lips parting in a smile when they enter the living room.</p><p>"Cold?" He whispers.</p><p>"A little. We are going to use Hongjoong's room," San announces, already guiding him to the other side. "It's his fault I can't use my own bed."</p><p>"Fair enough," Yunho giggles. "Have fun."</p><p>Wooyoung is able to hear San rolling his eyes, if that's even possible. </p><p>Hongjoong's room is a lot like him: tidy and small and fashionable. White walls, black furniture, plants decorating every corner, vinyls covering the wall next to the bed. Red covers, no plushies. Not San's style, so he looks a little out of picture while he sits on the middle of the bed. The boy pats the space next to him.</p><p>"Come here, let's listen to some music."</p><p>Wooyoung obeys, accepting the airpod San is holding in the air.</p><p>"What kinda music?"</p><p>"My coming of age playlist," San sticks his tongue, music sounding loud. Wooyoung doesn't recognize the song, but it totally has the coming of age vibes. </p><p>"Aren’t we too old for this?"</p><p>"We're never too old," San sighs, laying down, both arms behind his head. He closes his eyes. "I don't like the way my coming of age went, so I like to imagine cooler ways."</p><p>Wooyoung moves slowly until he is laying down next to him, eyes opening in sweet surprise as he catches all the glowing stars Hongjoong has on his ceiling. The only lights illuminating them, the music matching perfectly what he is feeling now: innocent bliss, safety, no worries left on his body. </p><p>"Can I tell you my favorite one?" San asks, fingers tapping the back of  Wooyoung's hand.</p><p>"Of course."</p><p>"Okay. So I am fourteen again and I am kissing Minhyung—he was a friend of mine back then, now I don't even know where he is. It feels nice, this same song sounds at the back of my head. Then we start dancing, without a reason. He kisses me again, and I smile. It feels nice. Then I arrive home and I tell my parents, they hug me, tell me to introduce him to them. I go through a lot of embarrassment when I introduce him to my parents, my dad only talks about fish. But when we say goodbye he says it was fun. My heart is gonna burst. We spend the next two years dating, everything is cool, we love to dance over the silliest things. We go to the planetarium and up the viewpoint—now that I think of if, I should take you there. Okay, so, I tell him I'm in love under all the stars, he says he is not ready for that. I'm confused, it's been two years. He says we're good friends. I feel a little sad. Actually, I feel so sad. While I'm going through heartbreak, I meet Seonghwa. He has long blonde hair and rides a yellow van. He has the tattoo of a dragonfly on his arm, I like it. He takes me for a ride, introduces me to his friends, Yunho immediately gives me a friendship bracelet, because he is rushed. For the first in my life, I feel whole. I still cry at nights because of unknown feelings bottling on the back of my heart, but Mingi wrestles me in the mornings and I laugh. One day, when I turn seventeen, Seonghwa asks me if I want to go to Paradise Island—it doesn't exist, okay, because this is all a fantasy—and I accept. I jump out of my window with no luggage. We sing songs as we drive, Jongho takes a lot of pictures, Yeosang kisses Yunho. It makes me wonder if what I ever felt for Minhyung was love. Hongjoong tells me at night that there are as many types of love as people in the world. I think that's a beautiful line. When we reach Paradise Island, I stand near the shore and I watch the sunset. I'm eighteen and I know I have a lot to live yet, but I feel different. I feel like I've learnt something. And I know, whenever I go, I will end up meeting my family."</p><p>As he finishes talking, the third song from the playlist stops. Wooyoung remains looking at the ceiling, images still moving at the back of his mind. The same San of that photography, the one he put on the door of his closet, coming out alive and living all that. Dancing around, giggling so hard he ends up snorting, taking the boy he loves to see the stars, crying his eyes out because he doesn't understand where <em> that </em> pain is coming, meeting Seonghwa and the rest, opening his eyes to something real. Tasting happiness. </p><p>He wrinkles his nose, feeling like crying. </p><p>San's fantasy is quite close to his own life. He isn't heartbroken, but he is feeling pain. He doesn't meet a man with a dragonfly on the arm, but he does meet San, that shines as bright as a firefly. He would jump out of his window empty handed and head to Paradise Island. He tastes happiness. </p><p>"Sometimes I think is not coming of age story at all," San giggles. "But it's a fun story to think of as I fall asleep."</p><p>Wooyoung clears his throat. "Were you in love with that boy?"</p><p>"Minhyung? Please, no," San laughs loud, one hand hitting his abdomen. "We weren’t even close friends, he was on my track and field team. He was my first kiss but because we were playing spin the bottle. I think I use him for my fantasies because in real life he made me realize I liked boys. But nothing more."</p><p>San rolls in bed, laying over his stomach, eyes on Wooyoung. </p><p>"You know," he starts, "I've never been in love before. Not in <em> that </em>way. I love these boys," he says, looking at the door, totally referring to his family. "I've never been in a relationship either."</p><p>"It's funny," Wooyoung says in a shy voice. "I would never imagined a guy like you talking so purely about love."</p><p>"A guy like me?" San raises a brow.</p><p>"Loud in bed. Changing partners every week."</p><p>Wooyoung still remembers all those jokes the boys told during lunch last Saturday. He is sure San hasn't forgotten either.</p><p>"That's because real life is not a movie, neither a fantasy," San sighs, rolling again until he is facing the stars. "I don't trust people. They use love to hurt others, and I'm tired of it. Am I that horrible for having some fun while I protect myself?"</p><p>Wooyoung is fast in shaking his head.</p><p>"Never said that."</p><p>Deep down, Wooyoung's still wondering, why didn't San choose him for that.</p><p>"I like your fantasy," he decides to add as San isn't talking, and he is saying the truth. "It matches the songs."</p><p>"If only you could look inside my head and watch the music video," San laughs again, and Wooyoung accompanies him, scooching closer. "Are you cold?"</p><p>"A little."</p><p>"Wait a minute," San moves to open the covers, quickly getting the two of them inside. It's still cold when San snuggles closer, one arm over his waist. The song sounding now brings them to Paradise Island. It's summer, yet it's windy. "I love this song. It always makes me sleep the best."</p><p>Wooyoung raises a shaky hand, heart pounding as he presses it to San's head, caressing his hair. The boy giggles—he can feel it against his chest—, a deep sigh coming out of his pressed lips.</p><p>"I'm gonna close my eyes for a second."</p><p>"It's okay, go to sleep," Wooyoung mumbles, fingers moving at the pace of the song. "I'll be here in the morning."</p><p>San softly chuckles, body becoming a little heavy on top of him.</p><p>"I know. That's your fantasy, right?"</p><p>Wooyoung doesn't understand what does he mean with that, but as San quickly falls asleep within two seconds, he decides to ignore it.</p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>San wakes up with a piercing pain on his stomach. Squeezing his eyes shut, he feels like he just went to sleep two minutes ago. The light breaking through Hongjoong's window telling him it's a lot later.</p><p>He went to sleep when the sky was still dark, and right now it must be past eight. </p><p>Opening one eye, he finds the reason of the pain. Wooyoung is splattered next to him, curled once again in the shape of a tiny ball, knee digging onto San's abdomen. Far from cuddling to sleep, the boy is just pushing him aside with a wrinkle on his forehead and pouty lips. Yet, he is sound asleep.</p><p>It is just then, after confirming Wooyoung is there, when he realizes the time. Jumping in bed, he searches for his phone, lost between their legs. The music stopped long time ago.</p><p>It's ten in the morning.</p><p>"Wooyoung," he says, shaking him from the shoulder. "Hey, Woo. Wake up."</p><p>He only receives a groan back.</p><p>"Wooyoung!" San bemoans, pressing his lips into his ear to speak. "It's ten in the morning, you're late to school!" </p><p>Wooyoung clicks his tongue, using his right arm to hit him on the shoulder. </p><p>"Shut up, you're so noisy," he groans, rolling in bed to get away from San.</p><p>"Hey, don't fall asleep! What about your practice?"</p><p>For a second, Wooyoung doesn't reply, totally sleeping again. Then, he sighs languidly, turning around to look at San between narrow eyes.</p><p>"Changbin is covering me up. I was too tired. I'm going back to sleep."</p><p>San opens his lips in a perfect <em> o </em>, understanding things then. He observes how easily Wooyoung covers himself with the blanket until just a few blonde strands are seen. Comfortable. Even when they're still wearing clothes, San notices as he looks down and finds the reason his legs feel so sore: those stupid tight jeans Yeosang picked for him.</p><p>Jumping out of bed, he stretches first, searches for his airpods second. He finds just one, the other surely laying under Wooyoung's body. It's okay. </p><p>Moving to the living room, he finds everyone sitting on the couch, <em> Coco </em> playing on the TV. Everyone has a bowl full of cereal resting on their laps, Mingi's hair filled with tiny braids.</p><p>"Good morning, Star," Yunho waves his spoon in the air. </p><p>"Why are you watching <em> Coco </em>?"</p><p>"Mingi wanted to cry," Jongho explains, at which he gets a <em> ‘shh’ </em> from Yeosang. Looking at them carefully, it makes San think about the impression Wooyoung has now of bikers. If they are as bad as they're portrayed inside the walls of his house, or if they're nothing more but lost kids in search of Paradise.</p><p>San moves to the kitchen, pouring a good amount of milk before the cereal, taking a sit next to Yunho. They watch the movie in silence, clinks of the spoons on the bowls being the only sound breaking the melody of the songs.</p><p>"Where's Wooyoung?" Yunho whispers. </p><p>"Sleeping. He is tired."</p><p>"From the sex?" Mingi adds, eyes still glued to the screen.</p><p>San shrugs, trying to rest it importance. "I don't know. Did any of you suck his dick while I was asleep?"</p><p>Yunho and Jongho share a laugh, Yeosang finally looking away from the movie to grin at him.</p><p>"You took him to your bed—"</p><p>"Hongjoong's bed!" Mingi snorts.</p><p>"You took him to Hongjoong's bed, and didn't do a thing?"</p><p>San sighs.</p><p>"It's been a month since I met him, when are you gonna realize he is not one of my one night stands?"</p><p>"No, San, my boy, we stopped thinking that since the sunset week," Yeosang sighs, rolling his eyes. "Wooyoung is different, but it's obvious you like him."</p><p>San looks at Jongho, who waves the spoon at him. Then at Yunho, who is obviously smiling. Finally, Mingi is not looking at him but he is smirking. They all think the same. </p><p>"I like him," San admits once again. "That doesn't mean I want to have him naked. I haven't thought of that."</p><p>"He doesn't turn you on?" Yeosang gasps. "He is hella hot."</p><p>"Of course he turns him on, he is just scared," Yunho answers for him. "But you shouldn't, Star."</p><p>San looks down at his cereal, drifting alone in the big white ocean. He does like Wooyoung, there's no use on hiding it. He is one of the most incredible persons he has ever met, so different to everyone around him. Trusting him in a second, not having any problem sleeping around him, feeling embarrassed with every word escaping his lips. Wooyoung is not like the rest, and that scares San. </p><p>How easy was for him to get inside his mind and heart, and how easy San knows for people is to break down everything. </p><p>He is sure Wooyoung wouldn't do such a thing, but he can't help being scared anyway. Of love. Like that Hongjoong he made up on his mind said, there's as many type of love as people in the world. And Wooyoung, he is empty.  So empty San wants to pour everything he has inside to make him bloom.</p><p>And that has never happened before. </p><p>"It's been five long years," he whispers. "I've achieved a lot of things I won't lose because of love again."</p><p>A part of himself, needs Wooyoung. Because he feels lonely, because Wooyoung himself was able to open every locked door to make him company. But that part is too small compared to the part that doesn't want to be destroyed.</p><p>"San," Jongho calls for him. "I love you."</p><p>His words catch him by surprise, parting his lips without making a sound.</p><p>"Yeah, I love you," Yunho is adding with a sweet smile.</p><p>"I love you, man. Even when you are like a three year old annoying brother," Mingi says, sticking his tongue at him.</p><p>"I love you, baby," Yeosang throws a heart at him.</p><p>San shakes his head, tips of his ears getting painted in a pale shade of pink.</p><p>"You are loved," Jongho says. "We all love you, Seonghwa and Hongjoong too. Stop thinking you aren't lovable, that people just want to break you, because you just proved your parents wrong. We love you, for who you are. And I am sure Wooyoung thinks the same."</p><p>"I've already told you, Wooyoung feels free when he is with you," Mingi notes. "You too, you are free when you're with him. I don't think it will end up badly."</p><p>San sucks in a breath.</p><p>"But what if—"</p><p>"When I ran away from home, I asked the same," Jongho interrupts. "What if I am doing the wrong thing? What if this is not right? What if I should stick to the familiar, because it seems safer? I thought about it for as long as I ran, until I found you. You told me we are the ones constructing our own paths, that I was the only one deciding which was safe. I chose this, I chose all of you. And even when I know we are alone, that this life is dangerous, I decided this is the safe place where I can be myself, where I can be loved for what I really am."</p><p>"You also told me to risk it all for the ones I love," Yeosang mumbles, a sincere smile breaking through his lips. "When you risk it, it won't hurt. You're accepting them inside, they're not breaking in. If they leave, it won't break you down because you invited them first."</p><p>"I've seen how you look at Wooyoung," Yunho notices. "He is already in, but you're scared he breaks the door when he leaves. Don't be a fool, you gave him the key. And I don't even think he wants to leave."</p><p>"And if he does, we will beat the shit out of him," Yeosang says, confident. </p><p>San looks down, tears blurring his vision, this time not because of the movie.</p><p>"Thank you," he whispers. "I love you, guys."</p><p>"We know," Yunho moves to half hug him. "Now stop worrying about stupid things and bring Wooyoung <em> home. </em>"</p><p>San nods in silence, finding soggy cereal when he takes the next spoonful. Taking his phone out to read the time, he finds a message from Seonghwa. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>From: Hwa ☄ [10:45 AM]</b>
</p><p>Come home.</p><p>Bring Yeosang. </p><p> </p><p>He sighs, stranding on his feet.</p><p>"Okay, tears out. Yeosang, Hwa wants to talk with us."</p><p>"Ah, fuck," Yeosang sighs, one hand on his eyes. "Not a single free day in this life."</p><p>"Jongho, can you take Wooyoung home when he wakes up?" </p><p>"No problem. Do you mind if I treat him to some pancakes?"</p><p>San smiles. </p><p>"Do as you please, but he doesn't like sweet things that much."</p><p>San runs back to the room, picking his jacket and keys, kneeling next to Wooyoung. He spends one second looking at him, carefully. Feeling how his whole body gets warm, how every single cell of his body reborns, tiny flowers breaking through the snow after a long, long cold winter. </p><p>He is still scared, but they are right. At some point, San accepted Wooyoung into his heart. And right now, being scared he breaks down as he exits will only cause more pain. So he takes a deep breath, closing his eyes. He accepts those feelings as well.</p><p>Writing a note and putting it on the bedside table, he leaves him there. <em> Home. </em></p><p>
  <em> 'I'm out for work. Jongho will take you to your house. I know you called me to feel better, but I guess it went all the way around. Thank you, Woo &lt;3'  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>Later that day, as he is riding down the dirty alleys of the city, San receives a message from Jongho. It's a picture. </p><p>Wooyoung is smiling at the camera, tired eyes on display and a little of bed hair. In front of him, half a pancake. </p><p>Not longer after that, Wooyoung is the one writing him.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>From: Wooyoung ☕🖤 [1:45 PM]</b>
</p><p>thanks for always saving me</p><p> </p><p>He deletes it a few minutes later, but San gets to read it. It makes his heart beat a little more calmer. </p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>Wooyoung spends the entire week hugging San's jacket. His jacket now. <em> Whatever. </em>He comes out of class to an empty house, a dry plate of rice and vegetables waiting for him in the oven. It's not even from his dad but from his grandma. She takes care of him in silence.</p><p><em> You look a lot like your mother, </em> she said the last time Wooyoung ever saw her, the day of his mother's own funeral. <em> Looking at you is like looking at her, I couldn't protect her. My own daughter. I gave birth to her, just so she could sent me off. How in the world am I the one standing here while she is gone? I'm sorry, sweetheart. </em></p><p>Wooyoung knows his grandmother doesn't hate him, she is still in pain. The same pain Wooyoung goes from time to time, remembering his mother. He can't blame his grandmother for feeling like a part of herself broke sooner than expected. It's the same he is feeling after all.</p><p>Instead of eating, Wooyoung goes to his room and lays in bed. Jacket between his arms, eyes closed. San's scent is slowly fading away as the cloth is starting to get soaked on his own fragrance, but Wooyoung can't forget it. It already made a home within himself. </p><p>Between text messages, conversations that drift until late in the night, Wooyoung falls deeper for San. Deep down, there's a voice that sounds totally like his father's saying that he shouldn't go that way. But there's no use. He can't unlove San, and doesn't want to.</p><p>Wooyoung likes what San said, while he was talking about his fantasy. As many loves as people in the world. It makes him feel better with his decision of loving San instead of stucking with the like, or just the attraction. He loves the way San appeared like a ray of sunshine in a cloudy day, he loves how safe and sound he feels when he is around, he loves having someone that's not only true to him, but to himself. Maybe he just loves what San contributes to his life.</p><p>But that's enough. For the first time in five years, Wooyoung feels like loving the life he is living again. He feels someone cares for him.</p><p>Wooyoung wants to be with San, not caring at all how. Friends, family, partners in crime. Whatever. When he was about to break, San was there. Not to fix him, but to show him that broken people has a place in the world. That <em> Paradise Island.  </em></p><p>Hugging the jacket, Wooyoung wonders what would his mother say. It makes him smile, thinking about how his mother would wrinkle her nose in excitement. Hug him. Pouring happiness from the deepest part of her heart. His mother wouldn't see a biker, she would see San.</p><p>In some aspects, San reminds him to his mother. The way they both see the world, even when they're covered in scars, that's what Wooyoung admires the most.</p><p>On Monday, after class, Wooyoung is sitting on San's bed again after a long conversation about Voltron that lead them to rewatch the whole series again instead of working in that hell of a project. Wooyoung cares less and less as the days pass by.</p><p>"It will take us around thirty hours," San says, still chewing on the banana he picked after lunch.</p><p>Wooyoung roses a brow. "Have you calculated it?"</p><p>"Of course. If we don't stop to eat or go to the bathroom, you'll be free for Valentine's," San clicks play, jumping next to him. "Speaking of that, do you have any plans?"</p><p>"For Valentine's?" San nods. "Not at all, I don't like it. Love should be celebrated every single day."</p><p>"Then, you're free."</p><p>Wooyoung shrugs, eyes on the screen, fingers moving nervously inside the pockets of his hoodie. </p><p>"I guess."</p><p>"Wanna come to a party with me?" San blurts. "It's a biker party, but I want to show you something."</p><p>"Hmm, would it be alright? For me to be there."</p><p>"Yeah, that's why I asked if you like Valentine's. Yunho adores it, so he always organizes this party where everyone can go. Biker or not."</p><p>Wooyoung frowns. "Do you blindfold everyone or…?"</p><p>"No, silly. The party is not at he enclosure but our personal place. That's what I want to show you. You'll come?"</p><p>"Okay." </p><p>Easy. It makes San smile through the whole episode. They watch five episodes until San is getting hungry and coming back into the room with another tupperware filled with cake. </p><p>When they reach episode twenty, San's phone is ringing with new messages.</p><p>"Uh huh," he sighs, looking at Wooyoung with an apologetic expression. "Work's calling. You can stay, I'll be back in the blink of an eye."</p><p>Wooyoung gulps, remaining quiet and observing San take off his pyjama pants—that are totally identical to the ones he gave Wooyoung, making him wonder if he went shopping just to get them matching pants—and pulls into his jeans.</p><p>"Is that secret work again?" </p><p>He remembers. The day at the skate track, the night on Yunho's flat. San is always disappearing like that. And Wooyoung is no idiot. He knows what some gangs do.</p><p>"My only work, to be honest. But I'm not doing it for the money, I just owe Seonghwa. It won't take long."</p><p>Wooyoung takes a deep breath.  "Is it dangerous?"</p><p>"Worried about me?" Wooyoung wants to nod, yet he freezes. "It's okay. What's life without a little danger? I have everything under control. Don't watch more episodes without me!" He adverts as he exits the room, leaving him there. </p><p>Trusting him.</p><p>It makes Wooyoung warm, as equally worried.</p><p>He lays on his bed for the first hour, going through his Instagram search and trying to get busy enough to not think about San and whatever he must be doing, until someone is knocking on the door. He is not surprised to find Jongho there, as they all had lunch together just a couple hours earlier—San, Jongho and him. Yeosang was with Yunho and Mingi, no sight of Seonghwa neither Hongjoong. </p><p>"Hey," the younger greets, head resting over the jam of the door. "Can I ask you something?"</p><p>Wooyoung incorporates on the bed. "Yeah."</p><p>"You're not naturally blonde, right?"</p><p>"Hmm, no, I think not."</p><p>Jongho smiles brightly. </p><p>"Did you dye your own hair?" Wooyoung nods, fingers immediately threading on the blonde strands. "Could you help us a bit, then?"</p><p>Wooyoung doesn't understand what he is meaning until he reaches the ground floor and finds both Yunho and Mingi sitting on the kitchen floor. Hair dye around them.</p><p>"Usually, Yeosang and Hongjoong are the ones doing our hairs, but they're working," Jongho explains. "And these two insist on dying their hair now."</p><p>"Valentine's is this friday, Jongho," Yunho pouts, pale pink dye resting on his hands. "And, I'm tired of blue."</p><p>"Blue suits you, though," Mingi points.</p><p>"Thanks, you should try green."</p><p>Mingi quickly shakes his head.</p><p>"No way, I'm going back to blonde. I want to give my hair a break."</p><p>"You're gonna bleach it, idiot," Jongho points.</p><p>With a sudden calmness soaking his heart, Wooyoung helps them. Sitting on the kitchen floor, legs spread so Yunho can fit in between—he chooses Yunho because he is still not that close with Mingi—, he guides Jongho in the process. The music flows, something he heard before, and when he stands up to wash his hands, he realizes it's <em> 'Mountain's playlist #6: Paradise island' </em>. </p><p>It feels right. </p><p>"Ah, Jongho, you're messing up," Mingi complains, eyes searching for Wooyoung. "Please, save me."</p><p>"Oh, man, I miss Yeosang," Jongho sighs, allowing Wooyoung to finish up Mingi's hair bleaching.</p><p>"Me too," Mingi pouts.</p><p>"Is he with San?" Wooyoung tries.</p><p>Yunho nods. "They're both Seonghwa's best boys. But, if you're wondering, we don't know what they're doing right now. Just in case."</p><p>"Caution measures," Jongho adds. "We don't want to get kidnapped or something."</p><p>Wooyoung gulps, eyes fixed on the way his fingers move slowly around Mingi's scalp. Thanks to his father, he knows a few things. Illegal racing is one of the smallest things a bike gang can do. Drug dealing. Gun dealing. Silencing people. </p><p>Goosebumps kiss his backbone just with the thought of what could San be doing. Of what would happen if his father were to catch him.</p><p>"It'll be alright," Yunho assures, reading his mind. "They're the best."</p><p>Wooyoung nods, shooting him a soft smile. </p><p>After that, they don't touch the topic again, Yunho doing the most to keep Wooyoung's mind out of it, and he achieves it. While they wait for their hair to get done, they play mario kart. They dance. Mingi asks him if he can try a new makeup on him, and he accepts. Jongho takes a picture of him, a polaroid one. </p><p>He looks different. </p><p>
  <em> Happier.  </em>
</p><p>The afternoon flows away without him realizing time passing, crashing into San's bed at 11 PM. San said goodbye at 8 PM. He wants to wait for him, ask him if he is okay, yet the tiredness is stronger than him, falling asleep in a matter of seconds.</p><p>When he wakes up, there's lights shining on the wall, fingers moving on his hair. </p><p>"San?" His voice is hoarse, feeling a little bit disoriented. He is sure he went to sleep with his shoes on, but right now he is inside the covers and barefoot. </p><p>"Bingo," the boy giggles. "You fell asleep, bet you were tired."</p><p>Wooyoung squeezes his eyes shut for a second. </p><p>"I beated Mingi at Mario Kart," he mutters, San giggles.. "I wanted to wait for you, though."</p><p>"Did you have fun?" Wooyoung nods, he really had the time of his life. "I'm glad. Jongho showed me your picture. I'm so jealous."</p><p>Wooyoung frowns.</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"You look amazing, it's unfair."</p><p>Wooyoung doesn't reply, arms moving alone as he snuggles closer into San's body. It feels real under his fingertips. He is back, he is okay, that's all that matters. </p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>Valentine's day arrives sooner than expected, building's aislees filled with pink and white handmade heart garlands. Posters covering every single wall, one cute girl with his nose filled with freckles giving free candy at the entrance. The world shining in pink.</p><p>"Here," Changbin pours a few heart shaped candies onto his hands. "All of them are strawberry flavored."</p><p>Wooyoung takes one and puts it close to his face, examining it from up close. </p><p>"Do you ever wonder why Valentine's day is related to hearts?" He asks, next to him, Changbin being unable to speak as he shoves his mouth with candy. "It's not even a real heart."</p><p>"Real hearts are more Halloween like," the boy says, laughing a little, mouth still full.</p><p>"I like Halloween better," Wooyoung admits.</p><p>"Because of the real bloody hearts?"</p><p>"Because zombies are way cooler to look at," the boy sighs. </p><p>He hates Valentine's day. He hates the way people seems to be more touchy and lovey dovey during that day. More than a day of love, if feels like they're mocking love with it. Cupid won't be happy to know.</p><p>A motorbike parks next to them a few minutes after. Wooyoung kind of recognizes the boy that appears under the helmet: tiny and cute, face being like a bright starry sky, freckles kissing his skin with such softness it would be impossible to forget a face like that. His name, though, Wooyoung has forgotten, even when he is sure Changbin introduced each other that afternoon at the skate track. It feels like years has passed since then.</p><p>"Hey, Lix, you're early," Changbin greets, smile flashing on his lips. "Do you remember Wooyoung?"</p><p>"Oh, yeah," the boys smiles brightly. "Fellaz little kid. Are you waiting for San?" Wooyoung nods, imitating Changbin and standing up to his feet. "He will be here in a second, we were racing but he suddenly forgot something."</p><p>"Cool."</p><p>"Do you mind if we wait until he is here?" Changbin suggests, helmet dancing over his fingers. He then looks at Wooyoung, arm falling over his shoulders. "Heyon keeps looking this way, I bet she is thinking of coming here to ruin your day." </p><p>Wooyoung follows the direction of his gaze, finding the tall girl there, totally looking towards them. Not trying to hide it at all, leaning over one of the walls, arms crossed, eyes piercing Wooyoung. He shakes his head, eyes on the bike.</p><p>"Who's Heyon?" Felix asks, turning off the engine. </p><p>"No one," Changbin shakes his head, picking more candy from his pockets. "Want some cheesy candy?"</p><p>Felix seems touched to be gifted a heart candy.</p><p>It doesn't take a lot for San to appear around the corner and park his bike next to Felix's, lips pursed in discomfort as he takes off the helmet.</p><p>"You're late," Felix sticks his tongue out.</p><p>"Shut up, I forgot Wooyoung's helmet," San excuses himself, hand moving in the air for Wooyoung to come close. "Sorry for making you wait in such special day."</p><p>"I'm gonna kick you," Wooyoung proceeds to fake a gag, taking the helmet between his hands. This time, it looks newer than the others he has been wearing, the sticker of a sun decorating the black paint. It's cute.</p><p>"We'll see you there," Changbin says goodbye, totally going to Yunho’s party, Felix's bike disappearing in a matter of seconds. </p><p>"That's the boy you lost against, right?" Wooyoung asks as he gets comfortable as a passenger, hands tightly wrapped around San's waist. </p><p>"Are you mocking me, Jung Wooyoung?"</p><p>"Full name?"</p><p>San lifts his face shield to narrow his eyes at him. For a reason, Wooyoung knows he is smiling. </p><p>"Don't fall." </p><p><em> ‘Too late’ </em> Wooyoung burns in desire to say.</p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>Before moving to where the party is taking place, San decides to stop by Streetlights, where Yunho and Hongjoong are still working hard. </p><p>"It's been four days but it's still so weird seeing you without blue hair," San says as a greet, Yunho smiling back. </p><p>"Admit this color suits me the best," the boy moves his fresh coral hair with grace. "And all thanks to Wooyoung."</p><p>"I only applied the hair dye."</p><p>"You did an amazing job," Yunho winks an eye. "Do you want our Valentine's special?"</p><p>San shakes his head. "Wooyoung doesn't like Valentine's and I already filled my stomach with candy so with two coffees would be okay. Vanilla for me."</p><p>They move to the same table they sat together the first time they came into the cafe, helmets resting over the wooden surface. There’s a lot of people today, but for the first time since they met, Wooyoung doesn’t feel scared.</p><p>"Do you like the helmet?" San asks, fingers drumming over the table’s surface.</p><p>"Hmm, yeah. I like the sticker, it’s cute."</p><p>"I'm glad," San smiles, both hands under his chin. "I chose the sun for you, because every time I look at you <em> Here comes the sun </em> starts playing on the back of my head."</p><p>"What?" Wooyoung looks down at the helmet, arching a brow right after. "What do you mean with that?"</p><p>"It's yours."</p><p>Wooyoung blinks, almost like he wasn't referring to that, just to open his eyes in surprise the next second, realizing what San just said.</p><p>"Mine?"</p><p>"If you're going to be my passenger, the least I can do is give you a helmet," San shrugs, biting down his lower lip as he stares at Wooyoung. His confused expression is cute. "I know you're reckless, but riding without a helmet is dangerous. Now you have your own, with your own personal sticker."</p><p>Wooyoung parts his lips, not quite believing it, fingers moving until he is brushing the sticker. It took San a second to pick it, having it clear since the beginning. If the sun was a person, that would be Wooyoung. </p><p>"Wow. Thanks. You didn't have to…"</p><p>"Happy birthday," San smiles.</p><p>"It's not my birthday. You're way too far."</p><p>San shrugs. "I would say <em> Happy Valentine's </em> but that would ruin any slight chance of holding your hand," Wooyoung chokes with his own saliva, cheeks soon matching Yunho's hair. "Also, I'm not that type of person. Nothing against Valentine's, I've spent five years with the lovely trio. Their first Valentine's together made me tear up a bit, it was beautiful," San fakes wiping a tear, even when he is totally saying the truth. Love exists, and he knows it thanks to Yunho, Yeosang and Mingi. "Anyway, gifting something just <em> because </em>of Valentine's, that's not my style."</p><p>Wooyoung squeezes his eyes shut for a moment, a sincere smile flourishing on his lips right after. </p><p>"What a day you chose."</p><p>"Who cares about the day," San shrugs, speaking as soft as him. "The helmet doesn't know days."</p><p>San's heart stops just to rip a hole in his chest and fly far from this world when Wooyoung throws his head back, giggles escaping his lips sounding like the most beautiful song he has ever heard. Looking as ethereal as he looked on that picture Jongho showed him days ago, rocking that makeup, but glowing with happiness. </p><p>Just like now.</p><p>"What an idiot you are, Choi San."</p><p>Hongjoong is the one bringing the coffees, adding a single and lonely heart shaped pancake soaked in strawberry syrup to their order.</p><p>"We didn't ask for this."</p><p>"Do it for Yun," Hongjoong sighs, fingers threading on his hair. "He invited you, don't break his heart. Not literally, you have to break this it to eat it."</p><p>"Okay, we get it," San rolls his eyes, fork pointing at Wooyoung. "If it's Yunho's, it's okay, right? He is so pure."</p><p>Wooyoung smiles, already holding the fork. He takes a bite of the pancake without saying a thing. </p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>That special place is totally different from the enclosure. This time, Wooyoung is able to follow the path—not that he is going to remember it to walk alone—, eyes following every lonely streetlight welcoming them. There's hearts glued to them, making him wonder if it was Yunho the one coming all the way to do it.</p><p>The place is nothing but old and abandoned. Wooyoung is sure he never put a foot on that part of the city. There's trees surrounding everything, a cabin where light and music are coming out, an empty and filled with graffiti pool. </p><p>Far from the city, near the cliff, hiding between the trees. The sky that opens up seems clearer, even when the stars are already making its way there.</p><p>"Where are we?" Wooyoung asks, taking off <em> his </em> helmet and shyly waving his hand at Seonghwa, walking towards them. He feels embarrassed as the other boy waves back. </p><p>"A hunting cottage," San replies, locking Betty next to the other bikes. "With a pool. Rich people, you know. They abandoned it long time ago and Yunho found it. Now it's our relax zone. Except for the pool, no one wants to clean it."</p><p>"Speak for you, all this music is giving me a headache," Seonghwa says as he arrives to their spot. "Hey," the boy raises a hand in the air, looking at Wooyoung. "High five. You survived."</p><p>"Oh," Wooyoung can feel the rush of the blood in his veins, maybe hitting Seonghwa's hand with way too much strength. He feels excited Seonghwa accepted him.</p><p>San hides a giggle behind his hand.</p><p>"Yeosang needs you in the kitchen," Seonghwa says, looking at San. "With the drinks."</p><p>"Yunho and Hongjoong will be there in five minutes, can't he wait?" San sighs, clicking his tongue without Seonghwa having to repeat it. "Okay, let's go," he tends a hand to Wooyoung. </p><p>"Go alone," Seonghwa cuts, "I need to have a talk with Wooyoung."</p><p>San looks at Seonghwa first, then pouts at Wooyoung. He doesn't try to go against it, which calms Wooyoung's heart. <em> He accepted you </em> , it's what San's eyes seem to say, <em> Seonghwa is a good man.  </em></p><p>"Don't say anything weird" San begs, turning around and totally running towards the house.</p><p>Wooyoung remains silent, the sound of his heart drumming accompanying the music that comes from the speakers—who knows where they are. He is nervous, Seonghwa is even more intimidating than San, and tonight he is wearing his bangs down which makes him look younger and softer. For a second, it makes Wooyoung realize all of them are kids on their twenties. </p><p>How old must be Seonghwa? Not much older. At least, physically. Mentally, he totally looks like a person with a lot of lived years on his back. </p><p>"Let's go for a walk," Seonghwa says.</p><p>Wooyoung follows him close, nervously playing with his fingers as they walk over the irregular ground. The atmosphere feels fresh, the air light and revitalizing. It's like he entered another world, a world where things doesn't hurt as much as they usually do.</p><p>Wooyoung never thought the world awaiting behind the bikers door would be this colorful. </p><p>"San told me about your mom," Seonghwa starts, Wooyoung's legs trembling before he is digging his feet on the ground and looking up to his face. "I knew Hyejin, personally."</p><p>Wooyoung gulps, not saying a word. Seonghwa's expression is calm but, if he looks carefully into his eyes, they seem a little bit sad.</p><p>"I knew her way before running away from home," Seonghwa continues. "My family is run by doctors, I don't know what does that have to do with police officers, but I remember her on my thirteenth birthday. She told me how much he hated parties, how she only wanted to jump on her bike and forget about everything. Just from that, I knew she was different from everyone around me. I kind of wanted to be like her. Since that moment, I started visiting her. She would show me her motorbike, she was so proud of it… Her eyes were always shining. When I ran away from home at fifteen, I met her again. I was with Hongjoong by that time, my family was searching for me like crazy, she was a police officer. But you know what she did? She gave me this," slowly, Seonghwa pulls out a little clover pin. Wooyoung's heart stops its beating, totally recognizing it. His mother's lucky charm. "She said it would give me the strength to move forward and find happiness. She also told me about her fourteen years old son, and even when I didn't understand her, she told me to take him with me towards that happiness. That was the last time I saw her. I never knew she was married to the captain, never met her son, it was like she wanted me to see her and only her. Right now, I know she was trying to protect me."</p><p>Seonghwa looks up, then back to Wooyoung, putting the pin inside his shaky hands.</p><p>"I met you at her funeral, but I never knew you were his son. The captain was there, sending one of his police officers off. You were the Captain's son. I'm sorry."</p><p>Wooyoung sniffles a little, not actual tears coming out, but feeling a new wave of sadness kissing his skin.</p><p>"Why are you saying sorry?"</p><p>"I promised your mother to make you happy, and for the past five years I've done nothing but think you were dangerous. I tried to push you the farthest from my family.”</p><p>Wooyoung looks down, twisting the pin slowly. He remembers how his mother used to wear it every single day on her uniform, green always outstanding with the dark blue of the uniform, until one day she stopped wearing it. She said it was on better hands now.</p><p>Seonghwa's hands.</p><p>"Your mother saved me," Seonghwa adds. "I am the person I am today thanks to her, and I will always be on debt with her. I know it might take you some time, but I want you to trust me, Wooyoung," Seonghwa tends him his hand. "I want you to come with us."</p><p>That's something he never would have expected. Wooyoung can't help but think he is totally dreaming. Squeezing his eyes close and waiting to open them in the darkness of his room. Yet, Seonghwa is still standing in front of him. For a brief moment, the image of his mother shines all over the boy. </p><p>Moving his hand in the air, he holds Seonghwa's hand, putting the pin back where it belongs. </p><p>"Mom wanted you to have this, so you better protect it."</p><p>Seonghwa smiles, nodding. Wooyoung decides to to say more, mind running wild, just walking in silence back to where everyone is already partying. </p><p>Where it feels like home.</p><p>It's not weird that world is so colorful. His own mother was a biker after all.</p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>Wooyoung feels divided. </p><p>A part of himself is sad. The same sadness that haunts him at night. How much he misses his mother, how much he wishes the last thing they did together wasn’t fight, how much he blames himself for what happened. Seonghwa's words made him remember everything, the vivid image of his mother coming in front of him. How badly he wants to hear her singing again.</p><p>Even so, there's other part fighting back that is happy. Vibrating in excitement just to know he was, somehow, linked to this place. That it wasn't just a sweet coincidence, that he was meant to meet San in one way or another. That he has a place in the world, the place his mother wanted him to be.</p><p>"Are you sure Seonghwa didn't threaten you?" San asks for a fourth time, tightly holding his hand as they move far from the epicentre of the party and into where the street starts. Everything just started, but San insisted on showing him <em> that </em>thing before getting wasted.</p><p>"He was nice to me, stop asking."</p><p>"You're acting weird," San says through a pout. </p><p>"It's been a long day, that's it. Can you tell me where are we going?"</p><p>San turns around to smile at him. "The thing I wanted to show you, it's here."</p><p>They walk for a few more minutes, reaching the place where streetlights welcomed them. The ground under they feet change from soil to asphalt—thing Wooyoung is grateful as he was starting to suffer from feet pain—, a lonely and abandoned small factory waiting for them. </p><p>There's one single light illuminating the door, in which a big graffiti can be seen. Writing in big white letters, <em> Paradise Island </em>can be read, eight streetlights drawn under it. </p><p>San lets go off his hand to move forward, standing next to one of the streetlights. It seems a little odd now that he looks carefully at this. Like it wasn’t on the original drawing, added not long ago.</p><p>"The other day Yunho told me to bring you home," San starts, eyes avoiding Wooyoung's gaze, almost like he is a little shy now. "So I wanted to show you before telling you, one picture is worth one thousand words. You're part of the family now, which means you're never be alone again. And you can trust us, with everything, so if you want to come ho—" San doesn't finish, eyes on Wooyoung's expression.</p><p>It takes a few seconds for Wooyoung to understand what's happening. Looking at the graffiti, there's eight streetlights. He is there. </p><p>He has a place. </p><p>He won't be alone again.</p><p>If he didn't cry before, he does now, taking both his hands to his eyes. He is happy, the happiest he has been in his life.</p><p>San moves back to where he is, hands on his shoulders.</p><p>"Are you crying?" San sounds a little agitated, making Wooyoung giggle like he never did before, tears rolling down his cheeks as he looks up. "Are you sad or happy? You're confusing me," San stutters a little, obviously nervous. </p><p>"Thank you so much."</p><p>Wooyoung moves forward to hug him, San's arms wrapped around his waist tightly in a second, bringing him close. Wooyoung's heart is beating so fast, so warm and soft, he doesn't even realize the moment he breaks the hug to hold San's face between his hands.</p><p>And pull their lips together in a kiss.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>please TALK WITH ME im lonely T_T</p><p>here you have <a href="https://youtu.be/4_6_D85wX9M">san's coming of age playlist</a>! It's not mine but I found it while writing and I liked the vibes!<br/>my <a href="https://twitter.com/_blueaurora">twitter</a><br/>and my <a href="https://curiouscat.qa/sanios">curiuscat</a> if you want to comment there or recommend me songs that match the fic, maybe we can make a playlist together!</p><p>If anyone is lost about all the streetlight thing, go listen <a href="https://youtu.be/_oCptmj2gIQ">here</a> and wait till the end 🥺</p><p>If you're still readind, you deserve the world and I love you ♡</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. I'll Be The Light That You Can't Make</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Blai is back!!</p><p>I'm so sorry it took me so long to bring this chapter :( A lot of things happened in my life and then I suddenly fell into writers block dammit, but the chapter is here and I hope you like it even when I'm not quite happy with how I wrote it T_T</p><p>ilysm!!</p><p>chapter tittle <a href="https://youtu.be/5HzpPl5a9EA">inspiration</a> &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p> </p><p>San wouldn't have believed it was real if it weren't for the way Wooyoung's thumbs circle on his cheeks as he pulls him closer. Lips perfectly molding against each other. Holding him steady and gently, not as shy as the boy seemed to be for the past month. And San's whole body is soon shaking with excitement. </p><p>His arms, that have been pressed to the sides of his body like empty hoses since Wooyoung pressed their lips together, finally move to his waist, curling around  the fabric of his hoodie. Waking up from his reverie and realizing what's actually happening, he gasps loud and takes the lead, stepping forward until Wooyoung's back is hitting the wall behind him. Wooyoung's hands pull from his head back, lips parting and tongues meeting for a brief second, warm water filling the last corner of his body and sending him to heaven. The way Wooyoung breathes against his lips is enough for him to pull off. Eyes blown and lips swollen, air burning his throat. </p><p>No other sound around them than the heavy breathing coming out of their parted lips, crashing against each other. </p><p>San's surprised at the way his own body is reacting, realising for the first time how badly he wanted to do it. Kissing Wooyoung. Having him around his arms like that. He can't hide the smile that curves the edges of his mouth, hands moving from his waist and falling onto Wooyoung's shoulders.</p><p>"Wait," he says, voice hoarse and eyes down, suddenly embarrassed to look into Wooyoung's eyes. "We shouldn't do this here."</p><p>Wooyoung gulps, feet scratching the ground. He flutters his eyes wide open, taking a deep breath, realizing as well.</p><p>"I'm sorry," he blurts, fingers finally untangling from San's hair and falling onto their chests, still so close their hearts can feel each other dance. "I shouldn't have—I'm—Of course this is not—I'm sorry."</p><p>"Stop with this crap," San cuts, one hand covering Wooyoung's mouth. "I'm not saying we shouldn't do <em> this </em> but not <em> here </em>," Wooyoung's expression relaxes.  "There's, hmm, a couch," San adds in a shy voice.</p><p>Wooyoung moves his hands up, slowly shoving San's hand apart. "A couch?" He whispers. </p><p>"Yeah, inside. If you wanna go."</p><p>Wooyoung nods in silence, cheeks covered in a soft shade of pink, bodies finally detaching as San moves to open the door. His hands can't stop shaking, but he is glad Wooyoung is covering his face with both hands when he turns around and can't witness how he turned into human shaped jelly.</p><p>Opening the door takes him longer than usual as normally Yunho or Mingi are there to help him, yet he is glad there's no one there when they get inside. Lights off, wind roaring outside, creating a melody he's quite used yet sounds differently with Wooyoung shyly standing next to him.</p><p>Hongjoong was the one who decorated the lonely fabric and gave birth to their <em> Paradise. </em> A big mirror covering one of the walls, a couple of couches filled with cushions, a handmade soundproof room for recording, books piled on every corner, <em> thousands </em> of books. San and the rest used to write stories on the walls, words welcoming them. Wasted floor beneath their feets, both from the previous owners and the long dance battles they had here.</p><p>"Wow," Wooyoung sounds surprised, hands falling off his face, eyes wandering all over the place, amazement sparkling on his skin. Like he found a treasure. "What's this place?"</p><p>"Our bikers headquarters, also known as Paradise," San smiles, eyes disappearing into crescent moons. "This place is a little bit cold," he adds, hands immediately running towards his arms, brushing in search of warmth. "That's why we barely come here during winter, just during special occasions like this one but, damn, you should see this during summer. Everything feels so magical here."</p><p>Wooyoung moves around a little, carefully observing everything, and San observes him. In front of him, Wooyoung looks like an old movie. Something he never thought he would enjoy but ended up becoming his favorite. </p><p>"You dance?" The boy asks, standing in front of the mirror. </p><p>San walks towards him, curious about how he thought of dancing just with the sight of a mirror. "Yeah, Mingi and Yunho studied dance before coming. They taught us, it's fun."</p><p>"I used to dance," Wooyoung admits with an endearing smile. "Before my mom died. It was fun," he remarks, fingers moving slowly all over his right arm.</p><p>"Why did you stop?"</p><p>Wooyoung shrugs. "It wasn't fun anymore."</p><p>"Wanna dance now?" San tends a hand for him, Wooyoung's eyebrows twitching for a second. </p><p>"What?"</p><p>"You heard me. What if we dance? Show me something." </p><p>Wooyoung shakes his head. "It's been five years. I can't."</p><p>"Of course you can, the body never forgets," and just to show him, San's legs start moving, showing off everything he'd learnt from Yunho over the course of the years. For a few seconds, he dances alone, observing how Wooyoung's smile slowly breaks through his pressed lips. Looking down, he shyly shakes his head. "There's just the two of us here. C'mon," San pleads, one hand raised in the air. "Don't make me dance alone, this is embarrassing."</p><p>Wooyoung looks up at him with sparkly eyes, giving up with a soft sigh, stretching his neck first. That's enough for San to smile back, slowly stopping his movements to focus on every single movement coming from Wooyoung's body, from the slightly and shy feet work to the delicate dance that borns out of one thousand feelings. In front of the mirror, the silence being the only music, Wooyoung dances like he is alone. Cheeks kissed by a soft shade of pink embarrassment, but moving perfectly. </p><p>Eyes on the mirror the whole time, hands finding his hair from time to time. Moving so smoothly San loses track of how much time he has been there, standing in silence, watching Wooyoung bloom like the most exquisite wildflower he had ever encountered. </p><p>It feels like a dream. </p><p>And it's beautiful. </p><p>"You tricked me," Wooyoung points a finger at him. "You left me to dance alone."</p><p>San cackles a laugh, taking a hand to the back of his head. "That was contemporary dance, right? Yunho's favourite," he avoids the topic, observing how Wooyoung's face lights  up a little. </p><p>"I wanted to become a dancer," Wooyoung admits in a shy voice, eyes fixed on his feet. "I learnt a lot of styles, but this is the one I remember the best."</p><p>"How did you end up studying architecture? I don't see a lot of similarities."</p><p>Wooyoung shrugs. </p><p>"How do we end up doing things we never had in mind, that's life. We never end up where we want. At least, not exactly."</p><p>San gets a step closer. </p><p>"Life is that thing you miss while thinking like that," he purses his lips, moving forward to hit his forehead with two fingers. Wooyoung squeaks a little, brushing the skin. San grabs his hand the next second, not giving him the chance to talk back. "I am right where I wanted," he raises a hand, pinching Wooyoung's cheek. "Let's go."</p><p>"Where now?"</p><p>San chuckles, not saying a thing. He is thankful Wooyoung isn't able to see his red cheeks as he leads them to the couch. He doesn't need to say a thing for Wooyoung to understand what's happening, hand tensing a little around San's own. </p><p>It was Wooyoung the one leaning forward first, yet for the way he doubts in front of the couch San is sure he did it out of excitement. Not thinking at all. Wooyoung's not that bold, he knows. That's why he <em> doesn't </em>doubt twisting on his heels, facing him at the same time his thumb circles over the back of his hand, trying to relax him.</p><p>"You know," San starts, getting one step closer, "I like you."</p><p>Wooyoung presses his lips together, tight and pale, trying to remain as calm as possible even when he for sure is screaming inside. San smirks, because he knows, taking another step closer. Foreheads pressed together, his free hand moving all the way until its resting on Wooyoung's nape, fingers delicacy moving there, pulling from his hair slowly. </p><p>"I meant it, when you asked me if I liked you that night at Yunho's. I like you more than I ever liked someone."</p><p>Wooyoung's gulp is audible, fingers tanking a hold of San's hoodie.</p><p>"More than Minhyung?"</p><p>San chuckles, taking by surprise, fingers intertwining with Wooyoung's, giving his hand a squeeze.</p><p>"Forget about Minhyung already, he is part of my past life, meaning he is <em> dead </em>. I didn't even like him."</p><p>"He is still part of your fantasy," Wooyoung mumbles, not sounding mad but funny, a finger sheepishly moving alongside San's back. San wonders when did he get that close, chest glued together by now.</p><p>San tilts his head to one side, hand moving to cup one of Wooyoung's cheeks, eyes meeting after an eternity. Wooyoung's are sparkling and dark, the most beautiful starry sky he has ever seen.</p><p>"My fantasy ends when I arrive at Paradise Island," San whispers, breath hitting Wooyoung's lips. Something warm curls in his stomach as he feels the boy tensing beneath his touch. "I stand in front of the ocean, watching the sunset, alone. It's been like this for years. But…"</p><p>"But?" Wooyoung breathes.</p><p>"Suddenly, you're here. Standing next to me. A new chapter."</p><p>Wooyoung stares into his eyes long and deep before accepting San's confession. Once again, it's Wooyoung the one leaning forward, hands trembling as he holds San's face close to his own, lips meeting again in a delicate kiss that's soon broken by San's giggles. </p><p>"What?" Wooyoung groans.</p><p>"Nothing," San shakes his head, one arm firmly wrapped around the boy's waist, falling together into the couch. Happiness is dripping from his heart and filling his empty shell. "You taste like lemon, did you know that?"</p><p>Wooyoung's cheeks are shining in crimson, might it be because of the confession or the fact he is totally sitting on San's lap.</p><p>"Jongho gave me some lemon candy before you appeared," Wooyoung admits, shyly.</p><p>It makes San snort, throwing his head back as his hands fall onto Wooyoung's thighs, resting there. He should've known Jongho was up to something after he told him his plan of showing Wooyoung the mural. Not that he had kissing him in mind, that for sure caught him by surprise. A sweet surprise, if he has to be honest.</p><p>"Lemon's my favorite," San admits.</p><p>"Does Jongho know?"</p><p>"Of course he does," San smiles, pulling slowly from the collar of his cloth until they're kissing again.</p><p>Kissing for the third time in the night feels like their first kiss. Slow and shy at first, lips barely moving, resting there for a second, in search of safety, getting to know each other. Wooyoung sighing, fresh breath hitting San like summer in February is enough for the boy to switch positions, Wooyoung's back meeting the couch as San lays on top of him. Kissing him deeply, and faster.</p><p>He catches Wooyoung's lower lip between his own, sucking softly, body shaking in excitement as a soft moan vibrates on his own lips. It's been so long since he kissed someone like this. Warmth coming in waves, crashing all over the edges of his body, overflowing with a lot of new and unnamed feelings. He feels his heart going from fast to faster, threatening him to rip a hole on his chest and flying away.</p><p>San only opens his eyes to peek through his lashes as he presses his thumb around Wooyoung's mouth, gently asking for him to part his lips and allow him to explore deeper. The boy obeys, yet he frowns a little, fingers digging into San's skin. San smiles against his lips, closing his eyes again, chests moving together. Hearts pacing together. </p><p>Becoming one for a brief moment. </p><p>"Control your heart," San pulls out to whisper in a mocking voice, one hand flat into Wooyoung's chest, feeling the fast beats shaking his ribcage. Asking for a way out.</p><p>Wooyoung chuckles, his free hand flying to cover his face, the other still resting on San's waist—it burns. "Talk about yourself."</p><p>"What are you saying? This is how my heart beats every time I'm with you."</p><p>"Stop."</p><p>San leans in, softly kissing the mole on his lip. Wooyoung shrinks a little. </p><p>"What exactly?"</p><p>"Flirting with me."</p><p>San cackles a laugh. "Are you for real?"</p><p>Wooyoung doesn't say a thing but groans a little instead, red covering up his ears, so bright San is able to see it perfectly in the dark of the place. They haven't turned on the lights, moonlight breaking through the skylight being the only thing illuminating them. It's enough. </p><p>"Silly," San mumbles, kissing him repeatedly until Wooyoung is giving in and holding his face with both hands. "I love flirting with you, though. You're so cute when you're speechless."</p><p>Wooyoung opens his eyes wide, staring at him in silence without saying a thing, neither letting go of his face. His eyes tremble with a lot of unspoken things. </p><p>"What?" San wonders.</p><p>"I can't tell you," Wooyoung mutters, thumb circling on the skin of his cheek, shaking his head in a negative way. San moves his hand fast, placing it on top of Wooyoung's. </p><p>"Don't start with that again. You know you can tell me anything."</p><p>Wooyoung shakes his head harder this time, closing his eyes and shrinking a little beneath San's body.</p><p>"You will run away."</p><p>San frowns, resting the weight of his body on his knees—one at each side of Wooyoung's body, keeping him there—and holding Wooyoung's cheeks with both hands. Squeezing until the boy is groaning and softly pushing him by the chest.</p><p>"You don't know how much I had to go through to be here. If I wanted to run away, I would've done it already. Don't you see I'm here kissing you, you idiot?"</p><p>Wooyoung frowns, then looks at one side, looking annoyingly soft. Blonde hair falling all over his face, a little bit red. Sparkly eyes and swollen lips. San did that, and he is a little bit proud. </p><p>"Tell me," San begs, squishing again.</p><p>"Sometimes," Wooyoung starts in a tiny voice, looking away and through pouty lips. "Sometimes I think we are meant to be. That the world wanted me to meet you that night, that I needed you to have a home."</p><p>San doesn't say a thing at first, hands trembling a little as he feels his mind invaded, the same thought revolving there since that day at the cliff, watching the sunset. It wasn't a causality at all. Wooyoung never was a beautiful casualty, he was a beautiful meant to be. Leaning in, he kisses his nose, softly.</p><p>"I'm a biker, Woo," he whispers, lips moving from his nose to his cheek, crashing on his lips, vibrations making both of them shiver. "You will need more to scare me. And," another kiss, this time resting on his upper lip, "I think the same. The universe has something big prepared for us."</p><p>"Did you know about my mom and Seonghwa?" Wooyoung mumbles, hand patting one of his shoulders.</p><p>San frowns, hands pressed on the surface of the couch, looking at Wooyoung from above. </p><p>"Hwa and your mom?"</p><p>"Yeah, they–"</p><p>Wooyoung's voice dies as the door opens with a loud sound that's accompanied by the sound of laughter and loud voices. San sits down slowly, totally contrary to Wooyoung's fast movements as he sits down and fixes his clothes and hair. Yunho is the first one to appear, throwing his whole body onto the couch, peachy hair unkempt and falling all over his face. </p><p>The boy is already smiling when he locks gazes with San.</p><p>"Found ya," he claims, happily. "Aren't you coming to the party?" Looking at Wooyoung, he adds: "Jongho is crying so much because he misses you."</p><p>"I am not crying!" Can be heard from outside the place, making the three boys laugh.</p><p>Wooyoung takes a hand to his hair, pulling a strand behind his ear. That makes San want to decline the offer of a party just to stay alone with Wooyoung for the rest of the night. Or maybe the week.</p><p>"So?" Yunho asks, one hand fixing San's hair.</p><p>"What do you think?" San asks Wooyoung, hand flying to his hair, trying to push Yunho away. Even when he wants to stay and kiss him all night long, maybe hear about what Seonghwa has to do with Wooyoung's mother, San lets him decide.</p><p>Wooyoung shrugs, giving him a shy smile. "That's why I came, right?"</p><p>San can't help but smirk. </p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>The first thing Wooyoung notices is the way everyone from the Fellaz gang is looking at him, knowing smiles and tender eyes falling on him as he enters the kitchen. The second, Yunho's black and red sweater that gives a perfect view of his collarbones and the dark choker around his neck Yeosang can't seem to ignore, fingers around it the moment they appear. It makes him wonder if Yunho's cold, and what's exactly his relationship with Yeosang.</p><p>Leaving <em> Paradise </em>behind, they're back to the cabin, where everyone is either drinking, dancing or just playing poker with Hongjoong in one corner. The boy has already a big amount of jellies piled down in front of him as well with three mobile phones. The music is not loud enough to make his head dizzy, but the remaining feeling of San's lips devouring his is still there haunting him, numbing his senses to the point he feels like he is underwater. </p><p>His heart hasn't been his own since that moment, fingertips brushing his skin every time  trying to decipher what it's trying to say. Sitting down in front of the fire, he smiles to himself. </p><p>"Lemon or strawberry?" Wooyoung looks up, San's voice pulling him back into the real world, where music is louder than his heartbeats and not the other way around. Wooyoung blinks, finding the boy there, two cups in his hands, the same smile dancing on his lips.</p><p>"Hmm?"</p><p>"The grossketeers are making cheesy valentine's drinks," San explains, taking a seat next to him, shoulders touching, raising one of the cups first. "This is the <em> demolition lemons </em> and this one," he raises the other cup, "the <em> I love you berry much </em>. You can already guess who made this one."</p><p>Wooyoung smirks. It has to be Yunho's.</p><p>"Who made the lemon one?"</p><p>"It's Yeosang and Mingi's emo kid," San laughs, taking a sip, wrinkling his nose. "Kinda sweet, to be honest."</p><p>Wooyoung takes the other cup between his hands, tasting the strawberry beverage. It's like trying a candy milkshake with extra syrup. It hits his teeth in a second, making him shrink on the spot.</p><p>"Don't try this one, then."</p><p>"If Yun gets you type two diabetes I'm gonna kick him, I swear."</p><p>Wooyoung giggles, taking another sip. Sweet, but kinda addictive if he has to be sincere. It's cold but warm on his throat, relaxing his body enough to rest his head on San's shoulder by the time he finishes the cup. They're friends, they even slept together. A simple movement shouldn't make his heart jump inside his ribcage like that. </p><p>At least, before kissing. </p><p>They kissed. San admitted he liked him just after telling him he is part of his world, his life. That he has a home now. There's a lot of information and Wooyoung's mind is running wild, so he closes his eyes for a second, looking at the three boys laughing as they cut lemons and strawberries. Jongho is recording them from his spot sitting on the countertop. </p><p>"Are they dating?" Wooyoung wonders something that has been roaring inside his mind for weeks, but he had other things to worry about—San things—to ask about it. San's fingers find a way to his leg, drawing invisible flowers on the fabric of his jeans. "Yunho, Yeosang and Mingi," he adds in case San wasn't paying attention to the direction of his gaze.</p><p>"Yeah. Yun asked Mingi out little after they met, they are something like soulmates," San explains, both of them observing how Yeosang fills Mingi's mouth with lemons, mischievous grin making his face glow, the tallest boy accepting it but having difficulties to swallow. "Then Yeosang arrived, and he hated Mingi's guts. Well, Mingi too. It was fun because Yeosang was so tiny and thin, but he wasn't scared of Mingi, who was already this tall at seventeen. Moreover, Mingi was dead scared of Yeosang, it was like seeing a lion running away from a cute maltese. They didn't even save each other's numbers for the first year," San says, amazed. "It was kinda funny watching them bicker, but it got better when Yun entered the picture. Yeosang always liked him, and he used that to piss Mingi off. You know, hugging him, kissing his cheeks. Yun wanted them to be friends, but it was impossible for them to be on the same room without fighting. Then, one day Yun asked Jongho and I to help him. We locked them in a closet and said we would only let them out if they stopped bickering," San stops his story to tilt his head, dark eyes piercing Wooyoung. "They made out."</p><p>"Saw that coming."</p><p>San laughs, fingers moving up and down, pressing harder. Wooyoung has to do the most to not curl around him like a cat wanting for pets, biting the inside of his cheek instead. </p><p>"In the end, they were destined. Mingi needs Yeosang, Yeosang needs Mingi and Yun needs the two of them bickering from time to time. They really are meant for each other, like pieces of a puzzle.</p><p>"Fate," Wooyoung mumbles, one hand on top of San's to stop the movement. </p><p>San smiles, nothing but a subtle movement of his lips upward, fingers moving to catch Wooyoung's hand in between his. Giving him a squeeze.</p><p>"Maybe," he whispers, getting close to his face. Wooyoung closes his eyes, at first because he is surprised, waiting for something after a couple seconds. He only gets San's fingers brushing his leg again, breath tickling his nose when he giggles. "You're trembling. Are you cold?"</p><p>Wooyoung shakes his head, peeking through his lashes. San looks different. He looks softer, happier he could even say.</p><p>"Everyone is looking at us," he whispers, eyes avoiding San. The truth is no one is directly looking at them, but they are able to see them. They're in the middle of a room full of life after all.</p><p>"I'm not going to do anything that makes you uncomfortable," San says back, pinching the meaty part of his hand. He then leans in to pick the empty cup. "Do you want another drink?"</p><p>"Yes, please."</p><p>San comes back with another invention from Yunho, the <em> Grapeful to have you in my life </em>, which tastes as sweet as the other one and makes Wooyoung wonder if San is trying to hint him something.  Finishing it in one go, he comes back with another cup of something with a long name he doesn't bother remembering. It tastes like apple, less sweet this time. San sticks with him all night, avoiding conversations just to play some games on his phone as Wooyoung's mind drifts from the world with every sip.</p><p>Wooyoung's head feels dizzy after the fifth cup, body so warm he starts sweating. It's just then when he realizes every single cup has been filled with alcohol. He doesn't know how he gets to the bathroom, but he is suddenly kneeling in front of the toilet, San's hands moving on his back. </p><p>"One part juice, four parts vodka, one part unknown. How couldn't you notice it had alcohol?" San is saying as he brushes the hair of his forehead off with his free hand. "No, better, why did you think there would be non alcoholic drinks coming from Yunho?"</p><p>Wooyoung gulps and wants to die, chest on fire, upset stomach, feeling woozy. He is a light weight and that's embarrassing him next to San, that looks like the personification of rebellion and exploited youth. </p><p>"I don't know Yunho," he mumbles. "Why didn't you warn me?"</p><p>"Thought you wanted to get drunk enough to forget we kissed," Wooyoung stands up enough to catch him in between trembling lashes, gathering all the strength he has left to frown at him. San just laughs away. "I know you, I'm sure tomorrow, when the excitement vanishes, you'll be upset our first kiss wasn't special. So you want to forget."</p><p>Wooyoung groans. That's not true at all.</p><p>"It was special, shut up."</p><p>"Was it?"</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>"I'm glad to know it. With every cup you took I died a little," San says in a dramatic voice, taking a hand to his chest.</p><p>Wooyoung rolls his eyes, moving until his back is glued to the wall.</p><p>"Why are you being so dramatic now?"</p><p>"I know you, Woo. But at the same time, you're a total mystery for me. I want to think I know why you kissed me, but I'm not sure." San hugs his knees, eyes on Wooyoung. The bathroom is small enough for their feet to touch, and it's also the calmest place for them to be right now. Music fading in the distance, taking them to another world. "A part of me says you did it out of excitement, that you weren't thinking clearly. You crave a family, and I was the only one there. Maybe you'd have kissed Jongho if he was the one telling you."</p><p>Wooyoung scowls, softly kicking him—softly, because his brain moves so slowly he feels like an outsider in his own body.</p><p>"I kissed you out of excitement, that's true," he admits, "but because it was you."</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>Wooyoung sighs, throwing his head back until it hits the wall. "Because I like you. I've liked you since the beginning. I told you," he raises a hand incredibly slow, not caring at all about the embarrassment now. "I think we are meant to be."</p><p>San presses his lips in a thin line, one hand flying to his hair, fingers threading there slowly, or maybe it's just Wooyoung's slow way of seeing things now.</p><p>"What if you wake up and regret it?"</p><p>"I think you have more chances of doing it," Wooyoung puffs the air out of his lungs, closing his eyes. He will for sure regret one thing: drinking all those sugar bombs with cheesy names. "You're not the type of guy that does relationships, don't you?"</p><p>"Are we dating?"</p><p>Wooyoung flutters his eyes open, hands flat over the floor. For a solid second, everything falls on top of his head like gelid snow, making him come back into his senses.</p><p>"No! I mean–"</p><p>"Are you asking me out?" San smirks, finally coming back to his usual self, getting a little closer.</p><p>"Listen, I have a headache," Wooyoung cuts. "I just wanna sleep, or throw up, or both. I don't think we should be talking about this now."</p><p>"Okay," San giggles, hands finding Wooyoung's face and softly holding him by the cheeks. "I can wait until tomorrow, Kenma." </p><p>Wooyoung scowls, fighting with himself to keep his eyes fully open. San's figure starts to get blurry in front of him.</p><p>"What did you call me?"</p><p>"Kenma," San says slowly. "My anime boy. Your hair is so long, and you have dark roots. You're also a little bit secretive with your feelings, but you're a fighter. Totally Kenma."</p><p>Wooyoung snorts.</p><p>"Idiot.”</p><p>“I’m here telling you nice things and this is what I get in return,” San sighs, acting hurt. His hands move fast, wrapping around Wooyoung’s waist. “I’ll take you to bed, you need to sleep.”</p><p>Wooyoung swells his chest, fingers brushing San’s neck. “Can I ask you something before we get in bed together?"</p><p>The moment of truth. He needs to take his chance, before his brain comes back to normal and makes him bite his tongue. He needs to know. Especially after they kissed.</p><p>“How are you so sure I’m not gonna leave you in bed and keep on partying?” San raises a brow, helping him stand up. </p><p>“You've been glued to me the whole night," Wooyoung shrugs. "You can do whatever you want, though," he receives a kiss on the forehead the next second, taking him by surprise.</p><p>"What a dumbass," San whispers, lips meeting Wooyoung's feverishly. "What do you want to know? I'll tell you everything, just so you know I trust you."</p><p>Wooyoung moves his hands up, fingers wrapped around the collar of San's shirt.</p><p>"Why don't you want to have sex with me?"</p><p>San chokes with his own saliva, moving a few steps backwards to cough into the back of his hand. He lets go of Wooyoung, fear trembling in his eyes.</p><p>Wooyoung remains calm. Totally because of the alcohol. He stares at him, fingers curling around the fabric of his hoodie, waiting for an answer. </p><p>"Okay," San lets out a big amount of air, chewing on his lower lip. "First of all, you're drunk, there's no way I get with you in bed like this. Naked, I mean. Second, when did I say that I don't want?"</p><p>Wooyoung shrugs. </p><p>"Hongjoong told me the only reason you stuck with me was because you wanted to have sex. But then you didn't. And now you said you like me, so I'm really confused."</p><p>"Shouldn't you be happy that I want to hold your hand instead?" San gets closer, sweet expression splattered all over his face. </p><p>"I'm just curious," Wooyoung takes a hand to his mouth, biting his thumb. "Is it because I'm not as experienced as you?" He blurts, kinda enjoying the way San's eyes widen, cheeks exploding in color.</p><p>"Fucking shit, Wooyoung," San groans, hitting him on the shoulder. The boy yelps, softly punching him back. "If I didn't try anything with you was because you matter to me, okay? I wanted our relationship to have a solid start, not get in bed just because."</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>Wooyoung tilts his head, eyelids flickering. He feels tired yet curious. </p><p>"Because you're unique," San stares into his soul, making his heart stop for a second just to start drumming against his ribs, making music out of a feeling. "There's no other like you. No other that has made me feel like this. Not now, but since that night we met."</p><p>San leans in again, yet this time he only hides his face in the crook of Wooyoung's neck, breathing slowly. Wooyoung moves his arms slower, feeling like dead limbs, hugging him close. He closes his eyes as he rests the weight of his body—and maybe his soul too—over San's body.</p><p>"That's romantic," he mumbles.</p><p>"I am," San shyly giggles against the skin of his neck, making his whole body warm in just an instant.</p><p>Wooyoung swears he could live there for the rest of his life. And for the first time in over a month, he feels like sleeping sound without worries. </p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>Morning comes with a strong headache and the smell of pancakes twirling beneath his nostrils. Wooyoung opens his eyes slowly, using a lot of strength to do it, finding the wooden ceiling of the cabin first, not quite sure how in the world did he end up on a bed. </p><p>His memories are not in the right order, dark on the edges. He also feels so tired everything that happened last night feels part of a very vivid dream. He remembers the drinks, how sweet it tasted on his tongue, and how it burnt when he threw up the first time. He also remembers San squatting next to him and rubbing his back until he felt better. The rest is blurry, but as he looks to one side, he finds San sound asleep next to him. It wasn't a dream after all. </p><p>The bed is small so their legs are tangled, San's arms around his waist, face buried on his chest. Hearts speaking with each other, talking about how the weather is cold but they feel warm. With his hair a mess, falling all over his face, and pouty lips welcoming him, San looks more fragile than he expected. </p><p>And maybe this is the real San. The one that hides beneath thick layers of confidence and a strong personality. A kid that had to grow up earlier than expected. Someone whose heart was ripped out of his chest and slammed into the ground. Someone broken, still healing. Not only himself, but everyone that gets under his umbrella. </p><p>Wooyoung finds himself rolling in bed and facing him, tired eyes following the line of his nose, lips, jawline. Falling into his neck, where the hoodie moved enough for the skin to be seen. Neck patched in golden freckles. Beautiful. </p><p>Closing his eyes, Wooyoung tries to remain there for as long as he can. Getting close enough to press his lips on one of San's cheeks, fingers threading on his hair, tasting sweet.</p><p>"Thank you," he mumbles, for the first time thanking him for everything that happened in the past month. For accepting him. For treating him like a friend. For giving him a home, a place to crash when he feels like drowning.</p><p>San groans a little, snuggling close for a moment. Wooyoung feels warm again.</p><p>The boy decides to stand up after a few minutes playing with San's hair, dragging his feet towards the bathroom—or, at least, trying to find it. He ends up in the kitchen first, where Seonghwa and Hongjoong are already there having breakfast in between the mess that last night brought. </p><p>"Yunho's are better," Hongjoong is saying, fork playing with some burnt out pancake.</p><p>"No one is forcing you to eat them, Joong," Seonghwa sighs, turning around and placing a plate full of half burnt pancakes in the center of the table. His eyes move to Wooyoung standing there. "Oh, good morning."</p><p>"Morning," Wooyoung straightens, memories of their conversation coming back like a blizzard, catching the subtle wave Hongjoong gives at him as he chews on the pancake.</p><p>"Breakfast?" Seonghwa asks, offering him a chair next to him.</p><p>Wooyoung isn't hungry, and the only thing he wants to do right now is take a shower and brush his teeth, yet he accepts the offer and sits in silence. Looking down at his own fingers, not knowing what to say. Or how to act. He bets Hongjoong knows about his mother too.</p><p>"Wild night?" Hongjoong wonders after a few seconds of silence. </p><p>Wooyoung looks up, gulping. "Kinda. But not in the way you're expecting."</p><p>"Who knows," Hongjoong shrugs. "For me, Mingi singing <em> My heart will go on </em> to Yunho and Yeosang at ass in the morning and disturbing my sleep is wild."</p><p>"You stealing Chris, Felix and Jeongin's phones was wild, indeed," Seonghwa adds.</p><p>"I totally won those phones," Hongjoong says proudly, pouting his nose up. "But I admit, it was wild too."</p><p>Wooyoung purses his lips in a tiny smile.</p><p>"Then, it was super wild for me as well," he admits.</p><p>"I'm glad," Hongjoong winks, putting the plate aside, making a grin that has Seonghwa scowling. "I'm gonna go wake Yeosang up. We have some things to work on."</p><p>"What things?" Seonghwa raises a brow. </p><p>"Yunho's birthday present," the boy takes both hands to his head, shrugging a little. "He wants to gift him a bike, but you know Yunho, he doesn't like flamboyant things. So we found one at the scrapping and we're fixing it."</p><p>"And Mingi?"</p><p>"Mingi doesn't know how to keep secrets. So you better keep it, or we'll have problems," Hongjoong points a finger at Seonghwa, then repeats the same with Wooyoung. That makes the boy feel included, which is kinda nice. "I'll text you later. Dinner?"</p><p>Seonghwa shakes his head, fork cutting the pancake and filling his mouth, chewing in silence.</p><p>"I've got things to do."</p><p>Hongjoong looks at Wooyoung, biting his lower lip, totally hiding something. He nods and pats the door frame, gazing at Seonghwa. </p><p>"Okay, be safe. And," he comes back over his steps to smile at Wooyoung, maybe one of the most sincere smiles he had ever received from the boy, "welcome to the family. Don't expect for a lot of gatherings because Hwa loves his job more than he loves us."</p><p>"Go already," Seonghwa grits his teeth, Hongjoong's laugh being the only thing audible, rambling on the walls of the tiny kitchen. There's still rests of lemon everywhere, making his stomach groan in discomfort. "Don't listen to him, family comes first," Wooyoung nods, moving his plate up to receive a pancake, totally out of respect as he feels like throwing up again. </p><p>They eat in silence, a little bit awkward after what happened last night, but for sure more comfortable than the first time they met. Or, the first time Wooyoung met him, as Seonghwa already knew who he was.</p><p>"About last night," Seonghwa says after a while, Wooyoung gazes at him. "I meant it. You're part of the family, and we will be there for you if you need us. But I need to know if you will be there too."</p><p>"If you're scared I tell my dad, you can relax," Wooyoung cuts, shaking his head. He feels his throat a little sore. "Even if you tried hard to push me away, I wouldn't say shit. You haven't done a thing to me."</p><p>"No," Seonghwa sighs, putting a hand over Wooyoung's own. The touch is warmer than he expected. "What I mean is if you would be there even when things are not as happy as a Valentine's party on a friday night."</p><p>Seonghwa's eyes get dark, a mix of worry and experience blooming there in the shape of black roses. All the things he lived since he decided to run away from that house he met his mother showing up like black reflections.</p><p>"I promised your mother to make you happy, but I never said life wouldn't be dangerous. I really want you to join us, but I need to be sure your head would be cold in case of danger."</p><p>Wooyoung gulps, totally knowing what he is meaning. </p><p>"In case San dies, for example?"</p><p>Seonghwa looks down, confirming it with a single movement. It cracks Wooyoung's heart, that was way too hot for such cold words.</p><p>"In this world, we all know we can't let our feelings lead us. I'm not saying you can't fall in love, I'm just warning you: once you're in, you don't have a future. You don't know what will happen the next day. You live each day like it is the last. There's no thing as happy endings, that's why we decide to make the ride as happy as we can. And when everything ends, all our memories will be yellow. You won't die lonely, even if you're alone."</p><p>Listening to these words make Wooyoung shake inside. Yet, he knew. Of course he knew. He grew up listening not only how dangerous bikers were but how dangerous their life was. And he also knows how Senghwa, Yeosang and San are up to even more dangerous things than the rest. </p><p>He nods, putting his free hand on top of Seonghwa's, his mother's voice whispering in his ear.</p><p>"There are no happy endings, endings are the saddest part," he mumbles. "So just give me a happy middle and a very happy start."</p><p>"Shel Silverstein," Seonghwa points, raising a brow.</p><p>"When I was little I had a favorite book and every time I finished it, I cried. My mom used to tell me that, and I guess she was right after all."</p><p>Seonghwa parts his lips, ready to say something. The sound doesn't come out of his lips, though, Wooyoung's skin cracked with electricity. </p><p>"What are you doing?" They jolt on the spot, turning around to see both San and Yunho standing there. Unkempt hair and closed eyes. Yunho is yawning, being San the one who spoke, fingers scratching his tummy beneath his hoodie. "Holding hands?" </p><p>Yunho frowns. </p><p>"I thought Wooyoung liked San," he sounds confused, alternating gazes between San and Wooyoung. </p><p>Seonghwa moves his hand away.</p><p>"Me too," San pouts. "That's dirty, Hwa. I told you how I feel and now you try to hit on him."</p><p>"Sick!" Yunho claps a hand to his mouth.</p><p>Seonghwa rolls his eyes, standing on his feet. One hand falling over Wooyoung's hair, ruffling it a little.</p><p>"Don't be an idiot," he says to San, turning to Wooyoung after that. "Think about it. Then decide what's best for you."</p><p>Seonghwa leaves the room, and also a big hole inside Wooyoung's chest. He found a home, he found someone that makes life worthy, but he never stopped to think what was the price he needed to pay.</p><p>San takes Seonghwa's seat, narrowing his eyes at him, visibly tired.</p><p>"What's with you and Hwa? Yesterday too, you two went to have a talk alone, then you said something about your mom. What's happening?"</p><p>Wooyoung shakes his head. "He was welcoming me to the family. Don't think about it."</p><p>San squints, resting the weight of his head over one hand.</p><p>"He didn't hold my hand when he welcomed me, you must be special."</p><p>"Am I?"</p><p>"Just a little," San puts his index and thumb together. He has his eyes closed when he wraps his arms around Wooyoung's neck, lazily planting a kiss on his cheek. Wooyoung  allows his body to relax, arms around San, hugging him. San purrs like a cat, roaming the tip of his nose alongside the juncture of his neck. Wooyoung giggles a little, amazed to see that part of San. Vulnerable. </p><p>And happy.</p><p>It seems like San got rid of something that was weighing him down, feeling so light his hands end up finding the collar of his hoodie, pulling him down to give him an open mouthed kiss. Kissing Wooyoung like no one is looking at them, even when Yunho is sitting right in front of them. </p><p>"I don't want to interrupt, but I don't think the kitchen is the right place to be doing this. You have the shower."</p><p>Both boys pull apart as Yunho speaks, already tasting Seonghwa's pancakes with a soft grin. Wooyoung swears he was a puppy in his past life. Yunho doesn't seem embarrassed at all, a thing Wooyoung envies as he is conscious of the warmth on his cheeks.</p><p>"You never eat in the kitchen," San bemoans, hands still playing around Wooyoung's neck.</p><p>"There's a lot of people camping in the living room," the boy points at them with the fork. "By the way, congratulations on your marriage."</p><p>San takes Wooyoung's hand, pulling from him.</p><p>"Goodbye." </p><p>San leads them back to the tiny room they were sleeping in, closing the door behind his back.</p><p>"Sorry for that."</p><p>"Kissing me in front of Yunho or telling him we are married?" Wooyoung cocks his head to one side.</p><p>San snorts. "I didn't say a thing."</p><p>"Then why are you apologising?"</p><p>The boy remains silent, one hand flat on Wooyoung's abdomen, pushing him until his legs are hitting the bed. Wooyoung falls into the mattress, San remaining on his feet, looking at him through his long bangs.</p><p>"I don't want to scare you now that we got to open up," San kneels in front of him, resting his head on Wooyoung's lap, allowing Wooyoung to thread his fingers on his hair. "We kissed, but that doesn't mean we need to get married right now. We can go at our own pace."</p><p>"Hmm."</p><p>"And before you put words I haven't said in my mouth, I'm not playing with you," San stands up a little, pressing his hands at each side of Wooyoung's legs, thumbs circling there. "I know your past relationship ended badly, I want you to be comfortable. Why rush things? We have all the time in the world."</p><p>Wooyoung tilts his head.</p><p>"Will our relationship change after this?"</p><p>"What do you mean with that?"</p><p>Wooyoung sighs.</p><p>"I don't want to make you uncomfortable either," he admits in a shy voice. "I don't know how to treat you."</p><p>"Treat me like you want. If you want to greet me with a fist bump, cool. If you want to kiss me, cool too. I just want you to be yourself, Woo. I know you haven't been able to be the real you for a long time, and you deserve to be free. I like you, put that inside your mind, okay?"</p><p>"Okay," Wooyoung nods, taking a deep breath. Once again, San has the right words, the ones he needs to hear the most right now. "Can we hug?"</p><p>"Just because you asked nicely," San jokes, getting up in bed just to wrap his arms around Wooyoung's waist, so tight they end up falling into the mattress in between giggles. </p><p>They stay like that for minutes, maybe hours, just hugging without saying a thing. Wooyoung's fingers playing with San's hair, San moving his lips all over the skin of his neck and jawline. It feels so natural for them it might be all part of a dream after all. Wooyoung is scared of closing his eyes and opening them to look at the white ceiling of his room. </p><p>He is also scared this is so real, and that he falls deeper for San. Just to lose him in that future that is not written yet.</p><p>Hugging him closer, he hopes he is in between everything. Where time doesn't work, and where San is not a biker. He is just a kid with messy hair kissing his nose and biting his cheeks. Where they have all the time in the world.</p><p>Wooyoung wants to stay there forever. </p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>"San's not home, please, stop looking at the stairs and focus on the game. You are breaking my heart."</p><p>Wooyoung shakes his head, pink cheeks as he is caught looking up again, hoping for San to appear out of nowhere and pull him into his arms. He looks back at Jongbo, who's sitting cross legged next to him, showing an apologetic smile.</p><p>"I'm sorry. It's been so long since the last time we saw each other," he admits in a small voice.</p><p>"Just one week," Mingi points from his spot on the dining table that's behind them, doing Hongjoong's nails in silence, sticking his tongue out like a kid that tries hard to paint inside the lines.</p><p>"One day without seeing Yunho and you're already acting like it's the end of the world," Jongho tells, making everyone but Mingi burst in laughter. "Just this morning you were mopping all over your cereal."</p><p>"He is my best friend, okay!" Mingi's cheeks are matching the red polish on Hongjoong's nails. "And Yeosang's been working all week, I feel lonely."</p><p>Wooyoung silently agrees with that, fingers moving slowly just so he doesn't fall off the road again—Jongho insisted on beating him in every rainbow road the game offered, and so far he has accomplished his wish. San's been busy all week, which means no hanging out, no calling, not even texting for more than five minutes. </p><p>For the first two days, Wooyoung was glad. After arriving home, taking a shower and putting on his pajamas to spend all day in bed he finally put his mind in order and went over everything that happened in one single night. Almost like he was inside a bubble of happiness for hours, not realizing the magnitude of the words that were said that night, neither the things that happened. </p><p>Kissing San was amazing, but remembering it… That was on another level.</p><p>His lips still on fire, heart craving the warmth of his body. Wooyoung needed time to recover from everything, look at himself in the mirror and convince himself it was real. That he died a long time ago, but instead of walking around like a dead man forever, he was reborn that night.</p><p>Four days without nothing more but a few emojis from San had him, as Jongho said, moping over cereal. So, when the younger asked him if he wanted to come over to play Mario Kart, Wooyoung packed a toothbrush just in case.</p><p>San isn't home. And he has lost the last nine races because he can't stop looking at the stairs in hopes they were messing with him and the boy is actually taking a nap in his room. Kinda funny if he thinks about it; when San thinks of him, he races the best in years. But when it's Wooyoung the one with his head filled with San's dimples, he just falls. </p><p>"What's your relationship with San, though?" Jongho wonders, eyes on the screen.</p><p>"That's rude, Jongho," Hongjoong nags with a click of his tongue. "You can't ask things like that."</p><p>"It's something normal to ask, though," Jongho scowls, moving his body to the right, following the movements of the car with it. "What's your relationship with Yeosang, Min?"</p><p>"You don't want to know what he's capable to do with his mouth—Ouch!"</p><p>"Don't be gross," Hongjoong clicks his tongue, totally hitting him.</p><p>"He asked!"</p><p>"We all know Yeosang has a nasty mouth," Jongho chuckles, crossing the finish line first position again. He turns around to show Wooyoung a smug grin. "He is my best friend after all."</p><p>"Hey," Mingi stands, both hands slamming into the table, "what do you know?"</p><p>Jongho turns around, smirk already dancing on his face, resting his arm over the backrest to stare at the boy.</p><p>"You two are into weird shit."</p><p>"I'm gonna kill Yeosang," Mingi cries, falling back into the chair. Hongjoong pats his head using his forearm, trying to not touch his finished nails.</p><p>"It was San the one telling me," Jongho giggles, turning around.</p><p>"How?" Mingi sounds betrayed. </p><p>"Yunho told him," Jongho shrugs. "Be careful with your boyfriend's best friend, I always say, moreover if you have two boyfriends. This also applies to you," the boy looks at Wooyoung, raising a brow, "San will tell everything to Yunho, which means Mingi and Yeosang will know, and then everyone in town will know because Mingi loves gossip."</p><p>"I hate you, Jongho," Mingi pouts, making everyone laugh again. Not Wooyoung, though. He is still curling around the fact Jongho thinks he is dating San when there's nothing established between them.</p><p>San said it, to not rush things. Then he disappeared, which didn't make things better—in a way that just makes Wooyoung scared, because he is craving San and he isn't sure if San is thinking the same or totally forgot about Valentine's night. San's not that type of person, and he sounded sincere when he said he liked him, but bad thoughts always find a way to broken souls. </p><p>"We," he starts, scratching the back of his head, "we are not dating."</p><p>Jongho narrows his eyes at him. "You sure? Normally, San would've spilled everything already but as he has been sleeping on Yunho's, I know shit. But I'm pretty sure you made out."</p><p>Wooyoung frowns a little, controller resting over his lap. Ignoring the last part of the sentence, he gets curious about the first one.</p><p>"Why has he been sleeping at Yunho's?"</p><p>"Work," the three of them say at the same time, immediately, which makes Wooyoung shiver. Jongho is the one that adds: "He gets stressed when Seonghwa asks for these types of long services, Yunho's flat is closer to the cliff."</p><p>Wooyoung nods.</p><p>"You're confirming you made out, then? It was just a hunch but a really big one."</p><p>"Jongho, let it die."</p><p>"Don't be a grandma, Joong," the boy sighs, "we all want to know. Right, Min?"</p><p>"Not on your team, I'm mad."</p><p>Jongho rolls his eyes. "Okay. So we all want to know but Mingi is pretending he doesn't. Did you?"</p><p>Wooyoung bites his lower lip, "We did."</p><p>"I knew it," Jongho celebrates. </p><p>"We aren't dating, though," Wooyoung repeats, Jongho eyes falling on him.</p><p>"You made out," Jongho shrugs, not making clear what he means with that.</p><p>"Friends do kiss."</p><p>"But you don't want to be friends," Mingi points, head resting on his palm. "Neither does San. He told us about how he wants to save you or whatever. He never liked anyone so it's new for us. Even so, coming from San, that totally sounds like a love confession. What's stopping you two from dating?"</p><p>Wooyoung doesn't have the answer for that.</p><p>"Him being out," he jokes, even when he doesn't feel like doing it. "Can't date what I can't see."</p><p>"Nice point," Hongjoong sighs. "But you'll get used."</p><p>Wooyoung guesses Seonghwa is even worse than San at disappearing because of work. That secret work no one knows about. Maybe Hongjoong, but he is not asking him about it. At the same time, Hongjoong seems to be ready to give his life for Seonghwa if it was the case.</p><p>"Do you love him?" Jongho asks in a plain tone, drawing Wooyoung's attention. Something pierces his heart from the inside.</p><p>He gaps like a fish out of the water, bubbles exploding on his tongue but no forming words. Love is such a strong feeling. Even when he is sure San is close to being his other half, speaking out loud about how he loves him is going too far. Moreover if he isn't sure of where San put the limit. </p><p>"I'm–"</p><p>"You're part of the family, so I'm telling you this because we are brothers now," Jongho keeps saying, eyes on the screen—that's paused, but Wooyoung prefers it this way as he is sure he won't be able to hold Jongho's gaze for more than three seconds, and that's already a lot. "San doesn't trust people. He doesn't even trust us. Even after five years he is still unsure if we love him for real or if it's a facade, which is not because we adore him. What I'm trying to say is that San has been smiling more since he met you, there's a different glow on his eyes. He even bought a helmet for you, spent hours showing me different sun stickers because he couldn't decide on one. He is happy to have you around, and you're the first person that has been able to break through his barriers. He might be bad at expressing himself with words, but believe me if he isn't in love with you, it's only a matter of time. And if you break his heart, Yeosang is ready to beat the shit out of you." </p><p>Jongho finishes his speech with a bright smile, eyes disappearing and teeth on display. Wooyoung is speechless, something twisting on his abdomen. Warm and soft, but also strong enough to crawl all the way to his chest and curl around his throat. He feels like crying, not really thinking about those small details. </p><p>"I'm—I love him," he admits. "I'm scared we don't feel the same."</p><p>"That's love, darling," Hongjoong mumbles. "It's impossible to feel the same because every individual feels in different ways. It doesn't mean the feeling is weaker, is just different. That makes love so addictive, even when it hurts so bad. Meanwhile the pain will always be the same cold hand crushing your heart, love is unique. Each person loves in different ways, you'll always try again in search of new sensations, of something that fills the cracks with gold."</p><p>Wooyoung looks over his shoulder, totally ignoring the way Mingi is looking at Hongjoong, sincerely smiling at him.</p><p>"There are as many types of love as people in the world, right?"</p><p>Hongjoong frowns, confused, ending up in a smile.</p><p>"You can say it like that."</p><p>"Okay, this is getting way too emo," Jongho shakes his head, squeezing his eyes shut for a second. "You already know what to do, Wooyoung. Now, let's all play some battles."</p><p>"I'll join but only if we are in opposite teams," Mingi claims, already jumping in the middle of them and picking one of the controllers. "I'll kick your ass!"</p><p>"Let's see!"</p><p>Wooyoung smiles to himself, feeling calm once again. He is in love with San, and that should be okay.</p><p>They play until night falls at the other side of the windows, Wooyoung sinking on the couch, not really having intentions of going home without seeing San—even when there's high chances the boy doesn't even show up. He is following Jongho's words, telling the boy everything he feels and pushing that hard stone out of his heart.</p><p>Mingi prepares dinner for them when they finish the battles. Even when it's nothing but instant ramen, it feels like a family dinner for Wooyoung. The four of them, watching an old episode of <em> Friends </em> in silence until Mingi is bursting in laughter. That happiness Seonghwa told him about, is right there. At this moment only.</p><p>Slowly, Wooyoung realizes San makes him happy, but he is no longer the only source of that happiness. </p><p>One in the morning hits the clock and he receives a text. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>From: San 🏔 [1:05 A.M.]</b>
</p><p>
  <em> jongho told me there's a surprise awaiting for me at home </em>
</p><p>
  <em> if its not you invading my bed then its not worthy  </em>
</p><p><em> tell me its you so I can give yun a free night </em> </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>wooyoung </b>
</p><p><em> im sorry </em> </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>From: San 🏔 [1:06 A.M]</b>
</p><p>
  <em> &lt;\3 </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>wooyoung </b>
</p><p>
  <em> im not in your bed </em>
</p><p>
  <em> still on the couch  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> watching moana with mingi </em>
</p><p>
  <em> hes crying  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> (me too) </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>From: San 🏔 [1:08 A.M.]</b>
</p><p>
  <em> idiot </em>
</p><p>
  <em> im gonna punch u </em>
</p><p>
  <em> u broke my heart for a sec </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>wooyoung </b>
</p><p>
  <em> should I wait on your bed then? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>From: San 🏔 [1:08 A.M.]</b>
</p><p>
  <em> :) </em>
</p><p>
  <em> finish the movie  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>wooyoung </b>
</p><p>
  <em> it just started  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>From: San 🏔 [1:10 A.M.]</b>
</p><p>
  <em> cant believe you are crying with the BEGINNING </em>
</p><p>
  <em> this is not Up </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>wooyoung </b>
</p><p>
  <em> I would love to see you here </em>
</p><p>
  <em> mingi told me you cried with the beginning of frozen 2 </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>From: San 🏔 [1:11 A.M.]</b>
</p><p>
  <em> if you dont cry with every second of frozen 2 then you dont have a soul  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> ill be there in 20 min </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>wooyoung </b>
</p><p>
  <em> I'll be waiting  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Wooyoung crashes into Jongho as he jumps out of the couch, heading towards San's room without wasting a second. The boy doesn't say a thing, but the smirk on his face is enough proof that he knows—he texted San after all. Wooyoung notes mentally to take the boy to have breakfast as a way of thanking him.</p><p>San arrives exactly twenty minutes after, stopping to tell Hongjoong something Wooyoung doesn't catch at all. Just the sound of his voice makes every single cell of his body scream, putting the hair of his nape up in anticipation. Heart beating at the pace of his steps over the stairs, sitting in the middle of the bed observing his phone wallpaper. Trying to look cool when he is obviously dying inside.</p><p>As the door opens, he gets even more nervous. </p><p>"What a nice surprise," San's voice fills the room way before his scent does. And God, how much Wooyoung missed it twirling around his nostrils. "I guess I'll have to kiss Jongho."</p><p>Seeing the boy after a week without having news, Wooyoung can't help but think the same. San kneels in front of him, showing him a dimple smile, tired eyes curving into crescent moons. His black hair is stylish down and he is not wearing any makeup. Dark clothes and a soft smell of sweat still glued to his skin. He also looks tired, dark circles eating his skin in a way that makes Wooyoung reach his hand out to hold him close. San rests his head there, opening his eyes just to narrow them at him.</p><p>"You're supposed to say <em> Kiss me instead </em>," he says through a pout, standing up to take a seat next to him. "Missed me?"</p><p>"Not much," Wooyoung puffs a laugh, grinning. "Missed me?"</p><p>"You don't know how much," San decided to play sincere, head falling over his shoulder. "You and your foolish mind."</p><p>"That's not how you get kisses."</p><p>"Don't worry, that's what I like about you after all," San moves back, holding Wooyoung's face with both hands, staring at him. "I like when people fight me."</p><p>"You have weird kinks," Wooyoung snorts, just for San to peek his lips. Too short for the long week they were apart but still activating something inside his body. Electricity blooming out of a single touch.</p><p>"I'm gonna take a shower. Don't fall asleep on me."</p><p>"I'm more worried you fall asleep in the shower," Wooyoung picks one strand of black hair and tugs it behind his ear. Is long, not as long as his own but enough to tie it up. The image swirls at the back of his mind. </p><p>San sticks his tongue out, taking off his hoodie, pants and shoes, all at once, dropping everything on his bedroom floor. Wooyoung decides to look away, loud heartbeats numbing his mind.</p><p>"I'll be quick," San smirks, closing the door in silence behind his back.</p><p>It takes Wooyoung just five seconds to fall back into the bed and cover his face with both hands. He missed him so much he ends up forgetting the speech he has been preparing for the past twenty minutes.</p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>San comes back after fifteen minutes under the warm water to find Wooyoung curled around his own body, lazyly going through his instagram feed. Feet engulfed in cute pineapple socks that make him chuckle. San is wearing nothing but the towel around his shoulders, wet hair falling down his face. His feet make sound as he walks, drawing Wooyoung's attention. </p><p>"Hey," Wooyoung pushes himself up in one elbow, red cheeks but worried eyes. "You'll get sick if you don't dry your hair."</p><p>"Too tired," San shakes his head, droplets falling everywhere around him.</p><p>He puts on his pajamas fast, throwing these pants he bought to match on days like this into the bed, falling onto Wooyoung's lap. San can't help but stare at him for a solid minute, admiring every single feature. The long hair, pulled up by a pink bandana that's totally Mingi's, the pouty lips always ready to complain, the sparkly eyes he didn't have the night they met. San likes to think he was the one putting the stars in his eyes.</p><p>"What?" Wooyoung's cheeks flourish in color, and San wishes he could know what it's going on inside his head right now. </p><p>"Nothing," San smiles. "I just missed your face."</p><p>Wooyoung looks down, visibly embarrassed to hear that.</p><p>"You could've asked for a picture," the boy shrugs, body slightly moving towards San as he jumps in the bed, phone already in his hands.</p><p>"I do have one, actually," San admits, tending his phone just so he can see the wallpaper. That picture he took of him on the skate track. Wooyoung's reaction to find himself there is beyond cute. It makes San melt, feeling warm after a tiring day of work. "It's not the same, though. You're prettier in person."</p><p>"Why do you have this?" Wooyoung punches him on the shoulder, looking down.</p><p>"Ouch," San whispers. "What's the matter? It's a good picture, I like the scenario."</p><p>"I hate it, I look horrible."</p><p>"I'm sorry you have no taste at all," San sighs, taking his phone back. "You look amazing, you have a pretty smile."</p><p>"Liar."</p><p>"Why would I lie to you, Woo, please," San rolls his eyes, immediately moving to wrap his arms around his body and hug him close. Pulling both of them down, Wooyoung's back meets the mattress as San makes room on his body. Cold nose pressed into the warm juncture of his neck, taking a deep breath that has Wooyoung sighing. "You smell nice. Strawberry soap?"</p><p>"Actually, it's raspberry."</p><p>"Like my cigarettes, I see," San mumbles, pressing his lips there for a second, moving to catch his ear between his teeth next. Biting softly. Wooyoung kicks him, body moving alone. "Aggressive."</p><p>Wooyoung curses under his breath, hands trembling over San's skin, not quite sure if he wants to pull him out or closer. </p><p>"Don't bite me," he says through gritted jaws. </p><p>"Why not?" San closes his eyes, snuggling closer. He has been sleeping next to Yunho for the past week, but it felt different. Yunho's heart is always calm meanwhile Wooyoung's always making music for him. Actually, it's the first time someone's heart beats so erratically for him. Almost like his presence is enough to make it forget how to beat properly and it becomes a total mess inside his ribcage. It makes him feel relaxed and safe. "You are really sensitive here, right?"</p><p>Wooyoung clicks his tongue.</p><p>"We haven't seen each other for a week," Wooyoung starts, a little bit agitated. "You can't just come and bite my ear out of nowhere."</p><p>San stands up over his hands, one of them rubbing Wooyoung's abdomen. He scowls a little, meeting the younger's eyes.</p><p>"I'm sorry."</p><p>Wooyoung opens his eyes wide, surprised. </p><p>"You're sorry?"</p><p>"Yeah, I'm sorry," he repeats. "I should've texted you."</p><p>Wooyoung's chest deflates, one hand flying to his cheek.</p><p>"It's not that. I'm just…"</p><p>"Sensitive?"</p><p>San receives another punch, but this time he giggles in response, lips meeting Wooyoung's cheek. The boy shrieks with a squeaky sound. Cute.</p><p>"You're an idiot."</p><p>"You can tell me, Woo," San raises a hand to caress his hair, fingers tangling there. Resting the weight of his body in one hand, he observes how Wooyoung's expression changes. </p><p>"Idiot," he repeats with a grin.</p><p>"How I missed it," San smirks, getting close to press his lips on top of Wooyoung's. Smiling against Wooyoung's mouth, one hand moving to take a grip of the fabric of his hoodie. His fingers brush a patch of skin, so warm suddenly his whole body is on fire. Taking Wooyoung's breath with him, intoxicating his own lungs. Not quite sure if he is breathing better or he is just forgetting how to breath. </p><p>"You're making me all wet," Wooyoung pushes him by the chest, breaking the kiss. San smirks, looking down. "Oh my God. Because of your hair!" </p><p>"Oh," San looks up, wet hair glued to his forehead and dripping all over Wooyoung's face. "Sorry about that too."</p><p>Wooyoung sighs. "Give me the towel, I'll dry it for you."</p><p>"You're so nice," San mumbles in a cute voice, both hands on his chest, jumping out of the bed to pick the towel and sit back in between Wooyoung's legs, putting the towel on his hands. He closes his eyes as Wooyoung starts moving the towel all over his hair, slowly. "I'm gonna fall asleep."</p><p>Wooyoung hums. "That's good. You need to rest."</p><p>San turns his head around, resting it on his shoulder. "You just want me to sleep so we don't have a chance to talk, right?"</p><p>Wooyoung frowns, covering San's face with the wet towel. </p><p>"I want you to sleep because I worry you close your eyes on your bike and crash into a truck."</p><p>"I have a free day tomorrow, don't worry," San says. "We can talk about us. It's been a week."</p><p>"About us," Wooyoung repeats in a whisper, moving the towel slowly to reveal San's eyes again, totally smiling at him. From beneath, San has a perfect view of a beautiful sunset sparkling inside Wooyoung's eyes. "I'm in love with you, San."</p><p>That was unexpected. </p><p>San remains calm on the outside, a tornado roaring inside his chest. His lungs fill with flowers, heart being crushed between green leaves and steams. For a moment, it hurts. But it's not a bad pain, it's one of the best pains in the world. </p><p>"Is that so?" His voice comes out a little bit hoarse.</p><p>Wooyoung nods, energetically. "Real Hongjoong is a lot like your Fantasy Hongjoong. We had a talk about love, and I think you needed to know. That's all."</p><p>San sits down, pulling from the towel and throwing it to one side. He crawls back to Wooyoung's position, holding his hands.</p><p>"Do you want to hear my part?"</p><p>Wooyoung shakes his head, avoiding his gaze.</p><p>"I thought I was ready, but I prefer staying like this."</p><p>"Please," San sighs, "you know what I'm about to say."</p><p>"Do I?" Wooyoung's eyes reflect his fear.</p><p>San raises a brow. "I'm in love with you too. I've never said this to anyone else. Well, I've never felt this for anyone else. You're such an enigma, Jung Wooyoung."</p><p>Wooyoung closes his eyes. </p><p>San circles his thumbs over the back of Wooyoung's hands. "I don't trust people, and I don't fall in love," he continues.  "To keep on living, I tried to avoid getting involved with people and feelings. And for the past five years, I was doing great. Until you showed. You won me in just one night, and I've never wanted to be with someone as I want to be with you. You've been in my head all week, keeping me with the feet on the ground. You changed me, made me better. Believe me, I am like that tiny spider you're scared of."</p><p>Wooyoung bites the inside of his cheek, finally looking at him.</p><p>"I'm not scared of spiders," he whispers. </p><p>San snorts. "I mean I'm more scared of you than you are of me. Right now, you're the one holding me."</p><p>Wooyoung closes his eyes, forehead pressed into San's, breathing the same air for a couple seconds. San can feel the trembling on his fingertips.</p><p>"But you gave me a home, a place where I can be myself. You saved me."</p><p>"Listen, dude, we are not gonna fight over this too."</p><p>"Don't call me dude."</p><p>"Babe?" San tries, sweetly. </p><p>"Shut up," Wooyoung looks down, one hand firmly pressed on San's chest, pulling him down into the mattress. "Go to sleep."</p><p>"Do you want to go on an official date with me?" San blurts, totally ignoring him.</p><p>Wooyoung's cheeks go red, lips trembling when he tries to speak, not a single sound coming out. San laughs, going for his hand.</p><p>"Is that a no?"</p><p>"No," Wooyoung breathes, shaking his head. "I want to go."</p><p>San smiles, triumphant. </p><p>"There you go. I have the perfect place."</p><p>"Where?"</p><p>"It's a surprise. Now, let's sleep," San raises his arms in the air, fingers wiggling as he waits for Wooyoung to crash into his chest. "You're staying, right?" </p><p>Wooyoung doesn't move.</p><p>"I have a lecture in the morning, but I guess I can skip it."</p><p>San giggles before wrapping his fingers around his waist and pulling from him, biting his lower lip first, drawing out a soft moan from the boy.</p><p>"I'm into bad boys, you know?"</p><p>"Typical," Wooyoung breathes, pulling out with bright red cheeks on display. "I'm gonna go change. And brush my teeth. And maybe hug Jongho, it might take me awhile."</p><p>"Okay," San nods with a smile already curving the edges of his mouth, getting comfortably inside the covers. "I'll be waiting for you."</p><p>Not even San is conscious of the magnitude of these simple five words. Without realizing it, he would always wait for Wooyoung.</p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>San makes the error of asking Yeosang to do his makeup for his date with Wooyoung, because suddenly everyone's gathering around him like proud parents sending his little boy onto his first date. It's true it's his first date ever, but it's Wooyoung, and he has already kissed him so it's not that big of a deal—he wants to believe.</p><p>"Where are you taking him?" Yunho asks.</p><p>
  <em> The viewpoint of the City. </em>
</p><p>"Are you nervous?" Jongho pinches one of his sides, mischievously giggling. </p><p>
  <em> No. Yes. Maybe a little. </em>
</p><p>"Do you want some condoms?" Mingi whispers with one hand covering his lips, believing no one is hearing him.</p><p>
  <em> Fuck you, Mingi. </em>
</p><p>San closes his eyes, letting Yeosang finish his eye makeup. He is so quiet it's kinda disturbing, thinking he would join the rest in the round of questions. Opening his eyes again, he just finds his face decorated by a soft smile. </p><p>"Why are you so quiet, Sani?" Yunho pouts. </p><p>San takes a deep breath, letting out the air through his nose.</p><p>"You are making a big deal, I've been alone with Wooyoung before, why pull all of this now?" He wonders, even when deep down he knows the answer.</p><p>"Because it's a date," everyone says at the same time, even Yeosang.</p><p>"Before this, you were just friends who liked each other. Now that everything is on the table, you are lovers," Jongho explains.</p><p>"And what's gonna change? We slept together the other night, everything normal."</p><p>"Nothing has to change," Yeosang speaks for the first time, applying some rimmel. "Actually, it would be a shame if something changes because you two are adorable. But it's the first time you open up to another person after all, and as your brothers, we are happy. You can't imagine how."</p><p>"Sang, I'm gonna cry," Yunho sobs in the back.</p><p>"Thanks," San says in a tiny voice, pouty lips as Yeosang starts applying the lip gloss.</p><p>"I feel like my oldest daughter is getting married," Jongho dreamingly sighs, wiping a fake tear.</p><p>"You are our baby, shut up," says Mingi, who for a reason, has started crying in silence with Yunho.</p><p>San won't admit it, but he is actually kinda glad to have them all there with him. Almost like life is giving him a second chance: telling his family he likes a boy, and them all crying happy tears because of it. Sending him with love and a perfect make up.</p><p>Everything San had ever wanted. </p><p>He wears some jeans Hongjoong gave him for his past birthday. They're not quite his style, too tight around his thighs, with big smiley faces patched, ripped on his knees, but he wants to wear something his family gave him. And he is sure Wooyoung would love them. He wears a plain black hoodie with it, hair falling down his face. </p><p>Yeosang's makeup is not striking. Dark eyeshadow, a little bit of glow on his cheekbones, a soft shade of red glowing on his lips.</p><p>He feels nervous once he is in front of the door, turning on his heels. Everyone is standing there.</p><p>"Okay, maybe I am nervous," he admits, arms up in the air. "Group hug?"</p><p>Yunho is the first one moving, totally jumping forward to pull him into a tight embrace, the rest joining after a second. They all laugh when Yeosang says he will punch them if they mess with the makeup, and they know he means it.</p><p>"Do you need the condoms too?" Mingi asks once they break the hug.</p><p>San turns around, ignoring him.</p><p>"You need protection, dude!"</p><p>"Enjoy your date, Sani," Yunho sends him off, hands all over Mingi's mouth. San gets to hear how the boy tells him to not pressure him, making him laugh. </p><p>They were the ones asking him for weeks why he didn't take Wooyoung to bed. Now they know why. </p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>Wooyoung will soon lose all his nails as he waits for San to arrive at his house. He has been sitting in the living room, perfectly dressed, for an hour. It's been so long since he had a date, and to be honest, he has never wanted to go on a date as much as he wants it now. That's not an impediment to feel his stomach shrink with every passing second, heart achieving a new speed record. </p><p>San never said where they were going, and that's killing Wooyoung inside. A dinner would be too cliché, a race would be too obvious. Going back to that couch inside <em> Paradise </em> seems like a perfect idea, but he also knows it's not there. San had a plan, and it for sure will make Wooyoung melt. But he can't live with this uncertainty. </p><p>When his phone rings with a new message, he drops it, fingers made of butter. Heart race speeding up, feeling it behind his ears.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>From: San 🏔💜 [10:03 P.M.]</b>
</p><p>
  <em> come out of your towel, rapunzel ♡ </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Wooyoung takes a deep breath, doing some mental exercises before standing up with trembling legs and walking outside his empty house, helmet tightly pressed against his chest.</p><p>San is standing next to his bike, hands on the pockets of his hoodie. It's then when Wooyoung realizes they didn't talk about the ideal outfit for the date. San looks amazing, but urban. Wooyoung, on the other hand…</p><p>"Wow," San says, moving forward to walk around him, fingers touching his chest. "You look like a model, this is unfair."</p><p>"You could've just told me I could wear a hoodie," Wooyoung bemoans.</p><p>San smirks, coming to his original position in front of him.</p><p>"I kind of wanted to see how you would dress for a date. And I am far impressed, you're stunning."</p><p>Wooyoung is wearing a simple white shirt with three buttons unbuttoned, black jeans and a leather jacket. He doesn't feel like a model at all, but totally outstanding next to San's hoodie and patched jeans—which he can't stop looking at because of how tight they are, molding perfectly to San's legs.</p><p>"This is simple," he shrugs. </p><p>"Mine too," he shoots him a bright smile. "Come on, they're waiting for us."</p><p>Wooyoung scowls. "Who?"</p><p>"You'll see."</p><p>Wooyoung feels a little bit sad, thinking they would be alone, but he doesn't say a thing about it. He puts on the helmet and jumps in the bike, so familiar under his legs by now, although not as much as how San's body feels beneath his fingers when he hugs him from behind. </p><p>They drive for a while. Wooyoung's not sure how many time passes but he does realize they leave the city behind and go towards the highest part of the city. His eyes widen when he realizes where they are.</p><p>The viewpoint of the city. Lights dazzling in front of them like thousand stars, nothing to do  compared with the actual stars that welcome them above their heads. Wooyoung has never seen a sky that clear, that beautiful. </p><p>"Say hi to our guests for the night," San raises a hand, pointing at the sky. "The stars."</p><p>Wooyoung lets out a relaxed sigh. It's just them after all. Them and the stars, which is the most beautiful place to have a date. Typical of San.</p><p>"Come here," San waves a hand at him, leading him to the railing.</p><p>They observe the city in silence, leaving the lives they have there, feeling free for the night. Like the stars that dance on top of their heads,  the one San insists on watching, pulling him into the floor to stargaze. Hands finding each other in silence.</p><p>"I love this place," Wooyoung mumbles, San softly squeezing his hand.</p><p>"Me too. Hwa brought me here not much after founding me. He said I needed to fill my heart with this light, because inside the city everything is so dark you get easily lost," San turns around to look into Wooyoung's eyes. "I thought you would need it too."</p><p>"Fill my heart with light," Wooyoung whispers to himself, eyes finding the stars once again. Looking at the vast sky, all his life problems fade and suddenly, he feels so small and insignificant. </p><p>"This is also the place where I get my heart broken on my fantasy," San keeps going, fingers untangling just to sneak inside Wooyoung's sleeve, moving up and down slowly, making his skin feel with goosebumps. "But that's only a fantasy, and you're here right now."</p><p>"I am," Wooyoung rolls over the dirty floor, knees digging there as he sits on San's lap. He leans in, putting his hands at each side of San's head, getting close but not enough for them to kiss. Just staying there, so close yet so far. He bites his lip before speaking. "I won't break your heart. I could never break a heart made of light like yours."</p><p>San closes his eyes at the same time the edges of his mouth curve in a smile. Wooyoung can feel how his breathing gets a little agitated, not prepared to see how San raises a hand and covers his eyes with his forearm. That smile breaking a little to form a grin.</p><p>Wooyoung's own heart shrinks with the first sob that comes out of San's lips.</p><p>"Hey," Wooyoung moves his hands to his face, holding his cheeks softly. "What happens?"</p><p>San sniffles, warm tears mixing with the dust covering Wooyoung's palms.</p><p>"It's okay," he says, not sure if he is speaking to Wooyoung or to himself. "It's okay. I'm just a little bit overwhelmed, but it's fine," San pauses, putting his hand out to caress Wooyoung's cheek. If he thought San looked vulnerable that morning at the cabin, right now Wooyoung's heart breaks a little. San is just a kid with a lot of dreams, he just wants to pursue them. "Thank you so much for giving me what they didn't."</p><p>Wooyoung doesn't need more to understand the source of San's pain. Nodding in silence, he leans in to press their foreheads together. San moves his arms to wrap them around his waist, bringing him down. Hugging in the middle of the ground, beneath all the stars, Wooyoung realizes how much of a fool he is.</p><p>How much he worried San would break his heart, when the only thing that's making it beat, is San's light. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>not to scare you but chapter 7 is where the party starts :D</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Take Me, My Heart And My Soul</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>As Zico said once, guess who's back !</p><p>I'm really reaaaaaally sorry it took me that much to bring the chapter :( the start of school always makes me depressed and busy and at some point I lost my will to live but hey here we are again! I promised to finish this story and I will &lt;3</p><p>I hope the long wait was worthy !!</p><p>chapter tittle <a href="https://youtu.be/S2Ps44EG5hc">inspiration</a> &lt;3</p><p>(I'll come back to revise any errors, I just want to public this now bc I am kinda excited. Ilysm!!)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p> </p><p>"Can I ask you something between best friends?" Wooyoung scowls, straw resting between his lips as he turns around to look at Changbin. The boy has big puppy eyes that stand out like a red poppy in a yellow field with that eyebrow split and lip ring. Wooyoung nods slowly, curious about what the boy wants to know. "Have you slept together?"</p><p>Wooyoung scrunches his nose, pulling the drink aside.</p><p>"Who?"</p><p>Changbin chuckles, cheeks colored in a soft shade of red.</p><p>"San and you, of course," he whispers, hand covering his mouth and voice filled with excitement. The two turn around to the left, gaze falling inside the workshop where San is helping Hongjoong with Yunho's birthday gift—a classic BSA Lighting they found on the scrapping—as Yeosang plays with two of Changbin's friends—Jisung and Seungmin, if Wooyoung's not wrong. Wooyoung lays his eyes on San, on his dark hair pulled in a low ponytail, wearing a tank top at the beginning of March, muscles tensing with every movement. "So, did you?"</p><p>Wooyoung decides to look away, heart trembling inside his chest with just that simple sight.</p><p>"Yeah," he admits with a whisper, teeth playing with the straw. "Actually, more than once."</p><p>"More than once," Changbin repeats in a surprised tone.</p><p>"It's not weird," Wooyoung narrows his eyes, confused. "It's just sleeping. But wait, are we best friends?"</p><p>"Of course we are, why are you doubting it?" Changbin punches him on the shoulder just to wrap one arm around his shoulders the next moment, bringing their faces close. "I am not talking about sleeping at all, though. I am talking about, you know…"</p><p>Wooyoung moves him aside, cheeks going red.</p><p>"Dude," he breathes.</p><p>"Don't need to say it with words, just nod."</p><p>"We haven't done a thing," Wooyoung rolls his eyes, pursing his lips thin around the straw, coffee filling his mouth. </p><p>Changbin pulls him close again.</p><p>"You just told me you two confessed, went on an amazing date to the viewpoint, then went to his house and did nothing?"</p><p>Wooyoung shrugs. </p><p>"I've been there a lot of times, I love Jongho."</p><p>"But," Changbin pouts, "what did you two do after that date?"</p><p>"Cuddle," Wooyoung sounds proud, sucking his tongue out.</p><p>"Well, that's actually soft. Never expected it from San. He doesn't cuddle."</p><p>"I know. He told me that."</p><p>Wooyoung saves the fact San asked him for back rubs just for himself, that night at the viewpoint still resonating within himself only. It's been a week and he is still inside a dream. </p><p>"Are you dating?" Changbin asks. "I mean, officially. Or maybe you're waiting for a big revelation brought by the party master Jeong Yunho?"</p><p>Wooyoung chuckles.</p><p>"We are dating," he admits in a shy voice. "I think."</p><p>"You think?"</p><p>"We haven't had a talk about it, but yesterday he called me his boyfriend in front of Hongjoong."</p><p>They were having breakfast together when Hongjoong appeared. Wooyoung has been spending a ridiculous amount of time at San's house, not really for a specific reason but because San's bed is comfier—and maybe because the way San kisses him in the morning gives him the strength he needs to keep up with the day. They didn't talk about it, no words needed, going far just a simple romantic relationship. Hongjoong approached Wooyoung and ruffled his hair as a way of greeting him when San suddenly curled around his body, sleepily running his nose over his neck as he mumbled to not <em> bother my boyfriend. </em> </p><p>Wooyoung was so happy to listen to that he couldn't even say a word.</p><p>"San must've found the love of his life," Changbin sighs with a smile dancing on his lips, Wooyoung squints at him, curious. "Don't look at me like that. He is famous for, you know," Changbin raises both brows, making Wooyoung roll his eyes. "He never sticks around with the same person. With you, he seems to be serious."</p><p>Wooyoung shrugs. </p><p>"Who knows."</p><p>He knows San is scared. It would be a lie to say he isn't too. And just because they're both scared, it is that they find comfort in each other's arms.</p><p>"You lucky man," Changbin says instead, hugging him close before he is jumping onto his feet and running towards Hyunjin. </p><p>Wooyoung is left alone with his thoughts, strap already broken between his lips because of how hard he started biting it. He looks at San and he feels at ease. The past two months felt like two seconds, everything happened so fast he feels a little bit stupid for falling in love like that. Yet, that's how life works.</p><p>Things happen fast. Flowers bloom and reach the sun just to die the next day. Just like relationships.</p><p>Wooyoung finishes his coffee in silence, standing up when one in the afternoon hits the clock and Changbin tells him they need to go to class. He moves slowly to where San is standing, swear dewing his forehead, lips parted as he takes a breath.</p><p>"I'm leaving," Wooyoung says.</p><p>"Already? I'll be done in five minutes, then we can crash in my bed and sleep for thirty years."</p><p>Wooyoung chuckles. "You do love to sleep, don't you?"</p><p>"Everything is easier when you're sleeping," San moves forward, catching a strand of hair between his fingers. "I love your hair," he whispers, only for the two of them to hear, making Wooyoung's spine tremble.</p><p>"I have to go," Wooyoung says this time, looking down. "I have class, Bin wants me to be his partner so I can't skip it this time."</p><p>"Oh. Okay, have a good afternoon."</p><p>As San pinches his cheek as a way of saying goodbye, Wooyoung gathers all the strength he can to stare at him without cower. One hand falling on top of his own, fingers warm. </p><p>"I was thinking, maybe you could come to my house tomorrow."</p><p>San widens his eyes, surprised, moving a few steps backwards. </p><p>"Your house?" He blurts, scowling. "You want me to die?"</p><p>Wooyoung sighs, rolling his eyes.</p><p>"My father is out of town this weekend, and I thought that maybe we could be alone for once."</p><p>There's always someone at San's house, and that didn't bother Wooyoung until that conversation with Changbin.  Maybe they need some time alone to settle down. And talk about their relationship. If San meant it or he was just sleep talking—which, to be true, warms Wooyoung's heart because it's your heart the one speaking when you are sleeping. </p><p>San narrows his eyes at him, crossing his arms tightly, not sure about it.</p><p>"I don't know," he mumbles. "Not gonna lie to you, handsome, that's risky."</p><p>"I would never put your life in danger," Wooyoung admits, showing him his finger the next second. The same finger he swore with that night at San's house. Protect his family above everything. "And did you just call me <em> handsome </em>?"</p><p>San can't help but smile, coming over his steps to catch Wooyoung's face between his hands, thumbs circling all over his round cheeks. Wooyoung keeps on staring at him, fingers crossed at his back.</p><p>"You're so cute," San mumbles, blowing air into his nose. "Okay, I'll trust you. I'll go."</p><p>"For real?"</p><p>"Wow," San laughs. </p><p>"What?"</p><p>"Your eyes just lightened up. Like tiny stars."</p><p>Wooyoung's cheek go red, moving aside to hide his shyness. He hits San on the chest, finally walking towards Changbin's direction, who has been looking at them carefully from afar, knowing smile curving his lips in a grin. </p><p>"I'll see you," Wooyoung mumbles, running towards his friend.</p><p>San just smiles and waves him goodbye. </p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>On Friday afternoon, San arrives at Wooyoung's house without his bike for the first time in months. And, also for the first time, he stands in front of the door and rings the bell. Sweaty hands and trembling legs, not because he doesn't trust Wooyoung but because of all the things that can go wrong.</p><p>Of the danger of willingly getting inside the shark's mouth just because the person he loves.</p><p>
  <em> Fuck. </em>
</p><p>He really must love Wooyoung to be doing it.</p><p>Wooyoung opens the door in a rush, hair still wet—from the shower, he wonders—and just one sock on. It's lemon patterned this time. The boy smiles as a greet, quickly moving aside to make him room enough to enter. San takes a deep breath, eyes inspecting every corner of the house. For the music sounding far and the calmness floating around, it seems to be Wooyoung only there.</p><p>San takes a hand to his chest, feeling how it deflates slowly, leaning in to kiss one of Wooyoung's cheeks as a greeting kiss.</p><p>"Nice house."</p><p>"Thanks, I didn't decorate it," Wooyoung says, wiping the sweat of his hands into the fabric of his red hoodie. Or maybe it's just water—San prefers to think Wooyoung is as nervous as he, even when the reasons might be totally different. "Where's Betty?"</p><p>San chuckles. "Do you really think I would bring my baby here? She has a long life ahead."</p><p>"Then?" Wooyoung cocks his head. "Jongho brought you here?"</p><p>San shakes his negative, hiding his hands on the pockets of his jeans. "I came alone."</p><p>"Walking?"</p><p>"I took the bus," San shrugs, just to scowl at Wooyoung, who's suddenly looking at him with wide eyes and half a smile dancing on his lips. He seems shocked and touched, both feelings mixing perfectly on his expression. "What?"</p><p>Wooyoung takes a hand to his mouth. "You really took the bus when you get sick during bus rides?"</p><p>San curses to himself.</p><p>"Well–" </p><p><em> How in the world do you think I would come? </em> San thinks, not able to voice it out loud as Wooyoung is already throwing his body on top of him, arms circling his neck, noses bumping together. San pouts, heart racing. </p><p>"That's adorable," Wooyoung mumbles. "Thank you."</p><p>"No need to," San shakes his head, ears red. He rests both hands on Wooyoung's waist, feeling his body line beneath his fingertips. "Aren't you gonna show me the house?"</p><p>"Oh, yeah," Wooyoung falls back into Earth, arms following him. He holds San's hand. "Follow me." </p><p>Wooyoung leads them around the house, showing him every single room in just a second, throwing small words like <em> living room, bathroom, my father's room </em>, finishing the ride on Wooyoung's own room, where he seems to plan on staying. </p><p>It has nothing to do with what San had in mind. He thought the boy would have a plain white room with no decorations at all, reflecting the emptiness of his soul. Yet, what he finds leaves him speechless. </p><p>The walls are indeed white but they're covered in drawings—architecture drawings, San realizes—, the covers of his bed are black and he has a lot of cushions covering it. The desk is made of clear wood, filled with material, paper and different coloured post-it notes. There's a white board on one side with some reminders written there <em> (Buy shampoo, exfoliate, tidy up the house). </em> San raises a brow, pointing at it.</p><p>"Did you exfoliate? It's the only one without a tick."</p><p>Wooyoung's face goes red immediately, realization hitting him like a blizzard. He comes over his steps to hide the board with his body even when it's obvious San already saw it.</p><p>"Forget about it."</p><p>"Okay," San laughs into the palm of his hand, moving around until he finds the source of the music. An old turntable sitting in one corner, music already stopped. "This is so cool," he says, amazed, kneeling next to the turntable and the big collection of vinyls that lay next to it.</p><p>"It was my mom's," Wooyoung explains, feet shyly moving in front of him. "She loved classics."</p><p>San smiles, fingers moving fast between the vinyls, searching for something he knows he will find. He has the feeling it lays there. He smirks at Wooyoung when he finds it, pulling it and raising it in the air.</p><p>"Here comes the sun," he says, observing the vinyl from up close. "I love this song."</p><p>"My mom's favorite was this one," Wooyoung says, stuttering a little as he replays the song that was sounding when he arrived. Elvis Presley's <em> Can't help falling in love. </em></p><p>"Your mom had such a nice music taste," San points, standing up again after putting the vinyl back into place, eyes landing on the library that's filled with books and a single picture. A young woman he still remembers and a little kid that shares that lip mole with the boy standing next to him. "You look like her," San mumbles, picking the picture to observe it carefully. They're in front of the ocean, both of them smiling. Happy. </p><p>"Everyone tells me the same," Wooyoung sighs. "Maybe that's the reason no one wants to be around me. Because I remember them she's no longer here."</p><p>"That's stupid. If I lose someone, I would love to have someone around to remind me they were part of my life."</p><p>Wooyoung's eyes get a little watery before he looks down at his feet. San immediately puts the picture back and his hands on Wooyoung's arms. </p><p>"Woo…"</p><p>"I'm sorry," the boy looks up, closes his eyes and shakes his head. "I'm still trying to get used to you being like this."</p><p>"Like what?"</p><p>"Yourself," Wooyoung sighs. "What do you want to do now?"</p><p>San looks back at the picture, fingers drumming on Wooyoung's sides.</p><p>"Remember what you said about Hwa and your mother?" Wooyoung bites his lower lip. "Do you mind telling me now?"</p><p>Wooyoung seems to doubt for a second, just to sit down on bed and bring San with him with a soft movement of his hand. He resigns quickly, but San doesn't know if that's a good signal. </p><p>"Apparently, Seonghwa and my mom met before he ran away from home," Wooyoung starts, taking San by surprise with such words. "She was the one who helped him, in some way. Seonghwa realized who I was after you told him who my mom was. It's just that."</p><p>"That's why Hwa was acting so close with you?"</p><p>"My mom told him to make me happy, I don't know why. But Seonghwa never knew who I was, until now. He wants to keep that promise with my mom."</p><p>"He wants you to join us," San guesses, somehow sounding defeated, at which Wooyoung just nods. "And your answer?"</p><p>Wooyoung shrugs, a storm rushing inside his eyes. </p><p>"I thought you already knew," Wooyoung smirks, leaning in to place a soft kiss into his lips. San closes his eyes, a thousand fireworks exploding there. Everything he lived with Wooyoung so far remains as vivid as a movie playing at the back of his head. How he told him he had a house, how they kissed for the first time, how he cried in front of him out of pure pain. His broken heart letting go of that heavy weight he had been carrying for years, light coming from the cracks and illuminating everything. Covering every edge of his body with warm light.</p><p>Everything thanks to Wooyoung. </p><p>"Of course," he mumbles against his lips. "Should we finish Voltron?"</p><p>"Seems like a good idea," Wooyoung stands up first, eyes falling on San. "I like your hair today."</p><p>San smiles, fingers moving slowly to his tied hair. Yunho and Yeosang insisted he should tie it up, insisting Wooyoung would like it. He can't believe they were right.</p><p>"Thanks. You would look amazing in a ponytail. May I?" San wonders, lifting the sleeve of his hoodie to show the lace Yeosang left there <em> just in case. </em></p><p>Wooyoung shakes his head. "I don't like people touching my hair."</p><p>"What a shame." </p><p>San jumps into his feet, following him again towards the living room. He feels more relaxed even when his heart is beating at double speed now.</p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>Although Wooyoung doesn't like people touching his hair, he doesn't complain when San's fingers reach there in the middle of episode forty-six and tangle there slowly. </p><p>They watch TV in silence, Wooyoung resting his body into San's, not awkward silences. Just the two of them enjoying some quality time, so  blended their breathing takes the same pace, chest lifting at the same time.</p><p>San was unsure until that moment. What happened at the viewpoint had him overthinking for the past days. He didn't have intentions of breaking like that in front of Wooyoung, he only wanted a normal date, the one he never had the opportunity to have. Maybe that was the reason he couldn't take it all and it cracked his heart. Even when Wooyoung stayed there, hugging him and wiping his tears away, San thought their relationship would change.</p><p>And it did, but not in the way he thought. It became stronger if so. San is still going through everything, fingers moving slowly so he doesn't wake up from the dream he seems to be trapped in. A beautiful dream where he can be happy, and safe. Pain isn't real inside the dreams, even if it hurts, it's just not real. And San is proud at how good he is at lucid dreaming.</p><p>They have dinner after episode fifty, talking about trivial things while sitting in the big white kitchen. About how Yunho's birthday is just twenty days away and they plan to throw a big party, how Mingi is planning on gifting him matching tattoos but San knows how scared Mingi is of needles, which makes the gift even cuter. About Wooyoung being so tired of uni and how he still needs to get three projects done. </p><p>About how they should just go to sleep and stop thinking about it.</p><p>Wooyoung curls next to him the whole night, San finding a warm and comfy place with his arms around the boy's body.</p><p>Morning comes a little too soon, chest heavy, eyelids refusing to move not even a little. San gulps, feeling the way Wooyoung managed to break through his arms to fall on top of him at some point of the night, legs tangled around his waist, chests glued. He can feel the calm heartbeats against his own skin, which feels kind of nice. </p><p>San moves his right arm first, finding his left one trapped beneath one of Wooyoung's legs. His fingers dig onto the bridge of his nose, air blowing slowly from his nose, waving Wooyoung's hair. It's not the first time they sleep together, yet it's the first time Wooyoung moves that much. Almost like he finally decided to stop containing himself and just sleep comfortably with him. It's funny, because San's supposed to be the clingy one and Wooyoung the one who doesn't like being touched while sleeping. Guess Wooyoung keeps on lying about the things he <em> doesn't </em>like.</p><p>Or it may be all because of San. The thought of Wooyoung allowing certain things just because it's him who they're talking about makes his stomach bathe in warm water. It tingles his feet, makes his heart start a slightly fast pace. Moreover, it makes him smile like a fool.</p><p>A voice on his head has been nagging at him for admitting to loving Wooyoung that soon, but San doesn't have a name for what he feels for the boy laying on top of him. Might be love, adoration or just comfort. He doesn't care much about that as the only important thing to take in consideration is the fact Wooyoung makes him feel at ease with life, Wooyoung gave him something he thought he wasn't worth of it. Wooyoung came like a signal that love doesn't mean to hurt, because love knows life has been hard enough. </p><p>So he loves Wooyoung, and even if he's not the love of his life, San will keep on loving him. For the rest of his days, and beyond.</p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>Wooyoung frowns as he feels fingers moving alongside his back. Hand crawling inside his shirt and pressing cold fingers into the warm skin of his back. He ignores it for the first five minutes, moving to his side when San's fingers reach his nape. </p><p>He falls down into the mattress, eyes wide open pointing at the ceiling, everything around them feeling like part of a dream. Looking at his side, he finds San's totally woke eyes. He is also smirking.</p><p>"What?" Wooyoung groans, taking a hand to his face, closing his eyes and breathing quietly for a few seconds. San's hand finds a way to his tummy, fingers drawing circles there before answering. Wooyoung melts.</p><p>"You really, <em> reaaaaally </em>, are sensitive," San giggles.</p><p>Wooyoung can feel how his ears get warm, clenching his jaws. </p><p>"Stop touching my neck."</p><p>"Nah."</p><p>"Please?" Wooyoung stands on his elbows to look at him, San quickly leaning in and kissing his chin. Not closing his eyes at all, staring into his eyes the whole time. Wooyoung feels so small right now. </p><p>San laughs as he moves back, sitting on Wooyoung's lap like it's nothing, fingers moving to play with his hair. Wooyoung gulps, arms trembling a little.</p><p>"When did you wake up?" He wonders.</p><p>"An hour ago."</p><p>"You've been watching me sleep for an hour?" Wooyoung scoffs, red cheeks on display. "Creepy."</p><p>"I wasn't watching you," San hits him on the chest. "You were all over me, legs around my waist, I couldn't move at all. Actually, I've been dying to go to the bathroom."</p><p>Wooyoung's face gets even redder, looking away as San jumps from his lap and onto the floor, adjusting his pants with a delicate movement. "I'm sorry," Wooyoung mumbles.</p><p>San just giggles. </p><p>Once he is alone in the bedroom, Wooyoung allows himself to fall into the bed with both hands covering his face, legs kicking the blankets in embarrassment. He shouldn't be feeling like this, not after the past months. Not even after spending all day with San. With a hand flat on his chest, he wonders if he is dying. </p><p>He didn't feel any of this in his past relationship, he hasn't, actually, felt like this with anyone before. And he is scared. Terribly scared.</p><p>"Breakfast?" He asks in a tiny voice once San is back and stretching his arms above his head. He looks good, so good Wooyoung has to look away once again.</p><p>"I prefer staying in bed," San whispers, betraying him the same way his body is. He points at the turntable then. "Can I put on some music?"</p><p>Wooyoung wonders if he is just afraid of getting so emotionally naked in front of San he would get literally naked. But San doesn't. Because it's been two months.</p><p>His heart beats slow, painfully and loud on his ears.</p><p>"Sure," Wooyoung grits his teeth, looking down at his crotch with a disappointing look. <em> Such a bastard </em> , he thinks first. <em> It's all physiological, </em>he adds then, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath.</p><p>It's not like he doesn't want to have sex with San, he is still embarrassed at how he asked him during Valentine's party. Maybe Wooyoung's problem is the way he can't cope with embarrassment, even when he is sure San might feel the same.</p><p>Music starts flowing, pushing his thoughts aside. He opens his eyes to find San jumping in bed, smile already curving his lips as he sings along the song.</p><p>"Here comes the sun," he purrs before pressing his lips against Wooyoung's in a soft and delicate kiss, bringing their bodies together. "You seem happy to see me."</p><p>Wooyoung raises his knee to hit him. </p><p>"No comments."</p><p>"Ouch," San cries, arms wrapped around Wooyoung's neck. "C'mon. I'm also happy to see you. I’m always happy when you’re around, actually. But that’s my heart speaking."</p><p>Wooyoung rolls his eyes, not quite able to ignore the way San's body molds to his own. </p><p>"And what should we do about it?" He wonders, chewing his lower lip, gaze down.</p><p>"It depends," San accommodates himself, knees on each side of Wooyoung's body, crotchs pressed together. "It's up to you," San whispers, still as confident as always, but with a little shade of pink dazzling his cheeks. It's cute to see him like that.</p><p>Wooyoung gulps, looking to one side. They're alone. For the first time since they met, they're in a house with no people hiding behind doors and paper walls. Wooyoung would be lying if he said he didn't ask him to come because of that, if he hadn't been roaming around the fact everyone said San is <em> loud. </em> </p><p>How loud, Wooyoung is curious.</p><p>He looks back again, pursing his lips.</p><p>"What do you wanna do?" He questions, observing how San's eyes soften, melting like butter on top of warm pancakes. </p><p>"Suck your dick," Wooyoung chokes a little, body tensing in seconds. "Okay, maybe I should have started with ‘more kissing’."</p><p>"No, it's okay," Wooyoung closes his eyes, taking a deep breath and trying his best to ignore the way his body is reacting to those words. Curling on his stomach and going down, suffocating him. "You're my boyfriend after all."</p><p>Wooyoung squeezes his eyes closed tightly so he isn't able to see the way San's face lights up before cupping his cheeks and bringing their lips together in another kiss. This time the kiss goes deeper, tongues meeting for a brief second before San is pulling out.</p><p>"That was so nice to hear," he admits, breath falling all over Wooyoung's lips. "I thought I was the only one dating you."</p><p>"Well," Wooyoung clicks his tongue, peeking through his lashes, "we never had a talk, then you were telling Hongjoong I was your boyfriend."</p><p>"I didn't think we needed the talk. You saw me crying."</p><p>"No one has seen you crying?" Wooyoung frowns, moving a little to stand on his elbows. </p><p>San sits on his lap again, hands flat into the mattress. </p><p>"Just Hwa, and I was sixteen at that time."</p><p>"I see."</p><p>San smiles, hands moving from the bed to his thighs, pressing carefully. </p><p>"Can I?"</p><p>Wooyoung gulps. "Is this how you always start?"</p><p>Oh, God. How stupidly nervous he is.</p><p>San rolls his eyes, fingers shamelessly sneaking inside Wooyoung's pants. The boy freezes, air tangling around his ribs, lungs burning because of the lack of fresh oxygen.</p><p>"I never do this with one night stands. Actually, I haven't been with someone since I met you," San admits in a soft voice. Not shy, just quiet, eyes focused on Wooyoung's belly button that has been exposed with the movement. "Since that night I took you to the hospital, to be clear."</p><p>Wooyoung can't help but laugh, as nervous as he was when he had to take his uni exams.</p><p>"That's the night we met."</p><p>"Yeah," San smiles, eyes disappearing for a second and both dimples popping out.</p><p>"Then, why do you want to do it?" Wooyoung huffs another nervous laugh, fingers taking a grip of the sheets.</p><p>"Because I love you," San admits, making Wooyoung's chest swell, heart dying in a pitch of warm water.</p><p>"Okay," Wooyoung shakes his head, falling like a rock into the bed. "Just stop squishing my thigh, please."</p><p><em> Stop squishing my heart </em>, is what Wooyoung is actually thinking. </p><p>San giggles, fingers finally leaving Wooyoung's thigh to pull from his pajama pants and underwear at the same time. Cold air twirls around Wooyoung's hot skin making him shrink a little, shaky breathing coming out of his nostrils. He decides to close his eyes, feel everything deeply. </p><p>San decides to take his time kissing his abdomen and the inside of his thighs first. Thumbs circling around his skin, warm tongue drawing forms everywhere. It makes Wooyoung crazy, yet he decides to remain calm, holding tight around the sheets. Not saying a single word, trying to pace his breathing to the rhythm of the music.</p><p>He lets out a tiny whine, hips yanking up, when San curls a hand at the base of his aching dick.</p><p>"Your fingers are cold," Wooyoung lies.</p><p>"Sorry," San moves his hand to rub it against the other, even warmer fingers wrapping around him. "Is this okay?"</p><p>Wooyoung just hums.</p><p>"Woo, are you really okay?" San sighs with a smile, hand moving to poke his side. Wooyoung looks down with red cheeks, nose, ears. Everything. San is looking at him with a smirk, immobile. </p><p>"I'm nervous," he admits in a shy voice.</p><p>"About?"</p><p>Wooyoung shrugs. "Just nervous."</p><p>"First time?" Wooyoung rolls his eyes, falling back into the bed. "Don't look at me like that, it was a joke. It's okay," San leans in, placing a kiss into the skin of his abdomen. "You can be nervous, it's not a bad thing. Hongjoong always says, if you're not nervous while doing something, then you don't really care that much about it. Just tell me if you're uncomfortable."</p><p>Wooyoung looks at him through fluttering lashes, suddenly feeling lighter. He lets out a breath, eyes closing again. He steadies himself between San's arms, allowing him to kiss the inside of his thigh, loud. He bites it then, puffing off a laugh that makes Wooyoung laugh as well.</p><p>San's hand curls around him once again, lips finally parting, slow movement pulling quiet mewls out of him. Body shaking as his hand is replaced by warm lips, fingers desperately wrapping around the broadsheets as he finally opens up for San and his whole world starts spinning around. </p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>San interwines their fingers together after falling on top of Wooyoung's chest, raising their hands up to the ceiling. The other one rests at one side of Wooyoung's body, keeping him close.</p><p>"You have pretty hands," San murmurs. </p><p>"You too."</p><p>"Do you like my hands?" San presses the tip of his nose into Wooyoung's cheek, proceeding to give him a butterfly kiss right after.</p><p>It's obvious Wooyoung is blushing, squirming beneath him.</p><p>"Would you shut up if I say <em> yes </em>?"</p><p>"I want the truth," San pouts. </p><p>Wooyoung frowns. "I like them."</p><p>"Thanks," San falls back with a smile.</p><p>"Do you need me to..?" Wooyoung's fingers sheepishly move all over his arm, lips falling on the naked skin of his shoulder. </p><p>San tilts his head, ignoring the pain coming from his crotch.</p><p>"What do you mean?"</p><p>"You know," Wooyoung huffs. He then tends him his hand, making San smile. "If we're a couple, we both should enjoy it."</p><p>San leans in, holding Wooyoung's hand close to his mouth. He licks his palm first, observing the unchanged expression of Wooyoung's face, biting the meaty part then. Slowly. Teeth barely scratching the skin.</p><p>"That's what you like?" Wooyoung mocks.</p><p>San laughs against his hand. "Hmm." San moves his hand away, lips falling on top of his mouth. He slowly moves the hand down until Wooyoung's fingers are brushing his dick. "Do it as you like it."</p><p>Wooyoung breathes against his lips, not doubting this time as he wraps his fingers around San and starts bumping fast. San smiles at the same time his fingers dig into the skin of Wooyoung's waist, kissing him deeply to silence himself. Wooyoung speeds up his pace, lips moving to his jaw, totally coming for his neck. San squeezes his eyes shut, air coming in hot waves from his lungs, not being able to hold it anymore and throwing his head back with a moan. His hand moves back to take a grip of the bedsheets as Wooyoung kisses his neck.</p><p>"You're loud," Wooyoung giggles against his skin, hand moving fast.</p><p>"What a surprise," San says, breathless. He gulps, fingers cuffing Wooyoung's wrist. "Woo, go slower, please."</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>"I want to enjoy it, c'mon," San bemoans, applying pressure to his hold.</p><p>"But you said do it as you like it," Wooyoung says through a pout, suddenly becoming sulky. That makes San blink, bewildered to meet such a facade of the boy at this moment.</p><p>"Are you sulking?" San snorts. </p><p>Wooyoung gives a fast pump to his dick, making him arch his back and curse under his breath. "I am not."</p><p>"You totally are," San grits his teeth. "Why are you trying to pick a fight in the middle of having sex?"</p><p>"I am not," Wooyoung repeats the movement, thumb pressing into the tip and sending San to heaven. He is dead.</p><p>"Stop it," he says, faltering. Then he looks at Wooyoung through fluttering lashes. "Or you'll have problems."</p><p>"What are you gonna do?" Wooyoung scoffs. "I have you in my hand. Literally."</p><p>"Brat."</p><p>"Sure," Wooyoung rolls his eyes, moving forward to give him a peek on the lips. "I love you."</p><p>San melts in front of such words, not caring at all at the way Wooyoung's hand starts moving at an agonizing slow pace—his fault—and just focusing on kissing him. </p><p>"You idiot," he mumbles. "Love you too." </p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>"You're gonna make my hair all grassy," Wooyoung sighs once they're done and laying over their sides, San's fingers tangling on the blonde strands of his hair.</p><p>"I'll wash it later, don't worry," San shrugs, minding his business, deadpan. "I feel so good with you, Wooyoung."</p><p>Wooyoung narrows his eyes, getting a little closer.</p><p>"Thanks."</p><p>"I've never felt this comfortable with someone in bed. Never fought someone in bed, actually, but what to expect from you. You adore fighting."</p><p>Wooyoung hits him on the chest. "I wasn't fighting. You were being a whiny baby."</p><p>"You were!"</p><p>"We're not having this conversation now," Wooyoung pouts. "What were you saying about feeling good?"</p><p>San laughs, bringing their faces together until their foreheads are touching. San stares at him, seeing himself reflecting on his eyes. He has never seen himself glow in such beautiful colors, almost like Wooyoung holds the entire sunset within his soul.</p><p>"You're like that missing part I always knew I lost but never tried to find it. If you're there, everything feels better. Like you have some magic," San explains slowly, fingers caressing his scalp so softly Wooyoung feels like falling asleep again. "It's the first time I'm willing to have some pillowtalk."</p><p>"What do you want to talk about?" Wooyoung bumps their noses together in a cute way.</p><p>"Not much," San whispers. "I just wanted you to know you mean something to me. Something special."</p><p>"San," Wooyoung takes a deep breath, pulling the boy into his arms the next second, "you're the person I trust the most right now. I would die for you."</p><p>"No need to die."</p><p>"But I would. You saved my life, so it's now yours."</p><p>San moves to hold his head, fingers squeezing his cheeks.</p><p>"Your life is yours, Wooyoung. That's the only thing no one would be able to take from you. Live it boldly, but also wisely. I don't want your life if you're not there."</p><p>"When did you become such a romantic?"</p><p>San chuckles. "Have you seen Titanic? I'm the biggest Jack Dawson's fan on the planet."</p><p>"Do you think the universe fights for souls to be together?" Wooyoung suddenly asks. "Like Jack and Rose. Or you and I."</p><p>"I'm certain the world has something big awaiting for us. I just hope our story doesn't end like Jack and Rose's, though."</p><p>Wooyoung chews on that thought. He also hopes they don't end like them. And if someone has to drown in cold water and someone has to live a life full of wonderful things, Wooyoung hopes it's him the one drowning. San suffered enough. He deserves a good life. Just like his fantasy. </p><p>"Shall we shower?" San mumbles.</p><p>"Okay."</p><p>San stands up first, stopping the music and stretching his arms above his head. He is still completely naked, making Wooyoung notice something he totally ignored, too focused on keeping his own heart calm or trying to make music out of San's. </p><p>There's a tattoo decorating his ribs, another one on his hip, a tiny one on the inside of his arm.</p><p>"Don't look at me like that," San rolls his eyes.</p><p>"I've never seen your tattoos," Wooyoung points, eyes falling on the biggest one. On his ribs, the silhouette of an angel falling. </p><p>San looks down, parting his lips in surprise just as if he forgot he had tattoos.</p><p>"Well, it's the first time you see me naked."</p><p>"Why an angel?" Wooyoung moves closer, fingers going through the lines of the tattoo. </p><p>"It's not an angel," San corrects, "it's Icarus."</p><p>Wooyoung frowns, changing his question. "Why Icarus?"</p><p>"This was my first tattoo, Hongjoong did it when I was sixteen. I really wanted something that could describe me and I've always felt like Icarus. Trying to reach the sun and dying while doing it. But then, I found this quote. <em> Somewhere, Icarus crawls out of the sea, unburned and alive. </em>It showed me that I was still alive after all."</p><p>Wooyoung remains quiet for a second, fingers following the lines of the wings, the same wings Icarus used to reach the sky. He trusted those wings, and maybe they're the reason he's still alive. </p><p>"That's beautiful," he mumbles, then he looks up to meet San's eyes. "You're such a beautiful soul."</p><p>"Cheesy," San blurts, giggles following when he leans in to hug him.</p><p>Wooyoung wraps his arms around his body, feeling how their skins vibrate together, warm and sensitive. He is ready to murmur something over his skin when the sound of a door opening alerts both of them. Wooyoung tenses, totally recognizing the way the keys fall on the dining table, heavy steps on the stairs.</p><p>"Shit," he hisses, pushing San to one side. "My father is back."</p><p>San's eyes widen, fear reflecting there. He stumbles all over the room until he reaches his clothes. </p><p>"What is he doing here?" San half screams, pulling from his pants up and forgetting the underwear. </p><p>Wooyoung is doing the most to put on his hoodie even when it got stuck in one of his arms.</p><p>"I don't know. I'm—"</p><p>"Wooyoung?" They both freeze, voice sounding close. Standing at the other side of the room, nothing but a door separating them. San has stopped breathing, hands shaking a little. "Are you there?"</p><p>Wooyoung gulps.</p><p>"Huh, yeah. Just woke up."</p><p>"Come to the living room, we need to talk."</p><p>The steps sound again, getting far from the room. San is able to breathe again, putting on his hoodie and jumping in bed to put on his shoes.</p><p>"He knows."</p><p>"Of course he doesn't," Wooyoung shakes his head, moving until he is kneeling in front of him. "He is always doing shit like this. Bet he wants to tell me I should apologise to Heyon again."</p><p>"I'm gonna go," San pouts, fingers threading on his hair, pulling it back. "You can come with me if you want. I prefer everyone listening than having your father around. Feel my heart," he puts Wooyoung's hand on his chest, fast heartbeats hitting his flesh. </p><p>Wooyoung closes his eyes, shaking his head.</p><p>"It's okay, San," he tries to calm him down. "I promised you, remember?"</p><p>For a moment, Wooyoung wakes up. He wakes up from that amazing dream he has been curling around for who knows how much time. All the happiness drips away from his body and suddenly he is only left with fear. The same fear that is rumbling inside San's eyes.</p><p>"I'm going home," San says, punching Wooyoung on the stomach with it. "Are you coming with me or not?" </p><p>But it's just a moment. He closes his eyes and just hopes the dream will continue from where he left it.</p><p>"Okay, just wait here. I'll be back in a minute," he announces, pressing a hand into San's cheeks and hoping for him to just stay there. </p><p>Walking down the hall and taking the stairs to the living room makes Wooyoung sick in the stomach. He has to hide his hands inside the pockets of his hoodie just to avoid his father wondering why he is so nervous when he is always quiet during their talks. Nothing to fear. Until now.</p><p>His father is sitting on the couch, the same place San was sitting last night. Still wearing the jacket, looking like he is not staying longer than a few minutes. He is also looking at the watch his mother gifted him for their 10th anniversary. Wooyoung's heart stops for a second, pierced with pain.</p><p>"What's wrong?" He manages to ask through the lump on his throat. "I thought you were out for the weekend."</p><p>His father doesn't even care to look up at him.</p><p>"I'll be gone in ten minutes," he speaks quietly. "I have a thing to do. I'll be gone for the entire month."</p><p>Wooyoung breathes out, calm. It's okay. It's nothing wrong. He is just being a <em> good </em> father and telling him. There's nothing to be afraid of.</p><p>"So you're here to pack some clothes?"</p><p>"I'm here to warn you, Wooyoung," the boy freezes on the spot as his father finally looks up into his eyes. Black and cold, reaching his chest within a second. "Don't get close to the bikers if you're not gonna report them."</p><p>And there he is. </p><p>You can't win fear just as easy. </p><p>"What are you talking about?" Wooyoung is conscious of how his voice is trembling, how he keeps on looking up to his room. Yet his father can't see through it.</p><p>"Heyon told me about your new friendships," the way he says the word friendships makes Wooyoung sick at the stomach.</p><p>Wooyoung gulps. Valentine's day. Of course. She won't stop messing with him, not even after breaking up and isolating him. Wooyoung grits his teeth. </p><p>"She told you that? It's a lie."</p><p>"I don't think so."</p><p>"It's a lie!" Wooyoung looks down, taking some air. He feels like breaking down at any moment. Like he failed San. He failed everyone. He put them all in risk. His voice is trembling when he adds: "It's a lie, <em> dad </em>."</p><p>"Why would she lie to me? To the police."</p><p>Wooyoung shakes his head. He needs to finish this soon, take San out of the house. Maybe stop seeing him. Drown like Jack did to save Rose. Because he loved her. Anything.</p><p>"I–I don't know. She is mad at me. She is mad because of everything that happened to us. And she knows you are after bikers, I guess she wants to get me in trouble." Wooyoung looks up, knowing his eyes must be red and swollen from all the tears he is containing. He finds out his dad is looking down at the watch again, allowing him to shed one single tear he quickly brushes away with the sleeve. "Believe me, <em> dad </em> . You have to believe <em> me </em>, not her."</p><p>His father remains quiet, so quiet the only thing Wooyoung is able to hear is his own heart, crying inside his ribs. Begging for air, and a hug. For safety. </p><p>"Do it for your mother, okay? She wouldn't have wanted you to risk your life. Not after she lost her own to protect you."</p><p>"What?"</p><p>Wooyoung doesn't move fast enough, and his father is long gone by the time his heart starts beating again. He can't help but start crying without a reason.</p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>San is scared.</p><p>And for a solid second, sitting alone in one corner of Wooyoung's room, biting the left he has on his fingernails, he thinks love is going to end up killing him. That there must be a reason for everything and maybe life was trying to keep him alive during all those years without a love that would make him do crazy things like this. Staying.</p><p>He stays even though he is terrified. Because he promised Wooyoung and Wooyoung promised he would protect him. Wooyoung, that's tiny and broken. Wooyoung ended up being the strongest among them. </p><p>It makes San laugh.</p><p>He trusts Wooyoung to that point. Which means what he feels, is not love. Is something stronger than that. Something that makes him stand up and open the door even when every cell of his body is telling him to run away and put himself safe.</p><p>He needs to make sure Wooyoung<em> is </em>also safe.</p><p>What he finds once he reaches the living room breaks his heart with double the strength. Leaving him breathless for a second. </p><p>He heard the front door, and he also saw the car leaving from the window. Wooyoung is alone in the living room when he reaches him, but he is also crying. No. He is weeping. Arms wrapped around his own body, almost like he is trying to keep all his broken pieces together in one place.</p><p>"Hey," San's voice sounds muffled. He drops to the floor, hands on Wooyoung's shoulders, taken by surprise when the boy moves. To shove him aside. "Woo–"</p><p>"You have to go," Wooyoung cries, softly, almost like he has no voice to speak louder. "Please."</p><p>"Hey," San repeats, getting closer. Fuck, he is trembling. Both of them are trembling. And it's dangerous because they have San on file. They know who he is, and they won't doubt taking him away from his <em> home. </em>"I'm not going alone, okay? We are going together."</p><p>"San, this is dangerous," Wooyoung sobs. "And this is bigger than you thought."</p><p>"Wooyoung…" San is embarrassed at how much pain drips into his voice.</p><p>"Leave."</p><p>"What happened?" San insists, getting nothing but a push. </p><p>"Leave," Wooyoung repeats, but this time he looks into his eyes. And San gets it.</p><p>This is stronger than love, meaning it doesn't hurt. It goes beyond that. </p><p>So he leaves.</p><p>Yet neither of them seem to be safe.</p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>Wooyoung spends the night crying, but so does San. Pain filling their insides at the same time, almost like they're sharing it. Like one soul grieves because the other is mourning. Like one soul is hurting, and the other one doesn’t know the reason.</p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>"This is a nice place to meet. Not my style, but neither yours, right?"</p><p>Seonghwa looks down at Wooyoung, and Wooyoung simply refuses to look back, hiding his face behind the menu from that road bar that's quite far from the city. And from the bikers usual meeting point. The only safe place Wooyoung could think of that was inside the bus route.</p><p>"A friend of mine said they have the best pancakes here," Wooyoung mumbles.</p><p>Seonghwa takes a seat, not taking his jacket off. As if he is not pretending to stay longer than it needs. Wooyoung peeks at him through his glasses just to dig his nose on the menu once again. He is starting to regret calling him.</p><p>"I'm sure they can't win Yunho's pancakes," Seonghwa points, one hand on the menu, pulling it down and making Wooyoung look into his face. </p><p>Wooyoung sighs. "You know I can't go there."</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>"I can't."</p><p>"Jongho misses you," Seonghwa blurts, hand falling on top of Wooyoung's, a tiny piece of yellow paper laying in between his fingers. "San misses you."</p><p>Wooyoung has some difficulties to gulp.</p><p>It's been a week, and this is the first time he gets out of bed. It's the first time he talks with someone, if he has to be honest. San remained quiet for the first four days, and when he started texting him on thursday, Wooyoung just shut down his phone. Because he knows if he faces San, he would jump into his arms and cling into his neck and never ever leave. And he can't do that.</p><p>He can't risk his life like that. Not his, but San's. </p><p>Maybe that's why he called Seonghwa. </p><p>The older man leaves the paper in front of him as Wooyoung doesn't seem to have the strength to pick it. There's a tiny sun drawn in one corner that digs into his heart like a needle. </p><p>"Does he know where you are?" Wooyoung wonders.</p><p>"Yep."</p><p>Wooyoung looks up, curiosity fighting with fear behind his eyes.</p><p>"Is he here?"</p><p>Seonghwa smiles softly, just to slowly shake his negative. "He fought like a cat to be here. But I thought you would have your reasons to call me at five in the morning just to come here."</p><p>"I'm sorry. Couldn't sleep. I guessed you’ll be up."</p><p>"He's worried, Wooyoung," Seonghwa keeps talking softly. He doesn't look mad, and that makes Wooyoung both calm and nervous. If he isn't mad, then he also knows the risks of him being with them. Which breaks his heart because Wooyoung really thought he found a family in them, he is not ready to say goodbye. "San loves you in a way he doesn't love anyone else. But you know that, right?”</p><p>Wooyoung sighs, fingers tightly wrapped around the piece of folded paper. He doesn’t say a thing.</p><p>“Last Saturday, when he came home like you were dead or something, he told me he knew you were dangerous. But also, that he doesn't care. He will still stick to you for as long as you allow him. And if you need time, he will give it to you."</p><p>"Tell him he's an idiot."</p><p>"Well," Seonghwa laughs quietly, pointing at the yellow note with his chin.</p><p>Wooyoung gulps with difficulty, but he brings himself to open it and read it. San's messy handwriting makes him soft inside. His words, though, make him cry in silence.</p><p>
  <em> 'Sure, I am an idiot. I'm the biggest idiot on the planet, because I am in love with another idiot. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> P.S: call me, you idiot. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> — S.' </em>
</p><p>"He really is an idiot," Wooyoung mumbles, thumb going over the letters over and over.</p><p>"He also said he is sorry," Seonghwa sighs, resting his face between both his hands. "Tell me what's wrong, Wooyoung. Or tell me why we are cheating on Yunho's pancakes at six in the morning at least. You can trust me."</p><p>Wooyoung takes a mouthful of air, filling his lungs with the fresh air of the morning that comes in from the open door. He bites his lower lip, folding the note again and circling it between his thumbs.</p><p>"I was wondering if you knew what my mother was into five years ago,” he blurts. “With bikers, I mean.”</p><p>Seonghwa frowns.</p><p>"I'm sorry. I don't understand what you mean with that."</p><p>Wooyoung gulps. </p><p>"My father…"</p><p>He stops for a second. Maybe telling Seonghwa is not even ridiculous, but also as dangerous as staying with San. Maybe he doesn't need to know, because there's this small voice at the back of his head that's telling him his father made all that up to scare him. But there's also that big voice screaming at him that his father hasn't worn that watch for five years, and the fact he was the one telling how his mother died. He didn't see it. He just knows what his father said.</p><p>His father, who hates bikers when his mother loved them. </p><p>"My father seems to have something personal against you. Against bikers, I mean. Not because he is a police officer but because… Of himself as a person."</p><p>"Yeah," Seonghwa doesn't sound surprised, resting his hands on the table, eyes down. "We're just bikers. There's a lot of us out there. We even have the races out of town just so we don't interfere with people's lives. Yet the captain has been all over us for…"</p><p>Seonghwa stops, frowning a little. Wooyoung notices how his eyes shine with some hidden realization. </p><p>"For over six years."</p><p>"Six years,” Wooyoung nods, taking a deep breath. “One year before my mom died. And for the past five years I've been thinking she died in an accident, that it was my fault, because we were fighting. But what if…"</p><p>
  <em> What if it wasn't my fault at all? </em>
</p><p>Seonghwa sighs.</p><p>"I don't know, Wooyoung. The last time I saw your mother I wasn't even inside this world. I'm sorry."</p><p>Wooyoung looks down.</p><p>"It's okay. You're the only one that knew her real self so I thought…” He shakes his head. “It's kinda sad that I didn't."</p><p>"Wooyoung," Seonghwa calls, putting his hands on top of his once again, giving him a soft squeeze. "I know you're scared, and I really appreciate that you want to keep us safe. But it's been six years, if you go out of our lives now, it will only make us sad. The danger will still be here. It's been here all the time."</p><p>"But he can use me to get to you," Wooyoung can't help but sob, tears filling his eyes in seconds, kissing his cheeks with an uncomfortable warmth. "I'm added danger."</p><p>"Wooyoung," Seonghwa repeats. "When I asked you to join us, I knew who your father was. When Hongjoong took you to the enclosure, he knew who your father was. When Jongho brought you to our house, he knew who your father was. When San kissed you for the first time, I'm sure he was scared as fuck because he <em> knew </em> who your father was. Listen, we knew, all of us. And we are scared, we really are. But we're also family, we protect each other's backs."</p><p>"I can't," Wooyoung mumbles, tears rolling down.</p><p>"You know, you are just like us. We all ran away, and our past still haunts us. All of us thought we couldn't, yet we did what was best for us. I'm not asking you to think about San, about us. I want you to think about yourself. What's best for you."</p><p>Given that question, Wooyoung thinks about himself for the first time in the week. About what he wants, about what's really best for him. He doesn't need a lot of time for the image of <em>his</em> <em>family</em> to form at the back of his brain. Jongho, Yeosang, Yunho, Mingi, Hongjoong, Seonghwa, Changbin. San. All of them. All of the bikers whose names he forgot. All of the people that have welcomed him, treated him right. </p><p>All the people his mother died for.</p><p>"I guess San needs to know this," he sniffs.</p><p>"San needs a hug, he's been moody all week. I don't know how much longer will Mingi last," Seonghwa huffs a laugh, and Wooyoung can't help but follow him, wiping his tears with the sleeve of his hoodie, the same hoodie he wore on Saturday, and the same one that still smells like San's cologne. "Don't tell him about this. Let me talk with Hongjoong first, see if we can get something. I don't want San getting his nose where he shouldn't."</p><p>Wooyoung nods. It's better that way.</p><p>"Now shall we go for real pancakes?"</p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>The clock marks nine in the morning. San hadn't been able to sleep for a few days, but today he is not alone. Jongho is sitting next to him outside <em> Streetlights, </em>hands on his mouth to keep them warm. Yeosang is inside with Hongjoong, as worried as them but with coffee to warm their insides. </p><p>Mingi is keeping Yunho out because they still need to work on his birthday bike. Even when San doesn't want to do anything but wait. Wait for Wooyoung. </p><p>He left, because Wooyoung asked. Because he saw the panic shining inside his eyes. Because, somehow, he is a coward. He felt the danger vibrating on his skin. He <em> was </em>bringing that danger to Wooyoung. So he left, to protect him. To protect both of them. </p><p>He told Seonghwa Wooyoung was dangerous, but that was a lie. In reality, Wooyoung <em> is </em> in danger because of him.</p><p>So he gave Wooyoung time. To put both of them in danger, or to let go. Either way makes San’s heart shrink in pain.</p><p>"You think he'll show up?" Jongho asks in a whisper.</p><p>"I hope he does."</p><p>"Aren't we putting him in danger?"</p><p>San takes a deep breath. "I knew that since the beginning. I just thought he would be alright."</p><p>"Because of love?"</p><p>"Because he is like us," San narrows his eyes, then he kicks the ground. "Last Saturday he looked at me like he was trying to protect me, but his body reacted like I was the danger. And then I realized I did the same thing. I just... Ran away."</p><p>"He told you to."</p><p>"But what if he was waiting for me to hug him instead?"</p><p>"You couldn't know that, San."</p><p>Still, that's what has been haunting San for the past week. The reason he tried to text him, call him, get something from him. He wanted Wooyoung to know he would be there even in danger. That he was really sorry.</p><p>"When he called Hwa today," San starts off, sighing, "it hurt me. I felt relieved to know he was okay, but hurt that he didn't call me. And I can't stop thinking he just… Doesn't trust me."</p><p>Jongho tilts his head, squinting. </p><p>"You're in love."</p><p>San squints back.</p><p>"I thought you were smarter."</p><p>"You're in love," Jongho repeats with a scoff. "And that's love messing with your brain, dude."</p><p>San groans. "I don't get you."</p><p>"Thought you were smarter," Jongho mocks him, getting a soft punch on the shoulder. "To love someone is to give them your trust without being certain they'll give you theirs."</p><p>"That's shitty," San grunts. </p><p>"That's love," Jongho sighs, just to pat his shoulder right after. "And I think you're doing just fine to be your first time."</p><p>San looks up to look at him, moving his head towards the place Jongho is actually looking. Hongjoong's car just entered the parking lot, and from his position San is totally able to see Wooyoung sitting on the passenger's seat. Engulfed in that big red hoodie he wore on Saturday and looking down at his hands. </p><p>His heart jumps inside his chest way before he jumps onto his feet and runs toward the car. </p><p>Seonghwa gets out first, resting his body into the door as he speaks. "Easy, tiger," he warns with a smirk, then yawns. "I need a nap."</p><p>San stands next to the door after Seonghwa passes next to him and towards Jongho, looking down at Wooyoung, who seems too comfortable inside to get out. </p><p>"Hey," San whispers, getting Wooyoung to look at him and softly wave back in silence. "Are you gonna stay there?" Wooyoung nods. "Can I get inside?" Wooyoung shakes his head no.</p><p>San purses his lips in discomfort but still accepts it, sitting right next to the door, back pressed to the car. They stay in silence for a while.</p><p>"I'm sorry for leaving," San says, letting out a big amount of air, burning his nostrils on the way out.</p><p>"I asked you to," Wooyoung's voice sounds muffled, but beautiful. It makes San's heart gurgle. "I'm sorry for not giving you an explanation."</p><p>"You were scared."</p><p>"You <em> were, </em>" Wooyoung retorts. </p><p>"I'm sorry for that," San shakes his head, remembering how the panic got over his body and how a wonderful day just got covered in dark clouds. "I shouldn't have reacted like that. It wasn't your fault, okay?"</p><p>"I asked you to come. If we had been at your place…"</p><p>San stands up smoothly, pressing one hand into the glass and making Wooyoung look at him. </p><p>"What happened?" </p><p>Wooyoung seems to think about it for a second, giving up after it. Looking down at his fingers, where San is happy to see that note he wrote in the morning laying.</p><p>"My ex girlfriend saw us during Valentine's. He saw me get on your bike, she told my dad. He is out of town for a month yet he broke his schedule to come home and <em> warn </em> me to not get close to bikers. She saw you so I was just… Scared she could've told him how you look like and then…"</p><p>"I was wearing the helmet," San interrupts, even though his heart is painfully drumming inside his ribcage. "Remember? I always wear the helmet. She doesn't know my face."</p><p>Wooyoung's eyes light up a little, just to nod the next second. Moving his hand, he opens the door to let him in. San prefers to squat next to him, lay his hands on top of his and squeeze. Wooyoung gives him a sad look.</p><p>"I shouldn't have left you alone."</p><p>"It was my fault."</p><p>"God, you're such an idiot," San kisses the back of his hand. "And I love you. Okay?"</p><p>"I love you, too."</p><p>Wooyoung leans in, forehead pressed against San's head. </p><p>San's still scared, but so is Wooyoung. And if Wooyoung's scared, he doesn't have time to be hiding. He needs to hold his hand and be there for him. That's what he thinks when he leans in to kiss his forehead. </p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>Everything goes back to normal as fast as it went downhill. It happens so fast no one seems to remember it happened, everyone focused on Yunho's birthday party and the fact Wooyoung accepted Seonghwa's offer to be part of the gang. Not riding a motorbike, even after Jongho offered to teach him how to ride one and getting sulky when Seonghwa and San refused at the same time. Just one of the family.</p><p>"My dad won't be in town for a month and my family doesn't really care about me, so I'll be living here but also in my house," Wooyoung told San two days after their car talk, sitting on his bed as San rearranged his clothes to make room for Wooyoung’s clothes.</p><p>"So you're sleeping here every night and then you're changing clothes at your house?" Wooyoung nodded. "Isn't that being way too difficult?"</p><p>"I can't just move in, San. I have a lot of things."</p><p>"My room is pretty big."</p><p>"And I have a lot of clothes."</p><p>“Are you blind? I’m making you some space here.”</p><p>“I would need a wardrobe for my own.”</p><p>"We can buy another wardrobe,” San sentenced, crossing his arms.</p><p>"We can't buy another wardrobe."</p><p>"I have money," San frowned, at which Wooyoung just covered his face with both hands, getting tired.</p><p>"He doesn't want live with you, accept it," Yeosang put a hand on San's shoulder, jumping on bed to wrap his arms around Wooyoung's waist. "San is a horrible roommate, I understand you. You can move into my room without problems."</p><p>"Yeosang your room is small for one person and you pretend to put four there?" Jognho sounded scandalized. </p><p>"Not to talk Yun and Min are like… Big," Hongjoong had smiled cheekily. </p><p>"Hey!" Yunho and Mingi said at the same time. "We are right here." </p><p>"What I want to know is why are you <em> all </em> in my room," San grunted. "I'm trying to have a conversation here."</p><p>In the end, they didn't have the conversation. </p><p>On Monday morning, just ten days before Yunho's birthday, San takes Wooyoung into furniture shopping.</p><p>"I can't believe we are doing this," Wooyoung sighs, letting San guide them alongside the aisles that seem to form a labyrinth they won't know how to escape. "Are you listening?" </p><p>"I heard you the first six times, now I'm looking for a nice wardrobe," San smiles. “Maybe one with drawers.”</p><p>Wooyoung sighs.</p><p>"But I don't need one."</p><p>San stops, totally hearing his complaints and turning on his heels to look at him. Wooyoung feels intimidated, and scared. He is scared because they are out there holding hands in public like it's not a big deal. Even when they say he doesn't need to worry, Wooyoung can't help but look around like he is some fugitive. </p><p>And he doesn't like that feeling on his chest.</p><p>"Look at you," San points.</p><p>"What?" Wooyoung fears San can read his mind.</p><p>"You're wearing my hoodie, my jeans, and my shoes. And Yeosang's coat."</p><p>Wooyoung frowns. "The shirt under the hoodie is mine."</p><p>"Not the point, Woo. You refuse to bring your clothes then refuse to go to your house in case your father is there. It leads to you stealing my clothes."</p><p>"You said I could."</p><p>"And I'm dying inside because I love seeing you in all black," San blushes. "But if you're living with me, we need another wardrobe. And your clothes. And if you don't want to bring your clothes there's a mall around the corner, I'll buy you new clothes, too."</p><p>"I'm not living with you," Wooyoung retracts. "I'm just spending time with you because I feel bad about what happened."</p><p>"Of course," San rolls his eyes, moving again. </p><p>Wooyoung hasn't told anyone, but he doesn't want to be a burden. Aside from the fact he still thinks is dangerous for all of them, he doesn't want to bother them in their own private place. That's why he has been leaving San's room, and maybe the reason everyone has been going into San's room lately and making the boy all pouty. </p><p>It's hard to believe he is that loved. </p><p>"Oh, look. Isn't this nice?" San pulls him closer to one of the wardrobes. </p><p>Yet Wooyoung isn't paying attention. Not at all. His gaze has fallen into one guy that seems to be approaching them. And he knows that because of the light on his eyes.</p><p>Recognition. </p><p>Even when Wooyoung hasn't seen that boy in his life.</p><p>"San?" He asks as he reaches them. San freezes once his eyes lay on the boy’s face, fingers wrapping tightly around Wooyoung's hand. "Choi San? It's that you?"</p><p>San chokes a little on his own air going out of his lungs, taking one step forward and crashing against Wooyoung's chest.</p><p>"Minhyung?"</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>a cliffhanger!!!!!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. I Was Not Born To Drown</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>the party starts :D</p><p>I added some new tags!</p><p>chapter tittle <a href="https://youtu.be/v4pi1LxuDHc">inspiration</a> &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p> </p><p>It takes just one second for San to realize what's happening around him, yet he feels like time froze and his brain decided to stop working. He feels like drowning in dark cold water. He feels breathless. </p><p>Minhyung, the same Minhyung that was on the track and field team with him and kissed him at fourteen, that same Minhyung he told Wooyoung about, is standing in front of them with fresh blonde hair and a tattoo that curls around his neck. </p><p>Wooyoung, who's making a fuss because he doesn't want to move in with him even when he is <em> literally </em>living with him, is as frozen as he is next to him. San can feel the way his hand is trembling, so he gives him a squeeze, trying to calm him down—even when he is not calm himself.</p><p>There's also someone next to Minhyung, red hair and strong makeup. Pretty, but also dangerous. He is texting, not caring at all about what's happening in front of him. In front of them. Just like they are part of some really bad joke.</p><p>No one says a thing until Minhyung is leaning forward, catching San by surprise and pulling him into a hug. Breaking his hold with Wooyoung.</p><p>Time starts running again, and with that, the sound reaches San's ears with the speed of a train.</p><p>"Dude!" Minhyung is laughing out loud, perfect teeth on display. "It's been so long! I thought you moved countries!"</p><p>San takes a deep breath, shaking his head. It hurts.</p><p>"Ah, hmm, no. I've been living here since… A lot." </p><p>It's not important to say the date. It's been more than seven years. He was fourteen the last time he ever talked with Minhyung and now he is all… Bubbly? And here. San can't find words to describe it, but it is weird. </p><p>"Yeah? Your parents said you moved countries. Living with your uncle or something," Minhyung keeps on smiling, making San kind of sick on the stomach. </p><p>"Is that so?"</p><p>What happened after he ran away from home, San doesn't know. And that's the past, a past that hasn't been suffocating, until now. Gelid hands wrapped around his neck, slowly taking any air of him.</p><p>San gulps, shaking his head again.</p><p>"We had some problems," he says instead, moving one hand in the air to rest it importance. He tries to catch Wooyoung's hand again, soon realizing the boy has taken a few steps back from him. He has his eyes fixed on Minhyung. Not a good thing. San smiles, fakely. "It's good to see you, Minhyung. But we are a little busy, so–"</p><p>"Oh, please, call me Mark," the boy interrupts, ignoring him. "I don't know your story but I don't have a good relationship with my family either. Changed my name, started all over again. New me."</p><p>"Oh, that's great."</p><p>"Yeah," <em> Mark </em> smiles brightly, finally grabbing his friend by the arm and pulling him into the picture. The boy reacts with a frown and a curse. "This is Donghyuck, my partner."</p><p>"It is Heachan for you," the boy corrects with a groan, eyes falling on San. So sharp it makes his spine tremble. Not good, this is not good at all. "And I'm not his partner, I'm his soulmate."</p><p>"Yeah, whatever," Marks laughs it off away. "What about…" His eyes move behind San's body.</p><p>They all look back at Wooyoung, who jumps a little given the sudden attention. His eyes search for San in fear.</p><p>"Ah, he is–"</p><p>"–A friend." Wooyoung interrupts, voice trembling. "College friends. Architecture. We have an upcoming project about wardrobes. We're here for reference." </p><p>Wooyoung blurts his words so fast San isn't sure they got it. He doesn't even think he got it at all. Mark smiles awkwardly meanwhile his <em> partner </em> just huffs it off, like it doesn't matter. San can see how Wooyoung wants to run away.</p><p>"You study architecture?" Mark breaks the silence, acting like it's nothing. Maybe he understands Wooyoung is embarrassed. The one who doesn't understand it is San himself. "Choi San studying architecture? Incredible! Yo, Hyuck, when we were in high school he wanted to be a painter. He admired Bob Ross. Well, if you think about it, there's no difference between a painter and an architectect. Right?"</p><p>Donghyuck sighs.</p><p>"Mark, honestly, I'm going back to the baby section. That's where I'm supposed to be and not here pretending I care about your past."</p><p>Just like that, the boy walks away.</p><p>"I'm sorry for that," Mark apologises. "He is kinda mad at me, he wants a baby. A real one."</p><p>San's eyes widen open with surprise, almost forgetting the situation and falling into some college boy character that just happens to encounter an old high school friend at an IKEA.</p><p>"Aren't you twenty-one? I remember your birthday is in August, you're even younger than me. I don't even know what I will be doing tomorrow. A baby?"</p><p>Marks throws his head back, laughing. </p><p>"And he is twenty. That's the reason he is mad, I don't want the baby. I won't let him have a baby, he doesn't even know how to take care of himself."</p><p>"Great for the baby," San laughs softly, feeling how his body relaxes a little. He is still uncomfortable, but at least his heart is going back to normal. "You would drop it first thing."</p><p>"Hey!" Mark hits him in the arm, and suddenly they're both laughing together. That fear brushes off slowly. Minhyung—<em> Mark </em>—is still the same as he was at fourteen. He got more handsome, taller and maybe more muscular. But he is still the same kid he was friends with. "It was nice seeing you. I really thought I would never see you again."</p><p>"My pleasure," San presses his lips in a soft smile that he immediately brushes away as soon as he looks back to see Wooyoung is not standing there anymore. "I gotta go now. I'll see you, Minhyung."</p><p>"It's Mark," the boy corrects, and then he is holding him by the wrist, pulling a pen from his pocket and writing down a number. "This is my number. Let's get in touch, okay?"</p><p>"Hmm, yeah. But I gotta go now."</p><p>Mark lets go of his arm, smiling back.</p><p>"Your boyfriend's cute."</p><p>San stops right there, swallowing his own words and thinking about what Wooyoung must be thinking. He bites his tongue before speaking. It hurts again. </p><p>"He's just my friend. Architecture partner."</p><p>"Oh," Mark looks confused. "You were holding hands."</p><p>"Let's say I don't want to be his friend," San says with a soft groan and the next second he is running away and through the halls, trying to find Wooyoung.</p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>Wooyoung's heart is a mess. He is a mess. Everything around him is a mess and he finds himself running away with a big headache. </p><p>
  <em> Minhyung. Wow. He is breathtaking. </em>
</p><p>Wooyoung feels like an idiot for running away, if he has to be sincere. He also feels like an idiot for lying like that. He thought it would help San, but the look on his face told him he fucked things up. Maybe he was trying to help himself, because Minhyung is the guy San kissed for the first time. And the guy from his fantasy. </p><p>And Minhyung turned out to be nothing like Wooyoung though he would be like.</p><p>Which is embarrassing, because he already thought the boy was amazing. He is more than that, he <em> looks </em> like the perfect boy. And he has a cute smile. And he is <em> fantasy boy. </em> </p><p>And Wooyoung wants to keep running away but he is lost. Both mentally and literally lost.</p><p>He runs without even looking at the name of the aisles, soon finding himself in the baby aisle, which he knows it's not that close from the entry and, just his luck, where that friend of Minhyung is squatting with both hands on his cheeks, looking at baby cribs. </p><p>"Fuck," Wooyoung curses under his breath, feeling like he just came to the beginning. Yet there's no trace of Minhyung neither San. Just, that boy with honey skin and dark eyeshadow making puppy eyes at the cribs. It's quite an strange image due the skinny ripped jeans, the chains, the tattoos and the amount of piercings on his ears. Also the makeup. Dark and perfect and making his features sharper, which scares Wooyoung. </p><p>He is the kind of boy he always thought bikers would like to. Cold, scary, sharp like ice. Yet that same boy is making puppy eyes at the baby cribs. </p><p>The boy that looks up at him as soon as he curses, wiggling his eyebrows, recognition shining behind his eyes.</p><p>"You're the boyfriend," he says in a plain voice. "The still in the closet boyfriend," he clarifies with a shrug. </p><p>"We're friends," Wooyoung blurts fast, trying to find an exit. None on sight. Just baby things, and real babies crying in the distance. </p><p>"Of course," pretty boy scoffs, still not moving from his place. "I saw you two holding hands," Wooyoung's breath gets stuck on his ribs, making him choke a little. The boy—Donghyuck, if he remembers right—stands up with a loud sigh, crossing his arms in front of him. "You know? Everyone thinks I don't realize what's happening around me, but that's what I make them think. I see everything. That's my power.  I also saw how your heart broke when you heard that name. <em> Minhyung </em>." He says the name slowly, half enjoying it.</p><p>Wooyoung gulps, taking a step back. He tries the most to put on a smile, pretend it isn't burning him alive. Walk away and run back home. </p><p>"You're wrong. We are project partners. Nothing more."</p><p>"Then why are you at the verge of tears?" The boy points out, raising a brow. </p><p>Wooyoung closes his fists tight, both of them glued to his sides.</p><p>"I can't find the exit," he says through gritted jaws. "I want to go home."</p><p>Donghyuck opens his eyes, shrugging just then.</p><p>"Okay, I'll show you the way. I feel like crying too," he tends him a hand of black painted nails and fingers tattoos. "Come on, I don't bite unless you ask me to."</p><p>"I don't really need–"</p><p>"Come on," Donghyuck sighs, holding his hand tight and pulling from him. "Why are you so difficult?"</p><p>"You're a stranger!"</p><p>"I'm Donghyuck. I study fashion design. I'm really incredible in bed. And I want a baby, even when Mark thinks I can't even take care of myself."</p><p>Wooyoung can't say a word, letting the boy guide him through the halls just like San did before. They stay in silence for a while, just them and the sound of people around them. Wooyoung wonders where San is. If he stayed with Minhyung and that's the reason the world decided to stick him around his boyfriend. Or if he got lost searching for him.</p><p>Or worse. If he thought he was acting like a kid and decided to leave. If he really got tired of his attitude. </p><p>
  <em> I'm really an idiot.  </em>
</p><p>"Are you really doing a project about wardrobes?" Donghyuck decides to ask after a while, still holding onto his wrist. "Or that's also a lie?"</p><p>
  <em> I'm impressed that's the only thing you believed.  </em>
</p><p>"It's all true. I'm not his boyfriend."</p><p>It hurts to mumble these words.</p><p>"But you want to be," the boy gives a look over his shoulder, just to shrug one second later. "I know what you did here. You take your crush to IKEA with the excuse of needing wardrobe reference for… Well, whatever you architecture kids are up to these days, which I don't care about. Then you hold his hand in one of the aisles and just hope he feels the same way about wardrobes that you. Or, don't know, about you."</p><p>"You're so funny," Wooyoung rolls his eyes.</p><p>"Oh, you totally need to tell that to Mark," Donghyuck laughs, slowly moving his fingers as he feels the way Wooyoung's body tenses. "Don't worry, I won't take you to Mark. I'm mad at him. I was also on a date but he keeps getting distracted. Guess we are the same."</p><p>Wooyoung sighs. "No, we aren't."</p><p>Donghyuck  looks back, smirking. "Of course we aren't. I was out of the closet at five."</p><p>"It's not that. I'm bi."</p><p>"Oh, I see you're starting to open up," the boy smiles. "That's nice. You looked so sad. It was kind of making me feel bad."</p><p>"I'm not sad," Wooyoung pouts. "I'm just…"</p><p>He stops. He feels like a total fool. The one that shouldn't be walking down the halls of IKEA with some stranger with perfect makeup but a bitchy attitude. He should be with San. His <em> boyfriend. </em></p><p>But how does he fight the fear of his father ruining one of the best things that had ever happened to him? How does he protect San without losing him while trying?</p><p>"What?" Donghyuck stops in the middle of the bedroom section. A lot of king sized beds filled with cushions and silky sheets around them. "Just what?"</p><p>Wooyoung chews on his lower lip. San would love the purple sheets that cover the bed on their right, and Wooyoung cries inside as he can't keep that thought away from his mind. </p><p>"I'm stupid," he admits, defeated. </p><p>"Of course you are. You brought your crush to see furniture," Donghyuck snorts. "I know this place is filled with beds but you don't get laid after a furniture date. Unless, you are married, which you aren't."</p><p>"You are so kind."</p><p>"For real, Mark needs to hear you talk about me."</p><p>"Are you two dating?" Wooyoung gets curious. He doesn't know the reason, but Donghyuck just sounds odd. Or maybe Wooyoung just wants to stop thinking about San, and his father, and Minhyung, and Minhyung being <em> with </em>San.</p><p>The boy looks down at his hands, moving his fingers until he is holding Wooyoung's hand tightly. Donghyuck pats it gently. </p><p>"No," he chuckles. "I also brought my crush to a furniture date."</p><p>Wooyoung can't help but raise his free hand and put it on top of Donghyuck's. When he looks at the boy, he finds sad eyes, but no tears. </p><p>"Maybe we should ditch them and just go on a proper date."</p><p>Wooyoung takes a deep breath, closing his eyes. His voice shakes as he speaks. </p><p>"I'm taken. He is actually my boyfriend. I lied."</p><p>Donghyuck smiles then, letting go of his hand to pick his face and squeeze his cheeks. Also gently. </p><p>"That's better. Mark is also mine, I was testing you."</p><p>Wooyoung narrows his eyes, pushing his hands aside. That sadness is still on his eyes, and that's not something he can fake. Wooyoung knows it beforehand. </p><p>"Let's find the exit," Donghyuck clears his throat. </p><p>"Were you really testing me?"</p><p>The boy remains silent, then he takes a lollipop from his pocket and hands it to Wooyoung. It's raspberry flavoured. </p><p>"Of course I was." </p><p>If Donghyuck's power is that he sees everything, Wooyoung's one is that he can see through every single lie. And that, even without knowing the boy, is the biggest lie he has ever heard. </p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>San finds Wooyoung an hour later, sitting by the entrance all by himself. A lollipop resting on his lips, playing with his fingers.</p><p>San is mad and relieved and confused and everything at once, a rush of emotions taking control of his body for the first time in years, which is totally not the mix he wants to throw at Wooyoung right now. So he takes a deep breath and goes back into the building, finds a bathroom and puts all the cold water he can on his face.</p><p>Just after that, he goes back to where Wooyoung is sitting and drops on top of his back with a loud sigh, chest deflating like a balloon. Wooyoung's body tenses a little with the sudden added weight, just to relax as he realizes it's San.</p><p>"I've been waiting for you," Wooyoung says in a shy voice, making San scoff.</p><p>"I've been looking for you," he retorts, moving to the ground, sitting next to him. "For an hour, Woo. I've been searching for you for an hour. Why do you have a phone for?"</p><p>Wooyoung sighs, showing him his phone. Black screen filled with fingerprints shining under the sun.</p><p>"No battery."</p><p>San sighs, pressing his lips together. </p><p>"Listen," Wooyoung looks down, reaching out to hold one of his hands. "I'm sorry. I acted like an idiot."</p><p>"No," San cuts, frowning. "You acted like a kid. Which is worse."</p><p>"I'm sorry."</p><p>"No, you don't need to be sorry," San sighs, getting close to throw one arm over his shoulders in half a hug. "But I swear if all this was because you are jealous of Min–Mark…"</p><p>"It's not. I'm not jealous."</p><p>"Suddenly we are friends. Architecture partners?" San tilts his head, disbelief subtly painting his voice. "Since when I'm Binnie?"</p><p>"I'm sorry for that," Wooyoung apologies again, letting his head rest over San's shoulder. "I just… I got scared. He is <em> the guy </em> from your fantasy. And he is… <em> wow </em>, he looks amazing."</p><p>"Wooyoung, I told you. Minhyung is no longer part of my life. Neither my fantasy. He doesn't even exist anymore, he is Mark now. And just let me tell you, I like guys with a mole on their lower lip."</p><p>"Stop it."</p><p>San pinches one of his cheeks, realizing he can't get mad at Wooyoung. Not for something like that.</p><p>"I know you love me," Wooyoung takes a deep breath, sounding sure of his words. "Lately I get scared a lot. That's all."</p><p>"I know," San hugs him tightly. "I'm scared as well. And the fact Minhyung appeared all of sudden after seven years? Man, that's weird. But we really need that wardrobe so you can already move in with me." </p><p>It's weird. And the reason? They're not in their hometown anymore. For Minhyung to appear all of sudden just after what happened with Wooyoung's father, is weird. And it has San shaking inside again. </p><p>Yet there's nothing he can do now aside from getting that wardrobe and going back home.</p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>"So you like Bob Ross. Why didn't you say it earlier? That man," Hongjoong sighs, gesturing in the air, "changed my life."</p><p>San grits his teeth and just looks down, tending him the tools with a soft groan.</p><p>"Because I didn't remember my feverishly one month obsession with Bob Ross until three days ago."</p><p>Hongjoong arches a brow, pointing a wrench towards him. "Dude, Bob Ross it's not some one month obsession. You take it with you to your grave."</p><p>San scoffs.</p><p>"Okay, first of all, who told you about this?"</p><p>Hongjoong smiles cheekily, bending down to keep on working on the last details of Yunho's new bike. He doesn't say a word, just a soft melody coming out as a hum. </p><p>"Was it Wooyoung?" San insists. "Is he telling <em> you </em> secrets too? Is he telling everyone but <em> me </em>?"</p><p>Hongjoong sighs loudly, stretching himself before pointing at him with the wrench again.</p><p>"Okay, San, you're making my team uncomfortable," San clicks his tongue. "Go outside and come back when you're not on yogurt smoothie withdrawal."</p><p>San stands up, narrowing his eyes at him. Still, he moves towards the exit without complaining—a lot.</p><p>"You don't have a team at all."</p><p>"I'm my own boss and my own team, and you're making me uncomfortable," Hongjoong claims with a dry laugh. </p><p>"And I'm not on withdrawal! I'm feeling left behind."</p><p>San clicks his tongue again and kicks the ground that's outside Hongjoong's workshop. He really is acting like Mingi stole his food again and it's not making it any better because this time he can't go and tell Wooyoung. Because no one ate his food and the only reason he is acting like this is because Wooyoung is hiding something from him. </p><p>Something Seonghwa knows. Something apparently Hongjoong knows too. And suddenly the three of them are leaving him outside the bubble. Alone. When he should've been the first one allowed in.</p><p>A part of his own self tells him is nothing. Seonghwa always does the same with new members, and Hongjoong enters the picture because of boyfriend privileges. But shouldn't San be blessed with that type of privileges too?</p><p>It's like they don't want him to find out what's wrong. And the mere fact of thinking it might have something to do with their encounter  with Minhyung three days ago is driving San crazy to the point of moping. </p><p>Wooyoung said it was okay, but things don't seem to be okay. San is tired because it's the first time he is feeling like he is not that alone. That he has something to stay for. He can't lose that now. </p><p>"You're moping."</p><p>San takes a deep breath.</p><p>"Go fuck yourself, Sang."</p><p>"I have two boyfriends. No need of doing anything by myself," Yeosang puffs the air of the cigarette slowly, handing it to San a second later. "C'mon, you need it."</p><p>San would love to decline it, but he is going through a lot lately. Maybe he does need to disconnect for a while. </p><p>He takes a seat next to Yeosang outside the workplace and pulls the cigarette to his lips. It's not raspberry, and it burns his throat as it's been quite a long time since he last smoked. But it's enough to please him.</p><p>"Why are you moping?" Yeosang taps his knee.</p><p>"You made that," San sighs, trying to not blurt everything to Yeosang because he knows Wooyoung would hate it, pointing at the place where Jongho is trying to teach Wooyoung how to ride a bike by himself.</p><p>"It was Jongho."</p><p>"You acted like a cheerleader."</p><p>"So what? We taught Yun and he is totally fine. Are you scared he won't ever ride a bike with you?" San's body tenses with those words, looking down at his own feet. "Scared he leaves you now he is one of us?"</p><p>San gulps.</p><p>"Do you think he wants to break up with me?"</p><p>Yeosang swells his chest with air, choking a little. </p><p>"So that is what has you moping," he sentences.</p><p>San frowns. "Not at all," <em> that makes me sad, though. </em>"It's just… Since what happened with his father we are not the same. It's like we are on step one again. No, we are on step negative one."</p><p>"Which is?"</p><p>San sighs. </p><p>"We had sex, really incredible sex, but now we act like we aren't even friends, which it's not incredible at all."</p><p>"Damn," Yeosang gasps. </p><p>"Yeah," San confirms in a low voice.</p><p>"Are you sure it was that incredible?"</p><p>San elbows him on the chest. "Shut up, Yeosang."</p><p>"It was a joke," Yeosang mocks. "I know you think of you as some sex God, but not everything is sex related and I'm sure this doesn't have a thing to do with your dick, San."</p><p>San groans, puffing the cigarette once again, filling his lungs with smoke and his head with a white mist. It makes his brain foggy. Things get out of his sight. He feels lost. </p><p>"He doesn't trust me," the boy sentences, sadly. "Not anymore. I can feel it."</p><p>"He just wants to learn how to drive to not depend on you," Yeosang tries to tranquilize him, taking the cigarette into his fingers. "He trusts you."</p><p>"It's not about this," actually, San doesn't care if Wooyoung wants to learn how to drive. That's up to him. He cares about the fact he is drifting away. "It's about everything else. Something is wrong with him, something that doesn't even let him sleep at night, but he is not coming at me. He goes to Seonghwa," San stands up, sniffing a little. "It's kinda sad."</p><p>Yeosang remains in silence, playing with the lighter, not a word coming from his pressed, glossy lips. San takes a break from how Jongho and Wooyoung laugh to look at his friend. At his frowned eyebrow and the way he is biting the inside of his cheek. </p><p>The way the wind moves his hairs takes San out of the timeline. Right now he doesn't know where he stands. He doesn't know the time. He is paralyzed, waiting for something that makes everything feel better. </p><p>"He is not like us," is what Yeosang says, breaking the silence, putting the clock on work again. San gazes at Wooyoung. At his smile, and also his worried, sad eyes that once hold a sunset but not anymore. "I know you told Jongho. How you thought Wooyoung is like us. And maybe that's the root of your problem here."</p><p>"I don't think so," San mumbles. </p><p>"Wooyoung is different," Yeosang sighs, and for the first time in a lot of time, he looks conflicted. San raises both brows. "We are broken, you know. We don't have anything to call our own, we know how to let go because we were left behind. We love strongly, and deeply, and I'm 100% sure no one will ever love like us. But we don't get attached, we know how to let go. Wooyoung is just… Different. He had his mom, he had love… He has been loved. And he doesn't know how to say goodbye without breaking. He kind of reminds me of Yunho."</p><p>Yeosang takes a second to puff on the cigarette before passing it to San, crashing it on the ground when the boy refuses. He lets the air blow out of his nose, defeated.</p><p>"We're different because the only time we are not breaking, is at goodbyes. That's when Wooyoung breaks the most."</p><p>"What's the point, Sang?"</p><p>Yeosang gives San a soft smile, maybe even a compasive one.</p><p>"He doesn't want to break because of you. But that's a good thing. That means you've been loved," Yeosang huffs a laugh as he throws his head back, gently hitting the wall. "You've been loved, my friend." </p><p>San imitates him, closing his eyes and feeling the air hitting his face. Is still early in the year. Middle of March. It's still cold. </p><p>San wishes he knew how to not let go. </p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>What seemed to be great ended up being barely good, and two weeks after his father's accident, Wooyoung starts feeling suffocated. Suffocated around San, which makes things bad. A lot bad.</p><p>He has been feeling off for a few days now, trying to get some news from Seonghwa about his mom, about his father, about whatever that could help him sleep at night. And he has also been running away from San because Seonghwa said it would be better like this, without San getting his nose where he isn't concerned. </p><p><em> Where he could get hurt </em>, Wooyoung translates inside his head.</p><p>It's suffocating because he <em> is </em> protecting San, he is doing the most to keep him as safe as he can, but San has been giving him looks and his back when they go off to sleep. He is starting to feel like he is running the best thing that ever happened to him.</p><p>And that's killing him inside. </p><p>"I'm sleeping at Yunho's today," San announces after lunch, when they were supposed to take a nap together but ended up spending it on two opposite sides of the house, practically avoiding each other's existence.</p><p>Wooyoung gulps, looking down from Yunho's birthday card that Mingi handed him in the morning and at what he has been looking down blankly for the whole day without knowing what to write because it just doesn't feel right to have his signature on the <em> family </em> card. </p><p>"Why?" He mumbles, softer than he wanted. He hasn't spoken for a while, he realizes after feeling the itchiness of his throat as the words come out.</p><p>San is giving him his back.</p><p>"I need a break."</p><p>Wooyoung eats a whimper when his heart shrinks at the pace of those words. He swells his chest with air in order to take his heartbeats back.</p><p>"From me? I told you I didn't want to move in but you insisted so–"</p><p>"From this situation," San cuts, turning on his heels to give him a tired look. "I'm tired, Wooyoung. I never thought loving someone could be this… Draining."</p><p>Wooyoung presses his lips together in a thin line, feeling the fast heartbeats drumming inside his chest, threatening him with ripping a hole through muscle and flesh. It also wrenches his throat, making it really difficult to swallow. And the tears crowding behind his eyes just make the tired expression of San blurry enough to not make a crack on his soul.</p><p>"I don't know what you're trying to do. That's scary, that's making me want to stay away from you. Because it scares me that I can be the reason you're about to… Say goodbye."</p><p>Wooyoung sniffles loudly, taking a hand to his cheek to clean the tears that are starting to fall down. </p><p>"I'm not saying goodbye," he says in a small voice.</p><p>"You walk around like you will. We're supposed to be happy. But you aren't. You aren't happy, you aren't comfortable, you aren't telling me what's wrong with you."</p><p>"I'm selfish!" Wooyoung blurts out, ribcage shrinking around his heart. The silence breaks around them, awkward. It was never this awkward. "I'm selfish. I'm staying here, with you, because that makes me happy. But this is putting you in danger. I am putting you in danger in order to be happy, and that's selfish, and I know it is. And it makes me, totally, unhappy. So you know what? I'm putting you in danger for no reason. Just because…" Wooyoung moves his hands to signal himself, a defeated smile hanging on his lips. "Selfish."</p><p>San moves closer, getting his body to the ground and kneeling in front of him. He holds Wooyoung's hands between his own, pressing a kiss into his knuckles, eyes on Wooyoung's eyes. Sharing a  new silence.</p><p>"You need to tell me what's wrong," San whispers against his skin, against the ring that still curls around his finger and that brings so many memories. It happened just a couple months ago, yet it feels like years have passed. </p><p>Wooyoung shakes his head.</p><p>"I am selfish, San, but I am not a bad person. And I'm an idiot, yes, but just in love. I won't put you in more danger than you already are."</p><p>"Look," San takes a deep breath, eyes falling down onto their hands, fingers brushing the surface of the ring. "We met thanks to this ring. You trusted me with it, right? You came to <em> Streetlights </em> with me, to the cliff. You fell in love. You don't fall in love if there's no trust, right?"</p><p>Wooyoung shakes his head slowly, fingers delicately moving over San's hand.</p><p>"I need you to trust me," San says, taking the ring off his finger and holding it in front of his face from him to see it. It's been just three months. Everything looks so different Wooyoung has some difficulties recognizing himself in San's eyes. "If you don't, it's okay. But I'll be going to Yunho's. I can help you if you keep pushing me away. If you go and talk with Seonghwa but not with me."</p><p>"You won't even tell me what's your job. What you and Yeosang do for Seonghwa," Wooyoung sniffles. "And I'm sure you wouldn't tell me even if I threaten you to go to Changbin's house."</p><p>"I'm not threatening you, Woo."</p><p>"You trust me, I know. I know," he reaffirms, both hands moving forward to cup San's face, thumbs circling on his cheeks. "I trust you. You <em> need </em> to know. And somehow we ended up trusting Seonghwa too."</p><p>"I'll tell you what I do–"</p><p>Wooyoung covers San's mouth with his hand, shaking his head once again.</p><p>"Because I trust you, I don't wanna know. We all keep secrets, San. All of us. And we all lie, every single day. But we do it because we are humans and we feel the need to protect some people. Whether it's ourselves or the love of our life."</p><p>San swells his chest, resting his cheek into one of Wooyoung's hands, laying there for a second. </p><p>"How do you know it?" San asks. </p><p>"What?"</p><p>"That I'm the love of your life."</p><p>Wooyoung smiles softly, frowning a little before he leans in, lips meeting San's cheek. He tries to brush the pout on his lips away with it, hands caressing his skin with delicacy. </p><p>"I trust my heart. I want you to take care of my ring," he adds a few seconds later, moving backwards to look into San's eyes. "Can you do that for me?"</p><p>It takes a minute for San to answer. Wooyoung is able to see the confrontation inside his eyes. The pain, the fear, the loneliness. Everything twisting there in the most dreaning dance he had ever seen. </p><p>The boy ends up nodding without a word escaping his lips, holding tight into the ring. </p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>San decides he is just stressed. He acts like a kid when he is stressed. He doesn't know how to get a hold of his own emotions and he ends up frowning and barking at everyone. It's always been like that, because of what he promised himself when he was sixteen. He would always voice out his feelings.</p><p>When he is stressed, he just forgets how to do it right. </p><p>Normally, he would pick his bike and ride until the cliff, or until he is out of gasoil. Get some fresh air, calm down, scream at the ocean but not at the people he loves. </p><p>That's what he did the night he met Wooyoung. And tonight, he lays next to him and slowly allows his body to crawl into the boy's arms. He curls next to Wooyoung's body, nose pressed into his chest, feeling the warm arms around him. Keeping him close, and in one piece.</p><p>"I'm so sorry," San mumbles against his shirt—San's shirt, actually, because Wooyoung is stubborn to go and take his own clothes, empty drawer standing in one corner of the room. "For acting like a dick for the past days."</p><p>"Hmm."</p><p>"I just… I'm a loud person, and you're a silent one. I can't hide my feelings, either I voice them out or my face shows them. I've been like that my whole life, that's the reason I'm here and not back in my hometown pretending I'm dating some girl just so my parents are happy."</p><p>Wooyoung listens, not saying a word, totally proving he is indeed a silent one.</p><p>"You keep everything to yourself. Your pain, your loneliness, your insecurities. You are good at pretending you're fine."</p><p>"This is the part when you say we're no match?" Wooyoung asks in a raspy voice.</p><p>"We are a match," San laughs quietly. "A weird one, but a match. We compliment each other."</p><p>"Then why are you apologising for?"</p><p>San takes a deep breath, guilt biting his ankles.</p><p>"Because for a moment, I thought we weren't. I thought this wouldn't last because I am loud and you aren't. And when I'm loud I need the other person to be loud. But then I remembered when I'm feeling <em> loud </em>, I go to the cliff because there's no one there and, somehow, it's a silent place. And it makes me feel better. So I'm sorry for… Being so loud at you."</p><p>Wooyoung chuckles. </p><p>"I like that you're loud," he admits. "It's cute. And it's nice you make things easier. With you I don't have to break my head trying to know how you are feeling. I just know."</p><p>"I know too," San gets closer, pressing his nose into the naked skin of Wooyoung's neck and softly rubbing there. "You're silent, you don't say things out loud. But you're still an open book. My favorite book, honestly."</p><p>"So the reason you were mad was because you knew my feelings, but wanted me to voice them?"</p><p>"No. I was mad because for a moment you weren't an open book anymore."</p><p><em> It scared me to death, </em> San thinks, but he saves that part for himself. </p><p>"I'm sorry," Wooyoung whispers. </p><p>"I am sorry."</p><p>"I'm sorry too."</p><p>"I was sorry first."</p><p>"San, go to sleep," Wooyoung sighs, moving a hand to his hair, tangling his fingers there. "We're both sorry. And it's okay."</p><p>"Because we're both idiots."</p><p>Wooyoung chuckles again, rolling over his side to get on top of San, pressing his cheek into his chest. He doesn't say a thing, but San kind of gets his words without needing it to be loud.</p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>"Minhyung texted me," the fear lighting on San's face makes Wooyoung choke on the cereal.</p><p>But he is not the only one as Jongho, who is sitting next to him, has some difficulties to swallow as he gazes at San. The latter hasn't even realized the younger is here, eyes on Wooyoung only. </p><p>It's early in the morning. Wooyoung is—or, was—calmly having breakfast with Jongho. Talking about video games or bikes or the fact Wooyoung still needs to go and pick his things from his house. It was calm, until San stormed into the kitchen just as he saw a ghost. </p><p>"Who's Minhyung?" Jongho wonders, exchanging looks between both boys. </p><p>"What did he say?" Wooyoung follows, at which San only seems to be paying attention. </p><p>"He wants to hang out."</p><p>"And what did you say?"</p><p>"I freaked out and came here," San blurts. "He doesn't even have my number. <em> He </em> wrote his number on my arm and told me to text him but I didn't and now he is texting me." San finally turns to his side to face a confused Jongho, spoon frozen mid air, milk dripping. "Did you give him my number?"</p><p>Jongho clears his throat, putting the spoon down and looking at San with confusion. </p><p>"I don't even know who's that Minhyung. Wait," he turns to Wooyoung, whispering when he says: "Is he having an affair? That's why you two have been acting off for the past days?"</p><p>Wooyoung's eyes widen with surprise. San is soon punching Jongho on the shoulder. </p><p>"I can hear you!" He blames. "I'm not having an affair."</p><p>"Another man wrote his number in your arm and now is texting you," Jongho leans into Wooyoung. "I can punch him if you want."</p><p>"Jongho, you're supposed to be my brother."</p><p>"He is not having an affair," Wooyoung clears up, giving San a reassurance smile. "He is just his ex–"</p><p>"You have an ex?" Jongho doesn't let him finish, eyes wide open as he looks into San. </p><p>The boy can't even clear that up because Yeosang is entering the kitchen then, laughing under his breath, bringing a sleepy Yunho with him. Just in the right moment. <em> Great. </em></p><p>"Of course he has an ex," Yeosang mouths, letting go of Yunho's hand to pour some coffee into his cup. Yunho cutely waves his sweater paws at them. "The mayor's daughter. You know, that chick that flirted with Seonghwa in front of Hongjoong's salad."</p><p>Jongho shakes his head, pointing at San. Wooyoung bites the inside of his cheek, feeling a little embarrassed that everyone there knows about his past.</p><p>"Not Wooyoung, San!"</p><p>Both Yeosang and Yunho open his eyes in surprise, speaking in unison. </p><p>"San has an ex?" </p><p>San groans, finally taking a seat. "This is giving me a headache. Why are you always here?"</p><p>Everyone stays silent for one second, then it's Yeosang the one that points the cup of coffee at him.</p><p>"This is also our house."</p><p>"And I never say a thing when you invade my apartment," Yunho pouts. </p><p>"Just tell me Mingi isn't here to make it worse," San mumbles, and for the way he lets his head fall into the table, nervously playing with his fingers, Wooyoung gets that he doesn't know what to do. So the best he can do is reach out his own hand across the table and hold onto San's fingers. In silence.</p><p>That's a topic the two of them need to work in. Just the two of them. That's why San is biting his tongue instead of spilling everything about Minhyung. </p><p>"He is with Hongjoong," Yeosang says in a small voice, looking at the picture wall instead of their faces. "Working."</p><p>"Getting my surprise party ready," Yunho adds like it's nothing, a big smile opening in his face. Wooyoung is not the only one getting surprised, as that party was supposed to be a secret.</p><p>Jongho seems to forget about San, focusing on Yeosang.</p><p>"Yeosang!" He screeches. </p><p>"There's no way we're making a birthday party for you," Yeosang tries to make it better, waving a hand at Yunho, just for San to go along with Jongho. </p><p>"Yeosang!"</p><p>"Mingi sent me an invitation," Yunho sighs, pinching Yeosang's side. "To my own party. It's okay. You're cute."</p><p>"YEOSANG!" This time, even Wooyoung sounds perplexed. </p><p>"Stop saying my name, it's driving me crazy!" The boy bemoans. "Okay, so Mingi messed up. What am I supposed to do?"</p><p>"He is your best friend and boyfriend," Jongho points, sounding tired of everything. "You need to control him."</p><p>"I am not his daddy," Yeosang clicks his tongue.</p><p>"You wish he was," Yunho jokes, getting a groan in response. The boy starts laughing, and soon Jongho's tired laugh is sounding softly. They all end up laughing like that was nothing but another normal morning for them. Something that makes Wooyoung's heart a little bit warmer. His kitchen has been silent since his mother died. </p><p>"Putting my stupid boyfriend aside, weren't we talking about San having an ex?" Yeosang raises a brow.</p><p>"Not an ex," San sighs. </p><p>"An ex friend," Wooyoung adds, pouting at Jongho. "You didn't let me finish."</p><p>"Oh," the boy sounds calm. "Sorry. That's a problem of mine."</p><p>"You want to kill me," San whines, standing up and taking Wooyoung with him. "Help me out, please. Now."</p><p>"Hmm, yeah," Wooyoung doesn't doubt on following him, stopping for a second next to Yunho to press a hand into his arm. The boy smiles warmly at him way before Wooyoung speaks. "Happy birthday, Yun."</p><p>"Thank you, Woo!"</p><p>San doesn't say a thing until they're back into the room, when he decides to give him his phone instead of just explaining it. There, Wooyoung is able to read the message from an unknown number. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>unknown, [9:12 A.M]</b>
</p><p>
  <em> hey san! it's me, Mark!  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I gave you my number but you never texted so I thought of texting myself </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I was wondering if we could hang out around today  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> just if you want  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Wooyoung looks up, raising a brow.</p><p>"Where did he get your number?" He can't help the way his voice comes out shaky. </p><p>San's exhales heavily, biting down his thumb. </p><p>"I don't know. There's no way he can have it. You totally think I'm crazy but I don't trust him."</p><p>Wooyoung shakes his head. "I don't think you're crazy. This is weird."</p><p>"And what do I do?"</p><p>Wooyoung takes a deep breath, putting the phone down into the bed and crossing his arms.</p><p>"Do you think this might be a problem from my side or from yours?" He wonders, softly biting down his lip.</p><p>It's weird. Everything around Minhyung is weird, so Wooyoung doesn't think San is crazy for taking wary steps around it. Now they only need to learn where he comes from. If it is something related to his mother, or if it's related to San's secret work. </p><p>"I think it's my side," San mumbles. "He looks more like a gang member than an infiltrated police officer."</p><p>Wooyoung bites his tongue just to not spill that his mother might have to do something big with bikers. </p><p>"So what now? You ignore him? You go?"</p><p>"I can't ignore him. If he has my phone number, he for sure can get this address."</p><p>Wooyoung bites his tongue. "Fuck."</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>"Then you're going?"</p><p>"Will you come with me?" San inhales, eyes fixed on Wooyoung's face. "I can tell him to bring his boyfriend and make it like a double date. Something public <em> you </em> pick."</p><p>The way San's eyes twinkle remind Wooyoung of the sunset. It's beautiful, but kind of sad if he gets emotional enough. He had come to the realization that sunsets might be one of the most beautiful moments of the day, yet the saddest too. The end, the moment everything gets covered in darkness, and you're not so sure why, but your soul feels nostalgic. Without a reason. It starts crying out of a feeling you don't remember having lived before. </p><p>Looking into San's eyes makes Wooyoung's soul shake with the same tragic nostalgia. </p><p>"Woo?" San gets closer, furrowing with confusion. One hand falls onto Wooyoung's knee, caressing him.</p><p><em> This is not the time to be thinking about this </em>, Wooyoung shakes off the feeling with a quick head movement, closing his eyes. </p><p>He has been extra emotional lately. It sucks. </p><p>"Hmm, yeah. I'll go with you. You're my boyfriend."</p><p>San smiles, taking Wooyoung's hand into his own and pressing a kiss into his knuckles. Wooyoung gets all happy inside to see his mother's ring around San's finger. </p><p>"That means we're not working on that wardrobe project anymore?" San asks against the skin of his hand, making Wooyoung laugh.</p><p>"You think you're funny."</p><p>"I know I am," San smile widens, nose pointing at the ceiling. He gets up fast just to pull Wooyoung's head into his chest, lips pressed onto the top of his head. They both sigh at the same time, tired. "Thank you so much."</p><p>"Hmm."</p><p>"I think we're gonna last. As a couple," San suddenly admits. It takes Wooyoung so unprepared he can't help the way his body tenses a little. San replies with a tighter hug. "Drinking lemonade on the front porch in our eighties kinda last." </p><p>"You think so?"</p><p>"Yeah." San smiles, vibrations running all over his chest and reaching Wooyoung's face. "We've been through a lot already. It's time life gives us a rest."</p><p>Wooyoung doesn't say a thing because he doesn't want to break San's heart. Because he <em> has been </em> through a lot already and needs his little fantasies to keep going day over day. But Wooyoung knows if there's still a chance for things to go wrong, even if it's small, they will go worse. </p><p>He softly pats San's stomach, moving back.</p><p>"Make sure he brings Donghyuck. I don't think he is a bad boy," Wooyoung says. "Oh, and also, we need to make it to Yunho's party."</p><p>"Of course," San leans in to feverishly kiss his lips.</p><p>Then he is all over his phone, shaky fingers typing a response. </p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>In the end, Minhyung—Mark—seems to be nothing but a cheerful, chatty old high school friend with an insane love for watermelon. But if that could've been enough to calm down a normal person, it isn't for San and Wooyoung. It makes things even more dangerous. </p><p><em> He is too nice </em> , Wooyoung thinks, sitting right in front of him as he shows him pictures of baby San in high school. <em> Way too nice.  </em></p><p>Too nice to not be considered suspicious. </p><p>Mark is wearing a big oversized white sweater, one with a little cat showing its middle finger on one side. He is drinking his third watermelon smoothie. And he is excitedly patting Wooyoung's arm every two seconds, melodic giggles filling the room every time he does it, to show him a new picture of high school San on his phone. Tenth time he does it, it's San in the middle of the athletics field. Squinting his eyes due the sunlight hitting his face, wearing a basic white shirt and really short black pants. He looks skinny and young and tiny and defenseless.</p><p>"You look young," Wooyoung reaffirms in a mumble.</p><p>"I was like twelve in that picture," San says under his breath. </p><p>Track and field San looks even younger than twenty-one years old San playing with a banana smoothie next to him. Of course, it's because it's been ten years. But San kind of always looked young, just like that picture Seonghwa took of him in the middle of a flower field. </p><p>This San is a new San for him to see. Not strong enough. Unprotected. </p><p>"And look," Mark pats his arm again, smile already curving the edges of his lips upward. "We were seven here. Look at those cheeks."</p><p>He shoves a picture of even younger San up his nose. Black hair cut short, a yellow strand outstanding in the tangle of pitch black. Round cheeks, coloured in red. <em> Tiny. </em></p><p>"Min—Mark, I think it's enough," San tries to cut him, and far from being embarrassed about the whole thing, he is just not in the mood. Wooyoung catches it with just a glimpse of his face and the way his lips curve in a grin of discomfort. </p><p>Wooyoung gets it because this is the past. This is not San at all. All the pictures on the house are just five years old. The moment San was born. Real San was born five years ago and what happened before that it's not really important. </p><p>"It's not enough. It's never enough with the baby pictures." Is Donghyuck the one speaking now. He had been extremely quiet the entire time, either reading or enjoying the piece of cake he ordered. He did wave at Wooyoung when they arrived, though. But he didn't talk. He didn't look happy, Wooyoung saw those eyes before. At IKEA.</p><p>Maybe that's why he trusts Donghyuck, even if it's just a little. Because he, contrary to Minhyung, looks troubled. Looks sincere. Human, maybe. </p><p>"You were adorable," Wooyoung whispers, trying to not sound suspicious himself, yet his eyes keep looking up at Donghyuck. </p><p>So, Mark, the whole thing about him, it's weird. One could even say it might be dangerous. They should take wary steps and not give him their entirely trust. But Donghyuck, that's another case. Wooyoung feels different with him, because of those human eyes. So sad and storming with problems. Being here even when he doesn't look comfortable at all. Like he is just here to prevent Mark from doing the wrong thing.</p><p>They just need to know what's the <em> wrong thing. </em></p><p>"I'm sorry," Mark apologises with a soft smile. "It's been so long. And, well, maybe we weren't <em> that </em> close. Not to the point of being here showing your boyfriend your most embarrassing childhood pictures," Wooyoung looks aside, being the one who gets embarrassed. He gets mad at his own body for always betraying him when it comes to San. "But, you know?" Mark looks down at the table. "You made me who I am, San. Thanks to you I was able to break from the cocoon and fly away freely. Well, no, maybe you made me create the cocoon because it didn't break until last year or something. But that's the point. You made me a butterfly."</p><p>Wooyoung blinks, and so does San. Even Donghyuck looks up from his phone to put on a weird face. Mark is still looking down, so he doesn't catch any of that. Confusion, and also a little bit of judgement coming from Donghyuck. </p><p>"I'm sorry, but I don't get where you're trying to go," San mumbles, hand slipping under the table to hold on tight onto Wooyoung's one.</p><p>Mark just chuckles, waving a hand in the air.</p><p>"Oh, God," Donghyuck sighs, standing up with both hands flat against the plastic surface of the table. "He is talking about you kissing him when he was a shy little pre-teen and making him realize six years later the reason none of his relationships work is that he likes dudes."</p><p>The gazes fall on the red haired boy now. For the first time in the entire afternoon Mark loses his smile to look at Donghyuck in disbelief. Wooyoung feels like he shouldn't be here, and for the way San's fingers crawl all the way to his wrist, he knows he wants to run away as fast as their feet allow them. </p><p>"Hyuck, what the fuck," Mark breathes. </p><p>"I told you it's Haechan," Donghyuck groans. "You don't get to call me by my name because I'm nothing but a coworker to you. So it is Haechan for you."</p><p>Said that, Donghyuck shakes his head and moves aside, walking towards the door. He gets outside before Wooyoung's body it's moving on its own and throwing him into his feet. San's hand clings tightly, so Wooyoung has to press a hand into his cheek and smile sweetly.</p><p>"I'll go talk to him," he mumbles. "Say goodbye at least."</p><p>"I'll go," Mark says, looking all serious now. Fear storming on his eyes, just as if Donghyuck said something he shouldn't. Or like he did something he shouldn't. Wooyoung's throat closes when a thought intrudes his brain: maybe the fact Donghyuck looks so human to him is because he is not putting his all into the job, because of something that happened with Mark. And that's not good, because it makes both of them dangerous now. "It's my fault he is acting like this."</p><p>"No, hmm, just let me go," Wooyoung tries, showing a deceiving smile that he hopes Mark falls for. "I'm good at this. Also, I'm sure he will bite you if you go."</p><p>Mark sighs, pressing his temples and relaxing his shoulders just as if Wooyoung was right. </p><p>"Okay," he says, chest deflating. "I'm so sorry."</p><p>"It's fine," San assures, thumb brushing Wooyoung's skin before letting go of his hand. "Go," he mouths.</p><p>Wooyoung moves fast because he knows San will be okay even if he is alone. The fact he is strong enough to take care of himself aside, they're at a public place, with lots of people and lots of eyes. Lots of witnesses. </p><p>He is safe.</p><p>But Donghyuck is not, and that worries Wooyoung in some way.</p><p>He finds the boy just a few steps down the road, back pressed into a wall, cigarette resting in the middle of his fingers and tears running down his cheeks. He is also pursing his lips in discomfort, tapping his foot fast.</p><p>"Hey," Wooyoung whispers, getting his gaze all over him in a second. His makeup is still on point, eyelashes filled with tiny drops of tears but not a single drop of eyeliner falling into his skin.</p><p>"It's waterproof. The makeup," Donghyuck mutters just as if he was able to read his mind. "Crying doesn't make me less of a bad bitch. I am a bad bitch, the baddest of them all. And I cry, and I step on whoever that tells me I am a cry baby. Look at my face," he points both his hands into his face. "Do I look like a weak and stupid baby? No. My makeup is still on, and I'm still a bad bitch."</p><p>Wooyoung softly chews into his lower lip.</p><p>"I think you're a bad bitch whether you have makeup or not." He really thinks so, it's not a lie.</p><p>Donghyuck clicks his tongue loudly. </p><p>"You don't know me at all."</p><p>"Yeah, I know. But what you just did," Wooyoung nods, getting close to rest his back into the wall next to him, "that was bad bitch awesome."</p><p>Donghyuck can't help but laugh under his breath, puffing the cigarette one last time before crashing it into the ground first and beneath his shoe after. </p><p>"I'm sorry for that. I am going through a lot," Donghyuck whispers. </p><p>Wooyoung scratches the ground beneath them with the tip of his shoe—or, well, San's shoe because he had to put the only pair he brought with him into the washing machine by Jongho's order.</p><p>"He is not your boyfriend, right?" Wooyoung mumbles hoping it's not crossing that invisible line between nice strangers and totally creepy stalkers.</p><p>Donghyuck scoffs. "He was. That whole butterfly shit realization? Well, it turns I was there, ridiculously in love with him for years, ready to do everything for him. Which is totally not me because, you know, I'm a bad bitch," they say the last part at the same time, giggling together right after. "But he's Mark, and he is my soulmate. And, God, I love him. But I guess he doesn't love me, and we didn't work. I thought maybe he was just confused at liking boys but one week after breaking up he is head over heels Yuta, and God, I want to kill him."</p><p>Wooyoung listens in silence, trying to get something useful out of all that. But, the most he thinks about it, the most he realizes he is just giving support to a heartbroken friend. Not his actual friend, but it's comfortable. And Wooyoung never had a friend to listen rant to. So he won't lie, it feels as nice as being with San, or playing games with Jongho, or hanging around with Changbin.</p><p>"Not Yuta, he is an angel," Donghyuck keeps going, moving his hands in the air in front of him. "I wanna kill Mark because I can't change soulmates, okay? Fate wanted it that way. So now I'm stuck with a soulmate that doesn't want me back, and when I try to get a baby to not feel lonely at nights <em> he </em> tells me I won't be able to take care of said baby. And now I have to work with him, but I just don't feel like doing it and pretending we're fine. Because we are not. Not at all."</p><p>Donghyuck sighs, one hand on his chest, feeling relieved now that he took all that from his chest. Wooyoung is also happy to be there to help, but he is double the happy as he just got what he wanted.</p><p>"Oh, sorry for all that," Donghyuck jumps around to face him, putting on an apologetic expression. "You're so nice and all sad inside, you don't deserve this. I'm sorry."</p><p>"It's okay. You needed to take that out."</p><p>"Well, you're right. I should go inside and apologise," Donghyuck sighs. "To San. I'm tired of saying sorry to Mark."</p><p>"Okay," Wooyoung nods softly. "What are you two working at?" He shots, trying luck. He knows he hits something important when Donghyuck's body tenses. "I mean, you're here on a date. Are you working around here?"</p><p>Donghyuck clears his throat. "San said you wanted me here. I came because you're nice, not because I'm still clinging into Mark. Come on, let's go."</p><p>The boy goes ahead, leaving Wooyoung behind and totally ignoring the topic. Whatever they're working at. That's the reason they found each other. </p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>They leave no longer after that, blaming it on the fact they have a birthday party to attend and not on the fact the atmosphere between them got thick enough to be impossible to breath in there without feeling their lungs collapsing. </p><p>Wooyoung doesn't doubt on telling San everything Donghyuck said, even the part where he was rejected because Mark fell in love with some other guy named Yuta. Everything could mean something. </p><p>"I love you," San whispers against the skin of his forehead, kissing him there, and then his nose, and both his cheeks. "It went really well."</p><p>"I was terrified," Wooyoung admits, allowing San to hug him and kiss him and whatever he wants to do with him now.</p><p>"I know. Thanks for trusting me."</p><p>"Thanks for trusting me with Donghyuck."</p><p>San nods, movement flying all over Wooyoung's body. </p><p>"We're gonna be alright."</p><p>Wooyoung sighs.</p><p>"I hope so."</p><p><em> I hope all of this is worthy, </em> he thinks. </p><p>"We should go now. Let's not make Yunho wait."</p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>Yunho's birthday party is being held in the same cottage as the Valentine's party. It brings memories to San, memories that seem to have happened nothing but a couple days ago but as he looks in the calendar, it's been more than a month already.</p><p>Time goes by faster than he would like to. </p><p>He holds tight onto Wooyoung's hand, so tight his heart starts saying goodbye. San doesn't want these thoughts to invade his mind, but it doesn't matter what he wants at all. The fact his life is dangerous is there. The fact bikers are lonely wolves is there. Seonghwa told him to not make a deal if he were to die, and San accepted to run to save his life. But with Wooyoung entering the picture everything changed.</p><p>Not only he doesn't want to let go of Wooyoung, he doesn't want to let go of his family. He doesn't want to run away and leave them to die alone. They're supposed to be going to Paradise together. </p><p>Realization just makes things harder because time seems to pass faster than he thought. And suddenly everything is flowing like a river after a cold winter. Fast and viciously, and only leaving chaos behind it.</p><p>Wooyoung is soon being taken away by Changbin, who goes all over his face about why he hadn't been going to class or calling him back. Worried. Like a friend. San smiles and just lets go of him. </p><p>He moves around the cabin searching for Yunho. The party started a couple hours ago so by now everyone is drunk and soon to be wasted. He finds Yunho not so long after. </p><p>"Star!" The taller screams in a high pitched voice when San gets closer to his position. "You're late!"</p><p>"You're drunk," San says back, kneeling in front of him to kiss his forehead. "Happy birthday."</p><p>Yunho giggles. </p><p>"I've got my own amazing Betty now," he says between giggles, smug look on his face.</p><p>"Don't you dare name it Betty. Be original. Are you all alone?"</p><p>Yunho's sitting alone in one of the aisles, apart from the party and the sound and the smelly bodies. And he is all alone.</p><p>"I want to drive my non-Betty. But because I got so excited, I took a drink to celebrate. Yeosang convinced me to drink tequila out of his navel. Now I can't drive my non-Betty. So Mingi put us two on different sides just so we don't get drunk again," Yunho laughs as he finishes. "Can you believe my boyfriend got me drunk and then my boyfriend had to take me away from my boyfriend just to make sure my boyfriend doesn't get us both drunker? I love having that many boyfriends that take care of me."</p><p>San smiles, taking a seat right next to him. He presses a hand into his leg and Yunho is fast on wrapping their fingers together. He loves Yunho, he doesn't want to let go either. </p><p>"What would you do if one of them died?" He asks in a mumble, biting his lip as Yunho pouts.</p><p>"One of my boyfriends?"</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>"It would be like losing a part of me," Yunho sighs.</p><p>"Would you leave? I mean, will you follow Seonghwa's words? Will you remain <em> cold </em>?"</p><p>"No," Yunho's sure of his words. When he tilts his head to look at San, he is smiling. "I love Hwa, I really do. But I've never shared that kind of way of thinking. Maybe it's because I'm the only one that was actually born here. My parents are like me, I was raised to be like them. I wasn't born to drown," he widens his smile. "All of you are drowning because you don't know how to swim."</p><p>"What will you do?" San insists. </p><p>"I won't be cold to start with," Yunho frowns. "I will cry, and I will fight, and I will mourn. Maybe I go crazy and blame someone for it. But I won't leave the people I love to die alone, even if Hwa says they won't be lonely. I won't drown," Yunho remarks, "so I'll stay. If they die, if you die. I would love it if you could do the same for me."</p><p>San squeezes his hand. </p><p>"Teach me how to swim."</p><p>Yunho chuckles. "Okay. Step one, forget everything Seonghwa told you. Step two, live and love deeply. The fact you don't know what's gonna happen tomorrow is still there, but if you don't restrain yourself it will be easy to swim later. And also, tell Wooyoung about <em> Neo. </em> He needs to know what you do at night, just in case you won't come home. He needs to be ready if he doesn't want to drown."</p><p>San snorts. "You know about <em> Neo. </em>"</p><p>"I know <em> everything </em>," Yunho remarks, resting his head on San's shoulder.</p><p>"You know everything," San mumbles to himself. "Can I ask for something?"</p><p>"Hmm," Yunho nods.</p><p>"A guy called Minhyung. Goes by Mark now. Has a tattoo of a rose on his neck. Related to a guy named Donghyuck that seems to go by Haechan, and also someone called Yuta," San blurts in a whisper even when he is sure no one would listen over the loud music. "He is someone from my past that shouldn't be here. Wooyoung told me Donghyuck said they are working together, but refused to say on what. And I'm pretty sure Mark took my phone while I went to the bathroom."</p><p>Yunho groans, raising his free hand.</p><p>"Okay, give me your phone. And write all that down so I can remember when my head's not burning."</p><p>"Thank you. Would you let Wooyoung know I'm at <em> Paradise Island? </em>"</p><p>Yunho snorts. "You need to start paying for my services."</p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>The party dies close to six in the morning, when everyone seems to fall asleep at the same time and the music stops playing, silence being the only thing roaring around him. It's such a scary sound, Wooyoung notices. </p><p>Even when they're already deep down in March, it's cold at night. Wooyoung has to rub his arms in search of warmth as he leaves the cabin and starts walking towards that place San took him on Valentine's day. The place where they kissed for the first time. Paradise Island. </p><p>It's been a month already.</p><p>Things have changed. He is the one that changed, maybe. He's not sure whether he likes that change or not because he can't recognize himself anymore when he looks in the mirror every morning, but he feels good. Deep down, ignoring all the problems, he feels good, because he is able to be himself. </p><p>After leaving San to go chat with Changbin, Jongho and the rest of the kids from <em> Stray Kids </em> , Wooyoung couldn't find him anywhere. He couldn't see either Seonghwa or Yeosang around, so he got scared San left for job. Texting him he just got a bunch of heart emojis and just a word: <em> Paradise. </em></p><p>He walks in silence, his mind showing the way like he just drew a map there. The place is hidden between the trees, not for everyone to find, yet he does it in a couple minutes. And San is sitting by the entry, cigarette on his hand. Wooyoung takes a deep breath. </p><p>"You only smoke when I'm around," Wooyoung greets, half running towards him and sitting down in search of some warmth. </p><p>San laughs, pressing their heads together. </p><p>"You're always around."</p><p>"It's that a bad thing?"</p><p>"No," San shakes his head, smoke coming out of his nose. Smelling like raspberries. "Not at all. I'm glad you got my message."</p><p>"Your use of heart emojis is concerning," Wooyoung says.</p><p>San laughs. "That was Yunho."</p><p>"I couldn't spot the difference," Wooyoung mocks, scrunching his nose just for San to lean in and feverishly kiss him.</p><p>"Let's go inside."</p><p>San stands up first, putting the cigarette down and immediately reaching a hand for Wooyoung to hold.</p><p>Inside, it's still cold.</p><p>Wooyoung can't help but get mesmerized by the big dancing mirrors again, looking at himself as he walks by. It's been so long since the last time he danced. Since the last time he wanted to dance.</p><p>San takes them to the couch, where he closes his eyes as soon as he lays down. Wooyoung looks away from the mirror to look at San's face, getting warm with just that. He sits on the arm rest of the couch, hands falling into San's head, fingers slowly threading on his hair. San opens his eyes, looking at him from beneath and through his long lashes.</p><p>"What?" He asks softly, a smile dancing on his lips. </p><p>Wooyoung smiles back, but he doesn't say a thing. He just keeps on caressing his hair, admiring him. The person he met three months ago when everything was crumbling. The person that saved him. His very first best friend, and <em> soulmate. </em></p><p>Maybe Donghyuck's words made a bigger impact on him than he thought earlier. Wooyoung's is 99% sure there's something wrong with those boys, that he shouldn't be trusting them. Yet, Donghyuck talking about how much he loves Mark made him realize something bigger. </p><p>"Nothing," Wooyoung shakes his head, breaking in a nervous laugh.</p><p>"Of course it's something," San says, one hand moving to Wooyoung's waist, getting inside his shirt and pressing his cold fingertips into the burning skin. Wooyoung trembles a little, staring into San's eyes, that suddenly look like the most beautiful starry sky he has ever seen. "Tell me."</p><p>Wooyoung shakes his head once again, fingers moving from his scalp to his cheeks, applying a soft pressure there. </p><p>"You're my best friend," Wooyoung whispers, eyes going down from San's to his nose, and pouty lips. "I never had a best friend before. It feels nice."</p><p>"Is this the friend zone?"</p><p>Both of them laugh softly, San's hand taking a slow pace alongside his back, sending shivers down his spine with every touch.</p><p>"You asked me to trust you. I trust you," Wooyoung affirms. "I trust you with every single cell of my being. I trusted you the night we met, and I've been trusting you since that moment. You're my best friend, the person who knows me best in the world, the person I trust the most."</p><p>San presses his lips in a thin line, bringing Wooyoung close. He falls from his spot and into San's chest, where he is fast surrounded by warm arms. </p><p>Wooyoung closes his eyes. He is able to listen to San's heartbeats and steady breathing like it's some sort of melody able to put him to sleep.</p><p>"I trust you, too," San speaks softly. "I'm sorry I was acting like that."</p><p>"You already apologised. I don't need more apologies. I don't think you should be saying sorry, actually."</p><p>"Still. We're best friends, we should talk more."</p><p>"We should," Wooyoung repeats, opening his eyes to look back into the mirror, where the image of them hugging hits him with the strength of a kick on the stomach. Wooyoung takes a deep breath. "My mother was involved with bikers. And my father knew. Something happened six years ago that led to my mom dying. That's why he is invested with bikers. I asked Seonghwa for help because he knew her."</p><p>Wooyoung feels his heart painfully racing, hitting his chest with such strength he is sure San's able to feel it perfectly on his skin. It's dangerous for him to know. Seonghwa told him, and he made his mind to try to protect San. </p><p>But he trusts San. And he needs to stop the fights and the awkwardness floating around them. Because Wooyoung wouldn't be able to survive like Donghyuck. He can't let his soulmate go.</p><p>"If you trust me," Wooyoung keeps going as San remains silent, "I need you to promise me you won't do a thing. You will let Seonghwa and Hongjoong do everything. Please."</p><p>San inhales and exhales deeply, one hand going up to press against Wooyoung's neck, taking him with such care it makes the boy's heart slow down.</p><p>"I work for a drug dealing gang. That's my secret job."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm really thinking of doing an spin off of markhyuck's life who's with me</p><p> my twitter: <a href="https://twitter.com/_blueaurora?s=09">青い</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. It Takes An Ocean Not To Break</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hello again!<br/>this chapter is overall sad so im so sorry I will hug everyone after this &lt;3 remember to have all the tags in mind to while reading !!!!!<br/>to everyone that keeps reading, I want to say thank you!! ilysm!! </p><p>chapter tittle <a href="https://youtu.be/lEt0YK1-eDo">inspiration</a> &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p> </p><p>Hot steam fills the room early in the morning of a normal Sunday. Wooyoung sits on the bathroom floor, spinning his mother's ring around his fingers, not actually paying attention to it neither the day of the month they're in. </p><p>San kept his promise to take care of his ring, so the only time he takes it off is when he showers. For the past week Wooyoung's been taking showers with him just to get close to that ring. The only thing his mother left behind for him.</p><p>The ring she never took off, not even while doing the dishes. And then, the day she died, she left it next to the sink. The sink that was filled with dirty dishes. The dishes she told Wooyoung to do, the reason they fought that morning. </p><p>Wooyoung never realized it. He was so mad at himself for <em> killing </em> his mother he never realized the fact she left the ring behind was weird. Until now. Now he knows it. She left it for something, he left it for Wooyoung to keep it. Him, and not his father.</p><p><em> There must be something, </em>he spends the whole day thinking, but at the eye it's nothing but a simple silver ring. Nothing weird. Nothing that gives him a clue about what happened that day.</p><p>His mother knew she wouldn't make it home at night. It breaks Wooyoung's heart to even think at that. That fighting was the last thing they did.</p><p>"You need to stop doing that," San yanks the curtain open, long hair falling all over his face. He squints at him through his bangs.</p><p>Wooyoung jolts in the spot, getting startled as he was just caught up daydreaming with no clothes at all and still all wet from the shower. He drops the ring, observing how it rolls over the floor until it stops beneath the sink. He clicks his tongue. </p><p>"I'm sorry," they say at the same time, Wooyoung is already crawling on the floor and getting a hand under the furniture. </p><p>"Let me do it," San says, stepping outside the tub and dropping onto the floor.</p><p>"San," Wooyoung nags, "you just got out of shower, you can't drop to the floor."</p><p>"Look who's talking. Also, my fingers are longer."</p><p>Wooyoung rolls his eyes, sitting on his own legs and letting the older stick his arm beneath the sink in search of the ring.</p><p>"Whatever."</p><p>San chuckles, moving back to his knees in a second, pulling the ring back into Wooyoung's palm. </p><p>"Don't get sulky," San leans in to kiss one of his cheeks. "And dress yourself, please. You're gonna catch a cold."</p><p>"This is what I shouldn't be doing?"</p><p>"Of course. I don't need a bodyguard, even if it's you. Naked."</p><p>Wooyoung scoffs. </p><p>"You love me naked."</p><p>"And I would love to not have your fluids all over my bed when you catch a cold because of that," San sighs, standing up. His fingers thread on Wooyoung's hair for a second, the scent of coconut from their shampoo filling the room. "Do me a favor and dry your hair."</p><p>"Yes, sir." </p><p>San moves to catch a towel, immediately putting it on Wooyoung's head. He helps him to stand out, drying his hair for him, which makes Wooyoung scoff.</p><p>"Thought you wanted me to dry it."</p><p>"Just making sure," San whispers, putting the towel away from his face to lean in and kiss his nose. "Now, go."</p><p>Wooyoung smiles, hands brushing San's naked arm before twisting on his heels and walking towards the bedroom. Once he is in there, he puts the ring on the table before drying himself up. Putting on his pants, he finds something he hadn't seen earlier. Maybe because of the light, or the fact he dropped it into the ground. </p><p>Right inside the ring, the material is starting to peel off. Frowning, he picks the ring again, observing it under the sunlight that breaks through the open curtains. There's a letter there. <em> F. </em> </p><p>Wooyoung doesn't have time to think about it as San is already entering the room, towel around his waist, hair falling all over his face. Wooyoung takes a deep breath, putting the ring into his pocket.</p><p>"You need a haircut," he says, smiling a little. </p><p>San moves his head up, looking at him through the hair. The smile is already curving his lips in a sincere smile.</p><p>"You too. Have you thought of going back to black hair?"</p><p>"I don't have the space to be thinking about that right now," Wooyoung says, placing a soft kiss on San's jaw before squeezing between his body and the wall and reaching the door. "I'm gonna go now."</p><p>"Finally picking up your clothes?" San turns around, eyes moving fast, almost like he doesn't feel comfortable with it.</p><p>Wooyoung smiles back.</p><p>"Maybe. I'll see you later. Lunch?"</p><p>"Okay," San nods, droplets of water falling everywhere. "Sure."</p><p>Wooyoung nods back, fingers drumming on the jam of the door.</p><p>"Cool. I love you."</p><p>"Love you, too."</p><p>Wooyoung goes out before he spills everything right there. Just one week ago, when they were sitting on the couch, they promised to act like nothing happened for the sake of their own safety. Meaning San would know nothing about his mother, and neither would Wooyoung know about the drug dealing thing. They both think it's for the best that way, even when it's becoming hard for Wooyoung to keep his mouth closed now that San knows. Not to speak about the fact he can't help but die a little every time San's phone chimes.</p><p>He shakes his head as he goes down the stairs, finding Jongho, Mingi and Yeosang having breakfast in the kitchen.</p><p>"Are you going to see Yunho today?" He asks towards Yeosang, switching to Mingi right after.</p><p>"We are," Yeosang says. </p><p>"Great. Can I go with you?"</p><p>Mingi chokes a little on his cereal, needing the kind hands of Jongho rubbing his back after spilling milk and mashed cereal all over the surface of the table. Yeosang, on the other side, just chuckles and covers his mouth with both hands.</p><p>"I like you, Wooyoung," he admits, half laughing. "You're a good kid, hot as hell and with very beautiful legs," Wooyoung tilts his head, frowning in confusion. "But I don't like you that way."</p><p>"What are you talking about?" Wooyoung gasps. "I want to see Hongjoong, I just need a ride."</p><p>"Oh," Yeosang laughs again. </p><p>"What were you two thinking?" Jongho laughs louder, strongly patting Mingi's back. </p><p>The boy just shakes his head, a lot of unspoken thoughts rumbling behind his eyes. Wooyoung decides to imitate him and just breathe out, smile curving his lips in a dainty way. It's still a little terrifying how well he fits in that kitchen, around those lost boys. Just like it was always meant to be that way. </p><p>Wooyoung brushes his teeth as they finish breakfast and when the clock hits 11 A.M. Wooyoung jumps on the back of Yeosang's bike. </p><p>Hongjoong is sharing pancakes with Seonghwa in one corner of Streetlights by the time they arrive.</p><p>"Hey," Seonghwa greets, eyes smiling as Wooyoung takes a seat next to him. "Good morning."</p><p>"Morning," Wooyoung breathes, immediately pulling the right off his pocket and looking over his shoulder to make sure neither Yeosang, Mingi or Yunho are looking towards them. He spins the ring between his thumb and index before placing it in front of Hongjoong's sight. The oldest rises a brow. "This is my mom's ring. I'm not good at realizing things, but I'm sure she started wearing it around ten years ago. It's the only thing she left for me, and I've been thinking about it for a long time now. She never took it off until that day and…" Wooyoung sighs. "And I think there's something written there."</p><p>Hongjoong cleans the corner of his mouth before picking the ring and observing it under the light, one eye closed. At the same time, Seonghwa starts rubbing a hand at his back.</p><p>"Hmm, I can't quite see what it is," Hongjoong mumbles, narrowing his eyes. "Can I peel it off?"</p><p>Wooyoung just nods. He didn't do it because San just entered the room. But he wants to know. </p><p>Hongjoong tilts his head, sucking a breath. "<em> Fever </em>?" He frowns. </p><p>Seonghwa stops moving his hand, focusing on the boy.</p><p>"What does that mean?" Seonghwa and Wooyoung ask at the same time. Hongjoong is still busy moving the ring in the air.</p><p>"I'm not sure. Maybe Yunho–"</p><p>"No." Wooyoung interrupts, reaching out for his hand, keeping it down. "We agreed to keep this to ourselves."</p><p>Of course, Wooyoung doesn't mention the fact he told San, as well as he doesn't look at Seonghwa with bad eyes for what they do behind their backs. </p><p>"Okay," Hongjoong slowly agrees. "I'll tell you if I find something. It will be helpful if I can keep it," he says, pointing at the ring with a subtle head movement. </p><p>Wooyoung swells his chest with a big mouthful of air. He nods, hoping San isn't going crazy thinking he lost his ring. Wooyoung bites his tongue, maybe he just needs to text him and tell him he has it. </p><p>"Breakfast?" Seonghwa pulls him back into reality, faking a smile. Wooyoung declines it with a soft one.</p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>San can't help but look down at his hand every five seconds, wondering where he put the ring. He remembers taking it off before getting into the bathtub, and then picking it from under the sink, putting it on Wooyoung's palm then, so for the best the boy has it with him. Yet there's this tiny voice screaming at the back of his head, telling him that he lost not only Wooyoung's ring, the one that belonged to his mother, but also his trust. And that's making him all shaky and distracted. Enough for not even noticing the man standing in front of him.</p><p>"Am I boring you, Choi San?" The boy asks, and even when his voice is as soft as clouds and filled with mockery, San can't help but tense his shoulders and feel his stomach shrink. The gray haired boy that stands in front of him looks like an angel, but so was Lucifer and that makes San shiver.</p><p>"I'm sorry," he shakes his head, hiding his hand in the pocket of his jacket. "Rough month."</p><p>"That's why I like Yeosang better," the boy dramatically sighs, winking the next second. "It's a joke. You're my favorite biker, San."</p><p>"You are also my favorite, Jungwoo," San admits, and he is not lying at all. Out of all of the people he has met while working for Seonghwa, Jungwoo is the least intimidating even when he is <em> super </em>intimidating. He smiles and speaks cheerfully, almost like they're not exchanging drugs and money at all. He could kill him in the blink of an eye, yeah, but contrary to his coworkers, he doesn't show it. He is just a boy in an alley. </p><p>Jungwoo smiles, content.</p><p>"So, as I was telling you," he starts all over again, putting his hands together, and San does his best to remain focused this time, even when it's always the same. Protect the drug, don't do anything dangerous, make sure the client gives the exact money, and come back. He is already used to it. He's done it a million times over the course of three years. </p><p>"Got it?" Jungwoo winks at him. </p><p>San nods. "Got it. Nothing new I need to know?"</p><p>"Nothing. I even think this is the easiest job you'll ever do. Boss is going easy on you."</p><p>San narrows his eyes, stopping mid air and pulling the helmet back into his chest.</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>"Seonghwa asked for it," Jungwoo shrugs, taking both hands to the back of his head. "Isn't it nice?"</p><p>San has to bite his tongue to not curse. He puts on his helmet, giving Jungwoo one of his deceiving smiles as an answer. Turning on the engine, he chews on those words. The only reason he can come with for Seonghwa to be asking for that is that <em> someone </em> told Seonghwa to do it. And that someone must be no other but Wooyoung. Because San told him.</p><p>San told Wooyoung out of fear. Fear of losing him. Fear of not trusting him enough. But he didn't want to. Telling Wooyoung was stupid, and dangerous, for both of them. </p><p>San can't stop doing this now.</p><p>Shaking his head, he decides to pull those thoughts out of his mind and run his <em> errands </em>like he always does. Because he is good at it, that's why Seonghwa trusted him.</p><p>Just as Jungwoo said, it's easy. A place far from the city, an old man that doesn't even exit the house to greet him. Instead, he sends one of his butlers with a brown envelope. It takes him one hour to get back to the alley Jungwoo welcomed him. Easy. </p><p>By lunch, he is free to go back home and share some ramen with Wooyoung. But, as he turns the engine off and takes his helmet, he finds a missed call from Yunho. It's been a week since his birthday party.</p><p>"<em> San </em> ," Yunho sighs as soon as San dials his number. " <em> Where the hell have you been? </em>"</p><p>"Working," San bites the inside of his cheek, tasting the nervousness in Yunho's voice. He tries to speak slowly and clear to not make him more nervous. "What happened?"</p><p>"<em> The thing you asked for. Mark </em> ," he starts, puffing air. San remains quiet, standing in front of the front door, fingers tightly pressed around the phone. Hoping there's nothing bad. Yunho sighs. " <em> Okay, so, this is so messed up  man. </em>" </p><p>San gulps, moving back from the door. "What did you find?"</p><p>Yunho sighs before speaking. </p><p>"<em> His name is Lee Minhyung, but he goes by Mark Lee. He works for Neo. He is like a hitman or something, there's so little info about him I'm both mad and scared I put my nose where I shouldn't, but he is not on the drugs businesses, that I can tell. He is part of some shit called dream with other six dudes, one of them is that Haechan kid. They're like Neo's own hitman squad. It's crazy!" </em></p><p>San's breathing stops, hot air tangled on his ribs, unable to move enough to pull it off his chest. He doesn't even realize how his body starts shaking, or how his heart starts racing, screaming for air. He is just visualizing Mark. And Haechan, getting close to Wooyoung. And Neo, the ones they work for. The biggest drug gang of the city. The most dangerous of them all. </p><p>"<em> San? Are you there? </em>"</p><p>"I need to go," San's voice sounds hoarse now. Lump on his throat ripping skin and digging a hole on his vocal cords.</p><p>"<em> No, wait! What's your deal with them? They're dangerous! </em>"</p><p>"None. Just happened to hear their names while working and I was curious," San whispers, thankful that he didn't write that many details on Yunho's phone. "Thanks."</p><p><em> "Uh huh. Are you sure? Because there was a locator in your old phone. I destroyed it but still... </em>"</p><p>San's stomach drops to his feet. </p><p>"I need to go."</p><p>"<em> San–" </em></p><p>San hangs off before Yunho has a chance to say something. It's then when the air makes its way outside, burning everything in the way out. San can't help the tears that start kissing his cheeks, hand covering his mouth in case his voice is too loud, even when he has no voice at all.</p><p>It's the first time he is as scared as he is right now. And it's not his own life what worries him. </p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>San's hands are still shaking when he opens the door of his room. Standing in the middle of a lot of carton boxes, Wooyoung gives him a preoccupied look. </p><p>"Hey," he mutters, hands pressed to his stomach. "I thought it was time," he explains briefly, moving one hand around the boxes, without the need of words to explain what's happening. "Jongho helped me out."</p><p>San gulps, trying to brush any panic away from his face. Wooyoung is scared of <em> everything. </em> And San knows the boy is doing the most to stay there and not run away, even when it's not safe. He can't just tell him what Yunho told him. Because no one wants to know they might die soon.</p><p>"Your clothes?" He asks in a muffled voice, getting a step closer. </p><p>"Yeah," Wooyoung breathes, frowning softly. "Are you okay?"</p><p>The only thing San can do is move forwards, pulling the boy into his arms in a tight hug. He is not okay. Wooyoung hugs him tightly, rubbing his hands all over his back.</p><p>"San," he mutters. </p><p>"I'm fine. I just," he takes a deep breath, sinking his face in the crook of Wooyoung's neck, smelling the soap from the morning shower still on his skin. Somehow, Wooyoung smells like <em> home. </em> "I think I lost your ring. I can't find it anywhere. I'm sorry."</p><p>"Oh," Wooyoung's body relaxes in a second, fingers moving up to San's face, holding him close but moving aside to get a glimpse of his eyes. "I'm sorry. I took it with me today."</p><p>"Is that so?"</p><p>"Yeah," Wooyoung nods, leaning forwards, lips meeting feverishly. San closes his eyes tightly. "Want to have lunch? To celebrate?"</p><p>San can't help but giggle along with him, lips vibrating together. </p><p>"That you finally decided to move in with me?"</p><p>"That I won't be stealing your clothes anymore."</p><p>San puts on a sad face.</p><p>"I liked it, though. You wearing my clothes."</p><p>Wooyoung kisses him again, this time deeply, and sadly, if San has to put words to what he is feeling. Wooyoung is dazzling with happiness, yet San can only feel a tear on his heart. </p><p>His brain is working at full speed, taking different ways, analysing whatever situation he has in front of his eyes. And even when there's a lot of dead ends, he knows Mark is here for him. Not for Wooyoung. But, somehow, San pulled Wooyoung into it. As his boyfriend, as the person he loves the most in the world. His only weakness. </p><p>San doesn't know the reason why, but he does know that if they want to hurt him, taking Wooyoung away would be the easiest, most painful way.</p><p>"So," Wooyoung breathes all over his face, and San tries to hold tight onto this moment, "lunch?"</p><p>San gulps. "Wanna cuddle first?"</p><p>"Okay. Ten minutes."</p><p>They move slowly, lying in bed facing each other until San can't take it anymore and hides his own face on Wooyoung's chest. There he can feel his heartbeats way before he gets a chance to hear them. Closing his eyes, he just goes to <em> Paradise. </em> That place he always stood alone, but also the place where he knows he is safe, because all the bad things are the things that led him there. There's no more bad things, just the beach, the waves, the air tangling on his hair. And Wooyoung. </p><p>San didn't know it immediately. The night he met Wooyoung, he thought of him as an extraordinary human being, but he never thought of him as the person that would be standing at the beach with him. </p><p>San also doesn't know how they got there. How he found a missing part of his own soul on Wooyoung. Something he decided to take rid of years ago, coming back at him like a boomerang. But he knows he wants to stay there with him.</p><p>At some point, he falls asleep because the edges of his vision field start becoming blurry and he can actually feel the water getting in between his toes. The sound is loud but not clear, and there's a heavy weight on his chest that just indicates him that he must be dreaming. Not lucid dreaming, just dreaming.</p><p>Wooyoung is standing next to him, wearing all white but black hair. San can't get a glimpse of himself.</p><p>"Dark hair suits you," is the first thing that goes out of his mouth, sounding so far it's not possible for Wooyoung to hear it—if it wasn't for the fact he is not real but a fragment of his imagination. Wooyoung turns to look at him with a big smile.</p><p>"Thank you," he whispers. </p><p>They stand there, listening to the ocean, holding hands, not saying a thing. That weight on San's chest gets heavier with every wave that crashes between their toes. </p><p>Aside from the ocean, San gets a murmur of voices. Laughing. Happiness. Yet he can't move his head around and look for the source. He can only watch the ocean and Wooyoung. His fantasy always ends there. In front of the ocean. He never took his time to think what would happen after that, just like the ending of a book. </p><p>Everything ends when you get to the good part. Because, who wants to go through the boring happily ever after? </p><p>It sort of calms San's heart. He knows the ocean means the good ending. That after the ocean, his life would be so happy and <em> problem-less </em> that no one would get interested in reading it. That it will be good.</p><p>Yet, how long until they reach the beach?</p><p>Would the beach be an actual place? Or just the end?</p><p>"Are you scared of dying?" San breathes, air waving his hair strongly. </p><p>"Yeah," Wooyoung's voice doesn't break. "Aren't you?"</p><p>"I am. I'm so scared. I don't know what to do."</p><p>Wooyoung turns to his side, slowly. He reaches out his free hand to catch both of San's hands. Press them together, thumbs circling all over his skin. Wooyoung's eyes have waves crashing on them.</p><p>"It's because of Minhyung," Wooyoung affirms.</p><p>San just nods because it's a dream, and he can't control it. Maybe this is the place where he can be 100% sincere with Wooyoung without hurting him.</p><p>"Are you scared he kills you?"</p><p>San gulps.</p><p>"I'm scared he <em> kills you </em>," he admits in a shaky voice, feeling a little breathless as Wooyoung's expression doesn't change at all. "If you die, I die."</p><p>Wooyoung chuckles.</p><p>"Funny. A few weeks ago you told me that my life was only mine, and now your life is also mine?"</p><p>San stands still for a second, trying to find Wooyoung's brown eyes in between the ocean he is turning in.</p><p>"You're the only person that has me wanting to stop living like this," San takes a deep breath, chest weighing him down, feet sinking on the sand. "Reckless. Alone. You make me feel alive, you make me better. It's you, you opened my eyes. And I don't think I'll be able to face this ocean alone ever again."</p><p>Wooyoung remains silent, watching him sink deeper and deeper, turning into the ocean that covers the sand. </p><p>"It's your fault I'm going to die," Wooyoung's voice sounds even when San's deep in the ocean, surrounded by darkness. "You brought me here. It's your fault."</p><p>When he opens his eyes, his ceiling welcomes him through tears. That weight on his chest ends up being Wooyoung, curling on top of him like a koala, slightly drooling over the exposed skin of his shoulder. </p><p>San gulps and closes his eyes again, doing the most to keep his breathing down just so he doesn't wake up the other. It was a dream. It was just a dream.</p><p>Not real, even when it felt like dying. </p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>The arrival of April brings warmth and a heavy smell of flowers. It takes Wooyoung so little to find out Seonghwa and Jongho like gardening and that every year, after spring decides to wrap its warm arms around the house, they spend a few hours a day talking to the flowers they previously planted.</p><p>Wooyoung finds himself sitting in between them on the warm morning of Seonghwa's twenty-three birthday. </p><p>The sky is clear, no clouds in sight. So blue it doesn't seem real at all. </p><p>"Want to try to sing to my Lily here?" Jongho asks, proudly pointing at his very beautiful patch of white daisies. </p><p>"Those are daisies."</p><p>"I know that," Jongho clicks his tongue. "That's just the name. Lily."</p><p>"You put a name to your flowers?" Wooyoung asks, raising a brow a little surprised. </p><p>Jongho's reaction is to pout at him.</p><p>"You have to bond with flowers, dude," Jongho looks down, fingertips brushing the petals. "Flowers are like people. Really introverted people. They don't say a lot," the boy sighs, a smile curving his lips. "But they have a lot to say, you know? You just need to speak up for them or else they decide they don't want to vibe with the soil and just die."</p><p>The three of them laugh—even when Seonghwa has been so focused on his peonies Wooyoung thought he wasn't paying attention at all.</p><p>"To do that you need to bond with the flowers, so they finally have a chance to be happy too. So," Jongho sighs, both hands over his knees, "this is Lily. And this over here is Margaret. And this one, this one is Oliver. Oliver likes trot songs, right?" He looks at Seonghwa with a funny grin, whose cheeks get painted in a soft shade of red.</p><p>The boy remains looking ahead.</p><p>"Oliver asks for too much."</p><p>"C'mon! He likes you!"</p><p>They laugh again, and Wooyoung feels just like the flowers in front of him. He feels listened to, and he feels like he is able to say everything he had never the chance to. </p><p>Jongho sighing again is what brings him back, a single flower laying in the cup of his hands. Still looking beautiful, but not attached to the rest anymore. For the way Jongho scrunches his nose, Wooyoung gets how deep the bond must be.</p><p>"This is Sky, a rebel. Or a free soul. It didn't end well, though, but the same goes with people sometimes. I admire the free souls, they're strong," Jongho smiles, moving to place the flower right behind Wooyoung's ear. "Sky would be happy to be with you."</p><p>Wooyoung bites the inside of his cheek. "Because I'm a free soul."</p><p>"Because you'll give its life meaning," Jongho smirks, fingers pressing the soil together. </p><p>"If your life has meaning, that means you lived it well," Seonghwa adds in a quiet voice. "The ending stops being scary."</p><p>Wooyoung nods to himself. He told him that. Everyone in the house lives up to <em> that. </em> Even San. If things get dangerous, they need to move on as soon as possible. </p><p>Yet, Wooyoung isn't sure if he'll be able to live like that, even when his life already got its meaning. To not feel scared at the end of all the things, he isn't sure he will be able to reach those expectations.</p><p>"Hey, flower boys," Yeosang's voice flows around them after a couple minutes. "Mingi won San at wrestling for like, the first time? I'm amazed, so I'm taking all of you to eat chicken."</p><p>Seonghwa snorts. "I just hope this isn't a surprise party, Yeosang."</p><p>"You wish," Yeosang chuckles. "I'm really amazed my boyfriend could beat Wooyoung's," he then points at Wooyoung, "you're making him soft."</p><p>Wooyoung rolls his eyes. "I like him soft."</p><p>"I know it hurts to be second place," Yeosang laughs out loud, running back to the inside of the house without even stopping to listen.</p><p>"Let's get ready," Seonghwa sighs, cleaning the dirt on his hands over his pants. "To my birthday party."</p><p>"There's no party," Jongho clears his throat, standing up on his feet. "Shouldn't you be worried about them wrestling inside the house? Next to that Japanese vase Hongjoong got you? Shouldn't <em> you </em> be worried San has gone soft?" He adds pointing at Wooyoung. </p><p>"There's a party," Wooyoung sighs, walking right next to Seonghwa. </p><p>"I know. Mingi messed up with the invitations again."</p><p>"No, he didn't. Yunho was in charge this time," Wooyoung smiles. "You just love your family."</p><p>Seonghwa smiles back, avoiding his gaze as they reach the back door.</p><p>"I guess I do."</p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>They eat <em> tteokbokki </em> at Seonghwa's favorite place, just to head out to <em> Paradise, </em>where Wooyoung finds himself in front of a schedule he wasn't informed about.</p><p>"You hide it from me," he gulps.</p><p>"It was a surprise," San presses both hands onto his shoulders, trying to make him feel calmer. It just makes Wooyoung's entire body tremble.</p><p>"I hate needles," he mutters.</p><p>"I love learning new things about you," San applies more pressure, finally pressing his cheek into Wooyoung's head. "It doesn't hurt that much."</p><p>"Still hating needles."</p><p>A tattoo station. That's what Yunho and Hongjoong prepared. Because Seonghwa loves tattoos and Hongjoong seems to be some sort of genius that can do everything art related. He is giving free tattoos just like they do in baby showers with decorating onesies. </p><p>Wooyoung doesn't know how to feel about it.</p><p>"I'll be holding your hand the entire time," San reassures, kissing his ear. "Come on."</p><p>Wooyoung closes his eyes, taking a deep breath. </p><p>"Okay, what's with you?" He asks, squinting. </p><p>San frowns. "What?"</p><p>"What's with you?" Wooyoung repeats, moving one step aside to cross his arms. "You've been acting weird. Like," he stops to think, going through the last few days like they were a movie playing clearly at the back of his head, "foggy."</p><p>San can't help but snort.</p><p>"Foggy?"</p><p>Maybe Wooyoung should've come with something less confusing. </p><p>"I don't know. It's just like you are here but your mind isn't here. Last night," he sighs, "what was I talking about?"</p><p>San presses his lips in a thin line, not saying a thing, and it doesn't bother Wooyoung at all because as he was talking, he was looking straight into San's eyes. The same eyes he fell in love with, but lacking that special softness. They were lost.</p><p>"I'm thinking of dropping out of college," Wooyoung reminds, ignoring the way San's face gets covered in an expression of surprise. "I haven't been me for the past months– I think I haven't been me for the past twenty-one years. And finally, I know who I am. I'm even starting to know who my mom really was. So don't get all sulky. Architecture was never my thing."</p><p>"Oh."</p><p>"But this is what I mean. You've been off since… <em> that day. </em> And now you want us to have matching tattoos, and you won't let go of that idea. Just tell me what's with you."</p><p>San swells his chest with air, crossing his arms as well and looking down at his shoes. They're standing next to Hongjoong's book, the one filled with designs, no one around to hear them as they all have already figured what they want. Everyone but them.</p><p>"I want us to have a matching tattoo," San blurts, shrugging. "Not a couple tattoo. Just a tattoo the two of us have."</p><p>"Why? Why don't you do that with Yunho?"</p><p>"Because if I die, I want you to have at least a piece of me," San blurts, immediately biting his lower lip. It's too late, though.</p><p>Wooyoung frowns, air stuck on his lungs for a second. He loses his voice, or more like he just loses all the things he had to say. Mind blank, heart pacing faster. San stands in front of him, playing with his fingers, just like he knows something. </p><p>"Wha–" Wooyoung needs to take a deep breath. "I don't understand."</p><p>"You changed my life, Woo. I just want to make sure you know it. That you gave my life meaning."</p><p>"Oh, crap," Wooyoung whimpers, covering his face with both hands. "You don't get to die."</p><p>"Hmm?"</p><p>"You don't get to die," he repeats, removing the hands to frown at him. Trying hard to keep the lump on his throat under control. "Are you listening? I'll do this, but you don't get to die. Because if you die, then I'll have a piece of you with me, but I won't have you. And I don't want a piece of you. I want the whole you. So you don't get to die."</p><p>San smiles sweetly, maybe with a smidgen of sadness covering the glow of his eyes, pulling him into a tight hug. He kisses his cheeks, that are suddenly wet with the tears he couldn't keep inside.</p><p>"Okay. Thank you."</p><p>"You don't get to die," Wooyoung repeats, hands taking a grip of the fabric of San's hoodie as he hugs him back. </p><p>"I know," San's voice is so soft, almost like he is a father sweet talking to his child. He kisses his forehead, fingers brushing the tears away. "I know." </p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>One hour later, Wooyoung sits in front of Hongjoong while holding so tight into San's hands he is sure he will give the boy some nasty bruises. Hongjoong works slowly, almost as if he is enjoying the way San keeps clicking his tongue and cracking his neck and softly patting Wooyoung's knuckles. </p><p>They decided on having matching daisies on their wrists. Mostly, it was Wooyoung's idea. Because he hates needles and San is sort of implying that he could be dying, so if he is going around with a <em> San tattoo </em>, he gets to choose. But if he goes over his steps, it was Jongho's idea. And sky. And the whole giving life meaning thing.</p><p>It's small and it doesn't hurt as much as he thinks but there's an ocean roaring inside of Wooyoung's chest. Because he is not only afraid of needles now, he is also afraid of San dying. After months knowing it could happen. He never considered it a thing he should worry about at the moment. Or maybe he did, when his father stepped in the game.</p><p>But San didn't. San never worried, and that kept Wooyoung sane. Right now he is a mess and San seems to be a bigger one.</p><p>"Okay," Hongjoong whispers, stopping for a second to press the paper towel into Wooyoung's skin. "This is a beautiful daisy. If you're into abstract," the boy smirks, softly putting the ink away. "Stop shaking."</p><p>"I like abstract," Wooyoung replies through gritted jaws. </p><p>"Okay," Hongjoong repeats, laughing softly. "San, why don't you bring Wooyoung a piece of cake?"</p><p>"I promised him I'd hold his hand," San awkwardly smiles, stretching his fingers the best he can.</p><p>Hongjoong snorts.</p><p>"He will be okay, right?" Hongjoong has been looking at his wrist for the past ten minutes, so when he looks up Wooyoung doesn't miss the knowing look he shoots him. </p><p>"One minute," Wooyoung sighs. "It'll be okay. I want to taste the cake before Mingi eats it all."</p><p>San looks at him, just to nod in silence and pull his hand out. Wooyoung doesn't miss the way he whimpers in silence once his fingers get the enough blood flow. Looking at his own hand, Wooyoung finds his fingers a little bit numb. </p><p>Hongjoong goes back to work just after he slides his mother's ring over the table and into his free hand.</p><p>"I have one minute so listen," he starts, totally looking like making small talk to the eyes of everyone sitting on the couch and observing them from afar, silently waiting for their turns. "<em> Fever </em> was a bike gang. A famous one. They weren't like us, they were a little more reckless. Illegal racing on the actual city, going against cops. Not doing any harm but not being nice either, you know? The members didn't go by name, but by numbers. The ring belonged to number eight. There's no actual record of number eight, but everyone that heard about that name says it was a woman," Hongjoong looks up, staring at him through his lashes. Wooyoung remains still, nodding as a signal that he can keep going. "The gang was eliminated years ago. They disappeared without leaving a trace. No one knows what happened."</p><p>Wooyoung gulps, hand closing around the ring.</p><p>"Do you think my mother was part of that gang?" He mutters.</p><p>"I don't know," Hongjoong breathes, pressing the needle against his skin. "Could it be her, a friend, a lover…" Hongjoong looks at him again, making Wooyoung choke on his own saliva. </p><p>Looking over his shoulder, he catches a glimpse of San talking with Yunho, cake on the table. Wooyoung looks at Hongjoong again.</p><p>"Are you implying my mom had an affair?"</p><p>Hongjoong chuckles. "I don't know, it's just me throwing possibilities. Your mom was involved with that gang, in a <em> good </em> way, not in the cop way. But I can't go further, because everything died with the gang." </p><p>"Okay," Wooyoung closes his eyes, trying to get everything clear.</p><p>His mother was a cop. One of the only ones that didn't hold a grudge against bikers. His mother could've had something to do with a <em> rebellious </em>gang. And also, that rebellious gang could have something to do with her death and the reason his father is going so hard on bikers since then.</p><p>It's a lot to think about. </p><p>"Done," Hongjoong says, finally finishing his work. A small, cute and a little wiggly daisy welcoming him there. "We will do everything that's on our hands to protect you, you know? Both of you. Actually, I want to protect all of you. Even Seonghwa. But right now, I guess you're a priority."</p><p>"You don't like Seonghwa's job, don't you?" Wooyoung chews on his lower lip, observing how Hongjoong starts cleaning up the space. </p><p>"I hate it. I'm just a mechanic," he laughs. "My dream job? Composing music. Music is the love of my life."</p><p>Wooyoung frowns a little, moving his wrist around to see if a different angle makes the tattoo look less swollen. </p><p>"Then why aren't you composing music?" Wooyoung mumbles, putting aside the fact he doesn't get the sudden change of topic.</p><p>"Because," Hongjoong starts slowly, eyes down on the needles and ink, "Seonghwa is the love of my <em> lives. </em> I love music here, right now, but I've loved Seonghwa for as long as my soul existed," Hongjoong chuckles. "Reincarnation, I know. Not everyone believes in that. I'm not sure it's real, but I do know I've loved Seonghwa forever. And I love music now, but I won't love music after this life. I will love Seonghwa. And if he is in trouble, I stick to him. Even if I hate it, I love it because I love him."</p><p>Wooyoung takes a deep breath, bones feeling like jelly.</p><p>"How do you do it?" He breathes. "How do you handle the fear?"</p><p>"I don't. I'm terrified," Hongjoong admits, visibly gulping. "Every time I hug him, I think it's the last time I'm gonna hold him between my arms. Every time we fight, I think those are the last words we will ever hear from the other. Every time he gets on his bike, God, I think it'll be the last I've seen of him. So I just hug tightly, I apologise right away, I make sure to look into his eyes. I also tell him to run away, but he says you can't run away from danger. So," Hongjoong sighs, "I'm afraid as hell. But I love him, I got there myself."</p><p>"Shouldn't love be anything but terrifying?"</p><p>"Ha," Hongjoong shakes his head, resting his chin over his hands. "You're thinking I deserve to be happy. If fear wins, if I run away from fear, then I'll never be happy. You can't run away from fear, and I don't want to be scared <em> and </em> alone. Also," he points at Wooyoung's back, where San is still standing, "you're doing the same. You're scared, but you're safe. It takes time to understand. Now, I'm gonna go get some cake myself."</p><p>Hongjoong stands up and takes his gloves off before moving to the table. As Wooyoung looks at him, he can't help but feel jealous. Of the fact he didn't cry. The fact he didn't seem like struggling with a lump on his throat. The fact Hongjoong is just one year older, but he is way much stronger. Both of them are, Hongjoong and Seonghwa. </p><p>San and him, on the other hand, are still on training wheels. Wounds so fresh. Fear in their blood. </p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>"You've been ignoring me!" Yunho bemoans first as San gets close to the table where the cake lays. "Not nice. You're my best friend."</p><p>"I'm sorry," San sighs. "Rough day."</p><p>"You've been ignoring me for a week."</p><p>San closes his eyes. "Rough week," he corrects.</p><p>Yunho leaves his own plate of cake on the table to get closer, making their voices for them only. </p><p>"It's because of what I told you? About the hitman squad?" San's entire spine trembles with just the sound of those words. "Not going to lie to you, I'm a little worried. Your phone–"</p><p>"It's okay, Yunho," San lies, cutting one piece of cake for Wooyoung. "There's nothing to be worried about. Neo has us tracked, all of us. Work thing."</p><p>"Yeah, but the hitman squad–"</p><p>"Stop saying it."</p><p>"Okay, the <em> dream squad </em> , which it kinda bothers me because they should be called <em> nightmare squad </em> instead but anyway. What if they are keeping an eye on you for something else?"</p><p>
  <em> Of course they are. </em>
</p><p>There's no other reason for them to be there. They even used Minhyung, out of all of them, they used him because San knew him. Because even when it would be suspicious, it would let them in. San let them in, let them get near Wooyoung. </p><p>"It must be just a procedure. Don't worry."</p><p>"Then why did you ask me to search up for them?" Yunho sounds serious, and when San looks up, he realizes he looks serious as well.</p><p>San shakes his head.</p><p>"Just wanted to be sure. Nothing more. Thank you." </p><p>Just as he twists on his heels to head towards Wooyoung's direction—now alone, Hongjoong nowhere to be seen—he is stopped by Seonghwa's hands. The boy puts an arm over his shoulders, guiding him towards the other direction. </p><p>"What?" San groans.</p><p>"Taeyong called. I need to go to the city for a meeting. Can you cover me up?"</p><p>San scowls, pushing the fear down his throat. If there's one thing San is perfect at, is pretend. Not that he has to, but he learned to. Just in case. So he doesn't shake, his voice doesn't break, and instead of scared he just looks confused. </p><p>"Are you asking me to make sure nobody knows you're gone? Of your own birthday party?"</p><p>"Don't worry. They're too busy getting tattoos like those five years old who just found out about fake tattoos," Seonghwa pats his shoulder. "It'll be easy, but I trust you. To stay here. Make sure no one leaves."</p><p>"Stay here," San breathes. </p><p>Panic glows in Seonghwa's eyes.</p><p>"Don't move," he mutters, then he starts walking towards the door. "I'll be back soon."</p><p>San has to bite his tongue. He hopes he isn't getting in trouble because of him.</p><p>"Where is Seonghwa going?" Wooyoung asks, suddenly appearing next to him. </p><p>"Ah, hmm. Just pretend you didn't see that," San scrunches his nose, raising up the plate. "Look, I got your cake. How about your tattoo?"</p><p>Wooyoung raises his arm with a chuckle.</p><p>"I got a wavy daisy."</p><p>"Very beautiful," San leans in, softly pressing a kiss into his skin. "Now, come on. I think Yeosang is getting a dinosaur on the chest."</p><p>"Actually," Wooyoung stops him, fingers grabbing the sleeve of his hoodie. "I want to tell you something. About my mom. I know we agreed on not talking about it, and I respect you don't talking. It would mess me up knowing you're in danger, I mean, you already saw me freaking out because of it. But…" Wooyoung takes a deep breath, San gets a step closer. "I think telling you will help. With the fear."</p><p>"What fear?" San breathes.</p><p>"I just–" Wooyoung shakes his head, not quite sure of his own words. "I need to tell you. I'm–"</p><p>"Selfish," San finishes, a soft expression taking over his face.</p><p>Wooyoung can't help but melt in front of him.</p><p>"I was going to say I'm your best friend," San can't help but giggle at that, remembering that one conversation they had during Yunho's birthday. He really is. Wooyoung is his best friend. "Best friends don't have secrets."</p><p>"I know."</p><p>"I don't want to know about the drug, though. I mean, I prefer if you lie to me, tell me you're going for cake every time you have to go… work."</p><p>San nods.</p><p>"I'll get you lots of cake."</p><p>"But you can tell me about your day. This whole thing of pretending we didn't say a thing is not good for us, and I think I'm very close to know what happened with my mom. And you're also the love of my life, you need to know."</p><p>"I need to know," San mutters, leaning in to kiss one of Wooyoung's cheeks. "This won't put me in danger, right?"</p><p>Wooyoung hits him in the arm, half scowling. </p><p>"Don't make me change my mind." </p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>Looking at his healed tattoo makes Wooyoung feel a little sad. Not only because his looks way uglier than the perfect daisy on San's wrist, but also because it's like carrying San's own memory with him. And that's heavy, and sad, even when San is curled around his legs reading manga.</p><p>Like they're just a normal college couple. </p><p>Sometimes Wooyoung likes to close his eyes and pretend they are. Just normal, boring, domestic people.</p><p>"I need to go back to my house," Wooyoung says one lazy afternoon, both of them laying on bed as another episode of Gravity Falls plays on the laptop. "I mean, my father's house."</p><p>"If you bring more clothes, we will need to go back to IKEA," San jokes. </p><p>"I want to go through my mom's stuff. They're at the attic. I doubt my father would keep bikers things but my mom was sneaky. Maybe there's more things like the ring."</p><p>San raises his hand almost immediately, silver ring back into his finger. Wooyoung likes it better. A biker ring should belong to a biker. And he is sure his mother would be happy to know San is taking care of it. </p><p>"You need it back?" San asks.</p><p>"No."</p><p>"You need help with the stuff thing?"</p><p>"No," Wooyoung shakes his head this time. "The day I went to pick my clothes I almost ran into my grandmother, and Jongho panicked. It's for the best that I go alone."</p><p>"Wouldn't that be dangerous?" San rolls over his own body, cheek falling into Wooyoung's thigh. "What if your father comes back? What if he is there already wondering where the fuck your stuff is?"</p><p>Wooyoung reaches out a hand to cup San's cheek, caressing his skin with care.</p><p>"My father never gets in my room. And he is still out of town for another week, so don't worry. I'll be back in the blink of an eye."</p><p>It takes San a little to move back to his position, but for the way his fingers start moving along Wooyoung's thigh again he takes it as he agrees with him.</p><p>One hour later, Wooyoung stands in front of his house wearing San's jacket. His jacket. He likes to think it will make his mother proud, and his father so pissed. It isn't a surprise that Wooyoung takes over his mother's side, he had always been on her side. </p><p>Entering the quiet house makes him shiver, but he is soon shaking his head and going up to the attic. He wasn't allowed there, ever. At first, because his mother thought it would be too dangerous for a little kid to wander around big boxes filled with pointy things no one wanted. Then, because every little thing that belonged to her ended up there, and his father told him to not bother his mother's soul.</p><p>Right now he is sure there's something he was hiding. </p><p>Going through the first boxes he finds nothing but clothes that once kept his mother aroma but now they only smell old and dusty. Going further, he finds pictures. Pictures that break Wooyoung's heart because, God, how much he misses her. </p><p>Tears blur his vision as he goes through, fingers catching a picture that's not framed or inside an album like the others. It's a polaroid, a little bit wrinkled. A polaroid of his mother happily smiling next to another woman. Both of them wearing leather jackets.</p><p>Wooyoung forgets how to breathe for a brief second. Then, a sudden happiness invades his heart. </p><p>Because this life, the life he got with San, Jongho, Seonghwa, all of them, that's the life his mother wanted to give him. This was his fate.</p><p>Wiping his tears away, he saves the picture into the pocket of his jeans. He spends a few more minutes looking into the boxes but nothing else comes out, so he decides the picture is his best shot and goes down before it's too late.</p><p>There's a person standing in the middle of his kitchen. </p><p>"Hey, hun" the boy says, sweetly, and Wooyoung doesn't have a chance to even breathe as both his mouth and nose get covered with a napkin. The chemical scent burning his nostrils until he can't stay awake any longer.</p><p>The boy was Donghyuck. </p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>The first thing Wooyoung realizes is the cold metal eating his wrists alive. He doesn't open his eyes immediately, he lets his body adjust first. Where he is, why he is there, how can he get out.</p><p>Listening close, he hears two persons breathing. The tickling of the clock. A football match playing from an old TV. Wooyoung recognizes the buzzing of that TV as he spent half his childhood watching cartoons there in the wait for his mom to finish work.</p><p>He is at the police station. And he is handcuffed. Both hands and feet.</p><p>Wooyoung keeps his eyes closed for another minute because he feels like he will go crazy if he opens them to find Donghyuck there. He saw him. He saw Donghyuck standing in the middle of the kitchen. And he was wearing a police's uniform. </p><p>It was obvious. Neither Mark or Donghyuck were there because of a simple casualty. But the fact that they could've been working for his father never crossed his mind. It does now. Because his mother was a cop, but she was also a biker. </p><p>Opening his eyes slowly, he finds two persons in front of him and behind the bars of the cell he is in. One of them, Wooyoung doesn't know him. He is standing, he is young, maybe younger than him, and he is smirking. The other, oh <em> fuck </em>, Wooyoung knows him. He is sitting down, chin resting on the backrest of the chair. Wooyoung knows he is older than him, but just a few months. He is serious, eyes fixed on him.</p><p>And he is Mark. </p><p>Out of all the people in the world, San's first love had to be the one working under his father's wing. </p><p>
  <em> Espectacular. What's next?  </em>
</p><p>Wooyoung looks deep into Mark's eyes even when he is scared to death. The boy has all his tattoos covered with some incredible makeup—<em> Donghyuck and his bad bitch makeup, isn't it? </em> Wooyoung wants to laugh—and it's actually rocking the uniform, even though it's weird to see him like that after seeing him in oversized hoodies and ripped jeans. </p><p>Serious, and cold. </p><p>"Oh, hey, he is awake," the other boy says in a thick accent. "What now?"</p><p>Mark takes a deep breath, standing up from the chair and getting close to the bars. He puts his  arms inside, letting them rest there, head pressed to one of the bars. Wooyoung wishes this is all part of a dream. </p><p>"Good morning," he says in a raspy voice, ignoring his partner. "You've been out for a few hours. I think I got the chloroform dosis wrong. Thought you died for a minute," he sighs and the guy behind him laughs out loud, making Wooyoung shrink.</p><p>His heart is racing, going from fast to painful. His lungs aren't getting  enough oxygen and he is at the verge of tears. Maybe he would freak out if he had any strength left. Wooyoung's bones have become jelly by now, he has no voice and his brain decided it was the perfect time to remind him of all the mistakes he had ever made. The only thing he can do now, is tremble like jelly.</p><p>Mark clicks his tongue, bringing his attention back to his face. </p><p>"How are you feeling?"</p><p><em> Like I'm gonna tell you </em>, Wooyoung wants to say, but he can't. He just can't bring himself to speak. </p><p>It's happening. That thing he was scared of that Saturday when his father warned him about bikers. It's just happening in front of him and he might never be able to see San ever again. Of course, he is glad it was him and not San the one being captured. He is so glad he didn't pass that danger onto San. That his mother's ring is safe with him. And that when he looks at his wrist he will feel relieved because he carries a memory, and not a piece of San. Because San will still be alive. </p><p>Still, he can't bring himself to speak because he is scared. And he knows he will cry one second after he opens his mouth.</p><p>"You know why you're here, right?" Mark keeps going. </p><p>
  <em> Of course I know. </em>
</p><p>"Your dad won't be around for another week so he asked us to take care of you and, hmm, your reckless behaviour."</p><p>"He's not my <em> dad </em>," Wooyoung says through gritted teeth, feeling how the air burns his throat on the way out. He wasn't supposed to say it out loud, it just slipped like water from an open tap. </p><p>"Hmm?"</p><p>"He is not my dad," he repeats, remarking the words, speaking a little louder this time. "He is not my dad, he never was, he never will."</p><p>"I see," Mark mumbles, bored expression not quite reaching his eyes. His eyes are sparkling with something Wooyoung doesn't get. But it's something bad for sure. "Well, he was clear, wasn't he? Don't get close to bikers. Do it for your mom. And then? He finds out you just ran away from home to be with–"</p><p>"Don't," Wooyoung's voice comes out raspy and soft, even when he intended it to be loud and authoritative. He looks up into Mark's eyes, silently begging him to not talk about San. Even if he told everything to his father already. Just leave San out of all of this from now. "Please."</p><p>Mark's eyebrow twitches. He looks up, staring directly into the camera that's on the left corner for a second before coming back to Wooyoung. Red flags raise everywhere.</p><p>
  <em> He is giving a signal.  </em>
</p><p>And it's not a good one. Not for Wooyoung. </p><p>When he tries to move, he finds both hands and feet pressed down the chair. There's absolutely nothing he can do. He can't run away. Not from fear, not from this.</p><p>"You'll have to stay here," Mark starts, voice hoarse, "until we get them all. And you are going to help us."</p><p>"No!" Wooyoung screams out of panic, handcuffs clinging with the movement. "Leave them alone! You have me, just leave them be! They did nothing wrong, they are–"</p><p>
  <em> They are my family.  </em>
</p><p>Wooyoung is not going to help them. He has that clear. He won't betray his own family. Even if he has to stay away from them, or worse. There's no way a single word about his family comes out of his mouth. </p><p>"Oh, look at our little princess," the other boy, who has been doing nothing but laugh for the past minutes, finally gets closer. Totally contrary to Mark, he looks like he is enjoying it, and it for sure must be related to the fact Mark knows San. And Wooyoung was there when he was showing him his baby pictures. Mark cares about San. Not that it will keep him from doing his job. But at least, he isn't acting like it's some silly game. He is serious about it. "You can cry all you want, but your prince charming won't come rescue you. He'll be dead."</p><p>The boy smiles, enjoying it so much Wooyoung feels sick at the stomach. They can't kill San. They can't just kill people. They're cops. They're supposed to be there for the ones that need them, just like his mom. His mom was nice with everyone, his mom thought about the details, his mom didn't hold grudges. </p><p>His mom helped Seonghwa. His mom helped San.</p><p>She was a cop. </p><p>His father? His father isn't. </p><p>"Hey, sweetheart. Listen carefully. Princesses are bad bitches who need no princes."</p><p>Wooyoung raises his head with the sound of that voice. He recognizes it in a second and he hates the fact it makes him shiver. Still, he looks up to catch Donghyuck entering the room.</p><p>The next second, that nameless boy is laying on the floor. On Donghyuck's hand, there's a weapon. Something like a gun.</p><p>"Oh, God!" Wooyoung hisses just as if he saw a snake, trying to move back. Is that when Donghyuck finally looks over at him, an apologetic look covering all his face.</p><p>Mark had already jumped into the cell, trying to get close to him.</p><p>"Go away! Don't get closer!" Wooyoung has some problem breathing. Or maybe is his heart, going so fast he can't just do any other thing. He needs to part his lips to let the biggest amount of air he can into his lungs, even when it feels useless. </p><p>"Wooyoung, listen–"</p><p>"DON'T GET CLOSER!"</p><p>"Hey!" Wooyoung is still gasping for air when a set of hands crash into his cheeks, Donghyuck's eyes being the only thing he gets to see for a while. No makeup, just eyes. So clear he can see his own reflection there. He looks like a mess. "You're a bad bitch. Are you listening? You're a bad bitch and I'm so sorry we got you into this, you can hate me if you want, I don't mind, even when I think you're amazing and we will be amazing friends. But right now we need to get out of here before the security system starts working again. You can kick Mark's ass later, I promise you." Donghyuck stops his speech for a second to look down, apologising in silence. "Maybe you can kick my ass, too."</p><p>For some reason, Wooyoung's heart comes back to its own pace, allowing him to relax his body and getting out of the handcuffs. </p><p>When he tries to stand up, his legs betray him and he ends up on the floor. He wants to stay there and weep.</p><p>But there's still no time for that.</p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>Loud voices are the only thing Wooyoung can hear. Luckily for him, they're not inside his head, but inside his kitchen. Bundled up on the couch, having Yeosang playing with his hair, Wooyoung gets to listen to how San and Seonghwa argue. And it's somehow pleasant to listen to after what happened, but after an hour he just wants them to stop going over the same topic over and over and over again. </p><p>Mark and Donghyuck ended up being the good guys but Wooyoung is just so tired to even think about it. Because, in the end, he is clueless about everything that happens around him. And it doesn't matter how much he overthinks, his next step will be always headed in the wrong direction. </p><p>"Can you tell them to please shut up?" Wooyoung mumbles.</p><p>"I wish, but we haven't heard from Yunho since we sent him there to calm San down," Yeosang softly answers, maybe using the softest voice since they know each other. Which makes Wooyoung mad. Okay, he went through something big just a couple hours ago. But he is fine. Everyone is fine. And Donghyuck just used a taser on a bratty cop, which is more than fine. </p><p>"My head needs a rest," Wooyoung sighs, one hand over his eyes.</p><p>"Why don't you go to bed?" Jongho suggests this time, getting closer to press a hand on his thigh. "It's been a long day."</p><p>"I can't," Wooyoung shakes his head, sounding a little defeated. "I can't go to sleep with San like that. He's so mad."</p><p>"He will be mad for five years. Just go to bed."</p><p>"I just can't."</p><p>San knew everything that happened once Wooyoung arrived at the house in a hurry. Not because he was a secret spy or something like Mark and Donghyuck, but because Seonghwa told him.</p><p>And he was crying. </p><p>It wasn't the first time watching San cry, but it was the first time Wooyoung <em> made </em> him cry. And he can't do it. He can't go to sleep without making sure San is okay.</p><p>"I'm gonna go take some air." Wooyoung moves slowly, standing on shaky legs again. Jongho and Yeosang move at the same time, hands already in the air to help him. Or catch him. "I'm okay."</p><p>"Do you want me to go with you?" Jongho asks.</p><p>"I'm okay," Wooyoung softly smiles at him, making his way to the front door. "I need to be alone."</p><p>He knows Mark, Donghyuck and that other kid that couldn't stop screaming at Donghyuck for electrocuting a cop are there. Waiting. Not for Wooyoung, neither for San, but for Seonghwa. Wooyoung doesn't have a clue about what's happening, but he is now sure they only appeared because Seonghwa asked them to. </p><p>Not to put them in danger, but to protect them. That's what Mark and Donghyuck are working in together: protecting San and Wooyoung. </p><p>That's why they were at the IKEA. Because it was the first time they left the house together since his father appeared without a warning. Because Wooyoung told him about his mother. Seonghwa just pulled some strings and put bodyguards on them. He just made the error of not telling them, and making things complicated. </p><p>Opening the door, Mark is the first one looking up. Now that he thinks of it, Mark wasn't looking serious because he knew San, he was serious because he didn't want to be mean to Wooyoung like the other cop did. His job was to make sure Wooyoung was okay. </p><p>"Hey," Mark stands up, and so does Donghyuck, who quickly shoves him to one side to get to Wooyoung's shoulders.</p><p>"I'm so sorry," he says first, lips turned down. "I'm so sorry, Wooyoung." </p><p>Donghyuck looks genuinely sorry, and that's messing up with Wooyoung's head. He is mad, and he is hurt, and he is not sure if he can call himself traumatised but he was scared <em> to death </em>. He doesn't want to feel sorry for Donghyuck. He really doesn't. </p><p>When they took the car, Wooyoung felt like he couldn't breath. There was screaming and a loud song coming from the radio. A sad song. Wooyoung considers himself a person that's able to cry so easily it's embarrassing. But he hadn't been able to cry. Not in the cell, not in the car, not once he was standing in front of San. Burning his heart out.</p><p>This is all happening because of him. And he can't feel sorry for Donghyuck, because if it wasn't for himself, he wouldn't have to feel sorry at all. He did it. He doesn't have the right to feel sorry at all, even if he is.</p><p>"Hmm," Donghyuck sucks in a breath, hands moving away from Wooyoung's shoulders. "That–That is Renjun," he stutters, pointing at the screaming kid that's sitting next to Mark, not paying attention at all—and not screaming anymore. "He is, hmmm, our I.T. guy, Jaem calls him <em> wires brain </em> but he hates that. He really hates that. He is also my best friend. Aside from Mark, but you already know Mark and I can't even work together now–"</p><p>"What are you trying to tell me?" Wooyoung sighs, fingers moving up to his nose bridge. He feels worn out.</p><p>"Our plan was to keep an eye on you," Donghyuck keeps going, totally ignoring him. "To get you out of the house, because we knew about your father's <em> disciples </em> plans. But we had a fight. Okay, I fought him, and he fought me back, and then it was too late. They got to your house before us. We convinced them we would be the ones taking you, but they refused to leave so, that's for the chloroform and all that. Sorry. They had plans of knocking you out so, well, it was better. Not perfect, but better. We weren't on the police for this, this was just my fault. We were there because Seonghwa asked us to find information about that gang, <em> Fever. </em> It helped with what happened today, though, but I can't keep going through the fact that it wasn't supposed for us to be there, and that in a parallel world you ended up bleeding in a dark cell, alone, just because I can't get over my freaking crush–"</p><p>Donghyuck is crying by then, making Wooyoung so pissed he can't even keep looking at him. But he does. He looks straight into his glassy eyes, and sighs. </p><p>"You're not wearing any makeup today," he breathes instead, making Donghyuck frown in a funny way, blinking repeatedly to brush the tears away. "I told you. No need for makeup to be a bad bitch."</p><p>Donghyuck chokes a little, sobbing out loud. He looks like a bigger mess than Wooyoung. </p><p>"I was stupid today. So stupid. And now you hate me and, God, San's gonna kill me."</p><p>Wooyoung chuckles, looking down at his feet.</p><p>"Aren't you part of some hitman squad?" he sighs, amused by the way not only Donghyuck's expression freezes, but also Mark's. "They're screaming over there. I just overheard it."</p><p>"We are not–" Donghyuck gasps, taking both hands to his face. "We're–"</p><p>"We kill people," Mark intervenes, finally stepping in. "It's okay. The world is awful, and you know that," he speaks directly to Wooyoung, who can't do more but listen in silence. "We don't decide, though. We just take orders. And every night, when I lay in bed, I cry for hours. I," Mark stutters a little, looking down at his feet, "I was captain of the track and field team. I had good grades. Kind friends. I was the perfect son. I had good parents, and I was loved. But then, someone broke into my house, and took all that love from me, and instead of killing me, he let me alive. I had nowhere to go. And then, I found a family, loving brothers, and, hmm… I was loved again. But at the end of the day, I am alone. They're alone. We are all alone. We can't love. So we… Protect people that can love, people that are loved. Yeah. We protect them, even if that means we will never be able to be loved, or love."</p><p>"He is trying to say we don't enjoy it," that boy, Renjun, finally speaks up. "And we're not even a hitman squad, we're just a bunch of idiots," he sighs, defeated. "It's not going to take long for them to find us. Today was a nightmare."</p><p>Wooyoung's whole body shakes with the thought of them still being in danger. It soon bashes away. The thought of them being in a constant danger is strong enough for his body to relax a little. It doesn't matter anymore. </p><p>"You protected me today," Wooyoung breathes, one hand over Donghyuck's shoulder. "San won't ever think of killing you. Now I need to be alone."</p><p>"Are you sure?" Donghyuck reaches out a hand in the air. </p><p>Wooyoung's only answer is a quick affirmative movement of his head. He looks over the boy's shoulder and into Mark's eyes. He can't feel sorry for him either.</p><p>Not today. </p><p>Today happened because of him. </p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>San hands are shaking. His eyes are filled with tears. His lungs are flooded. His heart is screaming, on fire. Yet, he can't see any of that, neither can he feel it. He is floating around unknown air, dangerous air or not at all. San isn't sure of what's happening around him anymore. He is, once again, left out. </p><p>This time, he can't hold it anymore. </p><p>"When were you thinking of telling me?" His voice, after so long, is hoarse and raspy. His throat burning up, itchy. "When Wooyoung was no longer alive? When we were running away because we don't face death? When!?"</p><p>"San," Seonghwa, on the other hand, remains calm. Out of everyone in that room—that includes Hongjoong on Seonghwa's side, Yunho and Mingi on San's—he is the only one that looks serene. Just like he always does. Everything under control. Or, at least, pretending everything is under control. </p><p>"When?" San repeats, and this time, he is sobbing. </p><p>"San, I need you to calm down. We already talked about it."</p><p>They did, in fact. The second Seonghwa's phone rang out, San knew. He knew Wooyoung was in danger, and he wasn't there. San laid in bed while Wooyoung walked into the wolf's mouth alone. He should've been there with him, get over his own fear and be with him. But he was just laying in bed.</p><p>And that's something he will carry with him all his life. </p><p>"You could've told me. You could've told me," San grits his jaws, taking both hands to his face. He has been pacing all over the kitchen since he made sure Wooyoung had not a single scratch, stopping the necessary to point an accusing finger at Seonghwa through glassy eyes. "You <em> should've </em>told me."</p><p>"What would that have changed?" Seonghwa sighs.</p><p>"I will not leave him!" San roars, hand pointing at the place where the living room is. Where Wooyoung must be listening, or maybe not. "I will not leave Wooyoung. I'm so tired of your ridiculous way of seeing life like death doesn't matter and the only important thing is the ride. But you know what? I'm enjoying this ride so much I want to keep going until we are old and gray and I'm holding his hand. I want to be there when he dies, you don't have any right to take that away from me."</p><p>"We were trying to protect both of you," Hongjoong intervenes, even though he doesn't even look like he is on Seonghwa's side anymore. "Neo offered the help themselves. When Mark heard it was you, he stepped in to help. But they needed to make the police believe they were watching you so–"</p><p>"So what? What's that you are not telling me?"</p><p>"So they could be one step ahead," Seonghwa finishes, one hand flying to his eyes. </p><p>"They were double agents," Yunho mumbles, frowning a little, not quite sure if he got it right, even when Hongjoong nods just a second after. "It doesn't make sense. They're hitmans! Why would you hide it?"</p><p>San crosses his arms. "Why?" He adds. </p><p>"Sometimes, if you don't know you're acting, the play comes out better." </p><p>"I thought they were going to kill us," San snaps. "I've been having trouble sleeping for a week now, thinking I could lose him. We're family, we need to tell each other everything. And we need to stop. We need to stop. I want to stop," San takes a deep breath, taking a hand to his face, furiously wiping the tears away. The next words come out muffled by a sob. "I don't want to be a biker anymore. I don't want to help Neo anymore. I want to take Wooyoung and leave and <em> live. </em> I don't want to be scared." </p><p>"San, we can't."</p><p>"I know we can't. God, I know. I don't want you to die either because I also love you. I'm doing it for you, so you have to do it for me," San sniffles. "Tell me."</p><p>The room falls in silence for the first time in hours, just raspy breathing and San's sniffles roaming around for a minute. Then, Seonghwa clicks his tongue and kicks the floor. </p><p>"Fever," Seonghwa says, swelling his chest with air, keeping it there for a few seconds. "That gang Wooyoung's mother was involved with was massacred five years ago. By the police. There was absolutely no record, so we asked–I asked Taeyong to find out about it. They had two kids already infiltrated, it wouldn't be difficult for them. We just found out the one who killed Wooyoung's mother, was his own father. How do you tell him that?" </p><p>For the first time in hours, San remains silent. And it's then, just then, when he feels it at the same time. And it breaks him inside.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>in my head this chapter was more epic and tragic and sad but idk how it turned pls tell me in the comments &lt;3333<br/>also I apologise for the nct crossover I thought they would fit the story better than some ocs :]</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Honestly, Nothing's Ever Made Sense Til You Were Next To Me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>tw// mentions of blood and traffic accidents :(</p><p>this chapter is shorter than usual bc it was supposed to be the final chapter but it was becoming so long so I had to split it in two parts (and also, this chapter has enough sadness already let's finish it here). Part two and the final one will be up next week if I'm not lazy enough to write :D</p><p>thank you so much for staying with me til here and sorry the story took this dark way </p><p>chapter tittle <a href="https://youtu.be/X-cU3vK21Qs">inspiration</a> &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong>PART I</strong>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Wooyoung catches a glimpse of his own face in the mirror and he doesn't recognize himself there. Not because of the brand new black hair that falls wet all over his forehead, neither because of the pale skin and dark bags that made a home under his eyes. All the pieces that put him together through the years are not there anymore. They changed, or were replaced. It's totally like being in front of a stranger.</p><p>Actually, it's not a bad thing as he likes how he turned out to be. It's not a bad thing at all, but it is scary. To not be able to feel safe in his own flesh because he doesn't even feel like he belongs in it, that's scary indeed.</p><p>Everything is so scary it doesn't even look real anymore. Almost like he is trapped inside some stupid novel—the night without sleeping is not making him any good as he started thinking his life is nothing but some ridiculous Netflix show with zero audience by five in the morning—written by a heartless bastard that likes seeing him suffer. </p><p>Wooyoung has been up for twenty-six hours by the time he exits the bathroom after self dyeing his hair. </p><p>Tired as he was, Wooyoung couldn't even think of going to bed after everything that happened. Thankfully, neither could San, who appeared at the garden half an hour after he got his talk with Donghyuck and Mark. San didn't say a word, and neither did Wooyoung. So they hugged in silence, and then kept it for hours. Sitting next to each other, changing the cold garden for their warm bed, and just staring at the wall. Alone with their thoughts, but holding hands from time to time.</p><p>By eight in the morning the rest of the house started waking up, even when Wooyoung is sure none of them really could get some sleep. They just kept quiet, because that's what you're supposed to do at night—or when you or your loved ones go through some kind of trauma that was not planned. The smell of coffee filled the house in seconds, and just for a brief moment, everything felt alright. Being next to San, smelling the coffee and listening to the soft murmur of voices made Wooyoung feel like part of a dream. A dream where he is safe, and not scared at all. </p><p>By half past eight in the morning Wooyoung could overhear everyone speaking, either because they knew no one was asleep or because the lack of sleep gave him some incredible hearing powers instead of making him grumpy or dizzy or delirious. There were a lot of people down there, more people than Wooyoung remembered filling the living room at night. It could've meant something good, or not at all. </p><p>The first one speaking was Renjun, the I.T. guy. Wooyoung scrunched his nose the whole time because he sounded over alarmed and stressed, and his voice was high, breaking every two words. He went all over the fact that part of the police is working under Wooyoung's father's instructions against any bike gang, doing <em> everything </em> to get them down. The fact Wooyoung was their priority due to being the Captain's son. And also the fact they now knew Donghyuck and Mark's faces. According to Renjun, a member of a <em> hitman squad, </em> they were in danger. </p><p>The second one speaking was someone Wooyoung didn't recognize. He sounded calm the whole time, as calm as Seonghwa sounds on a daily basis, which made Wooyoung believe it was Neo's leader. The man said that Renjun might be right, and that they need to remain under the shadows until things get better. <em> If they ever get better, </em> Wooyoung added. </p><p>By ten in the morning, Wooyoung is dyeing his hair black because even when he is not allowed to leave the house he feels like someone would spot his bright blonde hair across the window and shoot him right in the head within a second.  </p><p>And everything feels out of place. </p><p>San has his eyes closed when he comes back into the room, but Wooyoung knows he is not sleeping by the way he is still scowling. </p><p>San was silent all night, but just by words. He cried a lot, and even when Wooyoung held his hand the entire time, he can't help but feel horrible about it. He is responsible for that. Wooyoung is the piece San is most scared of losing, and right now, that's not something that makes his belly fill with butterflies. </p><p>San was broken. And he managed to pull himself back together. And then Wooyoung entered the picture. And they fell in love. And suddenly, San is broken again. </p><p>It's just not fair. </p><p>"Black hair," San mumbles, spying through his lashes. His voice is nothing but a soft murmur, yet it still manages to startle Wooyoung as it is the first thing he says in hours. </p><p>Wooyoung swells his chest and looks at his blurry feet—by now, he is not sure if it's because he is not wearing his glasses or just the tears blocking his vision. </p><p>"Jongho got it for me. I was tired of blonde," he lies. </p><p>"It suits you."</p><p>"Thanks."</p><p>"Come here," San whispers, moving aside on the bed and patting the mattress next to him softly, reaching the other hand towards Wooyoung. </p><p>Wooyoung places the scissors down the table—he was supposed to ask San to cut his hair because it is way too long, maybe give him some bangs, something different—and drags his feet all over the room until he is sinking one knee on the mattress and his face into San's chest. The boy is quick at wrapping his arms around his body, pulling him close.</p><p>They fall in silence once again, allowing their hearts to fill the room with scattered beats. Wooyoung's chest has been hurting all night, almost like all his muscles and bones are being pushed down.</p><p>"You're tired," San breaks the silence, one hand flat on his back, rubbing slowly. "I can feel it. You've been up all night. You've been through something horrible. Alone."</p><p>Wooyoung breathes directly over the skin of San's neck, closing his eyes so tight he is soon seeing the stars. The same stars San always wished to be loved under, and the same stars he took Wooyoung to see. </p><p>"Go to sleep," the boy breathes, hand moving all the way up his back until it's placed on his neck.</p><p>"Why me?" Wooyoung mumbles, eyes opening to find nothing but San's shirt. </p><p>San lets out a muffled sob, chest shrieking again.</p><p>"I'm so sorry it happened to you."</p><p>"No," Wooyoung gulps, slowly shaking his head. "Why did you fall for me?"</p><p>The silence floats around them once again, this time, a little more awkwardly. Annoyingly. San's heavy breathing is the only thing sounding louder than their thoughts. </p><p>Wooyoung licks his lower lip, slowly moving up, hands letting go of San to press the mattress down, pulling him up. When he looks down at San, he finds puffy red eyes and a pout. San just looks like a kid that has a lot to experience, and that breaks Wooyoung's heart. </p><p>"You kept yourself out of love for five years. You've had plenty of occasions to settle down. People love you. I love you. But I'm asking, why did it have to be me? How am I different from any other people you had kissed?" </p><p>San spends another few seconds from their silence to observe Wooyoung. Carefully. Not like he is trying to memorize his face. No. In Wooyoung's eyes, San is just fantasizing. </p><p>About how April would have looked if Wooyoung hadn't broken up with Heeyon back in December and forgotten his ring on her expensive bathroom sink. About how April would have looked if they had met at fourteen, on the track and field team or just because their lockers were placed next to each other.</p><p>Little boys under the sun, because there's no time for cloudy skies in fantasies, holding hands and going together for ice cream. Growing up with loving parents. Going to college, but without sharing a room just so visiting would be more exciting. </p><p>Know nothing about bikers. About danger. </p><p>And Wooyoung knows all that kills San as much as it gives him life. Because San's family is here, with bikers. And that's nothing he can leave behind, not even for Wooyoung, nor a happy college life where his only worry is finishing the one hundred essays he left forgotten on one side of his room because kissing Wooyoung was way more entertaining.  </p><p>Wooyoung thinks the same.</p><p>"You were bit by a dog," San starts with a chuckle, a single tear falling down his face, coming back to the real world. "You jumped in front of my bike, that I was riding at full speed. And you're anemic so I had to take you to the hospital, and sign your hospital papers. And let that nurse think we were a cute couple when I didn't even know your blood type. And your father is the Police's Captain. Everything went so wrong with you that night that I just thought…" San closes his eyes, taking a deep breath, frowning a little. "<em> Wow, this guy gave me enough drama to fill up five years in just one night. He is nuts." </em></p><p>Wooyoung presses his lips together, one hand moving to softly thread around San's hair.</p><p>"You're different from other people, Woo. Not because I say so, but because you are. You intrigue me. You are easy to read, but unpredictable at the same time. I can't know what you're gonna do next. You give me the energy I need to go through the day. And you're always in my head. Always," San continues with a sincere smile, hands moving up to play with Wooyoung's collar. "You know when was the last time I raced? At the enclosure, I mean." </p><p>Wooyoung shakes his head slowly. </p><p>"January," San scoffs. "That day I took you to the cliff. While I was racing, you were all I had in my mind. You and the sunset. And I haven't been able to take you off since then. I don't need the adrenaline from the races anymore. It's you, because you've been the first one to make me want to put Betty on a rest and, I don't know, learn how to bake. I'm sorry it has to be you." </p><p>Wooyoung sucks in a breath, getting close enough to press his forehead over San's. He closes his eyes, way too scared to look into San's own because he is sure he will start crying. </p><p>"Let's do it, then," he mutters. </p><p>"Do what?"</p><p>"Learn how to bake," Wooyoung chuckles, hands landing on San's cheeks, softly caressing his skin. "Put Betty on a rest, let's go. Let's just… Go."</p><p>"I wish," San sighs. "I really wish we could. But we can't. I can't, actually."</p><p>Wooyoung finally opens his eyes just to catch San with his closed. Not softly, but squeezing them shut so hard he for sure must be seeing flickering lights. Wooyoung looks down, sitting down on his knees, clearing his throat. </p><p>"I know," he says. </p><p>Obviously, he knows. San can't abandon his family, and at this point neither can Wooyoung. He felt the most loved in years in just a couple months. All because of the people that have been loving San for so long now, and that didn't have any qualms in loving Wooyoung as well. </p><p>Maybe, that's the reason he wants to leave. He can't ruin that love. And he loves San, God knows how much he loves him, so much he is acting all selfish again. He wants to be with him, even when he knows it's not the right thing at all.</p><p>"Seonghwa needs me," San mumbles, slowly opening his eyes, almost like he is able to read his mind. "He seems mature and calm and leader-y, because that's his job. To look like he has everything under control. One day he was a kid eating breakfast in bed and the other, he was on the streets figuring up how to steal a piece of bread. He is my older brother, he did a lot of shit to get us this place, and the bikes, and the food on the table, and the safety." San sighs, fingers moving down to hold Wooyoung's hand. "He owes a lot of money to some guys. Taeyong is a good friend of Hwa, he offered to pay his debts, but it's a lot of money and Hwa knows better than anybody what it's like to have someone saving your back with money. He ran away from that kind of lifestyle. That's why we are working for them, for Neo, that's the only way Hwa would accept the money. I need to stay. Not because I owe him, but because I love him. Because he started my life. Because it led me to you."</p><p>Wooyoung looks down at San, a shiver going down his entire spine.</p><p>"But we can't be together," he mumbles, and it breaks his heart how San's expression breaks into sadness. "San. I'm not five problem-free years. I am," Wooyoung sighs, both hands on his hair, fingers pulling helplessly, "I am so messed up inside there's no pieces anymore, it's just dust. You can't put dust together again, and the only thing dust does is cover every beautiful thing. It gets messy and dirty and troublesome."</p><p>San contains his breath, staring into his soul. Yet, he doesn't say a thing, and Wooyoung knows. Wooyoung knows San likes to fight. They've been bickering so much for the past months, it was so annoying. How the boy always had to say something back. How he couldn't just shut up and let Wooyoung win.</p><p> Now that he isn't. Now that San remains quiet, just to let him win, it breaks Wooyoung inside. </p><p>"You don't need more problems," Wooyoung's voice breaks as well. </p><p>San does nothing. Not moving, not speaking, nothing. </p><p>"Come one," Wooyoung sniffles, one hand softly pressed against San's chest. "You know."</p><p>"You got bit by a dog." San breaks his silence with a soft whimper, voice hoarse because of all the strength he is putting into not starting weeping. Wooyoung is the one that can't speak now, trembling fingers brushing against the fabric of the shirt. "You jumped in front of my bike."</p><p>"San," Wooyoung's sob comes out so soft it's barely audible, just lips moving without making a sound, salty tears getting inside his mouth in just seconds. </p><p>"You were crying. You were bleeding. You were tired. You were giving up. You," San takes a deep breath, chest shaking beneath Wooyoung's fingers. "You <em> didn't </em> make me take you to the hospital, I did. You didn't make me fill up that hospital form, the nurse did. You didn't make me stay next to your bed for one hour, I did. You didn't make me take you to the park to eat gummy bears for breakfast, I did. I did it. I <em> fell </em> in love with you. Because I wanted to. And I knew everything. It wasn't my right to take you to the hospital, I didn't even know you, yet I did. It wasn't my right to hang out with you, because of your father, because I knew it was dangerous, yet I did. I didn't fall in love with you that night, I totally knew who you were when I fell for you. So it is my right to have my life upside down, filled with problems, because I knew you. I did this, okay? I did. You don't get to put all the weight on your shoulders, just like I don't get to die." San sighs, moving Wooyoung aside to sit at the edge of the mattress, face hiding between his own hands. "You were just bit by a dog. You couldn't have imagined it would turn out this way."</p><p>Wooyoung doesn't say a single word. He doesn't have anything to say, this time, San wins. And not because he feels sad, but because he is right. Wooyoung has no business in that, because he has been pushing San since the beginning. Because of his fear, or whatever. Yet, San never left his side. Not since that night.</p><p>San was the one deciding to stay. </p><p>So he wins. </p><p>Slowly, Wooyoung sits next to him, head falling on his shoulder. Once again, in silence. </p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>The rest of the week goes by smoothly, even when no one seems to be delighted by the lack of events hitting them. They all know, silence is the most scary sound. </p><p>They call it the calm before the storm.</p><p>That moment of calmness when every sound existing seems to vanish, when time stops and dust freezes mid air, shining like tiny stars fallen from the sky, when everything bad suddenly looks less tragic. And then, the tornado strikes, without any other warning but the calmness. And the sound is so loud it numbs you before the pain can take over your body. The dust moves so fast it goes through your skin. And every bad thing turns out to be even worse.</p><p>San never liked that feeling. And right now it's glued to his skin, to his lungs, to his heart, just as hard as he is glued to Wooyoung because the last time they weren't together, the boy was handcuffed inside a cell and babbling about leaving him. </p><p>Maybe San is the one acting selfish now, because he doesn't want Wooyoung to leave, even when he knows it's the best thing. It would put his family out of danger, it would even make things easier for Wooyoung. </p><p>If there's no strings attached to them, maybe Wooyoung doesn't have to go through the same luck his mother did. </p><p>San knows. Everyone knows.</p><p>Wooyoung offering himself to walk out is the best outcome, meaning he himself is trying to save everyone. Meaning he knows San still loves him with all his being.  </p><p>But San promised he would save Wooyoung.  That he would give him a home, a family. Never let the loneliness eat him. And family doesn't simply let go when things start looking ugly. And that's something he can't fight back. </p><p>He promised.  </p><p>San leaves Wooyoung's side for the first time in the week at four in the morning, entering the kitchen because he can't sleep and maybe Yeosang hasn't drunk all their booze yet just to find Mark sitting in the dark. Or more like, sleeping over the kitchen table. San stops by the door, sighing so loud it must be that and not the dazzling light what wakes Mark up. </p><p>The boy gets up on his feet in a second, suddenly wide awake, just to relax when he spots San there. He comes back to the chair with a loud groan, throwing his head back. They haven't said a single word to each other since that day. </p><p>San hesitates for a second, reluctant to have a sit and make little small talk with Mark after realizing everything was fake. In the end, he knows nothing about the boy. And Mark, he knows way too much about San. Seonghwa told him how they're the reason Neo is still up and untouchable. They take care of every single thing that can go wrong, always choosing the path that leads towards the good outcome.</p><p>That's the reason they were set up to protect them. </p><p>But it doesn't matter where he looks, San is one hundred percent sure this is not the best outcome they could've come up with. This can't even be considered a good outcome at all. And deep down, he is mad at them for that. </p><p>Mark hasn't moved since that day. And the only reason Donghyuck is not here making him company is because they can't stand being together in the same room—and because the younger boy insists on sleeping outside their room to make sure Wooyoung is still there and make San trip with his long legs every time he goes to the bathroom. </p><p>Just for that, San decides to take a seat in front of him. </p><p>"We don't need to do <em> this </em>," Mark immediately says, sighing and rubbing his eyes. "Pretend you don't hate me."</p><p>"I don't hate you," Say says, deadpan. </p><p>"You can't even look at me in the eye," Mark chuckles, sniffling a little. "Let's just keep ignoring each other, I'm just doing my job."</p><p>"I don't hate you," San repeats. "You're a ghost. That's all."</p><p>Mark snorts, rolling his eyes.</p><p>"You never thought you'd see me again, right?"</p><p>"You bet you never thought you'd see me again," San raises a brow, finally gazing at him. "My friends told me you offered to do this just because of me."</p><p>Mark looks down, starting to play with his own fingers as he chews on his lower lip. The boy seems to think his words through before speaking. </p><p>"Your father is an ass," he says with a big, tired sigh, pinching his nose. "He thought he was doing good telling everyone the reason you suddenly disappeared. We never had the chance to say goodbye."</p><p>"That's what you wanted?" San finds himself raising a brow in astonishment. Of course, they were friends. For San, <em> Minhyung </em> was the only one that was worth something inside the track and field team, or school, or just their small and old town. But he never thought of him as more than a fantasy once he was out of it. Never felt sorry for not saying goodbye. Never actually thought of doing it. </p><p>"I just want to make sure you get to live your life. A long life. You deserve it," Mark shows a tired smile. "That's all." </p><p>San nods to himself, looking down at his own fingers. Playing with them a little as they let the silence sink around them. The kitchen clock marks four twenty-three in the morning when San licks his lower lip and speaks again. </p><p>"I heard about your parents. I'm sorry."</p><p>Mark takes his time to answer, clicking his tongue and resting his head over one of his hands. San went to the Lee's house a lot of times, every time there was a club meeting, he is even sure it was Mark's basement where they kissed for the first time. He remembers his mother was the best baker of the town, and her lemon cake was San's favorite. </p><p>It's just horrible what happened to them. </p><p>"Yeah." Mark mumbles, eyes looking front. "I heard about Wooyoung's parents. Have you told him yet?"</p><p>This time it's San the one clicking his tongue, shivers going down his spine in little electric shocks. </p><p>"No. I told Seonghwa I would be the one telling him, but," he sighs, throwing his head back, "I don't know if I'll be strong enough. He wants to leave," San moves, loudly, trying to make Mark look at him, and he does. "He thinks this is all happening because of him, and it kills me inside to know he is right. That it would be for the best if he just leaves, for all of us. I mean, if he stays he is in high risk of getting killed just like his mother and I don't want that. Wooyoung is a good kid, he deserves <em> the </em> good long life. Yet," San huffs the air strongly, taking one hand to his mouth, "I don't want him to go. I'm acting all selfish, trying to make him stay even when it's a bad idea. But I love him. He is my one true love."</p><p>Mark finally moves, reaching one hand across the table to press kind fingers into the cold back of San's hand. And he lets him do it for a few seconds, almost like they're back into his fourteen and instead of playing spin the bottle and awkwardly kissing in front of a bunch of kids they're learning about love the right way. </p><p>"If I tell him, he will leave. And he will do it without saying goodbye because he knows I won't let him. So that makes it worse, because the last thing I will ever say to him is how his father took his mother's life."</p><p>"Wooyoung loves you."</p><p>"Hmm."</p><p>"You're his one true love, too," Mark puts on a soft smile, even when his eyes are soaked in sadness and fear. "Back in the cell, you were the only thing in his mind. He would do<em> anything </em>to protect you, but I don't think he would leave. Because he loves you, and leaving will just bring so much pain to his heart he wouldn't be able to take it."</p><p>"You don't know him," San mutters, putting his hand away and into his chest, where his heartbeats had been awfully slow for the past days. "I know he loves me, that's why he wants to leave. He is so afraid I die, he can't think about anything else. I am, too. But what makes us match so well is that we are different. When I am scared he dies, I want to pull him closer. Protect him with my life. When he is scared I die, he wants to pull me aside. He will always think he is the one to blame."</p><p>Mark takes a deep breath, standing up to stretch.  </p><p>"Sooner or later, he will find out. And if he finds out you knew all along, he might react in some way neither of you want," he breathes, shaking his head as he passes next to San. "We're leaving in four hours, you should get some sleep." </p><p>San nods without saying a single word, being left alone in the quiet kitchen with his worries, and another added fear. Mark is right, if Wooyoung finds out San knew, he will not only take off, he will also leave with a fight.</p><p>San wouldn't be able to survive if the last thing they do is fight.  </p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>Following Taeyong's advice, everyone leaves the house on the morning of the fourteenth of April to move into the cottage. Until things get less messy, as Seonghwa said. Wooyoung goes with it because the police have no jurisdiction there, and right now it might be the only safe place for them to be.</p><p>Entering the kitchen for a glass of water, Wooyoung finds Seonghwa biting his nails in front of the picture wall. His eyes immediately fall into Wooyoung's tired expression for the little hours he has been sleeping for the past week.</p><p>"Hey," Seonghwa smiles, "are you ready?" </p><p>"I feel bad for the wardrobe," is Wooyoung's answer, opening the tap to fill the cup that has been making him company by the nightstand table. He speaks in a mumble. "We bought it for my clothes, and now all my clothes are in plastic bags."</p><p>Seonghwa parts his lips to say something, yet Wooyoung doesn't let him finish. </p><p>"I also feel bad for my teachers," he scrunches his nose, leaning on the counter. "They were a bunch of old asses, not going to lie, I'm better off now. But, I don't know, I feel bad for never submitting my projects. They're so old they might think they lost it, because I'm such a responsible guy that would never forget to submit an assignment. But I just, took off."</p><p>Seonghwa presses his lips together in a pale line, crossing his arms as he turns to face Wooyoung. They stare at each other for a brief second, being Wooyoung the one looking down at his feet, fingers gripping so hard around the cup they've turned white by now.</p><p>"Black hair suits you so much," Seonghwa says instead of some inspirational shit as he was waiting, which makes Wooyoung look up confused just to find a camera already on the oldest's hands. He takes the picture before he can even say a thing. </p><p>It's a polaroid.</p><p>"Don't do that," Wooyoung whines. </p><p>Seonghwa ignores him, placing the camera on the table to flip the picture in the air until his face is showing up. Frowning, tired, sad. It makes Wooyoung's stomach hurle.</p><p>"Break it."</p><p>"This will be your before picture," Seonghwa mumbles, more to himself than to Wooyoung, already searching for a place in the wall to put it. "Everyone had a picture of their past life, it makes them remember they're better now. That they made the right choice. Because they look happier."</p><p>Wooyoung observes how Seonghwa places the picture on the wall, then looks over his shoulder to find him.</p><p>"I feel like I never truly welcomed you to the family. You deserve to be in this wall."</p><p>"I look like shit," Wooyoung scoffs.</p><p>"We all did. When we were scared, and lost," Seonghwa smiles, moving forward to pull Wooyoung in a soft embrace. "This is still your <em> before </em> . It will be your <em> before </em> until that weight on your chest vanishes. But it will go. And I'll take a picture of you when that happens."</p><p>"Hmm."</p><p>Seonghwa pats his back softly before pulling away and smiling with his lips but not his eyes. The boy mumbles something about getting all the bags in Hongjoong's car before it's too late and soon he is leaving. </p><p>Wooyoung places the cup on the counter, looking at the picture wall where now his own face lays. It feels like centuries since the first time he stood in this kitchen and went through every single picture on that wall. The only difference now is that missing picture of San, the one he put inside the pages of his first year sketch book. </p><p>Where now that picture of his mother rests too. </p><p>San is soon entering the kitchen with the rest of their things—things Wooyoung didn't bother to pick up, like their toothbrushes, shampoo, towels, and rubber bands. San has his hair tied up.</p><p>"Ready to go?" </p><p>Wooyoung nods, moving the cup to the sink.</p><p>"Do you mind tying my hair?" He asks in a small voice, fingers threading on the black strands. "It's long."</p><p>"I like it long," San smiles immediately, pulling a rubber band from his wrist, fingers moving with such delicacy Wooyoung feels so light at the chest for a second. </p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>One week into the cottage, Wooyoung decides to cut his hair because the bangs are too uncomfortable to deal with. </p><p>The first one pouting, is San. But then Jongho is following him, and then Mingi is too, and by dinner Wooyoung finds himself with extremely short bangs and a long hair fan club—a very heart broken one. </p><p>Living surrounded by the woods brings so much calmness to Wooyoung's heart it takes so little for him to forget why they are there in the first place. Maybe it's the clear sounds, no cars neither the murmur of crowds, just birds and trees rustling against each other. Maybe it's the smell of fresh dirt in the morning. Maybe it's the campfires and Jongho playing guitar at night. Maybe it's the bed he shared with San on Valentine's day and the one they share now, that makes him feel so comfy and cozy. Almost like he just woke up from a horrible nightmare. </p><p>It's still the day after Valentine's and he just kissed San for the first time and everything is beautiful. </p><p>Just for a second. </p><p>"You think I'm annoying, right?" Wooyoung asks, eyes fixed on the ceiling, naked back pressed down the mattress. </p><p>San's fingers, that have been moving all over his right arm, abruptly stop. The boy sinks an elbow on the mattress to look at him with a frown. </p><p>"What?" </p><p>They have the bedroom windows opened so the afternoon breeze from late April is able to tangle around their naked limbs and unkempt strands of hair. There's only one thin blanket covering up San's shoulders and just Wooyoung's legs. Because it's actually starting to feel warmer as the spring blooms around them. </p><p>Wooyoung narrows his eyes, still not looking at San. </p><p>"I mean," he sighs, "when I'm with you I feel like nothing wrong could happen. Still, I'm always trying to run away, giving you a hard time. Annoying."</p><p>San's eyebrows twitch a little before he is fully relaxing, letting his body fall on top of Wooyoung. He closes his eyes as he snuggles closer, lips softly pressing under his jaw. </p><p>"You're annoying," he admits. </p><p>"I knew it," Wooyoung giggles, wrapping his arms around San's waist, under the blanket just so he can feel his skin against his fingertips. </p><p>"You looked super hot with long black hair," San adds, "it's so annoying that you cut it off."</p><p>"Aha."</p><p>"And you keep your socks on during sex which is not only annoying, it's unforgivable."</p><p>Wooyoung gasps loudly, immediately pinching him. San's body shakes with a soft laugh, teeth sinking behind his ear, which is making Wooyoung squeal the next second. Shrinking over himself first, twisting until it is San the one pressed against the mattress. </p><p>Wooyoung points a finger at him. </p><p>"That's low," he gaps. </p><p>"You asked for it," San pokes his tongue out, hands firmly keeping Wooyoung in place, knowing he could just try to kick him and roll off bed. "You're not annoying, though, as an individual. I run away, too. If you hadn't kissed me that night, we would still be stuck on watching Voltron."</p><p>Wooyoung snorts, taking both hands to his face. </p><p>"We never finished Voltron."</p><p>"Kinda glad, to be honest." </p><p>Wooyoung takes his hands off, swelling his chest with air before leaning in to hug him. San welcomes him so sweetly it has Wooyoung melting in a second. </p><p>"You feel so real," Wooyoung mumbles against that beautiful patch of freckles that covers the side of San's neck.</p><p>"I am." </p><p>"Neither of this feels real," Wooyoung sighs, closing his eyes. "It feels like a nightmare I can't wake up from. But you feel real under my fingertips. It feels nice." </p><p>San remains quiet for a few seconds, fingers moving slowly over his neck and the small of his back. He has one of his cheeks pressed against Wooyoung's head, one leg tangled around Wooyoung's. Two bodies merging into one. </p><p>"I need to tell you some–"</p><p>"Hey, we are going out for a–OH," Jongho doesn't bother knocking on the door before storming inside the room and interrupting San. He is fast on twisting on his heels, though, facing the door in one second, but even from that they're able to see the way his ears turned red.</p><p>The same goes with Wooyoung, but he moves so fast trying to fully cover his body that he ends up kneeing San on the stomach, hitting his chin with his head in the way.</p><p>"I'm sorry," Jongho says, trying so hard to not start laughing. </p><p>"I'm gonna kill you," San mumbles, bending over his body until he is nothing but a small ball. Wooyoung is not sure who he is talking to, but he is glad the one at the door is Jongho and not Yeosang. The boy would never let it die. "What do you want?"</p><p>Jongho clears his throat. "We are going out for a ride. Mingi and Yeosang have a lot of stamina bottled up and they are not as quiet as… you guys," he says between an awkward laugh. "Anyway, we need to take them out and Yunho wants to ride as well so I was thinking if you want to come. But I see you are busy so I don't even know why am I explaining this. I'm going–"</p><p>"Wait," Wooyoung stops, pulling the blanket up his nose even when Jongho is taking tiny steps towards the hall with every word he says. "I'm going. I love it here but I need some air." </p><p>"Okay. San?"</p><p>San sighs. "I have things to do. I've been avoiding Hwa for a week, I guess I could use this chance." </p><p>Wooyoung groans a little. He knows San has been glued to his hip because he is scared he disappears again. That's lovely, but it throws Wooyoung back into the nightmare. </p><p>"You go," San finally moves, loudly kissing him on the cheek before jumping out of bed and putting on his jeans. "I'll talk to you later."</p><p>He leans into the bed again, pecking Wooyoung's lips this time.</p><p>"Okay."</p><p>Wooyoung frowns a little, totally ignoring the way San fake fights Jongho by the door, trying to find a reason San would want to talk to him. </p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>San puts on one of Wooyoung's hoodies after taking a shower. Not because he doesn't have any of his own clean, or because it was the first thing he picked from the wardrobe, but because he is feeling the palms of his hands sweat the second Wooyoung is more than one meter apart from him. </p><p>Even knowing he is safe with Jongho and the rest, he can't help but go back to the tenth of April.  </p><p>Sitting on the couch in front of Taeyong doesn't make him feel any better, and neither does the amount of papers displayed on the coffee table. Everyone in the room knows about what happened five years ago with Wooyoung's mother. And they're still trying to learn why.</p><p>The papers Renjun stole from the police station just talk about the massacre, and who was in charge of killing Officer Jung Ara. Nothing about why the gang was massacred. What they did, that's the first thing they need to learn in order to go back to their normal life. </p><p>San sits there with his knees pressed against his chest, not really paying attention to what they are saying. The voices start fading just after a few seconds until the only sound is coming from the inside of San's brain, working so fast to find the exact words to tell Wooyoung once he is back. San bites his thumb as Seonghwa gestures in the air in front of him, no actual sound coming from his mouth. </p><p>It's quite difficult to measure time that way, so when Donghyuck brushes his leg as he sits next to him, San comes back without knowing how much time he spent creating dialogues and scenarios in his head—half of them turning into tears, the other half into kisses and butterflies. The boy sitting next to him is wearing all black, but his eyeshadow is red and sparkly. Just like Wooyoung, he decided to dye his hair back to black, which makes him more intimidating.</p><p>Donghyuck is not like Changbin. In the past weeks, Wooyoung never referred to him as a friend. Still, there's some kind of bond between them. Whatever it is. </p><p>"What do you think?" Donghyuck asks, not doubting on piercing San with his dark eyes.</p><p>San feels the need to sit down properly, feet touching the ground and back perfectly straight. He frowns, confused. </p><p>"About?"</p><p>"My makeup," the boy rolls his eyes. "All this shit," he says, gesturing at the amount of useless papers they left behind on the coffee table to move the discussion to the kitchen. </p><p>San sighs, leaning back again. </p><p>"Honestly, I wasn't paying any attention."</p><p>"I kinda thought you were spacing out, but I also thought it was because you already solved everything."</p><p>San chuckles. "I wish it was that easy. I'm still trying to find the easiest way to tell Wooyoung."</p><p>"You haven't told him yet?" Donghyuck opens his eyes wide, invading his personal space. "Are you nuts?"</p><p>"Are you?" San grunts.</p><p>"Dude," Donghyuck sighs, throwing his head back. "You need to tell him before it's too late. I mean, it's already too late. But I mean, later."</p><p>"This is not something I can drop like a bomb. Wooyoung's been through a lot already."</p><p>"Exactly because of that. He doesn't want to feel excluded right now."</p><p>"How can you be so sure? You don't know him," San says, slowly. </p><p>Donghyuck decides to stand up, both hands hitting his legs. He doesn't look scared to look down at San. </p><p>"This is about Wooyoung. This is <em> his </em> problem. I don't know anything about him, you're right, but I know this is not something he needs to dial with, it's something he owns. Is his mother."</p><p>Donghyuck squeezes between San's legs and the coffee table to walk away. It's just then when San realizes he has been left alone in the living room. </p><p>Looking down at his hands, he catches the ring. And with his heart shrinking inside his chest, he admits Donghyuck is right, even if he sounds like a dick. San knew it already, he was just pretending he didn't. This is something Wooyoung needs to know, even when it will hurt him, even when it will make him leave. </p><p>San stands up, walking towards the kitchen. The sound of voices becomes louder as he gets closer, and the first thing that hits him is Hongjoong storming out the kitchen like he just saw a ghost  Not saying a thing. The expression of fear on Seonghwa's face makes San's blood congeal in his veins. </p><p>"What?" San breathes, and when Seonghwa doesn't answer, he demands his legs to move to where he is, arms aching as he raises them up and places them down his shoulders. "What happened? Did you find something?"</p><p>Seonghwa takes a deep breath, the sound alone shaking San's soul. It's the first time he sounds so broken inside. Almost like he is about to lose something. </p><p>His phone lays on the table, a call still ongoing, but no longer listened to. Jongho's name shines there. </p><p>"It was Jongho," Seonghwa breathes, raspy. "They had an accident." </p><p>Almost like all of them are about to lose something. </p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>When San was six years old, his father took him to the lake. He loved fishing, and so did San because he admired his father. Yet, he was quite not as qualified as he was, and he ended up deep down the gelid waters of the lake not much longer after they got into the boat. For a few seconds, while the water entered his lungs and pierced his skin, San felt the most fear he had ever felt in his whole life. Unable to move, unable to breathe, unable to ask for help. </p><p>Seonghwa's words have the same effect that gelid water had on his body. The difference now is that the fear is even stronger, because he is not the one drowning and yet, he is unable to move once again. </p><p>"You can't go!" Seonghwa starts screaming at some point, when both of them regain the ability to move and San proceeds to follow Hongjoong's steps. The older wraps his arms around his body, trying to keep in place. "The paramedics are there, they're on their way to the hospital. The hospital," he repeats, sharp, "you can't go to the hospital."</p><p>San tries to fight him without success. </p><p>"We're sure they know who you are. I can't let you go, San–"</p><p>"What about Wooyoung?" He whimpers. "It's him who they want. And he is there with Yunho, and Yeosang, God, they will take all of them. We should be going. It's our family!" </p><p>Seonghwa remains in silence aside from his heavy breathing, arms slowly losing all their strength, just like he realized the magnitude of the situation. The police want Wooyoung, but they also want the bikers down. </p><p>And even if that's dangerous, it goes past San's mind. He can only think about the word <em> accident. </em>A bike accident. They all could be…</p><p>Shaking his head, San storms out of the room towards his own bike. </p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>It's easy to catch Hongjoong as his car is old and slow and San is totally going over the speed limit without knowing which hospital to head to. Hongjoong must be so focused on getting there and making sure everything is okay that he didn't even notice San, so they just drive for almost an hour until they reach the hospital. Running towards the waiting room without even acknowledging each other's presence. San is not even hearing the loud sound around him, almost like he is still in the water, trying to swim around cold and gelid water.</p><p>The first one receiving them is Mingi, who jumps out of his seat when the doors open and runs towards Hongjoong, not quite expecting them but still looking relieved. San notices the bandages all over half his face and his casted arm, as well as the blood covering his clothes. He is already crying when Hongjoong opens his arms for him to crash into.</p><p>"I'm… I'm so… So sorry," Mingi stutters through his sobs, his healthy hand taking a grip of Hongjoong's sweater. "We were… We were good and then… And then this thing… This deer I think… I think it was a deer… It appeared all of sudden and… And Yunho…" His voice breaks. "I'm so sorry…"</p><p>"It's okay, it's going to be okay," Hongjoong mumbles, hands moving to Mingi's face, finally looking towards San. "Go look for the others. Come on."</p><p>San is paralyzed once again, and he hates it. He hates the fact he can't stop looking at Mingi without being able to move his feet and hug him. He hates everything they once were warned of is happening. And they are all drowning. </p><p>"San," Hongjoong urges.</p><p>Shaking his head, San finally moves forward, finding only Jongho and Wooyoung there. His stomach drops to his feet with the sight of blood, yet Jongho is quickly standing up to press both hands into his chest.</p><p>"I'm so sorry," he says as well, not crying, but eyes swollen and red. Contrary to Mingi, Jongho looks perfectly fine, some dry blood on his hoodie and pants, but obviously not his own. No bandages on sight, no scratches. Not like Wooyoung. </p><p>"What happened?" San's voice comes out raspy, throat completely closed by now, eyes unable to leave Wooyoung's figure.</p><p>"A deer," Jongho gaps, squeezing his eyes close as if the sole sound of it brings horrible memories. "It came out of nowhere. Yunho was front, we told him not to, but he insisted. He lost control, Yeosang tried to help him and they ended up crashing against each other. Mingi fell trying to avoid them."</p><p>San bends down, doing the most to keep breathing steadily, even when his lungs are completely failing now. Just like it happened when he was drowning. The lack of oxygen kicks first, even when it takes a lot more to die from it, so it's a painful death. </p><p>Standing up again, he pulls Jongho into his arms, hugging him tight. </p><p>"Are you okay?" He asks in a shaky voice, hand firmly pressed on his neck.</p><p>"We were at the back, I had some margen. But we saw it."</p><p>"Where are they now?"</p><p>"Surgery," Jongho starts softly crying, hands taking a grip of San's jacket. "You need to talk with Wooyoung. He–"</p><p>San nods. He understands.</p><p>Wooyoung is sitting still in one of the chairs, and he is covered in blood. Half his face, his clothes, his hands. He is so still that everyone would have thought he is not breathing at all.</p><p>"He hasn't said a word since we got on the ambulance. He was holding Yunho's hand and now… He doesn't even let the nurses clean him."</p><p>San nods again, pulling Jongho aside softly to walk towards Wooyoung. He barely looks up from his hands when San kneels in front of him, shaky hands doubting to rest over his pants, and the blood, that for sure is Yunho's—and that's breaking his heart. </p><p>"Hey," San mumbles, deciding to keep his hands away. "Are you okay?"</p><p>It's a stupid question, but he doesn't know what to say. This is exactly what Wooyoung didn't need. Not right after everything that happened. He doesn't need his whole world crumbling in front of his eyes like his life is nothing but a domino game. </p><p>Wooyoung scrunches his nose, almost like he finally got the smell of the blood. He swallows with difficulty, eyes not meeting San.</p><p>"Yunho said he didn't want to wear his helmet," he starts in a murmur, gulping. "That the road was different from the city, and we would encounter no cars there. And Yeosang agreed so easily it kind of pissed me off. It made me think of you, and how you bought me a helmet because you wanted me to be protected even if the road was calm and empty."</p><p>The boy scrunches his nose again, raising up a hand to wipe out the tears, brushing some blood in the way.</p><p>"There was so much blood. Because even the calm and empty roads can turn out dangerous. That's why you always try to protect me," he starts off, finally looking at him in the eye, and that's when San sees it. The tears, and the rage. "Yunho told me about my parents. He was bleeding out and I'm sure he didn't mean to tell me, because you should've been the one telling me. But you were protecting me, again."</p><p>"Woo–"</p><p>"You knew. But you didn't have intentions of telling me."</p><p>"Listen," San finally raises his hands, trying to reach out for him, but he is soon being pushed away. Blood covering his skin now.</p><p>Wooyoung closes his eyes, taking a deep breath, body shaking. </p><p>"You didn't have intentions of telling me, even when it was my mother. Just because you never thought I could fit in this world. I'm too fragile."</p><p>"I never thought–"</p><p>"We are meant to be," he interrupts, softly, but sharp. "I'm still thinking that. I'm so glad, so glad you were there that night. You've saved my life uncountable times since that night. But I can't spend the rest of my life like this."</p><p>"This won't last forever," San gasps, once again trying to put his hands on Wooyoung's legs, fighting him this time until he is holding him and Wooyoung is crying in silence. "All this will pass. And we will go through it together. <em> All </em> of us."</p><p>"It won't."</p><p>"It will. You'll see, this is nothing. Life… Life is just starting."</p><p>"My father killed my own mother," Wooyoung grunts, fingers firmly wrapped around San's wrists, pulling him aside. When they look into each other's eyes, San feels like reaching the bottom of the lake. Water so gelid he can't swim towards the top, he can just drown. "This is so big, and this is <em> mine. </em>And I'm not ready to run away all my life, it means nothing to you but it means a lot to me. I just can't."</p><p>San falls onto the ground, hands pressed against the cold tiles. That piercing pain in his chest won't go away, digging a hole right there.</p><p>"So you're leaving…"</p><p>"I will wait until Yunho and Yeosang are out of risk," he confirms, sitting straight on the chair again. "You decided to love me, it was you. I am the one deciding to leave. Me. Not you."</p><p>And just like that, San is being pulled out of the water by his dad, and meanwhile he lies on the ground, looking at the clear sky, he feels nothing. No sound, no cold, not a single part of his body. Everything is calm. The calm before the storm. </p><p>Then, the water is being forced out of his lungs and the air inside. And it hurts so much he can barely take it. </p><p> </p><p>☾</p><p> </p><p>Wooyoung spends the rest of the day and all night sitting by the end of Yunho's bed, listening to the beeps of the machines, paying all the attention he can gather in case something goes wrong. </p><p>Yeosang broke his femur. They repaired it, no complications, he is sound asleep in the room next door, where everyone is gathering because Wooyoung just needs to be alone. With Yunho. </p><p>Yunho broke a lot of bones, including the ones of his skull. That wasn't as easy. That means more machines in his room, and more nurses making sure he doesn't die. And more risks. </p><p>Wooyoung saw it all like it was a movie going in slow motion. He didn't see the deer, though, but he did see the way Yeosang collided with Yunho, how his friend flew in the air for a few seconds before falling onto the ground again. He saw him bleed out. Yunho was so scared that for a second Wooyoung stopped being scared. </p><p>And he finally realized it.</p><p>He shouldn't spend his entire life scared. And neither should San. This is not what they deserve. They deserve love, and happiness, and being able to walk down the street without fear.</p><p>San would say this was not his fault, and he would be half right. Wooyoung didn't cause the accident, at least, not directly. It was some deer, and Yunho's stupid idea of going full speed without a helmet on. But the only reason they were there, is Wooyoung.  And all his shitty life problems, the ones he brought on them. They were totally fine before Wooyoung decided to break into Heyon's house and got bitten by her stupid dog.</p><p>Nobody could've seen the accident happening, but Wooyoung knows that if they were to be still at the house, Yunho would've put on a helmet. He didn't put it on because they were in the middle of nowhere, with no cars, no persons, nothing dangerous. Because of Wooyoung. </p><p>Wooyoung still believes they are meant to be, San and he. He is totally sure San is his soulmate. But they can't be together. If they want to live long, happy, safe lives, they need to take different ways.</p><p>Maybe this is not their time, not yet.</p><p>Once the morning hits in and Yunho makes it through the night without complications, Wooyoung stands up and places a kiss on his forehead before leaving the room. </p><p>Everyone is at the hospital by now. Seonghwa, and half the kids from Neo. Wooyoung doesn't want to see any of them, so he can't get inside Yeosang's room and say goodbye. But it is all for the best, because he is sure he won't be able to leave if he has to face any single person that loved him for who he really is. </p><p>"Wooyoung."</p><p>He stops right in front of the elevator, looking down at his feet and biting the inside of his cheek.</p><p>He can't say goodbye to San. Even if he is sure he needs to leave, he won't be able to say goodbye without breaking. Because his life started making sense with San, and the idea of leaving is setting every single alarm inside his body, claiming it's the worst idea of them all.</p><p>"Woo," San says this time, closing the gap that separates them and reaching out a hand to him. Wooyoung moves one step back, face still down. "You can't leave," San's voice breaks, accepting the fact he can't touch him and just standing there with both arms glued to his sides. </p><p>And there it is. Wooyoung closes his eyes, clenching both fists to avoid his whole body to start shaking. </p><p>"What happened yesterday was horrible," San keeps going. "And believe me, you shouldn't be living all of this. You don't deserve it. But it wasn't your fault. This was just an accident. Everyone has accidents." </p><p>Wooyoung nods, not saying a thing. San takes one step closer.</p><p>"I found out about your parents the same night they took you," he whispers. "I wanted to tell you, but I knew you wouldn't think straight. Because of everything that's happening. You're in shock, and that's fine. It's okay to be a mess. We all have been there. Leaving will not change–"</p><p>"It will," Wooyoung cuts. "It will change everything. You said it, you all have been there," the boy takes a deep breath, finally looking into San's eyes—which he immediately regrets because San has the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen, and they're now covered in tears. "You've been there, and you left. It changed everything, for the best."</p><p>They all did. Yeosang told him the first time Wooyoung entered their house, in front of the pictures. They ran away from their past life, the life that was making them hurt, the life that was taking everything from them. And they become better, happier. </p><p>That picture Seonghwa took of Wooyoung is nothing but another hint that this is the life he needs to leave. Even when San is there, when his real family is there. He needs to leave his <em> before </em>, and be better. Just like they did. </p><p>"You're saying I mean nothing," San breathes, voice breaking in a million pieces. "We mean nothing to you."</p><p>"You mean <em> everything </em>to me."</p><p>"Then don't leave," San cuts, moving forward so fast Wooyoung doesn't even see it coming, body freezing and warming up at the same time beneath San's fingers. "We can figure it out together. You don't need to leave."</p><p>"I need it," Wooyoung grits his jaws. "Because when I'm with you I'm so happy I forget everything that's happening around me. Because I feel safe even when I am not. Because you and I are nothing but a dream inside a nightmare." </p><p>San parts his lips, ready to say something, yet there's no sound coming out of his throat. He slowly lets go of Wooyoung, almost as if his arms lost all the strength he had left. </p><p>"Reality is that we are in danger, and I know if I keep coming to you, we won't be able to live our happily ever after. Just like my mom couldn't," Wooyoung takes a deep breath, taking both hands to his chest. "My mother found her home inside Fever, just like I did in Fellaz. She found someone that loved her like she deserved, like I did. She was happy, I was happy. And then she died, everyone that ever made her happy, died. And I know this might not happen to me, but I can't take any risks. Because you don't get to die," Wooyoung sobs, moving one hand from his chest to point at San. "You get to live your life, and so does Seonghwa. And Yunho, and Jongho, and Mingi, Hongjoong and Yeosang. You live."</p><p>San swallows, closing his hands into fists.</p><p>"But I love you."</p><p>Wooyoung swells his chest with a new mouthful of air, feeling how his ribs tingle, air echoing all over his empty chest. </p><p>"God knows I love you, too," he mumbles. "I will always love you, but you need to let me go. This is what you do. You keep your head cold and keep moving. Don't wait until I'm dead, San."</p><p>"I don't," he cuts once again, taking a hand to his face, hiding half of it. "I'm not doing that. You changed me, and I would never leave you. I would never," he repeats, moving his hand to give one last look at Wooyoung. "Guess we will pick a fight even in the end." </p><p><em> San</em>, the name reverberates inside Wooyoung's skull like a cry for help. Every cell in his body begging him to just move one step closer and hold the boy into his arms. Once again, coming back to him.</p><p>Wooyoung remains still until it is San the one that's leaving.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>EVERYONE WILL BE FINE I SWEAR</p><p>always wear a helmet if you ride a motorbike, or a normal bike. be safe.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Honestly, Nothing's Felt More Sure Than When You Were Next To Me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>AAAAAAAAAAAA fellaz it is the end!!!! T^T<br/>I don't know how to feel... There's sadness and happiness and also a lot of nameless feelings only woosan can awake in me aish...<br/>Just saying this chapter is half sad and half it-is-the-end-sadness, and maybe you feel like the ending is a little rushed or 'open', but don't worry, there's still the epilogue that's coming soon :D</p><p>I will give my proper thank you note once the epilogue is up, but I just want to say one last time THANK YOU to everyone that gave me a chance with this fic, and also to everyone that stayed even after everything turned so dark. I love you with all my heart!! &lt;3</p><p>Now enjoy reading and ignore the catastrophic errors !!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong>PART II</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Yeosang wakes up annoyed. </p><p>It's not a surprise that Neo has people in every single corner of town—that's how they have that much money, and the reason they are the most dangerous gang in city but still quite untouched—and for that San doesn't even flinch when the doctor that comes up for checkups is a close friend of Taeyong. </p><p>They closed up a small area of the hospital for them to stay, no one called the police, no one took their data, and if they did, it was quickly removed. No one needs to know they are there. It's almost like they've never been here. </p><p>For that reason, no one waits at the waiting room. They're all inside Yeosang's room as Yunho needs the most rest, not being precisely quiet. </p><p>The boy scowls before even opening his eyes, and Mingi—who has been holding his hand all night—is quick on leaning over him and breathing on top of his face. Relieved, but still crying his eyes out. Which, obviously, makes Yeosang more annoyed. </p><p>"You are loud," the boy groans first, making everyone go silent for a second before relieved breaths are escaping Hongjoong and Seonghwa's throats. "And your breath is nasty," he adds, nose scrunched. "And my leg hurts so much, oh god," Yeosang sobs now, still with his eyes closed, squeezing them tightly before asking in a tiny voice: "Did I lose it? Tell me the truth, I lost my leg, right?" </p><p>"You didn't," San says, seeing Mingi is too busy crying to even respond. He puts his hand all over Yeosang's free one, the boy slowly opening his eyes to face his casted leg. He scrunches his nose again, not sure if because he is in pain or because he hates the fact he didn't lose the leg but at what price—San can hear him perfectly at the back of his head. </p><p>Not being able to move freely is one of the worst things that can happen to a biker. </p><p>"I'm going to kill Yunho," Yeosang mutters, almost like he couldn't control it, just to put in a panic expression the next second. He moves his head up, fast, eyes going glassy as he faces San. His voice breaks a little. "He's not dead, right?"</p><p>San shakes his negative slowly, still feeling a little like he is walking on fire. There's a lump in his throat and a fire in his heart, pouring so much smoke it has his lungs collapsing with every word. It's difficult to speak when you're not even able to breath. </p><p>He was scared, for a moment he thought he lost everyone. All the things Seonghwa told them it could happen, were happening right in front of his eyes and unlike he thought, he was not ready to say all the goodbyes while keeping his head cold.</p><p>The fact Wooyoung had not a single scratch but he still lost him is the thing that weighs San down the most. </p><p>Yeosang closes his eyes for a moment, feeling relieved, and then he opens them to look around the room, scowling back at San. There's Seonghwa and Hongjoong there, still invested in some conversation with Taeyong referring what the fuck should they do from now on, and also some guys from Neo guarding their backs. Jongho's out with Yunho, and Wooyoung… He's not even near the hospital by now. </p><p>"Where's Wooyoung?" Yeosang asks first. </p><p>"He is okay," San mumbles, observing how Yeosang's expression gets painted in panic once again. And just for the sake of his <em> brother </em>, San puts in a soft smile that immediately makes Yeosang melt in the bed and smile as well. "He is home. This was too much for him, so I sent him home to sleep. He will come later to see you," he lies, but he does it so well Yeosang doesn't suspect a thing. </p><p>"Is that so?" He asks, not actually expecting an answer, closing his eyes again.</p><p>That's what San told everyone, though. <em> Wooyoung needed time alone so he went home </em>, he had said and no one doubted him. With Yunho and Yeosang at risk, San can't just worry everyone with Wooyoung's own decisions. Even if he himself is worried to death. </p><p>It's been almost five hours since he left but time is passing so slowly for San it seems like it's been days since he left the hospital. Months since the last time he touched his skin, or kissed his lips. Years since they laughed together about some lame joke San told at two in the morning. A lifetime since he stood in front of Wooyoung for the first time and decided he was the one that should be standing next to him at the beach. </p><p>Wooyoung really took everything with him, and San can't even be mad at him. He tried so hard to save Wooyoung, but in the end, he was just trying to save himself. </p><p>"Who is with Yunho right now?" Yeosang tugs into San's sleeve, patting Mingi's head with the other hand, letting the boy snuggle next to him in bed. </p><p>"Jongho," he mumbles, shaking his head and with that all the fragments his life turned in, not being able to say more as Seonghwa finally finishes his talk and jumps next to Yeosang's bed. And so does Hongjoong. San moves backwards and just mouths at the blonde: "I'll go check on him."</p><p>And, also, tell Jongho.</p><p>San moves slowly, almost like he is wearing heavy rocks around his ankles, feeling like Yunho's room is kilometres away even when he is just next door. Jongho is sleeping, not so peacefully as he is frowning. Still sitting but with half his body resting at the end of the mattress. Which susprises San is to see Yunho's eyes open, totally looking at him in silence. </p><p>San's heart drops to his feet, legs becoming jelly as he stomps inside the room and towards the bed, not being able to contain his tears anymore as he drops on the floor and holds the hand Yunho had weakly raised.</p><p>"Hey," he croaks, tears falling down fast and warm. He holds Yunho's hand tightly, too scared he will lose him. "How are you?"</p><p>Yunho gulps, blinking a few times, still feeling confused. </p><p>"Don't cry," he whispers, frowning a little. </p><p>Yet, that's the only thing San can do now. Cry. Cry until he feels whole again.</p><p>
  
</p><p>☾</p><p>
  
</p><p>One hour later, things feel like part of a bad dream. The doctors that were worried Yunho would not even wake up for at least days can't even believe the boy has not a single sequel, not following everyone's laugh when the latter says he has such a hard head. </p><p>San likes to think Yunho just got lucky this time. Almost like it was a test. Not for him, but for Seonghwa, that starts walking around like a dead man just after hearing Yunho was fine.</p><p><em> What would you do if any of them died? </em>A voice seems to ask him, and as San stares at Seonghwa, he gets that everything they believed until now was fake. No one would leave a family member to die alone. </p><p>Bikers are not as lone wolves as they thought. </p><p>Neo slowly disperses as they learn everyone is safe, and they move Yeosang into Yunho's room to keep them even more hidden. By that hour, there's only Yunho, Yeosang, Mingi and San in the room, who refuses to go home because then he would have to face an empty room—and a furious Seonghwa asking where the fuck Wooyoung is supposed to be. </p><p>"C'mon," when San comes back to the real world, Yunho is already whining, arms towards Mingi, just like nothing happened at all, "give me my phone. I wanna see how messed up my face is."</p><p>"No, it's enough having to see our messy faces," Mingi pouts, pointing both at himself and Yeosang, who is fast in frowning. </p><p>"I'm not a mess," he clicks his tongue, "and Yun, they had to shave all your hair so you don't want to see that."</p><p>"What?" Yunho's voice drops, both hands fast moving to his head, fingers finding the bandages covering the entirety of his head. "I'm bald?"</p><p>"You're alive!" Mingi adds. </p><p>"But at what price?" Yunho cries, and Yeosang is stretching over his own bed to pat Yunho's leg.</p><p>"That's exactly what I am thinking," the boy sighs. </p><p>They spend the next ten minutes discussing whether they all should shave their heads in solidarity or not—Yunho thinks they <em> must </em> meanwhile Yeosang says he has enough with not being able to go alone to the bathroom for the next months. San prefers to remain in silence, sitting on the floor with both legs tightly pressed onto his chest, chin resting on his knees, trying to keep himself in place at the same time he observes his friends. </p><p>His family. </p><p>He thinks how nothing really made sense in his life until he was standing in front of those cheerful kids. Kids that went through the same things he went through, kids that didn't have a family to even start with like Yeosang. Kids that albeit all that, managed to smile at him and make his life feel safe. </p><p>San is totally sure Wooyoung went through the same when they met. He is sure the boy must be scared to the bones right now, yet he is acting all strong for their sake. And San realizes Wooyoung's life started making sense with San. </p><p>His train of thoughts is only broken by the sudden addition of voices to Yunho and Yeosang's debate. San looks up, listening to the voices way before he can even see them. Mark, Donghyuck and much for his displeasure, Changbin. San frowns, an alarm suddenly ringing somewhere inside his head. </p><p>
  <em> What is Changbin doing here? </em>
</p><p>They're fighting. </p><p>San stands up, squinting his eyes and walking towards the door just to crash into Mark. The boy stops speaking to softly whimper, but the other two keep going.</p><p>"You will make them worried for nothing," Donghyuck is saying in a pissed voice. "They went through hell just yesterday, you can't come here with your suppositions like it won't hurt them!"</p><p>"I'm telling you it's not suppositions!" Changbin groans back. "I'm sure about what I saw."</p><p>"Okay, <em> Hawkeye, </em> see it for yourself. Wooyoung is right… Here." Donghyuck stops, frowning a little when he pushes Mark to one side and reaches a hand into the room, pointing at something. He quickly looks up at San. "Where's Wooyoung?" Suddenly his voice drops.</p><p>San stands voiceless, throat dry as he locks gazes with Changbin and he can not only see but feel the fear on the boy's body. He gulps, shaking his head.</p><p>"He's home," says Yeosang, raising his arm in the air, not being able to feel the atmosphere. </p><p>"I knew it," Changbin clenches his jaws, taking one hand to his mouth. "San–"</p><p>"It can't be possible" Donghyuck squeezes his eyes shut, interrupting him in a loud voice. He shoves his phone into San's face then. On the screen, he can see a dark map of the city, right now marking the hospital they're in. In the middle of it, a red dot sparkling. "He must be somewhere around here. We put a tracker on his mother's ring," he says, looking into San's eyes. "He must be here."</p><p>For a reason, San's stomach shrinks, and not only because Wooyoung decided to leave. The expression on Changbin's face means much more than he knows Wooyoung left alone and unprotected, wandering around the city in the middle of the day. It's much bigger than that.</p><p>Slowly, he raises his left hand, where Wooyoung's ring still curls around his finger, congeling not only Donghyuck's blood, but also Mark's. The younger gaps a little for a second, not understanding what's happening at first, just for his face to explode in red then.</p><p>"You shouldn't be wearing it!" Donghyuck screeches. San decides to pull him outside of the room then, bringing Changbin and Mark with them. </p><p>"What's happening?" He asks in a groan, eyes piercing Changbin's face.</p><p>"I," Changbin's lips start trembling, and that has never been a good signal. "Okay, you remember Wooyoung's ex?" San nods, slowly. "She was always weird, I never liked her, but since Valentine's she's been watching Wooyoung so carefully and since he stopped showing up she's been acting even weirder so I asked Felix to help me keep an eye on her and well…" He stops, scrunching his nose a little, making San's heart skip a beat. "We followed her to some abandoned factory where she used to meet up with some dudes always wearing black and masks. We were there today, trying to learn what the hell is she in, when suddenly a car pulled in and she walked off with… Wooyoung."</p><p>"He believes it was Wooyoung but we're not sure," Donghyuck adds, even when San has stopped listening.</p><p>Every little bad scenario playing at the back of his head like an old movie in an outdoor cinema.</p><p>"He was wearing the <em> Fellaz </em> jacket," Changbin adds.</p><p>
  <em> Fuck. </em>
</p><p>Wooyoung's ex was the reason his father found out about his relationship with bikers. Right now, San is imagining the worst. </p><p>"How long ago?" San asks in a mumble, mouth dry and limps weak.</p><p>"One hour, what it took me to find you, because no one was picking up their phone," the boy says, taking both hands to his hair. "Felix is still there, I asked my guys to meet him. But we don't know what's happening inside…"</p><p>
  <em> One hour must be way too long. </em>
</p><p>"Take me there," San says, without doubting. </p><p>"I'm going, too," Donghyuck says, and San doesn't even question him.</p><p>Changbin is right, and he did the good thing. They don't know wha that girl is up to, which kind of people is she bonded with, if it is another gang or the police. They could enter and get a bullet on the chest. Or even worse.</p><p>Either way, San needs help. More than ever, he needs help right now.</p><p>
  
</p><p>☾</p><p>
  
</p><p>Wooyoung feels breathless. </p><p>It took everything from him not to run towards San and, once again, let his arms become the shield he needs against the world. It broke his heart letting him go, but it took everything from him to let San let him go. </p><p>For the first hour, he just sits down in a corner of the parking lot and cries out all the feelings he has bottled up inside. Thinking how can he get up from this, from all that's happening around him. Thinking how would he face his father after knowing what he did, after he took everything from him.</p><p>How can he keep going when, now more than ever, he has no one to lean in.</p><p>Once there's no more tears to shed, feeling numb both on his limbs and his chest, he stands up and walks towards the only place he can go now: his house. </p><p>He doesn't know where to start. What to say, or if he actually wants to say something to his father that is more than screaming. But he is still wearing the same clothes he was wearing last night, still stained in blood and dirt. He needs to change, take a shower, cold his head. Then he would be able to think clearly about what he needs to do next. And how to do it without breaking down even more.</p><p>Just as he expected, the house is empty. </p><p>Wooyoung drags his feet to the back door because, obviously, he doesn't have any keys, and picks the spare ones they have for his grandma there. He also drags his feet towards the bathroom, where he takes off his clothes with shaky and stiff fingers, eyes fixed on the floor because he can stand looking at his own face in the mirror. </p><p>Last night, after San arrived, Wooyoung finally ordered his legs to move his body to the bathroom to wash his hands and face. The sight of red sliding through his fingers just made his stomach drop to his feet, the image of Yunho laying on the floor flashing against his eyelids. Still, as he steps inside the bathtub and lets the warm water fall on top of his head, he is able to see some red sliding through his toes. </p><p>Wooyoung squeezes his eyes shut, trembling a little.</p><p>The sight of blood was never something he liked. He was such a reckless kid so he would always come home with his knees scratched and bleeding all over his shoes. Yet, he never thought he would experience something like he experienced. Even when his parents were cops, when he knew how dangerous motorbikes are. </p><p>It was too much for him.</p><p>He uses the lavender shampoo to massage both his hair and body, trying to get rid of the smell of blood. It's useless, it went straight to his brain already. He is sure he won't ever get rid of that smell.</p><p>Wooyoung never brought all his clothes to San's house. He only took with him the ones he used the most, that's why when he opens his closet he finds old hoodies he hadn't worn in years, jeans that no longer fit him and some tracksuit pants with holes on the inner side. There's also San's jacket. </p><p>Wooyoung has been searching for it for weeks, not realizing it had fallen from its hanger and ended up in between his old clothes. Picking it and bringing it to his face, he realizes his own smell never got to push San's own away, and that makes him tear up once again. It just feels like yesterday when he was taking the bus and going all the way to Streetlights to bring it back. </p><p>He decides to wear it on top of that white hoodie he stained with chocolate a year ago and never used again, laying in bed and closing his eyes for a second.</p><p>Just a second.</p><p>He must've been really tired because the next thing he knows is that he is not in his room anymore. Covering his eyes, there's a stiff cloth that strongly smells like sweat. For the way the light dazzles on the edges of the cloth, the way his body moves and the soft purr of a motor, he realizes he is inside a car.</p><p>And his heart drops once again, because this doesn't feel like a dream at all. </p><p>
  
</p><p>☾</p><p>
  
</p><p>The car ride lasts just a few minutes, but Wooyoung believes he just woke up too late in the ride, which is not convenient at all. He could be anywhere right now. </p><p>He decides to remain as quiet as possible after waking up, controlling his breathing just so they don't know he is awake. </p><p>With 'they', he refers to the same cops that are on his father's side. He recognizes the voice of that boy that was with Mark on that day, the same one Donghyuck electrocuted. The same one that must be mad enough to just break into his house for the second time and just take him away like his life means nothing. </p><p>As the car reaches a place with no road and just bumps and dust smell, Wooyoung starts feeling nervous. They must be far from the city and all he can project on the dark canvas in front of his closed eyes is a place where no one will ever find him. </p><p>Not even San. </p><p>He can't keep the whimper that slides through his lips as he thinks about that, body shrinking fast as the person next to him turns to his side.</p><p>"He is awake," the deep voice of a man informs, not impressed. </p><p>"Uh, cool. That way he can walk for himself," the cop says, yawning afterwards. "He is small but heavy."</p><p>There's a brief moment where two other people laugh. Wooyoung counts up to four people with him, five if he counts the silent driver and maybe six if there's an also silent co-driver. None of them are his father, but for some reason, Wooyoung feels he would be there this time. </p><p>He is scared. </p><p>This doesn't seem just a way to reach the bikers and keep him hostage. </p><p>The car stops just two minutes—or one hundred twenty-two heartbeats—later. A firm hand curls around his arm, strongly pulling from him and almost dropping him on the floor. There's no wind, no sound, nothing but footsteps and loud mumbles. Wooyoung feels paralyzed, even when he is ordering his legs to move and sprint out of there, or his arms—that are not handcuffed this time—to move up and get rid of the cloth. See where he is, even if it's useless. He just breathes sharply through chattering teeth. </p><p>He knows he is as trapped as his mother was five years ago.</p><p>But he saved San. He saved everyone. So when the sound of a big door panel opening reaches his ears Wooyoung just gulps and moves forward, because he knows he did good. </p><p>The air inside the place—Wooyoung guesses it's some type of abandoned factory—is rarefied. It twists beneath his nostrils for a second, making him scrunch his nose in discomfort. The cold sweat gets glued to his nape, feeding that hole in his stomach that is slowly eating him from the inside. </p><p>Somehow he thanks the fact the man is pushing him into a chair and handcuffing his hands at his back because his legs are shaking to the point he would've collapsed at any moment. What he is not so thankful for is the way he rips the cloth off his face—brushing his ears in the way—and allows him to see what's in front of him. </p><p>As he guessed, his father is occupying the chair that aligns with his own, staring at him like he is not his son anymore. And Wooyoung had known for years their relationship was wilting, but this is the first time he sees that look on the man's face. It is terrifying. It means he wouldn't mind pointing at him with the gun that lays on his right hand, softly pressed against his leg.</p><p>What Wooyoung wasn't expecting at all, is to see Heyon right by his father's side. Not smiling like some of the men standing behind them, looking quite regretful, even. Wooyoung can't help but part his lips in pain. Of course it had to be her.</p><p>For a few minutes that seem to last an eternity no one says a thing. Wooyoung presses his lips together in a thin line, making up his mind. Even when he is on the edge of the cliff, he won't say a thing. The result will be the same either way. He'll be dead, so he prefers to take everything he knows down with him.</p><p>"Wooyoung," his father says after a while, not quite greeting him but clenching his jaws in annoyance to see him there. Almost like he is saying <em> 'It had to be you!' </em>, well, Wooyoung does really think the same. "It's nice to know you came back home. It was sad you left without even leaving a note."</p><p>Wooyoung looks down, looking at him just reminds him of all the years he faked loving his mother. All a lie. That makes him angry to the point he isn't scared anymore, and that's not good. That can make everything more burdensome. So he just avoids looking at him, focusing on his shoes, still stained in dry blood.</p><p>"After learning your friends hacked our private data we were wondering how much it would take for you to come back searching for answers. It took you a lot, though," he keeps saying, like he is talking about the weather. </p><p>Wooyoung bites his tongue. Suddenly, the gray floor and his own white—and red—vans become blurry. A single tear drops in front of him. By now he isn't sure if he is crying out of fear, rage or impotence. </p><p>"You may be wondering what happened to Ara," the sound of his mother's name makes his entire body shiver, handcuffs jangling at his back. "It's easy. She broke the law. She helped thousands of those bikers, she hid information. She even had the audacity," Wooyoung's body shrinks as his father grunts, hitting the back of the gun on his leg, making a loud sound that echoes around the whole place, "to fall in love with a woman."</p><p>For a moment, Wooyoung's heart doesn't feel as heavy as it was before. His mother found happiness, a person that loved her the right way, the way she deserved. And Wooyoung's heart is content to know she decided to stay with her true love until the end. Because he couldn't. </p><p>"As if it wasn't stupidly enough to fall in love with a biker," his father hisses, standing up. Wooyoung shrinks even more, thinking of the man getting close to him with a gun, but he just starts pacing in front of him. "When I found out, she had to spill her entire plan to me. They were planning to leave the city, start over in a place that was <em> safe </em>for them," he laughs, totally believing it is impossible to conceive the idea of a safe place for bikers. "She even wanted to take you with her."</p><p>The man stops for a second, finally walking towards Wooyoung and putting the gun under his chin, forcing him to look at him in the eye. </p><p>Wooyoung stops breathing for a second.</p><p>"Maybe I could've gone past everything else. You know, one more biker in town wouldn't make the difference. But to think she wanted to take you, <em> my son </em>, and raise you with the morals of bikers, with another woman!" </p><p>Wooyoung closes his eyes, fidgeting on the spot as his father raised his free hand in the air. He waits to be hitten, heartbeats going from fast to faster, heart trying to rip a hole in his chest and run as far from here as it can. But he gets nothing more but footsteps getting far. He sees how the man takes a seat again through his lashes, crossing his legs and sighing in tiredness. </p><p>"Ridiculous," he spits. "I couldn't let that happen."</p><p><em> I am not your son, </em> chants inside Wooyoung's mind, throat too dry to make a sound, fear so cold around his neck to even think of opening his mouth to say it outloud.</p><p>"I just did what had to be done," he says like nothing, waving the gun in the air. "She planned to run away on the night of the fourth of May. She was supposed to take you with her that day, but she didn't. She realized you didn't have to die."</p><p>Wooyoung can't take it anymore. He bends his body all he can, letting not only the tears fall into his legs, but all the pain bottling inside his chest exploding around like a bomb. </p><p>His mother knew she was more likely to die that day, she totally knew they wouldn't have any chance to see each other again. She knew, and yet they fought. She wanted to protect him, for him to grow without knowing the truth about her death, that's why she left to <em> work </em> like any other normal day. </p><p>That's why Wooyoung believed she died in a car accident.</p><p>She left to protect him. And the last thing they did, was fighting.</p><p>Just like it happened with San. </p><p>To think the same story is repeating is equally funny and sad.</p><p>"She died protecting you, Wooyoung. Imagine my rage when I found out you were doing nothing but following her stupid steps," the man grunts, pausing with every word. "Do you really want to die that badly?"</p><p>
  <em> No. </em>
</p><p>"For what? A bunch of savages that believe they're kings of the city?"</p><p>
  <em> They're not savages. They're my family.  </em>
</p><p>"I had to kill your mother to avoid you becoming one of them, and look at you now! You're totally dishonoring her death!"</p><p>Silence. </p><p>"You killed her because you couldn't accept the fact she was finally happy! She was happy without you," Wooyoung finally says, even when his <em> scream </em>sounds raspy and muffled by the tears and not as sharp as it sounded in his mind. </p><p>Yet, it's enough for his father to stop and raise his eyebrows, clenching his jaw so hard it must be hurting. He stands up again, getting as close as possible and this time, pointing the gun directly towards Wooyoung's head. He freezes, head up, feeling like this is it.</p><p>The end.</p><p>"I did the right thing. I protected my family, my honor and the one of everyone in this city," he groans. "Bikers will bring nothing more but chaos, they will destroy families, raise kids in between blood and fire and murder. Don't you see they're all better off dead?"</p><p>It happens in the spawn of a second, but Wooyoung realizes it is not true that you see your life flashing before your eyes when you're about to die. </p><p>What he sees is <em> Fellaz. </em> Standing in front of him, smiles so big their eyes disappear, waving their hands in the air, calling for him. </p><p>What he sees is Changbin. Shyly smiling at him, telling him they would be late to class, two coffees warming his hands.</p><p>What he sees is San. Standing right next to his mother, Wooyoung's mother. They're not looking at him, they're talking cheerfully, and laughing. They seem happy.</p><p>A family. </p><p>A friend.</p><p>Love.</p><p>Wooyoung clenches his jaw as well, and for as long as all that lasts, he doesn't feel scared anymore. </p><p>"The only murder those children will experience is the one of their parents. Parents you will murder."</p><p>He is ready. Wooyoung sees how the man in front of him, who used to be his father, squints his eyes and parts his lips to breath. He also sees how the vein on his neck grows bigger, and how the shake on his hand means nothing but that he is ready to pull the trigger. </p><p>Wooyoung doesn't regret leaving San, he just regrets he had to meet him in such a moment of his life. He regrets not meeting him at some biker party his mother pulled him to one random Sunday. Eyeing each other from different corners of the room and slowly getting close to start a conversation about the most random thing, like why lemon candies are tasty but natural lemons are that sour. He regrets things he can't even feel regretful about. </p><p>He regrets not being able to live his life happily, and truly, and next to the ones that really love him for who he is. </p><p>If he could just start all over again, he would choose the life he always wanted.</p><p>"Wait a minute!" </p><p>Wooyoung closes his eyes out of impulse, Heyon's voice sounding loud in between all that silence. The man doesn't even look away from Wooyoung's face, but he doesn't pull the trigger. </p><p>The girl comes a few steps closer.</p><p>Wooyoung fiercely regrets dating her, too.</p><p>"Mister Jung," she says, almost like she is also regretting some life decisions she actually made, "you said you wouldn't kill him. He is your son–"</p><p>"This man is not my son," he says, pressing the gun right against Wooyoung's forehead, making him screech. It's cold. </p><p>"Wait!" Heyon screams again, this time holding onto the man's arm, moving the gun aside. "You promised me you wouldn't kill him! That we would be happy together! That's why I brought him here, if I knew you…"</p><p><em> Oh, so that's why, </em> Wooyoung feels like laughing, maybe out of panic, but also a bit out of perplexity. <em> You did all this because you were jealous? After everything you did to me? </em></p><p>It feels like a nightmare that keeps going and going and going. </p><p>"I'm afraid it is too late, Heyon," the man says, putting the gun back into place, voice sounding even a little bit sad. Like he doesn't really want to do this. Like it is Wooyoung's fault after all. "He prefers to die before betraying his beloved bikers. Am I right?" </p><p>Wooyoung opens his eyes again, totally knowing he would want to see the pissed expression on the man's face before dying. He is glad the man is smart enough to not interrogate him, because there's nothing coming out of his lips more than:</p><p>"I took it after mom," he says, and then, he hears the shot before even feeling the pain.</p><p>He also hears Heyon screaming, so loud it makes him shrink in response. When the pain hits in, Wooyoung notices something is wrong.</p><p>He opens his eyes, disoriented and surprised. One could say a little bit breathless. The sound of the shot still ringing in his ears, so loud it takes him a little to understand what's happening. </p><p>In front of him, he sees the back of the man that used to be his father, Heyon laying on the floor, holding tight onto the gun like it is a treasure. For a moment, Wooyoung thinks he missed the shot. But then realizes no one is really paying attention to him, and that with every beat of his heart, he feels like dying. </p><p>The next thing he knows, he is coughing blood all over his pants and blacking out.</p><p>
  
</p><p>☾</p><p>
  
</p><p>"Young!" </p><p>The music is loud.</p><p>"Young!" </p><p>So loud.</p><p>"Wooyoung!" </p><p>Not loud enough for him not to hear the strident voice of his mother topping Sum 41's <em> Walking disaster. </em>Wooyoung sits down in bed, frowning and even pouting a little. </p><p>One annoying thing about his mother is that she is a strong woman in every aspect of her life. She is physically strong, of course, Wooyoung grew up amazed that a little woman like her was able to knock out dudes twice her size. She is mentally strong, Wooyoung never had a chance to win a fight with her, not even when he was a master of puppy eyes at six. And she also has a strong voice, a very annoying strong voice.</p><p>"Jung Wooyoung!" She is screaming again and the boy is jumping out of bed with a frown already marked on his forehead. </p><p>He storms out of the room, leans on the stairs railing and screams back just like they're trying to prove who has the best lung capacity. </p><p>"What do you want? I'm listening to music!" </p><p>"You should be doing homework!" She counterattacks, and the only smart thing that comes to Wooyoung's mind is to silently mimic her. "Come here right now!"</p><p>Wooyoung is tempted to just ignore her and slam the door of his room as hard as he can, put a chair right under the knob and turn the volume of his phone to the maximum. But he knows she will do something crazy like climb up his window and accuse him of having another  hormonal tantrum. Which he doesn't, because he is very mature for his age.</p><p>And as mature as he is, he throws his phone back into his bed and walks downstairs and towards the kitchen with the best pissed expression he can put on. Which he automatically gets in return because he got his mother's face. So they just look at each other with the same pissed expression for about half a minute.</p><p>"What?" Wooyoung groans as a greet.</p><p>"What is this?" His mother points at the empty sink, making Wooyoung change his expression first, turning annoyance into confusion. </p><p>"What?"</p><p>"I'm asking what do you see," she keeps pointing at the sink.</p><p>Without actually knowing what the answer is, Wooyoung gets closer to the sink and goes on his tiptoes. It's empty and clean.</p><p>"Nothing?" He asks, frowning again. "What are you trying to tell me?"</p><p>His mother sighs loudly, taking a hand to her face.</p><p>"I asked you to do the dishes last night. And what do I find when I wake up? Dirty dishes!"</p><p>Wooyoung rolls his eyes, yet he shrinks his body a little, feeling somehow guilty because the only reason he forgot to do the dishes was because he was chosen as the main dancer for the summer festival and before telling the big news to his mother, he wanted to get the dance perfectly done first. So he danced until four in the morning and then fell like a tree on his bed, totally forgetting the dirty dishes. </p><p>"Hmm," he mumbles, shrugging. </p><p>"You're supposed to say <em> 'I'm sorry, mom, it won't happen again'. </em>" She clicks her tongue, both arms on her hips.</p><p>"It's just dirty dishes," Wooyoung clicks his tongue back. "You did them already so why are you nagging at me? You're so annoying." </p><p>The woman parts her lips to say something, but then decides to remain silent, change her expression and take a hand to her chest. Suddenly, Wooyoung's head starts hurting, and so does his chest. Almost like he is running out of air. He needs to lean over the kitchen island and part his lips as well. It burns with every breath he takes.</p><p>"I love you, Young," his mother says, walking towards him and pulling him into a tight embrace. Wooyoung can't breathe. "I should've said that instead of what I said. I love you so much. You're the light of my life. You deserved a happy life, son."</p><p>Wooyoung starts getting dizzy, and suddenly reality breaks and he is thrown back where he belongs. So he wraps his arms around his mother's body, even when he can't feel nothing beneath his arms and the only thing he perceives is the heavy pain on his chest. </p><p>He hugs her tightly because he knows what's going to happen next. And he promised himself, if he was given another chance, he would do things differently. </p><p>"I'm sorry, mom. It won't happen again. I love you. Please, don't go."</p><p>His mother giggles, kissing his forehead. Wooyoung doesn't feel it but somehow he knows she does it.</p><p>"Promise me you will be happy." </p><p>"Mom–"</p><p>Wooyoung reaches out an arm, trying to keep her with him, but the only thing he sees is the blood dripping from his fingers. </p><p>
  
</p><p>☾</p><p>
  
</p><p>The first thing that reaches his ears, is the rhythmic beeps of a machine that must be close to him, as the sound is loud and annoying. Wooyoung knows he has heard those types of beeps before, but right now he is too immersed in a sticky mass to remember where. He is lucky to remember his own name.</p><p>The second thing, the soft murmur of voices. An open window where the wind plays with the curtains. He gets the smell of dust and vanilla around the room, hurting a little when he takes a deep breath. </p><p>The pain is warm. Maybe even a little bit suffocating. He has never felt this kind of pain, the one that sticks to the inside of his body and scorches everything at such a slow pace it becomes unbearable. It's the pain that kills you, and not the actual fire. </p><p>On the outside, his body feels like laying on top of a cloud. Floating. But still hurting. It's weird. His entire expression turns into the one of discomfort. </p><p>Slowly, he recovers pieces of his memory. The blood, there was blood everywhere, covering his hands and his shoes and his pants and his mouth. The taste of blood is still glued to his tongue, making his entire body scream. There was also coldness, like someone just covered his body in a wet blanket. Difficulty to breath, like his lungs were flooded, and the smell of fire, but not like the fire of a campfire, it was something stronger and burning. Wooyoung remembers flashing lights on top of his head and what he thinks it was Changbin, he also remembers trying to speak but just blood coming out of his lips. And he also remembers a voice, calling out his name. Over and over and over. Telling him <em> 'I love you'</em>. </p><p>Wooyoung held tight onto that voice, because he loved it as well.</p><p>The first thing he sees through his fluttering lashes, is a white ceiling. So white for a moment it blinds him, closing them back within a second. He tries again after a few minutes, slowly moving his eyes all he can: he only gets the ceiling and part of the walls. Everything is well illuminated, but not artificially. The sun breaks in through the open window, warm and dazzling. It must be early. </p><p>He feels a piercing pain on his left side, so he tries to move his right hand instead, bumping into something. One hand is immediately curling around his fingers and just a second later, the ceiling is not the only thing Wooyoung's able to see. </p><p>San's face blocks his vision, just for a second because he is soon sighing out of relief and hiding his head in the crook of Wooyoung's neck. Wooyoung doesn't know what's happening, but he feels relieved. </p><p>To know San is okay. To see San again when he thought he would never see him again. </p><p>"I love you," Wooyoung mumbles, not quite recognizing his voice as he does it, sounding raspy and dry. San has been murmuring a bunch of things between sobs, yet Wooyoung can't listen to him properly so he just ignores him for now. "I love you, San. I'm so sorry. I am going to dance. You need to know that. I'm an idiot. And I love you."</p><p>The words slip through his lips without even realizing it, but he is glad he is saying them, even if it is all because of his sticky brain coming back to life.</p><p>"It's okay," San shushes him, shaking his face at the same time he softly cups Wooyoung's cheeks. He is crying, and Wooyoung wants to laugh at how funny he looks right now, but he also feels like crying so he does so. San leans in to kiss his forehead. "It's okay. Everything is okay now." </p><p>
  
</p><p>☾</p><p>
  
</p><p>Wooyoung wakes up one week after he was shot. </p><p>The surgeons that took care of him said it wasn't a clean shot, that the bullet was encrusted on his left lung, that he lost a lot of blood on their way to the hospital. Every word making San feel smaller. They even said it would take a while for him to wake up because of the protecting mechanisms the brain has.</p><p>Wooyoung was through a lot, and maybe he decided to never come back.</p><p>Either way, San sat next to his bed for the entire week. Leaving him just so he could stretch his legs a few times during the day, walking down the hall to visit Yunho and Yeosang, who for the first five days decided to give him the silent treatment for not telling them what happened. But he never went home. </p><p>He showered in the hospital, slept in the hospital, ate in the hospital. If Wooyoung decided to wake up, he wanted to be there. He would only leave if Wooyoung asked him to.</p><p>But he didn't. Thank God he decided to hug him for an hour straight instead. </p><p>"So, he is in jail," Wooyoung affirms four days later, once he can sit without hurting and finally gets rid of the, as he called it, stickiness of his brain. </p><p>"Yeah, I think so," San is peeling another apple for him, as Wooyoung turns out to be really picky with hospital food—San doesn't blame him, it's actually horrible. "My only concern for the past week was you, so I'm not sure how things turned out to be. But you can be calm."</p><p>"But he is out of the police, right?"</p><p>"Yeah," this time, San can assure confidently. "Changbin called the police, it was risky, but we thought your father would've taken his entire team with him. And we were right. Things are totally good."</p><p>Wooyoung purses his lips, looking to one side.</p><p>"What?" San asks, preoccupied as this is the first conversation they have about what happened. And yet San can't bring himself to tell him the horrible ride to the hospital hoping he wouldn't die in his arms.</p><p>"He is not my father," Wooyoung mumbles, swallowing with difficulty. "He is just a man."</p><p>"That's right," San nods, giving him a piece of apple. Wooyoung eats slowly, still looking conflicted. "You can ask everything you feel like."</p><p>The boy purses his lips, eyeing San in silence.</p><p>"What happened with Heyon?"</p><p>San sighs, tilting his head a little. They talked about that already, when Wooyoung asked how the bullet could hit his lung when he was being pointed to the head. Heyon confessed to the police she interfered and tried to move the Captain's hand before he could pull the trigger. She was late, but it wasn't fatal at all. </p><p>"The police took her, she was accused of kidnapping, but also drug possession. That was what she had been doing at that fabric," San explains slowly, and he only knows it because, contrary to the Captain's case, Heyon's was all over the TV thanks to her father—the mayor.  "Her father is trying to hide everything because he can't believe his daughter did all that. But it's not going well," San sighs, then he bites his tongue. "She also said she didn't want to hurt you."</p><p>Wooyoung rolls his eyes, looking aside.</p><p>"She can go to hell." </p><p>San thinks the same, yet he knows deep down, Wooyoung is glad she was there to save his life, even when she was the only one bringing him there. </p><p>Shaking his head, he gives him another piece of apple. This time Wooyoung immediately scrunches his nose, moving his face away. San clicks his tongue.</p><p>"You need to eat."</p><p>The boy shakes his head.</p><p>"I'm tired of apples. When can I go home?"</p><p>San looks down at the plate, putting it aside and cleaning his hands in the towel one of the nurses so kindly gave him. For some reason, San couldn't stop thinking about her smile, like he had met her somewhere but he doesn't remember where. </p><p>"The police are still investigating your house. Apparently your fa– the Captain had a lot of illegal weapons and data about bikers there. So you can go there yet, but we can contact your grandma if you–"</p><p>"What are you saying?" Wooyoung groans, fingers curling around San's own, bringing his hand close to his chest,  where San is able to feel his heartbeats. He never felt so happy to hear someone else's heart beating. "I mean with you. Our home." </p><p>"Oh."</p><p>San is still a little confused. Everything happened so fast he has yet to put a lot of pieces in order. The last conversation he had with Wooyoung ended pretty badly, and then he was bleeding out and then they just hugged like nothing happened—like Wooyoung wasn't just shot!</p><p>To be honest, San thought their relationship was over.</p><p>"I'm sorry I was such a dick to you," Wooyoung keeps saying, hiding half his face with his free hand. "But you have to admit I was right. I was shot, but neither of you died. It could've been worse."</p><p>"I know," San says, holding tight into Wooyoung's hand. "I won't fight you on that."</p><p>Wooyoung allows himself to show a proud smile, closing his eyes for a second.</p><p>"When I was dying," he adds, making San's entire body tremble, "I dreamt about my mom. It was the day she died. I forgot to do the dishes and she got mad. That time, I called her annoying because she was nagging at me, and she said I was such a spoiled brat and that she didn't raise me to be such a jerk," Wooyoung laughs softly. "Can you imagine a mom saying <em> jerk </em>? If it wasn't because I was so mad at her, I bet I would've laughed like crazy. In my dream, though, she said she loved me. That she should've said that to me instead. It made me think that the last thing my mother called me was a jerk, and the last thing I said to her was that I wished she could disappear. That weighted me down for all these past years," he sighs, opening his eyes to give San a soft look. "That's why I'm glad I told you I loved you right before leaving. Because even when we were fighting, you needed to know my real feelings. Not the ones born out of a fight." </p><p>"Hmm," San can only nod, tears already crowding in his eyes, unable to say a thing because of the lump of his throat. He really hates the fact he is this emotional. </p><p>"I still love you," Wooyoung smiles. "And life is giving me a second chance to do things the way I want, so bring me home."</p><p>San can't bring himself to speak so he just leans in and kisses him instead. </p><p>
  
</p><p>☾</p><p>
  
</p><p>"Kang Yeosang!" Wooyoung raises his head, surprised to hear no one but Yunho scream in annoyance, observing how the boy looks down at his casted leg with a mortified expression crossing his face. "I said no dicks! I don't care if it's your birthday. I don't want to walk around with some dicks on my leg."</p><p>Yeosang frowns from his spot on the table, where Hongjoong is doing his nails.</p><p>"First of all, you can't walk," he says, sticking his tongue out in a playful way, and no one can't blame him as Yunho really has one leg and one his arms casted. "Second, it's not a dick, it's a drumstick, you idiot. Appreciate art!"</p><p>"Your art sucks," Yunho says through a pout, and Wooyoung finally smiles and pats his naked toe. Yunho squints at him. "I just hope you're a better artist, Woo."</p><p>Wooyoung smiles, proudly. </p><p>"I studied architecture, remember?"</p><p>"He's gonna draw a building," Mingi says, then laughs at the way Yunho throws his head back in annoyance. </p><p>Wooyoung thinks it's quite funny to see happy virus Yunho get a little moody, it's like getting to know the family even better. For him, Yunho was the one that couldn't get mad and Mingi the irresponsible one. One month out of the hospital shows him Yunho does get mad a lot when he is in pain, and Mingi is actually a good caretaker.</p><p>"Just leave me alone. I'm going to sleep," Yunho groans. </p><p>"Don't be a killjoy, baldie," Hongjoong laughs from his spot, and Jongho, playing games in the couch behind Wooyoung can't quite contain the laugh. "I'll take you out for ice cream later." </p><p>Yeosang retorts that if someone is going to have ice cream, it must be him and, as he says,<em> his</em> <em>birthday ass</em>. Meanwhile, Yunho screams again, begging Mingi to just find the cap Jongho hid hours ago to cover his head. Wooyoung can't help but smile to himself, because Yunho looks actually really cute with his short hair, and it is really soft to the touch, even when the boy hates it with passion. </p><p>San says he will go back to normal once he is able to walk again, and Seonghwa walks around the house wishing that day comes quickly. </p><p>Speaking of the devil, San peeks from the kitchen door to wave at him a few minutes after. Wooyoung closes the marker and lets his unfinished sunflower there to go to the kitchen where Seonghwa immediately takes a picture of him.</p><p>Wooyoung blinks, then scowls.</p><p>"Stop taking pictures of me," he groans, pointing a finger at Seonghwa. </p><p>"Aw, cute," San coes as he pinches one of his cheeks, face lighting up when Seonghwa shows them the picture. "Even cuter!" </p><p>"Where?" Wooyoung cries, trying to snatch the picture away with no success. Seonghwa is already putting it on the wall and proudly smiling at how cute Wooyoung looks. "Why do you keep putting pictures on the wall if we're leaving in a week?"</p><p>Seonghwa doesn't answer at first, moving back to take another picture, this time, of the wall itself. Wooyoung looks at him with curiosity while San just throws his arms around his neck, cheek resting over the top of his head. </p><p>"For the <em> before </em>," Seonghwa says, fondly smiling at the picture he just took. "This is our before." </p><p>Wooyoung can't help but mimic that smile.</p><p>After the police—the good one—finished the investigation on his house, Wooyoung received a lot of letters that belonged to his mother and that they found in between the bikers files the Captain was hiding. In those letters, his mother and Fever's number Eight talked about their plan to run away. Speaking about some hidden money, and the exact place where they could start all over again without worries. </p><p>San was the happiest when they found out that place was far from there, and it was an island. </p><p>The money belonged to Wooyoung, that's what they all said, but Wooyoung had other things in mind. The money was for bikers to be free, so he gave it to Seonghwa believing that was what his mother would've wanted. It was more than enough to pay all those debts. To make them all free. </p><p>They were just leaving in a week, and even when Wooyoung had to go through a teary eyed goodbye with Changbin and an even more dramatic goodbye with Donghyuck, he was happy. They needed to start all over again. But, of course, Wooyoung wrote down his number for Donghyuck and made them both promise to never stop texting each other. After all, they were Wooyoung's very first friends.</p><p>"Okay," Seonghwa sighs loudly, putting the picture down and taking the camera with himself. "I'm going to take one hundred pictures of Yeosang now or he will spend the entire trip singing to Girl Generation's Gee and Gee only." </p><p>Wooyoung giggles along Seonghwa rolling his eyes, already moving to follow him into the living room when San is stopping him by the wrist. Wooyoung has a chance to arch his brows at him for a second before San is pulling him into a tight hug, lips finding his neck really fast.</p><p>"What?" Wooyoung asks in between giggles, not stopping any of the kisses San decides to give him. On the neck, the cheek, the nose, the lips. </p><p>"I have a gift for you," San says once they pull away from each other.</p><p>"I think you got the date wrong. Today's Yeosang birthday, not mine," Wooyoung jokes, totally knowing that's not what happened.</p><p>San ignores him, leaning again to softly kiss the tip of his nose before pulling a velvety box out of the pocket of his hoodie. It takes Wooyoung's breath away, making him happy but also scared.</p><p>"Don't ask me to marry you," he blurts, cheeks flushed and one hand tightly pressed against his chest, high fiving his heart repeatedly. "I'm still recovering from surgery."</p><p><em> And everything that happened in the past six months </em>, he thinks, observing how San smirks and still opens the box, not saying a single thing. </p><p>In the middle of the box, comfortably laying in a tiny red cushion—or whatever it's called—, there's a pair of earrings. Daisy earrings to be exact. </p><p>Wooyoung breathes out, relaxed. </p><p>"I'm not asking you to marry me, yet," San raises both eyebrows. "I think first we need to make sure we really are made for each other now that I am not a dangerous, yet incredibly sexy biker."</p><p>Wooyoung rolls his eyes. He is totally sure San is the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with, here in the dangerous city or laying in the warm sand while listening to the waves crash.</p><p>"Still, I want to give you something," San says, putting the box into Wooyoung's hands. "These are the only thing I took with me when I ran away from home. I bought them with the money my grandma gave me during Christmas. I don't even know why I took them with me, because I never used them after running away. I thought they were bonded to a bad memory. But then I met you, thanks to the ring that was bonded to your mom, and now I have the ring," he says, proudly showing the ring. "I want you to take my earrings, so we can both always have a part of each other's <em> before </em> with us."</p><p>Wooyoung swells his chest, already feeling the warmth spreading all over his body, starting from his heart and warming him up like nothing did before. He nods, picking up the earrings and putting them on in silence, smiling wide once he is done.</p><p>"I love them." </p><p>San smiles back.</p><p>"I love you," he whispers, so slowly that Wooyoung wouldn't have been able to hear him if it wasn't because they are just three centimetres apart. </p><p>"I love you, too," Wooyoung says, closing the small gap to kiss him. "Even if you're not a biker anymore." </p><p>For the first time in months, Wooyoung feels like he will be utterly safe for the rest of his life if he just stays next to San.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>group hug everyone??????? :D<br/>I adore you for making it until here!!</p><p>buy me a <a href="https://www.buymeacoffee.com/bubblesani">coffee</a> if you want!!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Light Made Of Hearts</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong>EPILOGUE</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>For a reason Wooyoung will never understand, San wakes up one day and decides to set Exo's <em> Call me baby </em> as his new ringtone. </p><p>It was quite funny, Jongho said it was pretty ingenious, for a few days. Just a few days. After a month, and with San always receiving calls at the most inappropriate times, Wooyoung starts hating that song with passion.  </p><p>The chorus starts flowing from beneath the tangle of pillows and sheets one morning they wake up later than usual, and Wooyoung's second thought is <em> 'Just put it on silent mode for godssake' </em> , being the first <em> 'I fucking hate this song.'  </em></p><p>Wooyoung throws his head back into the pillow, a low growl already bubbling at the back of his throat. He takes a hand to his face, suddenly losing all the morning desire that brought both of them naked and underneath the blankets. Wooyoung spies through his fingers, watching how San crawls all over his body until he is finally popping half his body outside, still having the sheets around his head like some celestial halo when he finally finds the phone and declines the call. Wooyoung raises his head, staring at him, perplexed. </p><p>"What?" San cocks his head to one side, softly tugging from Wooyoung's hand. Aside from his face. </p><p>"Don't just end the call like that!" Wooyoung throws his head back with a sigh, pressing both hands into his face. The fingers apply a little pressure over his closed eyeballs, sparking in white on the inside. </p><p>San couldn't care less, taking his time kissing Wooyoung's toned abdomen, ignoring everything. His fingers roam all over Wooyoung's chest, fingertips softly caressing the pink scar that decorates his chest. Moving to kiss all over the place, taking time, kissing all the pain away. Wooyoung shuts his eyes close, warm air blowing through his parted teeth.</p><p>Slowly, San moves his lips to his neck, going up his jaw and crashing into Wooyoung's own. His hand curls around his neck when he takes Wooyoung's lower lip in between his teeth, thumb brushing his Adam's apple. </p><p>"It was Mingi. Whatever he has to say can wait," he breathes on top of Wooyoung's lips, taking his time with every word, warm tongue pressing into the lower one now. Wooyoung is able to feel San's firm fingers still pressed around his neck when he gulps. Through fluttering eyelashes he catches how dark San's eyes are right now. "You come first." </p><p>Wooyoung exhales shortly, meeting San's tongue in the way. San is already laughing on top of him, body moving to get onto a more comfortable posture, legs keeping Wooyoung down. San's free hand moves to curl around Wooyoung's wrist, tugging his hand on top of his head. They kiss like it's been years since the last time they were able to do it. Deep, hungry, pouring a strange yearning from their hearts, mixing in the middle of a very warm summer morning. </p><p>The loud sound of kisses and San's little whimpers, as well with Wooyoung's harsh breaths, are the only thing floating around the room. The windows are open, but the soft crash of the waves in the distance can't make it through their ears. </p><p>This time is theirs only. </p><p>With a soft groan, Wooyoung is pressing a hand flat into San's naked chest, forcing the boy to break the kiss. In front of him, San purses his lips in discomfort, smiling right after when Wooyoung flips him around using just one hand. Sitting on his lap now, one hand pulling from San's chin, exposing his neck. Wooyoung rushes his lips to the golden patch of freckles on the side of San's neck, nibbling around the warm skin. San whines underneath his body, trembling a little. </p><p>Wooyoung is slowly starting to feel warm again, lips trailing away from San's neck to his chest. Thinking of going further, taste the sweat out of his abdomen and thighs. </p><p>Then, San's phone is ringing again. </p><p>Both of them gasp at the same time, even when the sound it's quite different.  San sounds devastated, Wooyoung mad enough to throw that phone out of the window. He sinks his knees on the mattress at each side of San's waist, leaning in to snatch the phone from his hands.</p><p>"We're busy," Wooyoung barks right away, not missing the way San parts his lips in disbelief—neither how his cheeks dust in pink, blonde hair a sweaty mess, falling all around his face like a halo.</p><p>At the other side of the line, Mingi barks back.</p><p>"<em> Wooyoung!" </em> The boy sounds stressed. " <em> I've been calling you. What do you have a phone for?" </em></p><p>Wooyoung rolls his eyes in annoyance, his free hand taking a grip of San's thigh. Squeezing. The boy parts his lips without making any sound, so Wooyoung squeezes harder. He also frowns. Contrary to San, he knows when to silence his phone.</p><p>"It's not the time, Min. We're busy," he repeats. </p><p><em> "You can have your dick sucked later. Now you need to come here right now, because Mister Kim is about to kick your ass out of the academy." </em> As Mingi speaks, totally in between sharp mumbles, Wooyoung realizes the day. Friday. Examination day. And pulling the phone out of his ear to look at the time, he realizes he is late. <em> "I told him you got stuck in traffic but we both know there's no traffic here. He really loves you so you need to move!"  </em></p><p>"I'll be there in twenty minutes!" Wooyoung babbles, not waiting for Mingi's next words. He totally throws San's phone into the bed, jumping out of it next. Seeing he is already half an hour late, he will have to resign to the shower. </p><p>San sits down, looking at him with a mix of confusion and regret. </p><p>"What happens?"</p><p>"My exam," Wooyoung jumps around, putting on the same sweatpants he wore the day before. He forgets the underwear, but he doesn't have time to worry about that now. "I'm late. I'm so late."</p><p>San opens his eyes wide, kneeling in bed. Wooyoung is now searching for a clean shirt to pull down his head.</p><p>"Your entrance exam?" San breathes.</p><p>"Yes, San, the entrance exam I've been preparing for the past two months," Wooyoung starts walking in circles, looking around in panic. "Have you seen my bag?" </p><p>San jumps out of bed, looking around their messy room until he finds Wooyoung's dance bag under the bed, throwing it at him. Wooyoung cups San's face and plants a kiss on his lips before sprinting out of the room. </p><p>Just when he is reaching the front door he can hear how San screams at him from the middle of the stairs. </p><p>"Don't forget your helmet!"</p><p>"Right," Wooyoung hisses, coming back his steps to pick up his helmet. He looks around, catching San hanging from the stair railing, still naked. "I love you!"</p><p>"Love you, too. Also," San calls back, almost like he just remembered, "the ceremony starts at six! You can't be late to <em> this </em> wedding!"</p><p>Wooyoung curses under his breath. It had to be today as well. How could he forget about everything—he blames San and his beautiful eyes. </p><p>He gives San a thumbs up before throwing himself into the street, running towards his bike, parked right next to San's Betty. He puts on the helmet before taking the keys out of his bag. </p><p>Today more than ever, Wooyoung thanks the lack of traffic around the island, because it makes it possible for him to arrive at the city center in just twelve minutes. </p><p>Mingi and Yunho are waiting for him outside the old dance academy regented by an old couple of dancers that were born and grew up in the island, loving dance so much they just opened a place for the little kids to learn. Although it is not big around the world, it has a high prestige. </p><p>The three of them have been dancing there for two years, since they arrived and Wooyoung found the place on one of their afternoon walks. Shining in front of him. Almost like telling him <em> this is what you've been searching for.  </em></p><p>Right now, they really want to become teachers there. And for that, he can't really be late to the exam.</p><p>"I swear to God, you!" Mingi points at him, practically at the verge of tears.</p><p>"I'm sorry, I overslept," Wooyoung practically storms past them and into the small building without saying more. He ignores the knowing look Yunho gives him. </p><p>
  
</p><p>☾</p><p>
  
</p><p>Yeosang hands the cigarette back to San, both of them enjoying the way the raspberry scented smoke floats around them as the waves of the ocean crash not far from where they are standing—sitting down in the cozy terrace of Paradise Cafe, that was Yunho's at first, but with the dancing he quickly handed it to someone that would take good care of it: Seonghwa. </p><p>From there, they have a perfect view of Jongho and Hongjoong. Coming out of the water in between giggles, boards in hand. It still makes San smile like a fool how Jongho totally forgot about bikes once they arrived. After two years, he is finally shining on top of a surfboard. </p><p>Hongjoong… Hongjoong looks happier than ever. He looks free, and San never really thought of his friend feeling trapped inside his old life until they were here and he was able to see the glow in his eyes. It was quite sad to think about everything his family went through. </p><p>"Are you nervous?" Yeosang asks as San puffs the cigarette. "About the wedding. It is in," Yeosang looks down at his phone, taking a hand to his chest, "four hours."</p><p>San takes a deep breath, pursing his lips in a tender smile.</p><p>"I'm actually quite excited. Are you nervous?"</p><p>"I'm terrified," Yeosang admits, taking a hand to his mouth, slowly biting his nails. "What if Yunho gets the bouquet? Or Mingi? They're giants, I'm pretty sure one of them catches it. And then, boom," Yeosang claps his hands loudly, startling San. The boy looks at the cigarette that just dropped from his fingers, laying now in between his feet and dirt. "I'm the next one getting married."</p><p>San sighs, intertwining his fingers on top of his chest, eyes getting lost in the wide ocean that spreads in front of him. It feels so peaceful. </p><p>"Don't overthink about it. You should marry whenever you feel ready, not pressured by one bouquet of peonies."</p><p>"What if I am never ready?" Yeosang wonders, more asking himself than San. "I mean, we are practically married but I don't know, I never thought of actually going down an aisle and all that. It makes my hands sweat and my heart race for a reason. Do you feel ready?"</p><p>San looks up at the sky now, and how there's not a single cloud covering the bright blue canvas. It's been only two years. He is still surprised how little time has passed since they arrived into that tiny island which name got lost generations away. </p><p>One could say, a nameless island is an island that doesn't exist. </p><p>Small and surrounded by both the forest and the ocean. Long roads that circle around the tiny city center, that consists of old shops and a little school, ending up on a cliff. No mall, no bright lights shining at night other than the ones coming from the stars. No car engines disturbing the sleep. </p><p>Everyone knows everyone, everyone helps everyone. </p><p>"I am ready," San finally says, smiling brightly. </p><p>"Of course you are," Yeosang sighs heavily, letting his body fall back into the chair with a big pout on his lips. "You've been ready since you met Wooyoung."</p><p>"Maybe," San shrugs. </p><p>The truth is, he is ready. For whatever life throws at him. When it comes to Wooyoung, he feels like nothing can go wrong. Not after everything they overcame together. </p><p>"Hey, Hwa, are you nervous?" Yeosang asks once Seonghwa is getting outside, bringing their lemonade order. "About the wedding."</p><p>Seonghwa opens his eyes big, lips pressed in a thin line. He raises a finger, almost like nagging at him with the gesture.</p><p>"Let's not talk about the wedding," he cuts, rushing back into the cafe, shaking his black strands around. </p><p>"He is nervous," Yeosang whispers, resting half his body onto the table. </p><p>San imitates him, one hand covering his lips.</p><p>"He is pissing his pants."</p><p>As they laugh, they can't help but drift towards where Hongjoong is getting rid of the sand glued to his feet. And smile. </p><p>
  
</p><p>☾</p><p>
  
</p><p>San's fingers nervously tug from his tie in front of the mirror. He is way too stubborn to admit to Seonghwa he never really learned how to put on a tie, being this the first time he does, actually. </p><p>He clicks his tongue in annoyance, pulling from the tie and making a mess out of the white vest shirt. Furrowing in front of the mirror, he wonders why he has to wear a suit when the wedding is taking place at the beach. At sunset. You're not supposed to wear a suit and shoes when you go to the beach. That's ruining the whole wedding at the beach purpose. </p><p>The front door opens when he is trying for the fourth time, twisting on his heels as the already known cling of Wooyoung's keys reach his ears. He quickly closes the bathroom door, glueing his back at the wooden surface, teeth meeting the corner of his mouth in a shy smile.</p><p>Wooyoung calls out his name, excitement dazzling in his voice. San gets his mouth close to the door slot. </p><p>"I'm in the bathroom, but don't come in!" He warns. "I'm not ready yet!"</p><p>The clock marked four thirty in the afternoon when San started getting dressed, phone dead since the morning calls from Mingi. Anxious to get some news from Wooyoung, starting to fight with his tie when he realized Wooyoung left his phone forgotten on their nightstand table. </p><p>Five in the afternoon glows around them now.</p><p>"Let me in," Wooyoung says, hitting the door with his open palm. "I don't care about your suit."</p><p>"You should, I look amazing," San says back, taking a finger to his mouth, just like Yeosang did hours ago.</p><p>"San," Wooyoung groans, yet he doesn't seem able to hide the happiness that pours from his throat. It makes San's chest swell, still delighted to hear that. He swears he will never get tired of Wooyoung pouring happiness into his life. "I have good news. Open up."</p><p>San inhales and exhales, fingers wrapping tightly around the tie before opening the door and facing the boy. Wooyoung is still wearing the same clothes he rushed into in the morning, but his hair is pushed down into a bandana he easily recognizes as Yunho's. But all that doesn't matter because Wooyoung's eyes are glowing with their own light, hands pressed together in front of his face.</p><p>"I got it," he drops with the biggest smile ever, speaking softly, maybe too scared of breaking the spell if he speaks louder. </p><p>San steps outside the bathroom. </p><p>"You got it?"</p><p>"I got it!" Wooyoung covers his mouth with both hands, soon jumping around like a kid that just received the best news. "I got it!"</p><p>"You got it!"</p><p>San moves forward, pulling him into a tight embrace. Moving around the corridor in between giggles and little screams. San holds Wooyoung's face into his hands, kissing everywhere before Wooyoung is pulling him from the waist and deepening the kiss.</p><p>"You're a dancer," San's voice breaks a little when they pull away, noses pressed together. Wooyoung can't stop smiling. </p><p>He looks the youngest he has ever looked. </p><p>"I am a dancer. I'm going to dance forever," he sighs, arms moving up to hang from San's neck. He presses his lips tight in a smile. "I can't believe this is happening."</p><p>"Believe it, because it's happening. And you're the best dancer I've ever known," San whispers, kissing the tip of his nose. "I'm so proud of you."</p><p>Wooyoung bursts into laughter again, practically jumping into San's arms for another hug, wrapping his legs around his waist and twisting around. San couldn't care less about all the wrinkles his suit is getting. </p><p>"We all got it," Wooyoung says after twenty minutes of celebration make out on the kitchen counter, finally remembering Yunho and Mingi as he helps him with the tie, perfectly fitting in between San's legs. "But…" Wooyoung bites his lip, staring into San's eyes. "Mister Kim pulled me aside and told me how he is old and wants to travel, but he doesn't have any kids to leave the academy to. Aside from me."</p><p>Wooyoung whispers the last part, gnawing on his lower lip. </p><p>"Wait," San presses both hands into Wooyoung's hips, opening his eyes wide. "Are you saying…"</p><p>"I'm Mingi's boss now," Wooyoung pops his lips, laughing again. "The academy is mine. Ours, actually. I want you there. We can be the next Mister and Miss Kim."</p><p>San softly hits him on the side, pulling from his shirt to kiss him again. Eating all of Wooyoung's happiness, but pouring his own into the boy's chest as well. </p><p>"I don't know how to dance," San breathes, thumb running over Wooyoung's lower lip. "Plus, I'm happy with my job."</p><p>"I can teach you how to dance," Wooyoung purrs, hands moving from the collar of his shirt, softly caressing the skin of his neck. Moving to his nape, bringing their faces together again. </p><p>San forces his brain to stop the music, hands pushing Wooyoung.</p><p>"We are going to be late, we can't," San shakes his head, observing how Wooyoung is still in his dance clothes. "You have exactly ten minutes to shower."</p><p>Wooyoung smirks, slightly pulling from San's hair.</p><p>"Don't you want to come with me?"</p><p>"We will have plenty of time," San presses a hand flat onto his chest, standing up, "tonight."</p><p>Any other day Wooyoung would have rolled his eyes and blew air through his nose, but today is different. Today is flooding with happiness, and it's totally visible in the way he tugs on the collar of his shirt before pulling it over his head, doing a little dance before sprinting to the shower. </p><p>San spends the next ten minutes trying to fix the mess the younger made with his hair.  </p><p>
  
</p><p>☾</p><p>
  
</p><p>They end up arriving late, holding hands and totally forgetting Wooyoung's tie somewhere in the mess their bed sheets were. </p><p>Seonghwa is already waiting for them, arms crossed and at the verge of a cardiac arrest. He points his finger at San first. </p><p>"I knew I shouldn't have asked you to be my best man," he cries out. </p><p>"Don't worry, Hongjoong won't go anywhere," San lets go of Wooyoung's hand to rub Seonghwa's arms. </p><p>For the first time in years, Seonghwa doesn't look like the serious gang leader ready to put his life at stake for him. He just looks like a young man about to get married. Beautifully engulfed in a white suit, black hair filled with daisies, eyes glowing like the golden water of the ocean at their backs. Seonghwa looks like a normal man, and so they are. Finally, they're having normal lives. Doing normal stuff, getting jobs and getting married. </p><p>Being happy. </p><p>"Let's go," San whispers, raising his arm in the air for Seonghwa to hold.</p><p>Seonghwa takes a deep breath first, tightly tugging into San's arm, bouquet crashing into his chest. He looks at Wooyoung, standing in front of them. Now, San is the one talking a deep breath. Holding the air inside, wishing for time to stop. </p><p>He doesn't get to hear the words that slide through Seonghwa's lips, eyes fixed on Wooyoung. Standing in front of the ocean, black hair softly waving around with the summer breeze, the sunset exploding at his back. Orange and yellow and pink dripping around him. Like a golden waterfall. He looks ethereal, still the same boy he fell in love with more than two years ago. </p><p>Holding the sunset inside his eyes. </p><p>"San?" </p><p>San has to look down, shake his head and softly pat into Seonghwa's hand. Then, they're walking through a perfectly decorated aisle moving along the sound of the waves crashing. Hongjoong awaits at the end of the aisle, underneath white and yellow flowers. </p><p>The smile he shows when he finally holds onto Seonghwa's hand is one of the most genuine smiles San has ever seen. </p><p>Looking over at Wooyoung, he can't help but think how happy his mother would be if she was here. Witnessing how little sixteen years old Seonghwa grew up with happiness, and how he poured that same happiness into her son's heart. Just as he promised. </p><p>
  
</p><p>☾</p><p>
  
</p><p>"I totally get it now," Wooyoung mumbles once the ceremony is over, slowly dancing near the shore with no music nor shoes. The water kissing their toes is lukewarm.</p><p>San hums in response, cheek resting on top of his shoulder, letting Wooyoung lead the dance.</p><p>"Why my mom wanted to come here. This place is just… Magical."</p><p>San agrees with him. </p><p>The first night was hard. Leaving everything behind after five years was hard. Sleeping in an empty house, apart from his family, not having Yeosang with his jokes or Jongho preparing breakfast in the morning, was hard. But that lasted just a night.</p><p>Waking up next to Wooyoung wasn't hard. Sharing his life with him, although it was expected to be hard after everything that shook them, ended up being calm and bubbling. Like a bath after a long tiring day at work. Filled with the smell of cherries, because that's how happiness must smell like, warmth surrounding their hearts. As warm as the water kissing their skin right now.</p><p>San was scared their relationship would change now that they were both free from their pasts. Instead, Wooyoung held onto his hand tightly. And he pulled San with him. Into dancing, into cooking, into his music taste. Into his life. </p><p>In front of him, Wooyoung bloomed like a flower that no one ever bothered to water before. Stronger than ever. And that made San go back to being fourteen years old.</p><p>Starting all over again. </p><p>"She would be so proud of you," San mumbles, making Wooyoung laugh in a breath, vibrations calmly swinging San around. </p><p>"She would've loved you," he says instead. "I think that's why I got attached to you that fast. We both had a thing for bikers."</p><p>San snorts, hands pressed down Wooyoung's shoulders as he stands up, looking into his eyes.</p><p>"That, and because I'm incredibly charming."</p><p>Wooyoung looks at him with the most sincere smile San has ever seen him put on. Lips slightly parted, reaching his eyes that are already melting underneath the moonlight. San holds tight onto him. </p><p>Next thing he knows, Wooyoung is whispering his words. Not louder than the waves. Just for San to listen. </p><p>"You saved me in more ways you can even imagine. I'm still thinking the universe pulled from every string to bring us together."</p><p>San presses their foreheads together, hands moving to cup Wooyoung's cheeks. </p><p>"<em> You </em> gave me meaning," Wooyoung ends up breathing on top of his lips. Letting everything out of his chest, finally feeling like being able to reach the stars of their own little universe.</p><p>Instead, San reaches for Wooyoung. Shutting his eyes he closes the small gap that separates them, kissing him like he never kissed him before. Like their very first kiss, the one they would have shared in their perfect fantasy, by the beach, smelling slightly like salt and sunscreen.</p><p>And inside his eyelids, orange, pink and yellow start glowing San's mind. Wooyoung is standing right in the middle, reaching out a hand in the air for him. </p><p>He is smiling.</p><p>And that genuine memory of Wooyoung in front of the sunset remains untouched for years. Glowing forever at the back of San's mind.</p><p>Light dripping right into his heart.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>well, this is the end :(<br/>incredibly I am not so good with words and I can't find the right ones to thank everyone that is currently reading this. the ones that stuck with me through the whole fic and the ones that just binged read it. writing chaptered fics is my kryptonite, mostly because I forget what /I/ write and then I end up with a lot of plotholes, so this was really a big challenge for me. I know I didn't do my best, I'm still trying to become a writer that can reach hearts in a beautiful way, but I am happy with this.<br/>so thank you very much for all the love you gave me. I enjoyed this ride! I love you so much.</p><p>a big shoutout to lala for always fixing my errors, I love you tons! ♡♡♡ </p><p>See you in my next work!!</p><p>- blai.</p><p><a href="https://twitter.com/_blueaurora">twitter</a> | <a href="https://www.buymeacoffee.com/bubblesani">coffee</a> | <a href="https://curiouscat.qa/sanios">cc</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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